“You wanted to know about Ben Ferguson,” the reverend said once they’d sat down. “I’m not sure why. He’s been dead a long time.”
Katie met Silas’s gaze, trying to keep the surprise from her own. He meant Ben’s father, she realized.
Silas said, “I can understand your question. Katie is Ben’s wife. Ben junior, that is. She’s working on his family tree as a surprise. All she knows is that he’s from Milledgeville and not much more than that.”
The reverend looked perplexed as he took in Katie. “Ben Ferguson didn’t have a son.”
“That…can’t be right,” she said. “Are we talking about the same Ben, the town’s vet, born right here 1915.”
“I’m quite certain it’s the same man. He did have a young man who worked with him for several years, was as close as a son. His name was Larry Howard.”
While Katie shook her head, Silas asked, “Tell me about Larry.”
The reverend steepled his gnarled fingers and took a deep breath. “Larry’s story could have been one of those sweet, romantic stories you see on television. He was left on the church steps just before the Sunday service. Except he wasn’t exactly a baby; he was three years old. His mother, or we presume it was her, tied his hand to the front door so he wouldn’t wander. We tried to find out where he’d come from, but to no avail. My wife—she’s passed on now—and I decided to let him stay with us. We couldn’t have children, and Larry seemed like a gift from God. We found out differently within a few months.
“He was the most incorrigible child I have ever seen. He hated to be touched, wouldn’t be cuddled, and he cried all the time. We tried our best with him, but my darling wife just couldn’t handle him. After two years, we put him back into the system. It broke our hearts, but we found out it was the best. For us, anyway.”
“Why?” Silas asked, overly interested in the story of a stranger who had no bearing on their lives.
“He went through seventeen foster homes throughout his adolescence, and each one ended badly. With one family, he hung another foster child from a deck by his feet. He claimed he had no intention of dropping him, just scaring him. And he did try to be good. He organized a search party for a neighbor’s lost dog. He saved a litter of kittens from drowning when someone put them in a bag and threw them into the creek. I think he liked animals better than people. I gathered from my talks with him over the years, he understood them better.”
The reverend’s preaching voice had emerged. “That’s where Dr. Ferguson came in. He was our town’s vet, a very nice man whose wife had recently died. Larry had hit a dog with his bike, and the doc had stopped to help. The two bonded. Dr. Ferguson was the first person to get through to Larry. Indeed, the doc probably saved his life. He hired him on after school and eventually let him move into one of his rooms. Larry graduated high school, barely, but he did graduate. He continued to live with the doc, working and learning about veterinary medicine. Everyone was happy that he’d finally found stability and was staying out of trouble. Or maybe they were relieved. We were.”
The reverend was absently scraping off globs of glue with his thumbnail. “And then tragedy struck again for Larry, and most certainly for Dr. Ferguson. It was Larry who pulled his mentor from the lake where he’d drowned. Witnesses saw him trying to give the doc CPR, but it was too late. Larry was devastated. He tried to get work with one of the other vets in town, but there just wasn’t a place for him. He stayed at the doc’s house for a few months. No one had the heart to kick him out, and he was keeping the place up. Then the doc’s niece, who inherited the place, came down and put it on the market. Larry, he tried to buy it, but none of the banks would take a chance on a kid with no family and no job. He left town, and that’s the last we ever heard from him. Is he in trouble? We sometimes wondered where he ended up.”
“Not far from here, as it turns out,” Silas said.
“You can’t think—” She couldn’t even say the words. “Do you have a picture of him? It’s important,” she added at his hesitation.
“I’ll see what I can find.” The reverend pushed himself up and went to the room adjacent. He returned ten minutes later with a faded picture of a little boy dressed for school with one front tooth missing. “It’s the only one we have.”
She looked at the boy with the forced smile. It had been a long time since Ben had been this age. “When was Larry born?”
