by V. K. Ludwig
Fangs once more glistened.
I injected her before she could tear them through my flesh, the pain temporarily disabling her. She pulled her knees into her chest and rolled around, her screams shattering against the walls.
“Others told me featherbane helps ease it, if only a little.” Reaching my hand out, I helped her to her feet. “The Toroxian at the market square sells it, but he’s shady as fuck. Make sure you check the herbs he sells you for that distinct sourness it has. A handful steeped in enough hot water to last you for the day.”
She stood there, her shoulders slumped, her chin dipping against her sternum while shame wore heavy on her. “I wouldn’t have bit you.”
I lifted the side of my shirt, pointing at the many round scars along my ribs. “Isn’t that what I get paid for? Comes with the profession, I assume.”
A shy smile later, she nodded and left the room, squeezing herself by Katie, who stood in the door.
“How long have you been standing there?”
She slipped inside, hands behind her back, and leaning against the wall. “Long enough to have a couple of questions.”
I let out a chuckle. “Jal’zar carry an egg pouch inside their abdomen. During mating season, the eggs swell if they don’t get in contact with semen. They’re in terrible pain. Our species are incompatible, but somehow our seed eases the swelling regardless.”
“Uh-huh.” A long pause stretched between us before she added, “Do they always rub themselves all over you?”
“Jealous?” My playful question earned me narrowed eyes like expected. Stupid link only worked one way, apparently. “The way I remember it, she rubbed herself, not me. Did you guys get your capes ready for Odheim tomorrow? The last thing we need is mass hysteria because someone spots you.”
“We do. Grace already went to bed,” she said. “We watched a movie together, munching on those devilish good chocolate thingies. Now I figured I would come over since I promised we’d talk tonight.”
“Shit. It’s that late already?” A glance through the window confirmed it, the purple hue of Odheim less vibrant. “I had so many patients today; I forgot what time it was.”
I walked over to her, her pupils betraying no signs of fear or discomfort as I closed in. She had gotten rid of that reflex ever since the non-touch, right along with much of her unhealthy defiance.
“I fixed you a plate at dinner,” she said.
“You did?”
“Uh-huh, it’s on the coffee table. Probably cold by now.”
It was a small gesture, but one that warmed my heart. “How was your shift?”
She shrugged. “Adora kept me in the back. Restocking stuff. And only for two hours or so.”
“Did you know that you make more than me?” I asked with a grin. “You could use your savings tomorrow to buy yourself something nice. Better fitting pants, perhaps.”
She tilted her head back and looked up at me, sucking in her lips before they returned full and glistening. “Or for standing on our own two feet so you won’t need to bust your ass anymore providing for us.”
I stepped up closer, shrinking the distance between us. My heart jolted at the closeness, the urge to kiss her strong. Once more, that link wrapped around me, pulling me toward her. I was just waiting for it to snap and crush my face, break my nose into tiny pieces.
“I never had the chance to take care of anybody.” My voice sounded like I had dragged it through grit. Katie must have noticed it because she gasped. “Now that I do, I have to say I rather like it.” I was close enough to wrap my arms around her. But I didn’t, and instead put my hands into my pockets to be safe. “And I like you.”
Katie was a female standing on her own two feet, which I admired. She had gone through hard times when she was very young. So had I, giving me a sense of connection. She was so much woman, at times I wondered if I would even be enough male for her. If I wanted to pursue her — which I didn’t.
She turned away from my confession and let herself slump onto the couch. “Alright, counselor. Let’s get this over with because I’m exhausted.”
I sat down beside her, far enough to pretend I was nothing but that Vetusian she shared an apartment with. “How about the incident? Did he ever appear aggressive before that?”
“I never took him as the aggressive type, but he was pushy from the get-go.”
Interesting.
For someone with a pristine record and the department on his side, Kidan’s action seemed so desperate it bordered on insanity.
“Look, I get this is tough, but… I found him in the bathroom, and you never told me —”
“He attacked me in the living room,” she blurted. “It started out innocent enough. He picked me up. Asked me to kiss him just once. To be his anam ghail.”
That had been the trigger that day.
One down, many more to discover.
In a way, I wanted to heal them all.
“And where did it turn into assault? Like, where in the apartment?”
She let out a gravely sigh. “He pressed me behind the wall at the end of the bed, which I know for a fact is —”
“A blind spot,” I said, my mind racing to put pieces together. “I’m pretty sure he knew it. I also believe he asked for that kiss to have something recorded to prove consent. How did he end up in the bathroom?”
She gave a vacant shake of her head and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t remember. Maybe I got away? I mean, I must have, right? But I get it looks bad for me regardless.”
“We won’t know until there’s media coverage, or until I hear from someone,” I said. “I just hope I didn’t do the wrong thing by bringing you here, throwing you into even bigger trouble.”
She looked at me for a long time, a warmth sitting at her eyes that hadn’t been there before. “Better safe than sorry. I’m glad you took me, Melek. Thank you.”
“My pleasure,” I said, which sounded odd given the circumstances, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. “Did he ever say anything that seemed suspicious? Out of place?”
