“Uh, Granny, you still have to plow through lots of snow to get there since it’s a block from here. The streets haven’t been plowed yet and the wind will blow you over. You should go back home.”
“Listen, Gravy,”––Granny used the old nickname that Giles Graves had in grade school––“I am bored out of my mind since my son retired me from working for the merchants of Fuchsia. Of course, I must admit I can’t be undercover anymore since the last two crimes that I solved made the national news. Granny batted her eyes and gave him the best “feel sorry for me” look that she could muster.
Giles Graves lifted his shoulders and let out a sigh. “Ok, Granny, you always could get me into trouble in grade school with that look. See that machine out front? I could give you a ride on my snowmobile to the Pink Percolator.”
Granny let out a laugh. “I knew it. Let’s go.”
“You need a hat even if we are going just a block. I’ll be right back.”
Mr. Graves hustled into the back room and came out with a red bomber cap. He plopped it on Granny’s head. The flap sides trimmed with fake fur fit down around her ears. The hat had a fake fur flap that was red wool plaid and covered her eyes. The inside of the hat was lined with satin, giving it a little bit of a girly feel. Granny’s eyes beamed brightly from under the flap. It was hard to tell it was Granny under the hat, but her purple fur sparkly winter boots gave the secret away to anyone who might wonder who was under the bomber cap.
Granny tapped her head and headed for the door. “Let’s go.”
Giles Graves grabbed his heavy jacket, stomped into his boots, plopped on his bomber cap, and headed out the door behind Granny.
The streets were deserted. A few abandoned cars sat stuck in the snow on the sides of the streets. Plows didn’t come out in Fuchsia until storms were over. Folks didn’t get too excited about staying home from their jobs. Fuchsia businesses and factories just automatically called any blizzard a snow holiday so families could spend the day together. If someone wanted to come to work, it was fine. If they wanted to stay home, they weren’t penalized. The downtown businesses usually stayed open if the owners could get to their shops. Many owners lived above their businesses or were now connected through the underground streets. Some people, like Granny, became bored and wandered to Main Street through the underground streets. This was a new option and the city was waiting to see how Fuchsia residents would accept the underground streets this winter.
Granny and Giles climbed on the snowmobile. Giles revved the engine and they took off with Granny holding on for dear life. The trip only took a few minutes and, in a flash, they were in front of the Pink Percolator.
Granny got off the snowmobile and asked, “Where did you get this doohickey machine? Think I could drive this? I’ve never been on one of these before. Do they make them in red?”
Giles Graves gave Granny a look of disbelief, revved the engine, and left without answering her.
Granny opened the door to the Pink Percolator and fell into a wall from the force of the wind pushing her inside.
“Granny, what are you doing here?” Delight asked as she helped Granny away from the wall. “Are you all right?”
Granny stood up, straightened her coat, and pulled off her bomber cap. “How could you tell it was me?”
“Possibly, it was your pink winter coat and your purple sparkly boots that gave you away? Answer my question, why are you out in this weather?”
“I have been put out to pasture and it’s a strange pasture at that. What am I supposed to do, take up knitting for real? I suppose I could...could knit a giant wedding quilt for Thor and Heather with my knitting needle cane. I have been told there will be no more skewering of crooks for me,” Granny said with a miffed tone as she moved further into Delight’s new coffee house. She took a seat by a donut-shaped table that was painted dark brown and covered with what looked like colorful sprinkles.
“Granny, I will get you a cup of your favorite Boneyard Coffee and the pastry I designed for you––Granny’s Chocolate Skewer Puff. Maybe that will make you feel better.” Delight headed toward the kitchen. Granny heard the patio door open and close. Who would be out on the patio in this storm?
“Delightful day, Delight.”
Granny turned to see the face that fit the voice. The voice wasn’t anything like what she had heard earlier that morning; it was too nice and sweet.
“Why, Silas, you make even the worst of days sound wonderful,” Delight answered back from the kitchen. “Why don’t you have a seat next to Granny since you are the only two here and I’ll bring you a cup of specialty coffee to warm you up, and a Granny’s Chocolate Skewer Puff.”
Granny peered at Silas and wished she had her umbrella to hook the chair right out from under him when he sat down.
“See ya decided to follow my lead. Didn’t lock the door after me did ya?” asked Silas.
“I did, and you’re not getting back in. Find your own way home in this blizzard. In fact, I should report you for unauthorized use of property.”
“You do that and I’ll report your beasts for trying to eat Radish.”
“Radish? My animals hate radishes! Why would they eat them?” Granny asked, confused by the turn of the conversation.
“Exactly; they hate Radish and I will report you for them trying to eat him.” Silas leaned forward and pounded the table looking Granny straight in the eyes.
Delight came into the room and, unaware of the tension between the two customers, set the coffee and Skewer Puffs on the table in front of them, breaking up the conversation. .
Silas looked up at Delight and grabbed her empty hand. “My lady, how wonderful of you to prepare this wonderful spot of refreshment in the midst of the glorious storm.”
Granny took a sip of her coffee and choked, coughing loudly, when she heard the words that came out of Silas’s mouth.
“Oh my, Granny, are you ok?” Delight asked in alarm.