“We didn’t know for sure, of course. We weren’t even sure Larry Howard was his real name. He told us his name since there wasn’t any name on the note. We figured he was born in…say 1959.” He looked at Katie. “Did you say he was your husband?”
“Yes,” Silas answered for her. “You’ll be glad to know he’s turned into a fine citizen, a veterinarian, actually.”
The reverend smiled. “I’m very pleased, and I’m glad to know he considered the doc his father. He probably won’t remember me, but please send him my regards. Tell him to come by sometime. I’d love to see how he turned out.”
Silas shook the man’s hand. “We’ll let you know as soon as we find out for sure.”
CHAPTER 17
Ben had had an uneasy feeling all day. He kept looking in the rear-view mirror to see if someone was following him. Katie should have come with him. He should have worked harder to make her come. That’s what bothered him most. All this time he’d had complete control over her. His offer to take her with him should have been met with surprised gratitude. Not just surprise. And certainly not with rejection.
That rejection stung. He’d done everything he could to ensure he’d never be rejected again. Sam Savino was the only person who had rebuffed him, though Ben didn’t much care if the man liked him or not. He wanted Sam to like him, but it didn’t matter in his life.
Katie mattered.
He’d called earlier, but she hadn’t answered. He was going to have to figure out some way to deter her wanderings through the woods. He wouldn’t even let himself think about her being with Silas.
Once he reached the Mattsons, he tried home again. No answer. It was late afternoon. He had to issue shipping papers for three of their horses and check over the new foal. Maybe he’d cut his trip short. Wouldn’t she be surprised to find him at the door tonight?
The faint scent of smoke tainted the air. In the distance, a gray cloud hovered in the sky. Occasionally Katie had seen a helicopter carrying an orange bucket of water to the fires to the north. The radio DJ talked about the close calls with several homes and the acres of forestland being burned to ashes.
“There has to be some mistake,” she said for the fiftieth time. “I mean, I just can’t believe that my husband, the man I’ve been living with all these years, isn’t who he says he is.”
“Maybe your Ben isn’t Larry Howard, but he’s not Ben Ferguson. Will you at least admit that?”
“No.” That meant her whole married life had been a lie.
“Maplethorpe said Ferguson was a veterinarian in Milledgeville. There’s only one vet named Ben Ferguson. Have you seen any other paperwork to corroborate his identity as Ben junior? I sure didn’t see another birth certificate or diploma with his name on it.”
“His degree on the wall at the animal hospital. I’m sure that has the right date on it.”
“It’s probably a forgery. Or has an altered date. But think: does it say Ben Arnold Ferguson the second?”
“All right, dammit. He’s not Ben Ferguson.”
He sat on that victory for a moment, and then threw out something even worse than the lie of Ben’s life. “Have you thought about this: he isn’t really your husband.”
“Well, of course he is. We took our vows—” The words died in her throat. “I’m legally married to Ben Ferguson. A dead man.”
“You’re not married to anyone.”
She couldn’t help meeting his eyes on that. Since Ben—Larry had used a false name on the documents, that would null and void them. “I’m not married,” she whispered.
“Are yo
u going to confront him?”
She chewed on a hangnail. “Of course I am. I just have to figure out how. How did I find out about this, for instance?”
“Without your seeing me?”
“Exactly. I don’t want to hurt him. He’s already accused me of”—she glanced at him—“taking your side. Defending you. He thinks you’re the one taking the girls, too.”
Even through his annoyance, she saw a glimmer of warmth at her admission. She didn’t want to delve into it at the moment. “If he’s not Ben Ferguson, and not my legal husband, he’s not even a licensed veterinarian. But he knows so much about it. He’s good at it.”
“He worked with the real Ben for a long time. I’m sure he learned a lot. Let’s see what he has to say. I can confront him if you want.”
“No, I—”
A loud pop preceded the car’s swerving toward the shoulder of the highway. Silas kept control as they shuddered to a stop just off the road. He’d automatically put his arm in front of her to hold her back.
