The line was quiet for a beat. “You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll be there in twenty.”
The ride to the hospital was made in silence. If Colin could be counted on for one thing, it was having faith in those he loved. They parked and asked the reception desk for the room number of a patient named Evan. He was out of ICU and in recovery.
When Kelly found the room he hesitated. Turning to Colin, he said, “I need to do this alone. Just…wait here and intervene if I lose it.” Colin nodded. “And Col, could you maybe act like this is a confession? Whatever you hear, forget it when we leave here.”
“You have my word, Kelly.”
He nodded and pushed through the door. Evan was sleeping, his face made up of coils of green and blue bruises resembling an ugly version of Starry Night. There were cuffs holding him to his bed, which validated Luke’s suspicions about Evan being a wanted man. He kicked the foot of the bed and the man stirred.
“What the fuck?” When his eyes landed on Kelly he reached for the buzzer, but Kelly jerked it out of reach.
“We need to talk.”
“Get out.”
“I hear you have some legal issues. I’m willing to bet I can guess what you’re accused of. Predators are usually repeat offenders.”
“Fuck you,” he mumbled through cracked lips.
“I think you’re the one who’s fucked. You’re caught and they won’t let you slip away this time. I just need to know if I need a lawyer. If so, you can add one more accusation to that list of victims. If not, we leave you alone to dig your own grave.”
“She wanted it.”
Kelly lunged so fast there was no way the asshole could protect himself, especially cuffed. His fist closed over the blankets between the man’s legs, gripping his cash and prizes so tight his knuckles cracked. Evan’s shoulders shot off the bed as he wheezed, his eyes bulging. “Am I violating you? I thought you wanted it.”
He squeezed tighter and the fucker gasped in agony. Kelly breathed slowly through his teeth so he wouldn’t snap. He really didn’t want to drag Colin into this, didn’t want to get his brother involved in something messy, or disgrace his family anymore. “Watch yourself. I’m this close from ripping out your eyes and using them for putting practice next to your balls. I’m betting if I killed you no one would really care, you fucking piece of shit. If I’m going down, I have no problem making it worth my trouble.”
Scumbag’s nostrils flared under the bandage covering his nose. Sweat beaded his brow and his already blotchy completion turned sickly. It was only a matter of time before he puked. “I got all day,” Kelly warned, twisting his wrist.
“All right!” the man growled and Kelly released him.
“Do I need a lawyer?”
The asshole panted and scowled. “No.”
“If I ever see you near her again…I’ll slaughter you.” Kelly turned toward the door. “Withdraw your charges and go back to where you came from.”
When he returned to the hall Colin lifted a brow. “That was fast.”
Kelly shrugged. “I said what I needed to say.”
They left the hospital and Kelly stared at his phone the entire drive home. Ashlynn didn’t call and that was likely for the best.
* * * *
Monday, the bar was slow and Kelly spent the night going through paperwork in his office. Everyone kept their distance, but he didn’t miss their questioning glances. He didn’t want to be around anyone.
The call finally came Wednesday morning. Evan dropped all charges and was returning to Oklahoma to be incarcerated for random acts of violence against five other women. No one knew why Kelly attacked him or why the charges were dropped and it looked like they never would. They might speculate but wouldn’t know unless he or Ashlynn told them.
Ashlynn’s silence spoke volumes. They were done. The realization hurt like blade repetitively stabbing through his chest. The only comfort he had was knowing the fiasco with the police was behind them and perhaps their distance made it easier for her never to think about that monster again. If it brought her peace, that would have to be enough.
Chapter Nine
Colin opened the door and stilled, worry clenching in his gut. Kelly stood on the other side, his clothes wrinkled, his hair a mess, and his shoulders set in such defeat he had a difficult time recognizing the man as his brother. “Kelly?”
Blue eyes stared into him, pleading and so downtrodden, Colin panicked. “Did someone die?”
“I love her,” Kelly wheezed. “I fucking love her and it’s killing me.”
Understanding dawned and sympathy for his brother overwhelmed him, his relief that no one was hurt predominated. “Come inside. I think I have a bottle of Tully somewhere.”
They went into the kitchen and Sammy was sitting at the table making a grocery list. Her eyes met his and she immediately noticed Kelly. “Kelly, are you all right?”
His brother didn’t reply. Colin placed a hand on Sammy’s shoulder. “Would you mind giving us some time?” His wife eased out of the chair, her swollen belly making her motions slow and awkward. He touched a gentle hand to her stomach and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be up soon.”
She nodded and left. Colin found the bottle of whisky and two mugs then returned to the table. The tinkling sound of liquor hitting porcelain filled the room. “Is Lula asleep?” Kelly asked.
Colin slid him a mug. “Yeah.”
They each sipped in silence, his brother emptying his mug in a few swallows. Colin refilled the cup. “Are you ready to tell me who she is?”
“If I tell you, you’ll laugh. There was never a more unsuitable match. We simply don’t fit.”
For the life of him, Colin couldn’t imagine who it could be. His brother had a bevy of women throughout his life and, although Colin had been absent for most of his philandering years, he never thought the day would come that Kelly would be told no by a woman. “Do I know her?”
