She took a shower and put on the only black clothing she owned, pants and a black and red shirt.
“You cut your hair.” Ben was standing at the stove mixing up eggs.
She ran her hand self-consciously over her wet hair. “I needed a change.”
He turned back to the eggs. “Do you love him, Katie?”
She didn’t need to ask who he meant. Still, the blatant question threw her off. She felt the word yes form in her throat. “I’m not sure how I feel about him.” Wanting to shift the conversation away from Silas, she said, “Your past is part of who you are. Do you realize that’s the first time you’ve shared some of your soul with me? You claim you want open communication in our marriage, yet I’m the only one who communicates. When you ask me what I’m feeling, there are sometimes things I don’t want to share. So I bury them and don’t hurt your feelings. I’m just now realizing that I don’t have to share them or bury them; I can keep them to myself.” Except where Silas was concerned, darn it.
“Tell me what you need, Katie. Haven’t I always tried to give you what you need?”
She thought of the way Silas’s fingers had brought her more sexual pleasure than Ben had ever brought her. “I want to make my own choices. I haven’t made a choice since my mama died.” The words about her mother’s death hung in her throat. That was something she wanted to hold close for a little longer. Not that he’d believe her. “I don’t have any control of my life.” She busied herself with pulling the bacon out of the hot grease and laying it on the paper towel.
“God, you’ve changed. I’m not even sure I know you anymore.”
She had changed, and she wasn’t sure how much Silas had to do with it. Like that door the serial killer had opened in him, he had opened a door within her. All she knew was she didn’t want it closed just yet, not until she explored what was on the other side.
“Don’t forget we’ve got the funeral this morning,” she said.
“How could I forget?” He glanced down at her outfit. “Could you wear the dress I bought you? It would mean a lot to me right now.”
She started to protest, but realized it wasn’t a big deal to give in on that small point. “All right.”
“Where’d you get this?” Ben asked while they ate a short time later, startling her when he took the cross in his fingers.
She’d thought about taking it off when she’d gone to change, but left it on.
“It’s my mother’s. Silas gave it to me. She’d given it to him when he helped her through her labor. He wanted me to have it.” She took the cross back, not wanting Ben to touch it for some reason. She needed some time away from both Ben and Silas, time to herself. Maybe she’d get a hotel room for a weekend. “Ben, maybe we should—”
He kissed her, stealing her words about separating right out of her mouth. He tried to open her mouth with the tip of his tongue. He’d never liked French kissing, and now it felt so wrong and strange. Why did kissing Silas seem so right and kissing her own husband so wrong?
Not her husband.
“Is it because of the molestation? That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t want me anymore because I let him…do those things to me.”
“God, no. I don’t care about that. I mean, it’s horrible that it happened, but it doesn’t change what I feel for you.”
“And what is that, Katie?”
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She bought time by eating a forkful of scrambled egg. “That’s what I need to figure out for myself. You’ve been telling me how to feel—how I should feel—for so long, I don’t know anymore.”
“I know you love me, even if you’re going through something I can’t understand. I’m going to give you some space. We can set up the office as a second bedroom if that’s what you want. As long as you don’t see Silas, I’m willing to let you sort through all this. You know why? Because I know you’re going to realize how much I’ve done for you, how much I love you, and that you belong with me. Your home, your job, everything is here with me.”
Even as Ben spoke of giving her space, she could feel the spider web tightening around her. He’ll never let you go, a voice in her head whispered.
As she was about to take him up on the offer of the trial separation, her stomach lurched. She held onto the table and waited for the nausea to pass. Just as it did, another wave hit her.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You look all white.”
Sweat sprung out on her skin as she fought to control her stomach. And then she gave in and ran to the bathroom.
Monday afternoon Gary sat in the back booth at the Pie in the Sky and let himself sulk for a few minutes. For one thing, he hated Mexican day. All the specials were ethnic food, and Dinah had the satellite music station tuned to the Fiesta channel. He focused on that for a while and not on the snubbing he’d just gotten from his father. His mother had looked at him, perhaps in a longing way, but she’d never stand up to Sam from her place as his doormat. Not even for her son.
Everyone in town thought his father shot him looks of pure hate because Gary had gone into law enforcement and law. Their animosity had taken a turn for the worse when he had confronted his father about that day long ago, that horrible event he’d witnessed and buried in his subconscious. It came back in that stupid rage management course he’d taken, the long-buried memory of the crime his father had committed.
He didn’t need any shrink to tell him his anger problems stemmed from his father. He’d thought it was only how impotent he’d made Gary feel. And the shame…how Sam insisted his mother hang Gary’s soiled sheets out the window so everyone would know he was still wetting the bed at eight.
It was the hidden memory that really ate away at him. His own father had brutalized a woman.
When Gary had returned to Flatlands to confront him, Sam had denied it and called him the same names he’d called him as a child. And who would believe him, a reject from the Atlanta police force, over Sam, a respected D.A.? Just like always.
The impotency had enraged him, but for once he’d held himself back. There were other ways to empower himself. Like joining the Flatlands Sheriff’s office. Seeing Katie had sealed the decision.