“You all right?” he asked, pulling his arm back after a moment. When she nodded, he checked on the dog. He leaned between the seat and licked Silas’s face.
Silas climbed out, followed by Katie. The front tire was blown. The smell of burning rubber permeated the air. He dropped his head forward and rubbed the back of his neck.
“You have a spare, don’t you?” she asked.
“Not at the moment. I’ve been doing a lot of driving through back roads lately, and I got a nail in my tire last week. I wore the spare out by the time I got the tire put on, and I haven’t gotten around to getting another spare. Luckily, I have road service and a cell phone.” He got the phone out of the car and dialed the number on his card. After a few minutes of conversation, he disconnected. “The good news is, they know where we are. The bad news is, it’s going to be a couple of hours before they can get to us. They’re backlogged right now, and they’ve got to get us a spare.”
She glanced toward the western sky. The sun was heading downward; it was later than she thought. She was definitely going to miss Ben’s call that evening. And it was sunset, the worst time of day.
“I guess we wait,” she said. To the east, the sky was darkening into a storm that would hopefully move north and drench the fires. “Do you think it’ll rain here before they come to rescue us?”
He surveyed the sky. “I don’t think so.”
He opened the back hatch and pulled out a blanket and The Boss’s tub of water. He left a sticky note on the car for the tow truck to honk its horn three times if he got there early. Then he took her hand.
“Let’s go for a walk.”
With The Boss trailing them, they walked a short distance down the road that led off the highway. Signs indicated a controlled burn experiment area just off the road. The trees were tagged for identification. The ground was gouged as though rivers had once run through the rolling terrain. He led the way into the charred area. Farther back the section of woods had been burned two years before and wasn’t as blackened. Small trees grew up and lent their bright green leaves as miniature canopies. Slash pines dominated the tree life here, far outnumbering the maples and oaks.
She saw where he was headed: a small opening where the last of the sun’s rays poured down through the trees. Her chest hitched as he led her by the hand to it. He glanced over at her, and she narrowed her eyes at him. Could he feel everything? Still, there was an increasing tightness inside as they reached the area and he let go of her hand to spread out the blanket. The Boss happily wandered around, sniffing the ground and glancing up into the trees. It smelled of warmed pine needles and charred bark that blended with the scent of smoke from the fires in the distance.
She sat down with her back facing skies that were splashed in orange and pink. Silas sat across from her, his head tilted as though he were contemplating her.
Obviously he was, because he said, “You know, you’re missing something beautiful.”
Well, she wasn’t, but she couldn’t actually say she had a nice view anyway. “I can’t watch sunsets. You know why.”
He nodded. “So you’re going to go through your whole life never watching a sunset.”
“Maybe.” She picked up a branch and snapped it into pieces. “I know it’s silly. Thinking I’m going to die this year is silly too, but it doesn’t stop the feeling.”
“That’s because you never saw your mother age beyond twenty-seven. So you think it’s the end of life.”
She contemplated that for a moment. “Maybe that’s it. Did you feel that way? You lost your mother young, too.”
“I never really knew her. And I never related to my father; I separated myself from him, in my mind. But I understand what you’re feeling.”
“Because you can feel what I’m feeling.”
“I’m sorry, Katie. I know it bothers you, but I can’t turn it off. Especially with you.” He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, feathering his thumb across her cheek as he did so. “You’ve been inside me for so long, I can’t imagine you not being there. I’ve felt your sorrows and your doubts and I’ve seen your life through your eyes. Being here with you makes it even stronger.” He let his fingers trail down to her shoulder, and his thumb caressed her collarbone where the cross lay against her skin. “I can feel the jump in your heartbeat and the tightening of your throat. I can feel what you want and how you’re afraid of wanting it.” His voice was low and silky as he described almost everything she felt. “Or maybe it’s what I feel. Maybe your feelings and my feelings are all tangled up inside me.”