“No.” She sucked on her upper lip, the pain of her memories breaking through that beautiful face she hid it behind. “Wait. When he attacked me, he said something about paying for me. He won’t pay for something so someone else would claim it. I don’t remember the exact words.”
No matter how little sense that first part made, that last part tied my guts into a tight knot. A wave of convulsions rolled over my body, and everything clenched at once. He didn’t want me to claim her.
“The worst part was how he apologized.” Dread sat heavy on her tone. “He kept saying sorry while he forced himself between my legs. As if he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to do what he did. Or had no choice.”
She scoffed and lowered herself down, head on the armrest, the way her toes slipped underneath my thighs more proof of that shift of energy between us. “That Gaia link thing was too good to be true. Mine’s clearly broken.”
I couldn’t argue that.
If it wasn’t, I would have been on Earth now. Kissing those plump lips of hers. Rocking in and out of her. Seeding her womb with our first child.
Shit. I shouldn’t have these thoughts.
“But the warriors and combat healers seduced you,” I said with a wink.
She swung her arms behind her head, lifting her gaze a little. “Yeah, it’s all your fault, Melek.”
I struggled my smirk into something innocent. “Are you saying I’d stand a chance at seducing you?”
Her eyes narrowed again, and yet the hint of a smile twitched on the right corner of her mouth. “You’ve got pretty eyes.”
My chest burned, radiating warmth into every extremity. Vetusians called my eyes all sorts of degrading stuff. Nobody had ever called them pretty.
“You like them?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Yeah?” Against my better judgment, I scooted closer, slowly reaching for her legs. I let my fingers search for every flick of tension in
her calves as I draped them over my thighs. By all the deities in the universe, I would have stopped at the slightest jerk in a tendon.
There was none.
“Yeah.” Her breathing quickened, but pulling away, she did not. “Do you believe in fate, Melek?”
“I used to.”
She pushed herself up to sit. “Not anymore?”
Her knees pressed against my ribs, her body so close to mine pressure built inside my chest. Even without touching, heat radiated from that gap our bodies shared, so searing I wanted to sink into it.
I had to keep it together. Our link was frail, unreliable, like weak chains turning brittle underneath rust. But why did this urge to touch her almost tear me apart?
“Let’s just say my trust in fate is currently a bit shaky,” I whispered, unable to control how my breath turned faster, labored.
Katie clasped her legs, like a bridge across my thighs, and rested her head sideways on her knees. A lone tear ran over her nose before it dripped onto her dress.
“I’ve never killed anything before.”
Her face fell into millions of wrinkles, creating the perfect runway for all those tears which pushed from her eyes. A sniff resonated the room, her shoulders soon bobbing up and down with each weep.
“The blood just poured out of him, and I didn’t even know where to place my feet. And those… grunts. It was as if I’d shattered something in his brain, and he didn’t remember how to breathe.”
Katie was a heap of guilt and tears right next to me, each wail striking me like whiplashes.
I couldn’t help myself.
I wrapped my arms around her and shoved my nose over her hair, whispering, “Kidan had no right to your body, but you had every right to keep him from taking it anyway.”
“But he was my match.”
No, I’m your match.
There went my resolve.
Her head dropped against me, the hit echoing inside my chest with such force I feared it might throw me into cardiac arrest. This sgu’dal hadn’t known a high until now, and I chased the next touch like a hit, addicted to our closeness.
I pulled against the restraint of her body. Her muscles stiffened, and she awkwardly shifted around on the couch. And yet I kept tugging, bringing her closer until she somehow ended on my lap.
“I’m only holding you,” I mumbled, an assurance to her and reminder to myself, sensing how her body eased against mine.
Her tears soaked through to my skin, the salt tickling my pores. “I hear his grunts when I try to fall to sleep, Melek. Every. Damn. Night.”
“It’ll get better with time,” I said, fearing what else waited on my tongue.
She snorted. “How would you know?
I pulled her deeper into my chest, my eyes closing just as the words pushed from the deepest, darkest cranny of my memories. “I killed a Vetusian.”
It just bubbled out. Something I never talked about with anybody. A part of my past I didn’t want Katie to know, and yet the way her sobs slowed was worth it. I had no trouble facing the ugliness of my past if it eased her suffering.
“I misdiagnosed him simply because I didn’t give a shit. Fuck, Katie, he was so young. Around sixteen back then. Told me how excited he was to finish his training as an engineer. Fusion panels. Yeah, I remember he said he wanted to improve them. Less than an hour later, he was dead.”
Katie stared up at me, the weave of my uniform imprinted on her puffy cheeks. “Do you dream of him?”
My nod came as heavy as my conscience. “In my dreams, I can count every single sweat bead on his feverish forehead. I can sense the warmth of his smile. The energy he carried, all pumped up to start life after the stratum.”
I knew I was pushing it, and yet I let my fingers stroke over her cheeks, relishing whatever touch she permitted. Her wet eyes locked with mine, so full of that color I lacked, something new swimming at the bottom. A fire not even her tears could drown.
“Kidan is dead because you protected yourself and Grace,” I whispered. “He took so much from you, Katie. Don’t let him have your dreams too.”