Not seeing her at the funeral had worried him. Ben said recent events had caused an upset stomach. When he heard Ben walk in the diner, he peered around the back of his booth to see if she was with him. She wasn’t. Ben joined Harold and Marion, who were sitting behind him. The first order of every conversation he’d heard so far was the funeral, how beautiful and sad, and then the fires that were slowly moving toward Flatlands. He was about to head out when Dinah walked over and asked Ben, “So what’s going on with that wife of yours? She come to her senses yet?”
Marion whispered loudly, “Marv said she spent the whole of Saturday with Silas. Ben, how terrible for you.”
Gary thought the sheriff had a big mouth as Marion dispensed with the details of the vandalism done to the Ferguson house. No one was interested in that for long. They wanted to know about Katie and Silas.
Dinah said, “Did she say what she was doing with him? I just can’t imagine…”
“She said she was doing research with him, I suspect for the book he’s working on. The one about the guy who’s taking the women in this area.”
“Stupid woman,” Marion muttered. “It’s Silas Koole! And she couldn’t even come to the funeral, sick, my fanny. She just didn’t want to be bothered. Probably thought it was silly.”
Harold said, “She thinks she’s too good for the likes of us.”
“I can’t imagine why you’re even still with her,” Dinah said. “She won’t give you babies, won’t participate in anything for the good of the town.”
“I can’t leave her. I love her. I’ll stay with her as long as she’ll have me,” Ben said in a dragged-out voice.
Gary grabbed his bill and slid out of the booth, not even looking at the gabfest. He paid and headed over to the hospital hoping he’d have time to talk to Katie before B
en returned. He had a lot to tell her.
She’d been resting her head on the counter when he walked in. He hated the fearful look that seized her expression every time she saw him. That was quickly replaced by a fierce look that reminded him of that day he’d thrown her kitten.
He tipped his hat. “Afternoon, Katie.”
“We found Goldie’s owners. The dog you hit,” she clarified when he didn’t understand. “Everything turned out all right.” She paused. “If that’s why you’re here.”
“I’m glad she’s okay. I felt bad about not being able to avoid her. But that’s not why I’m here.”
“I’m not interested in anything you have to say about Silas.”
He leaned comfortably on the counter, making her move back. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“It’s none of your business how I feel about him. That’s between me, Silas, and Ben.”
“And everyone at the diner.”
“What?”
“We’ll get to that in a minute. We’ve got something more important to discuss.”
She crossed her arms in front of her. “Fine, discuss it, then leave.”
He assessed her, taking in her black polyester pants and plain man’s shirt. Her eyes looked bloodshot, her face drawn from her illness. Her short hair revealed that birthmark on her neck. He remembered the outfit she’d worn Saturday night, the jeans that outlined her hips and the top that showcased what the shirts she usually wore hid. And though she swallowed thickly, she stood there and withstood his perusal.
“You’ve changed, Katie. Since Silas has come to town, you’ve changed. I thought you were like my mother, who spent her life being my father’s doormat. When I came back to town, I watched you. Ben was always with you. You walked at his side like a puppy. I heard him change your mind about what you wanted to eat for dinner and I heard him talk you out of volunteering at the county fair. I could hardly believe you were the same girl who attacked me even though I was twice her size and a boy to boot. But from everything I’ve seen and heard about you, something has changed drastically.”
He’d seen her eyes widen when he’d recited things he’d overheard, but otherwise she stood tall with her chin up.
“I think you’re ready to hear what I’ve got to tell you. It’s about my father.”
Her expression changed from defiant to worried. “Tell me about everyone at the diner knowing my business first.”
He was about to argue with her, but he took a breath and nodded. If Ben was eating with his cronies, he’d have time to tell her everything. “All right, we’ll cover that first. There’s something you should know about Ben.”
“And what’s that?”
Gary turned around to find Ben at the open door, holding a sack that smelled like one of those awful Mexican specials. Ben’s face was neutral as he set the sack down on the counter between him and Katie. She blanched at the pungent smell.
Gary turned toward her so that Ben couldn’t see his face. “He’s doing everything he can to make you safe. He’s one of the best guys in town, and you couldn’t be in better hands.” His expression negated every single word.
Ben said, “I appreciate the kind words, Gary.” And his expression negated those words as well, much to Gary’s surprise. “I plan to do everything I can to make sure my wife is safe. And I expect you to put Silas behind bars where he belongs. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got lunch to eat.”
Gary paused in the doorway for a moment. She was watching him, confusion tinting her expression.
CHAPTER 19
Katie was glad when Bertrice came in a few hours later, at least until she saw the sulk on her face.
“What’s wrong?” Katie asked.
“Nothing.” One word that said everything, but I’m not discussing it with you.
“I’m sorry I missed the funeral,” she said, just in case that’s why Bertrice was sulking.
“Ben said you were sick.”
“Believe me, I would rather have been at the funeral, but I couldn’t stay more than a foot away from the bathroom all day. Must have been some kind of stomach flu. I’m still dragged out.”
