Alexa O'Brien 05 - Death Wish

by Trina M. Lee

  “That’s in three days. It’s also a risky time for me. You know, the whole werewolf thing.” I waited for his response, but he only stared blankly at me so I continued. “The wolf will be really strong. I’ve never denied it on a full moon night.” I purposely left out the fact that I couldn’t tap my power when in wolf form. That would be revealing a weakness to a demon; I wasn’t going to blunder into such a mistake.

  “You can though, correct? The change isn’t dependent on the moon.”

  “No. I can shift at will. The moon, it encourages the change. It calls to the wolf. I can resist it, but for how long I’m not sure.”

  I’d seldom been in such a predicament when it came to the wolf or the full moon. I’d been doing this for enough years to be where I both wanted and needed to be when the moon was full, in the forest where I belonged.

  “Then I guess we’ll have to find out.” Rising to leave, Shya added, “All magicks are at their strongest during the full moon. We need to do it that night. Be at my place before midnight. I’ll get Lilah there.”

  I stood too, abandoning the last of my coffee. “Then there’s no reason why I can’t go after the FPA for Kale tonight.”

  “I’d advise against it.”

  I fell into step beside him. “I can’t leave Kale there. He wouldn’t leave me.”

  The demon threw his head back and laughed, a sound so chilly in its intensity that it made my skin crawl. “And, here I recall you being so insistent the two of you are not lovers.”

  “We’re not.” I shrugged it off. No point trying to explain it to him.

  Shya held the door open for me, waiting for me to pass through. It was a polite gesture, but it also put a demon at my back. When we reached the parking lot, he stopped me with a light touch on my shoulder. Again, my skin crawled. Damn demons.

  “I want to send Falon with you if you go. Don’t argue. I know he’s difficult, but the FPA has nothing in their arsenal that can harm him. He can protect you.”

  I pursed my lips thoughtfully, searching his snake-like eyes for the real reason. “Or, he can spy on me for you. Make sure I’m not striking any deals with the FPA that you should know about.”

  “That too.” The dazzling smile he flashed at me wasn’t without its charm. He seemed to be eternally pleased with himself.

  “I think I’ll pass.” I headed for my car before he could stop me. “I’ll see you in three days.”

  I was prepared for Arys’s adamant refusal upon returning to the house. So, when he met my announcement with a shrug, I was more than a little stunned. We stood in the kitchen. He watched me closely as I cleaned up after making a sandwich.

  “What’s your deal, Arys? What happened to the fight you promised to give me over this?”

  He swung the fridge door open and pointed at a splash of ketchup spilled on a shelf. “Did you plan on using this later? Or, is this just how you are?”

  I wanted to be offended, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “Hey, rudeness. Just because your refrigerator has never had food inside it before doesn’t mean you have to be anal about it. I was going to clean it up. Eventually.”

  Living together was not something either of us had been prepared for. Funny, considering we were part of one another. Unfortunately, our bond didn’t translate well into day-to-day living situations. We were both very much the lone-wolf type. If I didn’t find a place to live soon, we would drive each other crazy.

  “I’ve decided it’s not worth fighting with you.” He jumped back to the original subject. “Like the ketchup splatters in my kitchen, your stubbornness is part of who you are. I want to protect you, but I don’t want to change you. So, if you want to go get Sinclair’s sorry ass, all I can do is support you.”

  My eyes narrowed, and I paused partway to the fridge with a wet sponge in my hand. “Hmm… smacks of suspicious.”

  “Let’s be honest. You’ll go whether I want you to or not. So fighting about it with you is irrelevant and a waste of time.” He watched me scrub the ketchup mess with a satisfied grin on his handsome face. “So, when do we leave?”

  “I knew it.” I shook the dirty sponge at him before throwing it in the sink. “Always a catch.”

  “Sorry, sweetheart but we share some serious power. Time to start acting like it.”

  “Fair enough.” I knew he was right. It had taken time to accept and adjust to the power we shared. After a year, I was just finally feeling comfortable with it. Still, our union had sparked a firestorm in the paranormal rumor mill, and most of what they said about us was true. Now, we had to be ready to prove it when push came to shove.

