by Calinda B
“What could I possibly learn? We’ve picked all the cards!” I admit, I sound like a petulant child. My arms are folded tightly across my chest, and my face is in a pout….
“You haven’t yet picked the wild card.”
“Oh, geez, there’s a wild card? What if I don’t want to?”
“Child, this is for the future of us all.”
“Oh, right, flip the future of us all card to guilt trip me.”
“Is it working?”
“Yes,” I say, with a huff. “What do I do?”
“Close your eyes and visualize a cave. When I was a girl we had a small cave up in the hills I used to play in. Found a dog up there once. Named the dog Buddy. He was a big dog, not like my little…”
“What kind of cave?” I interrupt her. She’s more tired than she’s willing to admit. That’s when her mind really roams.
“You decide. Just use your visual skills to give it as much detail as possible.”
My eyelids fall shut and I sink into the vastness of my imagination. I picture a cave carved in white and sepia stone, like those in the southwest. I spent a night in one of those when my mom and dad were alive. Mom took me there to spend some “sacred girl time” as she called it. It was wondrous.
I visualize caverns leading into darkness, and fissures overhead hinting at blue sky. The air smells ancient and still with tangs of moistness where mineral soaked water seeps through the walls. I imagine mystery and wonder tucked inside the Earth, out of sight from most. When I’ve got it where I want it, I say, “Okay.”
“Got it?”
“Uh huh.”
“Great. This will be the space you’ll source when you need to find things. Now imagine that you’ve got a weakness…one of your holes…and this creature or being is going to test you to your limits.”
I shiver in response, my voice nearly cracking as I respond. “Me?”
“Yes, you, dearie. Did I tell you about the time my first husband found out he was scared of eggs? It was the strangest darn thing. He’d see an egg and he’d about bust a gut.”
Betty and her meandering elder mind. “Did he overcome it?” I ask, opening my eyes.
“Oh, my, no. Couldn’t ever have an omelet. Had to sneak eggs into cookies and cakes.”
“So why do I have to overcome anything? You guys coped.”
“Because, child,” she says, peering over the top of her glasses at me. “You do. You’re wasting time,” she says. “Visualize.”
Her voice seems to echo around the room.
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make your voice all large and weird like that?”
“I thought you wanted to finish. That will take another hour to show you.”
My attention flicks to the clock. “Okay, another time.”
“Get back to your cave and let me know when you feel as if you’re immersed in it.”
I close my eyes again and sink into the world of dark and light which I’ve begun to imagine. The room outside me grows whisper quiet. The space inside me is utter stillness. “Okay, I’m there.”
“Don’t open your eyes,” she says in a low voice. “I’ll extend the cards in your direction. When you’re ready, pick one.”
I remain in my imagined cocoon, where I feel safe and happy, and then I take a deep breath and choose a card.
“Hold the card over your solar plexus. Keep your eyes closed.”
I do as I’m told, but I’m suddenly having a difficult time staying focused. I feel like someone has cut a hole in my belly and I’m being drained of energy. Either that, or a ping pong ball in a wind tunnel, being flung all over the place. “This feels weird. I don’t feel as if I’m in danger so much as that I can’t keep my attention on anything.”
“Um hmm. As I suspected. You’ve got the courage of a lioness, so it’s something else that gets in your way.”
“What is it?”
“I think you know. Stay with it and see if you can figure it out.”
My forehead furrows as I try to concentrate. “This is really hard, Betty, and I’m tired.”
“Shhh. Stay with it.”
I keep getting pulled this way and that, like I’m in “Shiny Object” heaven, an array of tempting choices all around me. Sober whimpers in his sleep, pulling my attention back to the present.
“What just happened?”
“Sober—he distracted me.”
“No, I think he intended that. He sensed your scatter, even in his dreams. Remember that. Use your dog.”
“I do use him.”
“Use him in new ways,” she says with exasperation. “Open your eyes and look at the card you hold.”