“Yes.”
A horrible thought occurred. “Is she married?”
Kelly laughed derisively. “And that is what my family thinks of me.”
Colin frowned, insulted. “That’s not what we think. What we think is that you are a fine man and capable of getting the woman who makes you happy. I can’t figure out what would stop you other than your morals and the innate understanding that marriage is something we don’t mess with. However, life happens and people make mistakes. It’s easy to get carried away and fixated on the one thing we can’t have.”
“I can’t have her. That part’s true.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not good enough.”
“Knock it off, Kelly. We’ve been through this.”
Kelly’s cold stare cut through him. “You don’t get it, Colin. We’re not all good like you. Some of us are truly fucked up.”
“You’re not.”
“Sure, I am.”
“No, Kelly, you’re not. I don’t know where this notion of me being so damn perfect came from. It’s like you guys have amnesia. I turned my back on my vows to our Lord. I’m not Christ. I wish you all would stop treating me like I am. I couldn’t be what everyone expected. Do you have any idea what sort of pressure that puts on a man?”
“But… you’re Colin.”
“And what does that mean? I’m just an ordinary guy, or trying to be. I argue with my wife, struggle with the best way to teach my daughter, worry I’m making a decision that isn’t the right one, buy my groceries like everyone else and argue with our budget, and pray. I’m no holier than you, but I still pray every day because I know I’m just a man and I need God to get me through the confusing parts of life as much as I’m indebted to give thanks for the blessings.”
“You just make it seem so easy.”
He laughed. “So do you.”
Kelly’s brow twisted with disbelief. “You’re joking.”
“No. You’re the most congenial person I’ve ever met. When the world pushes, you
don’t push back, you adapt. You’re generous and caring and not hung up on pleasing others—”
“Because when I try to do what people expect I let them down.”
“Who? Who did you let down?”
He shrugged.
“Kelly… we only expect you to be there. Be our brother. Be a son. Be kind. You’ve never not been those things.”
“I just… it’s complicated. If I go to her and promise to be all those things, there’s a chance I can convince her to let me. I know I can. But what happens when I mess everything up and too much time’s gone by and the guy she’s supposed to be with has come and gone? I don’t want to waste her life.”
Colin really wanted to know whom they were discussing. “What if you’re that man?”
“I’m not.”
“Are you God? Because He’s the only One that can say that for sure.”
“I’m just not, okay?”
He didn’t want to get him more upset than he already was. Changing tactics, he asked, “Does she love you?”
“I don’t know. She’s into me. Big time. But I thought I was doing her a favor by pushing her away. I hurt her so she would move on. Only every time our paths cross it’s like a hurricane crashing into a tornado and the chemistry is enough to drive me to my knees. I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want her.”
“Physically?” Kelly was a notorious womanizer. There had to be more to his feelings for him to be this devastated and lost.
“I want all of her. I want her laughter, her smiles, her blushes. The idea of her sharing those parts of herself with any other man makes me insane. They’re mine. But I have no right to be so possessive.” He shook his head. “It’s so much more, though. I want her hopes. I want to be the one that makes her dreams a reality. But what if I agree and she decides to let me and I fuck it all up?”
“We all make mistakes.”
“But what if she wakes up one day and wants something I simply can’t give her?”
“Do you think Sammy gives me everything I want? Christ, I wasn’t allowed to have two donuts this morning. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you never tell them no. We all have limitations. Loving someone means accepting that person in spite of all the flaws. If she loves you, she’ll help you grow. If she scorns you for being human and having shortcomings like everyone else…then maybe she isn’t right for you after all.”
“I’m scared.”
Colin tried to pin point exactly what worried him, but he didn’t want to make assumptions. “Is this about being faithful? You have a choice in the matter, Kelly. You aren’t at the mercy of your libido. God gave you free will.”
“I’ve never needed to be faithful, but I could be with her…to a point.”
“Why to a point?”
Kelly sighed. “We don’t have sex.”
It was as if every thought in his brain tucked tail and hid. “Pardon?”
“We don’t have sex. She’s…a virgin.”
Holy fuck, it’s Ashlynn Fisher. He groaned with understanding. “Oh, Kelly…”
“Yeah. So you see… I know I can’t have her, but I still want her. But how long can I hold out before it becomes too much? What’s more bizarre is that I actually want her to stay a virgin. No way am I taking that from her. And I worry she’ll give it up and hate herself for doing so and resent me forever. I don’t know how to date a girl without sex.”
Even Colin could only hold out so long once he met Sammy. “Shit.” He reached across the table and refilled their mugs. After deliberating for several minutes, he asked, “Would you ever consider marrying her? Do you love her to that degree?”
“I don’t know. I think I’d be a terrible husband and while she’s highly attracted to me, I don’t think she wants marriage from me. Let’s face it, everyone knows I’m not marriage material.”
“People change.”