  I couldn’t be certain how much the FPA knew. Juliet had always known I was born with strange abilities. If they didn’t know about twin flames yet, they soon would.

  “I’m supposed to meet Jez and Brogan at The Wicked Kiss in an hour. We need to do a locator spell to find the FPA. Apparently, they move their base a lot.”

  Arys nodded, frowning at the ketchup-stained sponge in the sink. “They have a base in each major city. They keep it small enough to move often but big enough to serve their purpose.”

  “Then let’s go. I’m eager to see the life I could have led.”

  It was still early. The Wicked Kiss was nearly empty when we arrived, just the staff, but Shaz was absent. I wasn’t expecting to see him, as we had yet to face one another, but it had to happen. Still, I just wasn’t ready.

  After failing to find a good quiet space where Brogan could concentrate and have room to make a salt circle, we settled on the ladies’ washroom. Jez perched on the counter, watching Brogan pour the circle. I leaned against the door, ensuring nobody entered until we were done.

  “You’ve got something of Kale’s, right?” Brogan asked, getting comfortable inside the circle.

  “I hope this counts. He gave it to me for my birthday, but it was his mother’s.” I passed her the cross, feeling anxious when it left my fingers.

  “Perfect.”

  Jez pulled a tube of lipstick out of her purse and began to apply it to her already fire engine red lips. “Hey, Alexa. Tell me again what the hell you’re thinking taking Arys in on a rescue mission for Kale.”

  “What can I say? It’s complicated. Arys doesn’t want me to do this, but he understands why I need to.”

  She shook her head of golden hair. “Poor Kale. I wonder what they’ve been doing to him. I’m almost afraid to find out. I don’t trust the government. Monsters. Worse than we could ever be.”

  I made a face, sick at the thought of the hell Kale could be going through at my sister’s hand. “I’m sure I’m not one of his favorite people right now. He wanted me to let Shya kill him. He told me that he wanted to die that night.”

  I could still see his face in my mind, the resentment in his eyes as he threw himself away from me before tearing out of the graveyard.

  Jez turned from the mirror to face me directly. Surprise shone in her deep green eyes. “Did he really expect you to make the choice to kill him? He can’t possibly think you would. You two have this crazy, star-crossed lover thing going on. It’s kind of beautiful really.”

  “Beautiful?” The word felt wrong. All wrong. “It feels like a sin.”

  “That’s because it’s tragic. Your love isn’t meant to be, yet it still exists. So, a part of you always yearns for it.” Jez pinned me with a gaze filled with the pain of one who knows. “What makes it beautiful is that it’s strong enough to survive the fact that it’s wrong.”

  I stared at her intently, searching her for the source of such profound pain. We’d all loved and lost before, but she’d never mentioned anything so soul-breakingly painful.

  “You sound like someone who knows.”

  In a blink, she buried the pain I’d seen, going on as if it had never been there. “We’ll go spring him out of the pen. It’ll be fine.”

  Brogan watched our exchange with a sympathetic frown. “Love’s a real bitch, isn’t it? The last man I fell for, I mean r
eally fell hard for, was married. I didn’t know until eight months into the relationship. He’d been leading a double life. Boy was he lucky I’m a white witch.”

  “Men, women, vampire, human,” Jez muttered sourly. “It doesn’t matter. Someone lies, cheats or generally fucks up, even when it’s meant to be. Love is a sadistic bitch.”

  “So does that mean you’re not seeing Zoey anymore?” I steered the conversation in a lighter direction with a wink and a knowing smile.

  Her demeanor changed immediately. Smiling coyly, she fluttered her long lashes. “Oh, I’m definitely seeing her. Seeing a lot of her.” She blew a kiss at me through the mirror.

  Brogan let out a low whistle, and I laughed. I wanted nothing more than for those I loved to be happy. Still, I couldn’t help but worry a bit; Zoey was a lunatic. Although, I might hardly be the right person to throw around words meaning crazy.