Bertrice only nodded and went back to her sulk. The truth came out when they were washing one of the dogs they were boarding. Katie had given her space, assuming that Bertrice was dealing with her friends’ deaths or had had it out with her mom and wasn’t ready to share it yet.
And that’s why it was so surprising, and painful, when Bertrice said, “I thought you were my friend.”
In fact, Katie even looked behind her to see if Bertrice was talking to someone else. “I am your friend. Why would you even say such a thing?”
“You told my mom about my belly ring. Then, of course, she had to inspect me, like some farm animal, and she found the tattoo. I’m grounded until my eightieth birthday. I trusted you.”
Katie’s throat went dry at the searing disappointment in Bertrice’s eyes. “I never told her. Why would I do something like that?”
“Mom said you were concerned about my downward spiral. If you were concerned, I wish you’d just talked to me. And the only thing I’m down about is my friends.”
Katie set the shampoo bottle on the concrete floor and let the Dalmatian shake himself dry. “I’m not concerned about any downward spiral. You’re a teenager, a typical teenager. In fact, I envy you for being so typical, for having such a normal life.”
“Maybe it was that envy that made you call her then. I wasn’t even going to say anything, but I had to.”
“I’m glad you did. I never called your mother. I’ve only talked with her a couple of times and that was to tell her you were running a little late.”
“Don’t lie to me. You know, the people in town think you’re, like, such a bitch, that you don’t care about our town or anything. I’ve always said you were nice, that you weren’t anything like what they were saying.” Bertrice stood. “Maybe I was wrong.”
Katie could hardly breathe with the crushing pain in her chest. “I swear to you I never called your mom. She must have been mistaken.”
Bertrice’s pouty mouth stretched into a frown. “You’re the only one I told besides Geraldine and Dana, and they certainly didn’t tell her. I’ve thought it over and it had to be you. I can’t work with someone I can’t trust. And I really can’t work with a liar.”
She ran toward the door leading into the hospital. Katie couldn’t move; she was too stunned, too hurt to even think of following her inside. But it wouldn’t matter; the girl had made up her mind. A few minutes later, she heard Bertrice’s car tear out of the dirt parking lot.
When she finally finished drying the dog and led her inside, she felt numb. She’d just lost one of her best friends, one of her few friends. That left Silas, she realized, a man who couldn’t accept her love and who wouldn’t stay around anyway.
“She quit,” Ben said when Katie walked into the reception area. “You’re just leaving a trail of warm, fuzzy feelings lately, aren’t you?”
“It was a misunderstanding. She’ll be back.”
He continued scribbling on one of his patient files. “No, she won’t. We really don’t need the extra help anymore. I think we can make do with the two of us.” He set down the pen and looked at her. “If you’re staying around, that is.”
“Where else would I go?”
Those words brought the first smile to Ben’s face she’d seen in days.
The day of the County Fair two days later dawned hot and rain-free, as usual. The town council had considered rescheduling the fair what with the funeral and the fires moving closer to Flatlands, but everyone thought it would do the town’s spirit some good to congregate. A memorial was being set up in the girls’ honor, with a candlelight service scheduled for sundown.
Ben had once again talked Katie into doing something she didn’t have the heart to do—attend the fair with him. For appearances sake, he said. What she really wanted to do was hide under her blanket all day.
“People are doing a lot of speculating about you, about us. I think it’d be good for you to make an appearance and try to look happy with me. Maybe you can talk to Bertrice.”
Or her mother, Katie thought, deciding to go. She hadn’t mentioned Bertrice’s other comment about people saying she was a bad person. So it wasn’t her imagination after all.
She looked through her closet to find something that she’d bought for herself…something she liked. Wearing an outfit Bertrice had given her seemed inappropriate. She settled on jean shorts and one of the white man shirts she’d cut the sleeves off of.
The fair sprawled throughout the park and some of the surrounding streets as it usually did. What wasn’t usual was the pinkish gray smoke in the distance and the tiny ashes that floated through the air. The aromas of roasting hot dogs and smoked pig mingled with the smoke from the fires.
Katie hadn’t been eating much lately. Her appetite had nearly disintegrated. Every time Ben offered to make her something to eat, she remembered her bizarre suspicion that he’d poisoned the hamburgers and her stomach turned. And the emerging suspicion that he’d made her sick Sunday so she couldn’t attend the funeral. What she couldn’t figure out was his motive.
She walked beside Ben as they wandered among the tables and games. Kids threw darts at balloons, bobbed for apples, and raced around chasing each other. They were immune to the tensions hovering thicker than the smoke in the distance. Everyone wore yellow ribbons. Bertrice had gotten one for Katie before she’d quit, and she wore it on her shirt.
“Hey, Ben,” Harold said as he approached them. “Katie,” he added as he took her in without a trace of malice on his beefy face. He looked at her yellow ribbon—or maybe her chest, she wasn’t sure. “The big discussion is whether it’s in bad taste that Maurice is roasting his usual pig….in light of, well, you know. What do you think?” he asked Ben.
Unforgivable (Romantic Suspense) Page 28