When my eyes open, I’m bewildered to see Rafe and Daniel step from the stiff rectangle in my fingers. “It’s my two lovers.”
“Uh huh. I knew it. You’ve got A-D-D-R-S.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Attention Deficit Disorder in the Romance and Sex department.”
“You’re joking.” I flick my fingers at the tiny figures of Daniel and Rafe. They dodge and dance, trying to avoid getting bossed around by my digit.
“Afraid not, missy.” Betty slurps the dregs of her tea noisily. “What did you just do with your fingers there?”
“I was messing with them, that’s all.”
“And how did they respond?”
“Weaving and dodging.” I pause, reflecting. “Betty…?”
“Yes, dear.”
“Do you think…well…do you think either of them can be trusted?”
“With what?”
“With me. On this journey. I seem to have fallen for two of the most supremely badass males on the planet. Rafe has to have sex on a regular basis…has to…or he goes berserk. When he goes berserk he wants to kill me. When he fell in love with me, he also realized falling for me is something that can’t be undone.”
“I know, big mistake.” Betty nods.
“Like, he can’t not be in love with me. He could be across the globe, go berserk, and seek me out to destroy me.” I shudder. “He also stopped having sex with others in some sort of loyalty pledge to me. When he’s in that psycho place, I can’t exactly throw him down and make love to him. Just touching him worked last time it happened, when he was bound, but I don’t know if that will always be the case, or if I’ll be able to bind him in time.”
“It’s a real problem, true.”
“And then there’s Daniel. I love him and I’m terrified of him. Now that he wields all that power, I don’t think he knows what to do with it. I’m afraid he’s going to turn on me if I get too powerful or stare at him the wrong way or….”
“He’s headstrong and rebellious. They both are, but Daniel takes the cake. No reins for that boy.” Betty bites into a chocolate. “You hold a lot of power inside you, too, you know. You don’t realize it. Those two fools hang on your every word, waiting for you to decide, one or the other. The choice is yours.”
“Come on, though—two sexy men like Daniel and Rafe? They could have any woman they choose. If they don’t kill me in the process,” I mutter.
“Yes, but they chose you. The heart is fickle, but it’s not indiscriminate. There’s a lot hanging in the balance here.” Her face sharpens and she squints at me. “Have you thought about possibilities if something happens to them on your journey? What if one of them dies?”
My jaw drops and I take a quick breath, willing my heart to stop reacting to her suggestion. “No. That’s not an option. Why are you saying that? Life without either of them would be intolerable.”
“What if the Stealth Numen or the Night Numen becomes disfigured or can no longer do what they were put on God’s green Earth to do?” Betty asks in her southern twang.
“I have no idea, Betty.... I guess we’d deal.”
“Wrong. You’d be dead, that’s what. Your focus will be on them instead of the danger in front of you, and that’s going to get you dead.” Betty
shakes her head. “Lord, Lord, Lord, child.”
“So why are they coming with me? I thought they had to come for punishment or some such thing. Isn’t that what the Keeper of Time and Records, v5.5.1, told us in the last big ether meeting? They screwed up and their penance was to come with me.”
“Oh, they have their own lessons to learn, true. And they will lend a hand of protection. But remember, our attention is on you today, not them. And your focus gets lost around them—completely lost.” She lifts her glass. “Got any more sweet tea?”
“No. But if I did I wouldn’t give you any. You’re going to swim out of here as it is.”
“I’ve got me a healthy bladder, dearie. It does its job.”
“Maybe.”
“So, back to you, you’ve got a job to do—find a piece of your soul—but all you do is get distracted by your hootchie-loves.”
“I do not!” I exclaim defensively.
“Okay, so tell me why you want to leave so badly again. It’s because you and Daniel want to get busy, isn’t it?” She makes fists and pumps them by her side.