  We fell quiet when Brogan indicated she was ready. Her earthy energy rose up to warm me. It had a soothing quality that reminded me of Lena. I held my breath while watching her do the spell. What was I going to do if this didn’t work?

  Eyes closed and brow creased, Brogan whispered Latin words I couldn’t understand. A gentle breeze swept through the room, lifting her blonde hair but touching neither Jez nor me. The cross lay before her, untouched. It began to glow with a faint light.

  All at once, both the wind and the light vanished. Brogan’s eyes opened and she nodded. “I can feel him but it’s difficult. It’s been masked. I used the cross as an amulet by channeling the energy I was picking up. We should be able to use it as a tracker of sorts.”

  “Damn,” Jez whistled. “Impressive, Brogan.”

  “Thanks. It was nothing big though.” Despite her genuine modesty, the young witch beamed.

  She held the cross out to me, and I accepted it gratefully. It hummed with energy, Brogan’s and if I concentrated hard, Kale’s, too. The cross was linked to him now. Fascinating.

  “Well,” Jez hopped off the counter and gave her golden locks a toss. “Let’s go give the government hell.”

  I walked out of the bathroom and straight into Shaz. He was lurking in the hall outside the door, waiting for me. Arys leaned against the wall a few feet away, his arms crossed and his stance casual.

  “Are we good to go?” Arys asked.

  I nodded, my heart in my throat. “Yeah. It’s all good.”

  Pushing away from the wall, Arys inclined his head toward Shaz, giving me a pointed look. “I’ll wait for you in the lobby.”

  Jez and Brogan followed him, leaving Shaz and me alone to stare at one another awkwardly. I didn’t know what to say. I knew if I waited until I was ready for this conversation, it would never happen. I could never be ready for this.

  Shaz’s jade eyes were filled with remorse and sorrow. He seemed at a loss for words, finally spitting out, “Alexa, God, I’m so sorry.”

  He was. I genuinely believed him though it didn’t make this any easier.

  “I accept that. And, I want to forgive you. I just…”

  “I know. Trust me, I know.” He ran a hand through his hair and glanced in Arys’s direction. “I didn’t think I’d ever get over the two of you being together. I know it’s not the same situation. Not even close. Still, I know what it’s like.”

  Whether he meant to or not, he threw a guilt trip at me with that one. Fair enough. I couldn’t argue that perhaps the way my relationship had developed with Arys had been wrong and unfair to Shaz.

  “I know you do,” I admitted, finding it hard to swallow around the lump in my throat. “I never gave you enough credit for how well you handled everything with Arys and me. I’m sorry for that.”

  “Don’t.” He ran his hand through his hair again, noticed his nervous tell and stuffed both hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Don’t make this about who messed up more. I’ve had time to think about everything, do a little research. I know how important a twin flame union is. No more guilt about Arys. Ok?”

  Absolute relief filled me, but had it come too late to save us?

  Shaz continued. “I have no reason or excuse for what I’ve done recently. It was selfish and I’m sorry. If I could take it back, I would.”

  “Thank you. For all of it. It means a lot.”

  “I need to make things right between us. I hate what I’ve become. This is not what I pictured for myself when I fought Julian for Alpha. I need to get my shit together. For me and for you.” He reached out to take my hand. His palm was hot, his energy scattered. “So, I’m leaving town for a while.”

  I stared at him, dumbfounded. “What?”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you’ve dealt with Lilah. I’m your wolf, and I’ll back you with her and with the FPA. Then I’ll go. Just until I can clean myself up. Be me again, you know?”

  Shocked was one way of putting what I felt. “Where will you go?”

  Reaching to stroke a hand down the side of my face, Shaz shook his head. “I don’t know yet. I think I need to be wolf for a while.”

  I had longed to run away on four legs and leave the world behind, but I hadn’t done it. Now, Shaz was going to leave me, and the thought cut deep. I couldn’t be selfish; I had to let him go.

  “Then you should do what you need to do.” The words didn’t come easy. I wanted to sink to my knees and stare numbly at nothing while I fell apart inside.

  Every time I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did, but I had no time to fall to pieces. I had to confront my sister and whoever else would be at the FPA to greet me, so I took a deep breath and held myself together.

