My feet ran blindly not picking any particular direction to go. I just wanted to go away, as far away from this place as my feet could carry me! When I finally tired of running, I collapsed in a heap in the soft moss beside the river, and began sobbing, out of control.
“Pay-dah Ee-shda,” Shadow Hawk whispered.
He had been on my heels the whole time, and was just waiting for me to tire of running.
“Shy Dove is not the woman I want.”
He thought I was angry because Shy Dove kept trying to win him over. He wasn’t even smart enough to realize that once Shy Dove spoke to him in my language, I would realize he had not learned my language to please me. He merely spoke my language to please me.
“Go away! Shy Dove wants you! I do not!” I sputtered.
Shadow Hawk pulled me up against him.
“I do not want Shy Dove. You are who I want.”
“I don’t want you!” I hissed. “Hudson says you have honor! You have no honor! You have tricked me and used me and manipulated me into….into touching you in a most inappropriate way! You laugh at me because I can’t understand you, while all along you could understand me! You have understood every word I said from the first day you found me! Whatever makes you think I could trust or love a person like you? You have no Face!”
Shadow Hawk’s brows drew together, as he discovered I had guessed his scheme.
“I want you to learn my Indian words, so you be more a part of me,” he admitted.
“I will never be a part of you! You tried to trick me! You tried to force me to learn your language by threatening me, and saying you would make me your slave, or prisoner. You did not care how frightened I was, or how I felt about being taken from my family. You had no intentions of helping me. You were merely trying to help your own lust of wanting me as your woman! I will never, never become your woman now! I cannot trust you. Why should I want to be the woman of someone I can’t trust? If I ever become your woman, it will be as a slave, never a wife!”
I glared at him with my ‘Fire eyes’.
“When I saw you in river, I think you dead. How can so beautiful one be dead, I ask Great Wahcondakah. I pray you not to be dead. Wahcondakah answer prayer. I know then Wahcondakah give you to me. You are a gift from Wahcondakah. You belong to me!”
“Hen feathers!” I jeered. “You just wanted me so bad, you justified it by believing that some stupid Indian God gave me to you. God can’t give someone to someone else. We only belong to God, not to another person!
“What really happened, was God used you to save my life. It was a gift to me, not a gift to you, and now you think you should take all the credit, and be paid for your effort!”
“Then you will not marry me?” he said, his eyes narrowing at me.
“Give me one good reason why I should!”
“Because if you do not, you will be my slave, and I will marry Shy Dove. She will want to please me, but I will take my pleasure from you!”
I thought he could have said he loved me, or he couldn’t live without me, or I was the only woman he could ever imagine having as a wife, but now his true colors came out. He never loved me. He thought God gave me to him, and he could do whatever he wanted with me!
“So now you are threatening me?” I laughed harshly. “You really know how to try and win someone’s heart over!” I said sarcastically.
“I love your fire eyes. It matters not if you come to me in anger or in love. I only wished you would come to me from your own heart.”
“Never,” I breathed in a low voice.
“Then I owe you no respect,” he murmured.
My eyes widened, because the intensity in the way he was looking at me, started to alarm me, and now his fingers were slowly untying the leather thongs that held the shoulder of my dress together.
“Don’t you touch me!” I warned, but he was not listening to me.
Instead, he had straddled me, so I couldn’t mover away, as he continued to remove the top of my dress.
“Slaves wishes cannot be heard,” he whispered, as his mouth found my neck and began kissing my skin, following a course to my heaving breasts.
“Don’t do this,” I begged.
“Will you agree to become my woman?” he asked.
“You are trying to blackmail me!”
“I don’t understand your words.”
His mouth had found one of my breasts, and the touch was causing my skin to shiver.
“I could have taken you in the river as we lay together. I was angry that my will was weakening. I wanted you willingly, as my wife. Now I shall have you unwillingly, since you refuse.”