My face flushes with heat. “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“Oh, I haven’t forgotten. I intend to get me some the minute I step through the door tonight, that’s guaran-damn-teed. It’s when your obsession with your relations gets in the way of important matters, like your life—then it’s a problem. Now that’s your weakness.”
I don’t know what to say. I can’t really argue the point. I’m constantly thinking about which one I’ll choose, who I want tonight, how horrid it is to have two lovers, how awesome it is to have two lovers, how I want tonight to go down, how I want…my mind trails off into delicious possibilities. Now, just like every other time I start to wonder.
“And right there, there’s your truth,” Betty drawls. “Imminent danger’s the furthest thing from your mind right now and you’re about to be immersed in it. You’re like an intensity junkie. If it’s risky, you’re down with it.”
I want to kick her in the shins. “Okay, so what’s your point? Do I now have to take a vow of celibacy?”
“Oh, Lord, no. My, you have a fanciful mind. It’s more like…” She taps her finger against her chin. “It’s more like…well, you know how transformative sexual communion can be. Magic can happen in those moments, right? You of all people should know that. Didn’t Daniel bind your souls after an act of ultimate sexual bliss?”
“That’s no one’s business... but yes,” I say finally.
“It becomes an art, then. To attain bliss and ecstasy and then to use it where you need it. There’s a time and place for everything. In your case, it will be to overcome every obstacle you’ll encounter.”
“Well, then,” I say, pleased once more. “This should be a breeze. I’ll be traveling with two deliciously sexy, virile men.”
“Who can’t stand one another or the thought of one of them losing rights to you,” she snaps.
“Oh, that. Yes, that’s a problem.”
“One that will grow larger as you travel together. Right now you maintain separate dwellings and can sneak in some loving without the other one knowing, right?”
“I suppose, yeah.” I turn away from her, embarrassed that she knows so much.
“Imagine what it will be like when you have one tent, you and two men.”
“Could be awkward.”
“Could be.”
We both sit in strained silence for a few minutes—at least I’m feeling strained—Betty’s stroking her ghost dog, humming softly.
“Still seeing your Tarot image?” She asks.
Daniel and Rafe stand facing me, frowning, hands on their hips. “Yes,” I say glumly. I frown back at them. A tiny image of Sober pops from the card, then races toward a tree and starts barking. The real Sober starts whimpering again, his legs twitching like he’s doing what I see his miniature doing. The pint-sized canine apparition barks and lunges at the tree. Small Daniel, tiny Rafe, and I all stare at the tree, wondering what Sober sees. I rustle the transparent leaves and branches with a fingertip. A large shape falls free, landing on the ground. “Oof!” I hear him say. He scrambles to his feet and, before I can get a good look at him, disappears into the mystery of the card. “Wow.”
“What just happened?”
“Another character appeared.”
“Beast or human?” Betty asks.
“Appeared human. Looked like a guy, falling out of a tree.”
Betty draws a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “This is a wild card, for sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“It looks like you’ll have yet another man to wrangle.”
“Great. Me, my sword, a few shimmers of light, three men, and my goofy dog—I’ll do great.” I shake my head in dismay.
“Lord have mercy, you do have your challenges ahead. But, I need to get home,” she says, slowly easing from her chair. “Looks like we all could use some loving to face the obstacles ahead.” She reaches for her purse and heads toward the door. “Come on, Buddy.”
The small ghost dog leaps to his transparent feet, along with Sober. They both give themselves a good shake.
“Oh!” Betty exclaims. “I almost forgot the reason I came in the first place.” She places her purse on the arm of the chair, opening it and stirring the contents with her hand, searching for something. “Here it is,” she says. “You give it to her, Buddy. You found it.” She leans down and places something in the pup’s mouth.
He trots to me, tail wagging, and drops a small, smooth, polished stone in my palm. Sober sniffs it before I straighten to examine it.
“What is it?” I ask.