  Shaz pulled me into his arms and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I was stiff in his embrace, afraid to sink into him the way I longed to. Would he ever feel like mine again?

  “I guess we should go,” he said somberly. “Everyone is waiting.”

  “You’re coming with us?”

  “I told you, I’ll be at your side through this. I know part of you must hate me right now, but I love you, Lex. Nothing on this earth could ever change that.” He gave me another kiss before releasing me. His lips were warm against my temple.

  I caught his hand for just a second, squeezing it affectionately. “I hopelessly adore you. Despite everything.”

  “I know.” He sounded so defeated.

  I owed him the same devotion and forgiveness he had shown me when I didn’t deserve it. With a steady hand but a shaky voice, I said, “We’ll be ok.”

  Chapter Twenty

  “This is it,” Brogan announced. “I’m sure of it.”

  The cross hummed in agreement in my hands. The five of us were piled into my Charger, sitting outside the abandoned Charles Camsell Hospital in the northwest side of the city. The hospital was at the center of several ghost stories and tales of horror told by the locals, stories I had dismissed in the light of day. Now that I was sitting outside the building in the dark feeling the sinister vibe rolling off the place, I was forming a newfound respect for it.

  “A scary old mental hospital?” Jez was aghast. “Oh hell no.”

  “This place gives me the creeps,” Shaz murmured, his gaze fixed on the crumbling structure.

  The sensation of being watched by several sets of eyes hidden within the building got my skin crawling. It had once been an aboriginal tuberculosis sanatorium with a reputation for vile acts and cruel experiments. Most of the ground floor windows were boarded up. A fence wound the perimeter of the property, but it was open in several places, hardly anything that would keep anyone out.

  Graffiti covered the walls and fence. Everything from gang names to satanic symbols decorated the place. It did nothing to ease the foreboding look and feel of the hospital. I so did not want to go in there.

  “Why the hell would the FPA want to set up shop in there?” I wondered aloud.

  “Simple,” Arys spoke up. “Who would ever dare to bother them here? Other than you, of course.”

  “Of course.”

  The hospital was huge, sev
en or eight floors high. Not a single light could be seen from outside. The government had to be out of their tree to think it was ok to set up shop in a place like this. It crawled with a deep, dark energy I could only describe as malevolent.

  “Where do we even begin?” Brogan sounded reluctant. “Should we all go in? It feels bad in there. Scary bad.”

  “It does,” Arys agreed. “It feels like they’re waiting for us.”

  “They?” Jez echoed.

  “The spirits. They know we’re not all human. They’re intrigued.” Arys was looking a little intrigued himself. Perhaps too intrigued.

  “If we all go in, it could seem too aggressive,” I spoke up. “I want this to be as peaceful as possible. There are two people in there I care about. I’m not looking for a fight.”

  Arys met my gaze with a spark of excitement in his blue eyes. “Someone should wait outside. It would be wise to leave two people out here. If we run into trouble in there, having backup would be nice.”

  “Volunteers?” I asked.

  “I’d be happy to wait out here.” Jez raised a hand. “This place scares the ever loving crap out of me.”

  “Ditto. I’ll stay here, too.” Quiet and apprehensive, Brogan volunteered with a small wave.

  I left my car keys with Jez but kept my phone with me. I stared at the Dragon Claw, unsure whether bringing it would be in my best interest. In the end, I left it with Jez. Having that kind of weaponry on me wouldn’t help my attempt to come in peace. The FPA was made up mostly of humans. Any supernatural help they may have inside wouldn’t be more than the three of us could handle… I hoped.

  “Aw hell, let’s get this over with.”

  “Call or text me if you need us,” Jez called after us as we left the car. “If you’re not out in an hour, we’re coming in after you.”

  “If I’m not out in an hour, call Shya.” I wasn’t sure he’d be much help, but it was all I could think of.

  Arys and Shaz were on either side of me as we approached an opening in the fence. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and despite the leather jacket I wore to hide the dragon on my wrist, I broke out everywhere in goosebumps. Something horrifying dwelled in this place.