His mouth lowered over me again, as his hands pulled the dress free of me. He sat up, letting his eyes roved over me, taking in every curve, as though he had never seen me without clothes on before.
Very slowly, Shadow Hawk began scattering kisses over my body, as I shiver under his touch.
“Be my woman,” he begged between each kiss, but I said nothing, as tears began to well in my eyes, because he was being so gentle, yet so cruel at the same time.
He began to set my skin on fire with his touches, until I realized I had no control of the feelings that he was causing to surge through me. His lips and hands were soft, as he touched all those places he had touched when he had bathed me.
My body was responding to him in a way I couldn’t understand, and could not resist. I lay there motionless, as Shadow Hawk sat up, and removed his buckskin shirt. Then he was fumbling with his breechcloth and leggings until he was unhindered by them.
“Shall you be my slave or my woman?” he asked me, as he leaned over me, his hair falling against my skin, feeling like soft threads of silk.
“Either way, you will end up taking me,” won’t you?” I asked.
“One, with your permission. One, without,” he mumbled against my ear. “If it is without, I shall continue.”
I closed my eyes, squeezing more tears from them, but he did not tell me not to cry. Perhaps now, he didn’t care if I cried, I thought. I could feel his lips straying over my body, his tongue tasting against my skin, as he went, preparing the way with his hands for his lips to follow.
As his lips followed, I caught my breath, as a new kind of splendor flooded over me at the touch of his lips, and my breath came faster, marveling at the rush of need I felt, and he was determined to fulfill that need.
When the need was filled beyond my expectations, I felt him lower his weight on me, smothering my mouth beneath his, laying his body between my legs, and then he was crushing me with his weight, and his particular need, as he introduced me to what a slave should expect from her master. I had not expected it though, and I cried out, trying to push him away, but it was too late. We had become one in a way that words could not describe, and I was helpless to prevent.
Our oneness progressed into a kind of dance, which he led, and I was drawn to follow. The dance grew more intense, astounding my senses as Shadow Hawk began to educate me in my innocence. As I gave into the union, the wilder our movements became. We seemed to be moving to the beat of the drums in the distance, becoming part of the tribe’s frenzied celebration.
Shadow Hawk was dancing to his own celebration, and I was his partner that had turned from unwilling to tolerant, and then to participating, eagerly. The more demanding the dance became, the more willing my body responded. Soon, I was anticipating every move of the dance, yearning for the next move to follow the last, finding myself crying in a different way I never imagined I would be doing.
Shadow Hawk was carrying me away into that strange splendor he had introduced me to before the dance began, and I was eagerly following, forgetting about my anger and rage for that moment I was suspended in time.
At that instant, he clutched me tighter, his breathing now faster than my own, then his breath released in a long, drawn-out sigh. I could feel his body shivere, as he kissed my ear, and whispered something in his own language that I didn’t understand.
&n
bsp; That strange sensation of love I had felt when I had almost drowned, was seeping into me, which confused me. I couldn’t possibly love Shadow Hawk. He was using me as a slave. Now I could never become his wife. He would take Shy Dove as his wife, and use me on the side.
Thinking this, I started to stiffen, and Shadow Hawk lifted his head.
“Do I hurt you?” he asked.
“You hurt my heart, Shadow Hawk. Why have you done this?”
He suddenly pulled himself from me, and grabbed up his breechcloth, and began fastening it around him.
“Because you are full of woman magic that I cannot fight against!” he blamed. “My honor has been weakened, and now you must remain my slave, because you refuse to become my wife! You should have agreed to be my woman!” He looked down at me with almost seething anger in his eyes, snatching up his clothes, but not putting them on.
“Tomorrow Hudson will bring you to my teepee, where you will do whatever I demand of you!”
He turned his back to me, heading back towards the village, as the drums continued to beat in my ears, or maybe it was my angry heart beating, I thought.
I will never become his slave, I told myself. No matter how he had used his own male magic to make me feel alive, the way he had. It was degrading, because he only now saw me as something he had permission to use at his pleasure.