“It’s a rare find is what it is. I asked your jeweler friend and esteemed member of the Numina, Diego Rivera, before I brought it to you. It’s a dinosaur bone.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope, I kid you not. Buddy was digging in the yard yesterday and he unearthed this tiny stone. He knew it was special so he brought it right to me. We both knew it was meant for you.”
“How’d you know that?” I say, turning the stone over and over, fingering its slick surface.
“The color. What color would you say it is?”
“You know the answer as well as I do. It’s the same red as on my painting—holy roller red.”
Betty nods, her long cotton puff hair billowing around her head. “The color of courage. You’ll need heaps.”
I stare at it in wonder. “Is it really a dinosaur bone?”
“One hundred percent. Diego verified it. It’s millions of years old. Isn’t that something?”
“I’ll say. The texture is fascinating—it’s etched with black striations. It feels good in my fingers. It makes me feel strong and wise beyond measure.”
“It’s also extremely rare. This piece has already been buffed to a shiny sheen for someone’s use. Some spirit probably buried it in my yard for Buddy to find. You should place a gift in the back yard in return for it.”
“More gifts. First dust motes for the light fairies, then something for another kind of spirit. What should I place outside?”
“Since we don’t know what kind of spirit gave it, whiskey’s always welcome.”
“I don’t have any whiskey.”
“Buy some.”
“I might have some vodka left over from a party.”
“That will do. Leave it and the shot glass on a leaf from your backyard. Give hearty thanks. And, tomorrow have Diego fashion the dino-bone into something you can wear. You’ll need all the courage you can get,” she says emphatically.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Oh, I’m confident in your ability to make messes and get yourself into trouble. You just need a little help from the spirit world to set things right.”
Chapter 7
Are you almost here? Daniel asks. I’m going out of my mind waiting for you.
Racing to get there, I convey. I
’m about to explode, I’m so hot for you.
Daniel’s mind and mine are literally sizzle-steaming with love and lust, the tendrils of our connection like coiled, writhing snakes, as I drive up the long, winding driveway to his—to our, I mean—home. I know it’s been a few months, but I’m still getting used to the idea of being soul bound and all that “what’s mine is yours.” I had absolutely no plans for commitment or long term anything when he bound me.
What’s now mine, whether I choose him as “the one” or not, is a small mansion sitting at the top of a tree covered hill in west Seattle, the estate overlooking Puget Sound and the beautiful Olympic Mountains in the distance. The well-maintained gardens once harbored frolicking, dancing bronze goddesses, but I made him get rid of those—they’d been used to house his dead ex-fiancé... don’t ask. It’s too complicated to explain. They’ve been replaced with new art that I’ve selected or we’ve chosen together. It’s been fun to add to the collection, really. Three laughing Buddhas perch underneath the cedar tree. Three carved female figures stream from the ground next to a waterfall. Beyond them, two lifelike bronze men stride forward, missing part of their torsos. It makes me do a double take each time I see them. As I look at them now, I think about me and my holes and missing soul bits—maybe those figures represent Daniel and Rafe. Makes me shudder. Could they be missing parts of their souls, too? I honestly don’t really care right now—all I want to do is bed my soul bound lover, I think as I zip up the one-lane road.
I screech to a stop at the top of the elegantly curved driveway. Daniel’s in front, pacing. His face brightens into the most gorgeous smile when I bolt from the car, running to wrap my arms around him, Sober romping by my side.
Daniel greets his canine pal and sends him around to the back to get treats from Javier, one of our staff. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to having staff.
“Dulzura,” he says into my hair, nuzzling me, his hands buried in my tresses. “God, I’ve missed this.”
“Oh, baby,” I say into his shoulder, my palms stroking his muscular back.
“It’s been far too long,” he says, arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace.
I savor all the places touching me, hard and soft. This man electrifies me—literally. My body crackles with hot electrical impulses. I’m enveloped by so much power, lust, need, and love that I wonder if I’ll faint or burst into flames. “Daniel,” I finally manage to gasp.