Troll Brother

by P. Edward Auman

  ~~~

  “What the flippin’ flying fruit is wrong with you Kile?” Robert asked when he’d gotten the troll out of earshot of his mother. It was a phrase his little brother often said, having picked it up from their father. Rob may have said it subconsciously because he actually was missing his little brother a bit. Not that he would admit to worrying about him, but he hoped Ricky’s experience in the troll cavern city, Machsa, would be better than Kile’s had so far.

  “That was not fruit, Robert!” Kile said.

  “No duh. What’s the matter with you? That is some of the most plain food ever. How come you act like it’s making you throw up?”

  “It not taste right, Robert. That food taste like bag for bread!”

  “Like plastic? You’re saying macaroni and cheese tastes like plastic?” Robert asked with a smile on his face. He had kind of felt that way too, but wouldn’t have been able to get away with saying so. Mac’N’Cheese was a staple in the Johansson home, because it was the one thing everyone would eat without complaining, at least not out loud to Mom.

  “…and the white stuff!” Kile was continuing on his explanation while Rob had been thinking about what the yellow death really tasted like.

  “White stuff?”

  “Yessss! Flat white things. Taste like the healing mushrooms after we make paste out of them. …That not bread. That medicine!”

  Robert couldn’t help but laugh. He loved the white bread, especially spread with peanut butter or maybe the cocoa-hazelnut spread he loved. It was like eating cake in his mind.

  “Bread made from wheat! It is brown, or black sometimes. It not mushy like medicine.”

  “You know what, Kile? I think we’re going to have to teach you the finer things about people food. Do you like chocolate?” Robert asked.

  “Mmmm…I don’t think so. Trolls eat meat and vegetables, sometimes fruit for dessert. We have thick, yummy, warm bread with melty honey-butter. …and… lots of meat!”

  “Okay! I get it,” Robert said, still laughing. You just stay here, and if Mom comes act like you’re sick. Once she’s done cleaning up I’ll bring you back some food that might be better for you.”