She curled her fingers over the hand at her shoulder. “I am afraid, Silas. I’m afraid of you being inside me, and I’m afraid of you not being there. I’m afraid of what I feel for you and what you feel for me. I’m afraid of how wrong it is and that I don’t even care how wrong it is. I’m afraid of how I don’t even know myself anymore.”
She’d never seen his eyes this smoky blue as he seemed to look right into her soul. He moved closer and took her face in his hands. “I know who you are, Katie.”
“Who am I?” she whispered.
“You’re good and pure and everything you were when you were young.” He ran his knuckles down her throat and pressed them against her chest. “Inside, you’re everything you once were. You’re strong and brave and compassionate. And you’re beautiful.” His other hand stroked down her cheek, and his voice had a breathless quality to it. “You’re that incredible combination of sexy and cute, and I only came here to make sure you were safe, but since that first day you showed up at my house, all I can do is think about making love to you. I’m glad you can’t sense my feelings, or you’d have run away from me a long time ago.”
She remembered that first day she had seen him last week. Maybe she had known what he was feeling. Her face felt hot, and her eyes stung. “I’m not running away now.”
Her chest felt so tight, she could hardly breathe. She saw the struggle in his eyes, temptation warring with doing the right thing. He twisted her around and pulled her up against him.
“Watch the sunset with me.” His arms tightened around her, holding her possessively. His face was next to hers, his chin resting lightly on her shoulder. “And when you watch it, don’t think about your mother not coming to get you. Think about that sunset being you: warm and beautiful and filling the world with light and color. Think about the palette of colors that you are, blues and reds and yellows. Paint the picture of what you want to be.”
I want to be yours. The words drifted through her mind as she wrapped her hands around his arms and settled back against him. “What’s your palette? If I’m the sunset, are you the night? Are your colors black and dusky blue or no light at all?”
When he didn’t answer, she turned to look at him. Their cheeks rubbed together and she felt the slight bristle of his.
“Maybe you can feel me too,” he said at last.
She turned around to face him, kneeling in front of him.
“I want to feel you, Silas.” She put her hands on his shoulders and leaned her face close to his. “If I am the sunset, I fade into the night. I’m not afraid of the dark.”
“I am,” he whispered, all too serious.
She put her hands on his face, realizing she’d never touched his face before. “Let me bring some of my light into your night.” She kissed him before he could say something else to put distance between them. She knew what he was doing—trying to protect her from guilt, and from him. She didn’t want protection. She wanted him.
He immediately deepened the kiss, his surrender. If he would not take her gifts, maybe he would take her body. And then, later, he would take her love. She felt their kiss right down to her soul. His fingers slid through her hair as he tilted her head back and devoured her mouth. She devoured him back, engulfed by passion she didn’t know existed within her.
He kissed her ears and then down over the place where her birthmark stained her neck. He stripped off her shirt and bra, and she unbuttoned his shirt and peeled it off, careful of the bandage on his arm. He skimmed his hands over her breasts, his eyes taking her in as though she were the most beautiful thing in all the world.
She couldn’t help the shuddering breaths at each touch. He ran his finger along her chain and pressed his thumb against the gold cross. He guided her back to the blanket, and then showed her his appreciation with his mouth. She arched into his touch and choked back the tears of feeling beautiful for the first time in her life. His hands tightened at her waist as he probably felt her gush of emotion, but he responded only by intensifying his actions. She responded to that by digging her fingers into his thick hair and whispering his name. He ran his hands over her pubic area, and even through her jeans she felt warmth stirring inside. After a few moments, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She wriggled out of her jeans so there wouldn’t be so much fabric between them.
He took in her body with his eyes, seeing everything but what her white cotton panties hid. And apparently he liked what he saw, because he made an amazing little sound in his throat and tore into her mouth again with those delicious kisses. His hands blissfully returned to explore her panties, cupping her with his warmth, then tracing her curves with this fingertip. When his finger traced just inside the edge of her panties, she felt herself quiver where the blood already pulsed out of control.
Unforgivable (Romantic Suspense) Page 25