“It’s forever, Colin. I can’t do that. Not if I’m not one hundred percent sure.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Kelly groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m gonna get piss drunk and try to forget her. Even if it’s only for a few hours I need the merry-go-round in my head to stop. I can’t fucking function like this and I’ve tried other women—believe me—I’ve tried. I don’t want them. It’s fucking embarrassing. I physically can’t get the ship to sail if you get my drift.”
Wow. It looked like they were getting drunk then. After a long sigh, Colin held up his mug. “To love. Man can survive wars, plague, and tragedy, but no man can get through love unscathed.”
Kelly knocked his cup to Colin’s. “Fucking love.” And they drank.
* * * *
Ashlynn had fallen into a depression. She’d closed her profile on the dating site. The only men who ever sent her messages were either twice her age or badly in need of a job and some serious dental work. Not to mention she was through with men. She considered getting some cats, but knew her allergies wouldn’t allow it. If her life didn’t improve soon, she planned to get a dog once her harvest season ended.
She’d taken up going to her father’s at night to play cards. He clearly suspected something was wrong. Roy asked about Josh and she told him they’d called it quits. He asked about the summer festival, but she told him she was exhausted with dating and didn’t want to talk about it. He was sympathetic to her dreary mood, but respected her need for privacy.
Ashlynn heard what happened with Evan and discovered his track record. She wasn’t surprised. He was very good at playing the nice guy. She’d fallen for it and sadly, the fact that five other women, maybe more, had fallen for it as well made her feel less accountable.
Maybe she should be talking to a therapist, but there wasn’t much to say. She’d suffered a near crisis. There was no point in running around frantic over what could have happened. In her mind, she’d been lucky. It was over and that was enough. She’d never be so trusting again.
She was shoving emotions every which way in order to keep herself together. Evan was simply something she couldn’t face. Perhaps that made her a coward. Perhaps it meant she was somehow letting down females everywhere. Or perhaps it just meant she was trying to survive.
But it wasn’t the aftermath of Evan that hurt. It was the ghost of Kelly. When she’d found his letter, she’d cried. She loved him. After attempting to date other men, she’d learned there really was something special about Kelly. He was—to some extent—loyal and courageous. He knew the difference between right and wrong no matter how much he tried to discredit the rules. And—most of all—he cared about her on some level. Otherwise he never would have come to her the way he had. But that still didn’t fix all the ways they were broken.
Ashlynn—more than ever—valued her virtue. It was for her husband and she’d been through hell and high water to hold on to that gift. Having made it this far, survived Evan’s attempt to snatch it away, she was not turning back. It was her gift to give and she wanted to give it to a man who would cherish it.
So why was she still hung up on the one man who would never step up to the challenge? Kelly was a free spirit. She’d known from the beginning he wasn’t the marrying type, accepted it with each tender touch along the way. Yet somehow she’d fallen out of a crush and into full-blown love with him.
He saved her.
It wasn’t fair the one man she couldn’t have was the one she wanted above all others. Letting go of Josh didn’t affect her. It probably should have, but she didn’t care one way or another. Davis barely entered her thoughts. His letters were automatically filtered into a spam folder somewhere in cyberspace—somewhere he probably knew the proper IT term for.
Weeks had gone by and Kelly never called. She buried the events of that night deep down and never wanted to think about it again. When she saw him attacking Evan, her only concern was for Kelly. He went to jail for her, fought for her, kept quiet for her, but he didn’t love her.
It hurt. It hurt to know that whatever these other
women were offering held more appeal to him than her devoted love. Some days she hated herself for caring about him, but there was no turning it off. Repeating the same action with the same undesired results was the definition of crazy. Kelly was making her crazy.
Did he miss her? Think about her? There were no answers. She spent her days in the gardens or shipping produce back and forth to her store. The only person she interacted with was her father.
Roy had hired a new farmhand, a twenty-six year old named Brad. Her father tried for only a minute to play cupid. She’d seen the farmhand around. He was tall with kind eyes, but Ashlynn wasn’t interested. Her father seemed to accept her refusal with a bit of dejection.
She had advised him to start hiring men he could trust to take over the business someday. It was simply too much pressure, trying to find a husband and hoping he had enough farming experience to take over her family’s land. She was living in a fantasy world and every time reality reared its ugly head another piece of her died.
Brad seemed like a good guy. His family owned a plantation in Georgia, but recently sold off their land to some company that was drilling for natural gas. He seemed dependable and a natural leader.
One evening she’d cooked for her father, and Brad had joined them. He seemed lonely. His manners were impeccable and she was incredibly grateful her father didn’t push the two into some sort of match.
After cleaning up the kitchen that night she’d stepped onto the front porch for some air. The screen door whined behind her and Brad came out. She offered a small smile, but kept her eyes on the setting sun.
“Thank you for supper, Ashlynn.”
“You’re welcome, Brad.”
They stood beside each other in silence, watching the fiery ball of sun slowly tuck itself away in the horizon.
Brad cleared his throat. “Maybe one day I could take you out to dinner.”
Her eyes shut and she sighed. “That sounds real nice, Brad, but I have to decline.” She hated seeing the expression on his face. Where were you a year ago? “I’m sorry, but…”
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