Hudson would never be able to bring me to Shadow Hawks teepee, I vowed, because I would not be around for him to take me there. This time, though, I would not allow Shadow Hawk to find me, or track me down, because I planned to take Hudson’s flatboat, pack it with whatever I would need to survive on, and float downriver back to Missouri, where I belonged!
I tied my dress back together with the thongs and put it back on. The drums were still echoing in my ears. Let Shadow Hawk marry Shy Dove. It was what she wanted anyway, and he should have a wife from his own people, not one who didn’t even wish to become his wife. Had he given me more time and not tried to deceive me, I may have changed my mind, but now he had ruined everything.
I had lost what little feeling that had started to grow for Shadow Hawk, and it was of his own doing. He was just too impatient and wanted me to feel the same way about him as he had felt when he saw me floating in the river.
I felt no remorse for planning to take Hudson’s boat, because he had been a part of this as much as Shadow Hawk. He could just build himself a new boat, I sniffed, as I entered the teepee. No one was there, because they were all involved in the celebration, which Hudson had mentioned could last for days, if the excitement of the tribe remained strong. It was a good thing. It gave me time to collect what I needed to take with me. There was plenty of dried meat, and I would take my buffalo robe, and a knife and flint, thinking I could start a fire like Shadow Hawk had done.
I had learned a lot of things from Shadow Hawk on our way to his village, and all the things I had learned from my trek across the plains with the wagon train would help too. As long as I kept a low profile and not let anyone see me, as I floated down the river, I may be able to return to Missouri, if not back to where I could join another wagon train, I told myself hopefully.
As I crawled into the boat, and let the current carry me away, my heart felt heavy. As much as Shadow Hawk had angered me for what he had done, I knew I would miss him. He still had some subtle power over me, that I couldn’t explain, which would take a long time to get over.
My thoughts kept replaying that intimate dance we shared together, and how it had the power to bond me to Shadow Hawk in a way I had not expected. Had he been my husband, I would have looked forward to the next time we could share such a dance. Now I knew I would never be able to feel his lips on me again. I would never experience that new awakening he had introduced me to. I would never feel his manhood beneath my fingers as we bathed. I would never hear him call me Pay-dah Ee-shda, in his low musical voice again. It was a hard price to pay for my pride.
At the thought, I shivered, feeling more lonely than I looked floating down the river beneath a full moon, and I lay my head against the buffalo-hide. Then the thought came to me. Once Hudson discovered I was gone and his flatboat was gone as well, with what supplies I had taken with me, he would know I was on the river. Shadow Hawk would be able to find me and bring me back, and punish me, since I was now his slave, instead of his wife.
I probably had until morning, when Hudson was expected to bring me to Shadow Hawk, I thought. If I was not in his teepee when Hudson returned that night, he may believe I was with Shadow Hawk, because he had seen me and Shadow Hawk heading towards the celebration together.
How was I ever going to evade Shadow Hawk, I wondered. I needed to figure out how to outsmart an Indian who knew how to track animals and people down. I had heard stories about how the Indians would sometimes go for hundred of miles, just to retrieve a stolen pony. What lengths would they go to in order to retrieve an escaped slave?
It was God, or perhaps Wahcondakah who would save me in the end, I discovered. By morning, my boat was being pulled in circles by the current in front of a tall water fall. I could see a cave behind the veil of water, and it reminded me of the cave that Shadow Hawk, and I had stayed in for two days while it rained. All I had to do was pull my boat up inside that cave behind the water and wait until I saw Shadow Hawk, and who else came to track me down, pass. Then I would wait until they passed back the other way. That way, I would know they were going in the opposite direction I was heading, as they backed tracked, trying to find me.
I mentally patted myself on the back. I had plenty of food to last me, and while it may be boring sitting and waiting to see if anyone came looking for me, I would get great satisfaction of outsmarting Shadow Hawk, if it did outsmart him. It was yet to be seen. I hoped Shadow Hawk underestimated me, the way I had been underestimating him all this time.