What was I doing, lowering my head against hers like this?
Cheek brushed against cheek, tingling over peach fuzz. Skin caressed skin, blending our warmth. Our lips met, shoved over each other. But they never connected. Never kissed.
I didn’t want to take a single thing from Katie but instead, give her everything I had — no matter how little I had to offer.
We kept our eyes open as if staring at each other would explain what was happening. A shift in mood so subtle, it only showed itself in bodies easing against each other in a way they shouldn’t have. Not yet. Not ever.
“I, um, … I’m sorry,” I stammered, ripping myself from this moment, preserving it before I pushed too far. “I didn’t mean to… squeeze you like this.”
I brushed my cheek over her forehead one more time, letting this moment burn into my memory so I could draw from it whenever fate played me dirty again. Which should have been soon. Then I gently lowered her back onto the couch.
She tugged on the collar of her dress and wiped her tears with it, but immediately rested her head against my chest again. “Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead.”
She sniffled. “If he would have raped me and I wouldn’t have killed him, would that still count as bonded? That’s what you say, right? A bonded female?”
“No, that’s not how it works, and Kidan knew that. He probably wanted to get you away from Seneca.” Away from me. “It’s not the act which bonds you to your mate. What happens during the act is what does. That connection you build through closeness. That sense of having known this person since your first breath. That trust you give freely.”
I could have gone on forever if it wasn’t for the way she somehow stopped blinking and fiddled with the hem of her borrowed dress. As if she’d found something in my words that baffled her. And while silence stretched over my makeshift office, she just continued to stare at me. No, not just at me.
Around me.
Right through me.
Clank. Clank.
The sound of our link giving a tug as if it somehow connected to my heartstrings, making the organ bounce in my chest. For something so decayed, infested with weakness, it sure had a firm grip. And I wondered how much longer I could brace against it.
Twelve
Katie
* * *
“Odheim’s sun is at the core,” Melek explained, pointing at the holes on the ground, which released cones of light. “This planet would be entirely black if we wouldn’t have drilled those. The beams reflect on the particles floating around the atmosphere, which happens to contain a gas that appears purple when hit by light.”
From underneath her cape, Grace glanced after the scaled, bare-chested Kokkonian males. “Crazy stuff, but I think the tailor was my favorite so far.”
“It’s great that they take your measurements,” I said. “And super convenient how they’ll just drop it off at Brot Adnak once it’s done.”
“This is the market square,” Melek said. “No technology here. Just good old haggling and hoping they didn’t mess with the scales.”
We followed him through the heavy air of foreign herbs and spices, so intense they made me tug the gray fabric of my hood over my nostrils. Carts lined the alleys, the merchants standing behind them advertising their wares with shouts and hollers. Young Vetusians stood in laughter-filled groups, many of them Grace’s age or even younger, their robes gray.
“They’re healers in training, like Takel,” Grace said.
“I’m surprised you remember his name.” Melek stopped and eyed her warily for a moment. “But yeah, you’re right. We aren’t allowed to wear white until we receive our license.”
“There’s a stratum on Odheim?” I asked.
“Our strati are located on Cultum, plus those few we established on Earth. But healers rotate through the infirmaries for practical experience.”
He pointed at a white building sitting on a hill on the horizon. “That over there is the biggest infirmary we have.”
“That’s how you ended up on Odheim?”
“Odheim receives most of the wounded warriors. Since I trained as a combat healer, coming to Odheim was unavoidable.”
Grace leaned over, letting her eyes search for his. “But you didn’t participate in the war with the Jal’zar, right?”
“Nope, I wasn’t old enough yet back then.”
“Good,” she said, her tone carrying much of the sympathy she had for the Jal’zar workers back home.
We left the crowded alleys behind and walked up a ramp. Vast open space spread in front of us, the stone walkways lined with trees. Spikes pointed from their trunks, their foliage reaching from bright pink to dark blue.
“It’s kind of empty right now,” Melek said, that smile he’d carried all day suiting him so well.
For the first time, I saw Melek as more than that guy sleeping next door. Each day, he worked long shifts, bringing relief to workers who couldn’t otherwise afford it. His fingers were slender, skilled, always knowing exactly where to touch. Had he always been this handsome? With those dimples caving in whenever he smiled?
“Not many people come to this park, but it’ll be packed in a few suns from now when we celebrate the solar reincarnation.” He waved his hand across the area. “We call it Son’idar. A huge festival here on Odheim, which attracts creatures from across the universe.”
Grace let go of my arm and squatted down, letting her hand run over the gray-green grass. “What’s a solar reincarnation?”
Melek pointed at one of the drilled holes. “Odheim’s sun shuts down once every fifteen moon cycles. It’s completely dark, except for whatever light still reflects on the atmosphere above. Then it slowly… kinda powers back up.”
“That sounds beautiful.”
“It’s basically just one massive party across the planet. I’m sure entire Brot Adnak will participate. We could tag along if you want.”
Grace got up and wiped her hands on her cape, the hood barely able to hide that bright smile on her face. “Yeah, totally. I swear I was about to lose my mind sitting at home all day.”