I took my little paddle, and worked my way to the outskirts of the waterfall. I pulled the round boat up on the rocks, dragging it around behind the waterfall, and pushing it as far back in the moist cave as I could shove it. Then, I pulled the buffalo-hide up around me to keep the damp mist from landing on me, and started munching on a piece of dried meat, with a satisfied grin on my face.
I stayed there all day, and no one passed by, and I wondered if Shadow Hawk even wanted to bother to look for me. Maybe he had decided I was just a lost cause, and was going to let me go. I would wait another day, I decided, just to make sure. I was certain if he was looking for me, he would show up by then. I curled up under my buffalo robe and went to sleep as the sun set, and it became dark in my little water cave.
The next morning, the sun glinted in through the cascading water, casting rainbows all over inside the cave. I smiled as the rainbows fell against my skin. I could barely see through the curtain of water, as it covered the opening. It made a lot of noise, so if someone came by I may not be able to hear them. I didn’t think Shadow Hawk would travel at night, since it was obvious he could not see my boat in the dark. He may be looking for signs that I had camped along the bank, but he would never find any, I smiled to myself.
Then I saw something moving beyond the water, and I could barely make out the shape of Shadow Hawk’s painted horse. I almost hadn’t seen it, because it was standing motionless, at the edge of the water, while Shadow Hawk allowed it to drink. His eyes was gazing at the waterfall, and I held my breath as I sat as still as I could, hoping he could not see through the darkness behind the sheet of water falling before me.
He stood there for so long, even after the horse had stopped drinking, I was sure he would figure out my tactics and come plunging through the water to investigate behind the waterfall. Even so, I don’t think he would have expected me to remain there, while he searched for me, until I was certain he had given up. I wondered how long it would take him to continue downriver before he decided to double back. No telling how long I would end up sitting here, I thought.
However, he surprised me. He turned his horse around, and headed back towards the
way he had come. Maybe he was doubling back to check the shore again, or hopefully, he was giving up. Nonetheless, it didn’t matter, because once he left, and I got back onto the river, it would carry me faster than he could catch up with me, when he finally did start back in this direction again. He would have to travel slow to be able to check all the hiding places I may put my boat, as I floated along with shrubbery hanging over the edge of the river, giving me cover along the way, if I chose to use it. The current was moving fast. I was sure to lose him now.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The river carried me away in an embrace that could drown me or assist me, depending on my situation. I remembered how it had carried me so swiftly, when Jessie was trying to catch up with me to save me. Now I knew it would be difficult for Shadow Hawk to catch up with me. He would have to camp at night. I could remain in my little boat and sleep, as the current carried me away. As long as I had food to eat, and plenty of water from the river to drink, I wouldn’t even have to stop along the way, I thought happily.
No wonder the Trappers used this method to bring their furs out to Missouri. It was fast and swift, and they didn’t have to stop along the way, so they could make it in half the time it took to travel by horse or other means, and then get back before winter hit. No matter how shallow the river got, the flat-bottom boat would still slide easily over the water. The only time I would have to pull the boat out of the water, was if I hit white water, I thought. Even then, if it wasn’t too rough, I could probably make it through, since there was no way the round boat would capsize.
I munched happily on my dried meat, as the shoreline sped past me, and I kept my boat in the middle of the river with my little ore. I was getting tired of the meat, having to eat the same thing all the time, but if the Indians could live on the dried meat over the winter, I shouldn’t complain, I thought.
The river wound around like a long, meandering snake, slinking its way through to countryside, drawing out the distance I had to travel. Still, since the river was moving fairly fast, it made up for the added miles, the twists and turns extended the journey. Following along the bank would make it just as long for someone traveling by land, I reasoned. I never saw anyone following the river, though. If there were any other trappers on the river, they had either left before me, or were coming after me. There was no one in sight either on land or on the river itself.
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