“Fine, fine,” Granny answered, glaring at Silas.
“Granny, did you know Silas loves the winter. The cold doesn’t bother him. He insisted on sitting out on the donut patio to breath in the beauty of the winter. Can you believe he was able to walk downtown this morning in this blizzard? It goes to show you how all of us, no matter what age we are, can do anything if we keep ourselves in shape,” Delight gushed in adoration.
“The Christmas decorations on the patio are outstanding, Delight.” Silas winked as he complimented her. “The large Reindeer drinking coffee is so you.”
Granny gave Delight a look of amazement right before she stood up, coffee cup in hand, pretending to trip as she stood with the cooled-off coffee, and dumped it straight in Silas’s lap.
Silas jumped up but not before he was covered with coffee. Delight tried to wipe away the coffee but Silas stopped her with a glimmer of something in his eyes. “It’s fine, my dear Delight. I am sure Granny, feeble as she is,”––Granny skewered him with her look––“is overwhelmed with remorse. I will go and tidy up in the Johnny Gent room.”
Granny waited until he was gone to ask Delight a question, “Where can I buy a snowmobile?”
CHAPTER THREE
Delight watched through the front window of the Pink Percolator as Fred Runner, owner of Runner’s Skids and Skis, showed Granny the details on how to drive her new Kidoo XYZ Snowmobile. Shaking her head in disbelief, Delight watched Granny intently listening to Fred, all the while withstanding the wind and the snow that was pummeling them. She didn’t hear Silas come up behind her so she was startled when she heard his voice.
“What in tarnation is that old woman up to now?”
“I think she just bought herself a snowmobile to get home,” said Delight.
Silas threw his scarf around his neck, pulled on his stocking cap, turned and took Delight’s hand and brought it to his lips. “A pleasure as always,” he said to Delight as he kissed her hand. Before Delight had the chance to respond––she being paralyzed by shock at someone kissi
ng her hand––Silas turned and walked out the door to the snowmobile.
Granny was sitting on the machine ready to take off when Silas plunked down on the seat behind her, grabbing her by the waist so he wouldn’t fall off. “Not quite your color is it, Granny?” he asked as he settled down on the yellow and red machine.
“Get off, Silas; I’m going home.”
“I assume you locked your door to the underground street so I can’t back into your house. I’m not walking all the way home in this blizzard. Do you know how to drive this thing?”
“Nope!” Granny yelled through the blustering wind as she revved the machine and took off.
“I didn’t think so,” Silas replied as he held on for dear life.
The yellow and red Kidoo XYZ plowed through the drifts on the main street of Fuchsia. Silas almost fell off when Granny took a quick right turn, almost running into a street lamp on the side of the road.
“It’s the long way through the cemetery. I can’t go by the police station. Thor might be checking out the streets. This snowmobile thing is on a need-to-know basis and he doesn’t need to know,” Granny yelled through the wind.
“You can’t get to your backyard from the cemetery; there’s a fence!” yelled Silas.
“There is,” Granny answered as she dodged a tree on the side of the boulevard. “Hang on, Silas. I can’t see a thing, and if I lose you––well, I lose you. I don’t know how to stop this thing so you’d be on your own.”
“What do you mean you don’t know how to stop this thing?” Silas barked back.
“Fred showed me but I forgot. Now don’t bother me; we’re almost to the cemetery and once we get to the back by the mausoleum and the fence you have to be quiet.”
“Why?” Silas yelled as some snow hit him in the face, making him sputter.
“Because we have to go up the ramp and back down the ramp.”
“Ramp? What ramp?”
“The ramp I built for Baskerville, Mrs. Bleaty and the shysters in case they wanted to visit the cemetery. That’s how we’re going to get home.”
“Do you have a death wish?” Silas screamed as the snowmobile hit the ramp and ascended to the top of the fence quickly coming back down the ramp on the other side in Granny’s back yard.
Granny maneuvered the snowmobile perfectly straight on the ramp without a hitch until they hit a solid snow-covered patch at the bottom of the ramp in her back yard. The snowmobile veered, its front skis went up and over the mound, while Silas bounced high in the air, coming down hard next to the covered mound in the snow. The snowmobile and Granny stopped a few feet away after stalling out.
“I guess that’s how you stop it,” Granny calmly observed. “You’re home.”
The snow was still falling around them and the wind was howling. Silas picked himself up off the ground, looking like a snowman with panic-stricken eyes and his mouth wide open, trying to find words to sputter at Granny. The only thing he was missing was a carrot for his nose and a top hat. His scarf was wrapped tightly around his neck and his cheeks were bright red, warning of the sputtering that was to come.
“Are you trying to kill me?”
“I didn’t invite you,” Granny said as she turned to tromp through the drifts to get inside her house.
Silas turned and fell over a hard lump in the snow. As he fell, his hand sunk into the drift coming out with a scrappy, half-disintegrated bow tie in his hand. Words failed him as he looked at the tie in his hand. Quickly he moved off the hard mound in the snow.
“Granny, get back here!” he yelled, but Granny had already hustled into her house.
Silas turned back to the mound and gently started digging in the snow. He soon discovered where the bow tie had been attached. He threw snow back on the lump and ran to the house, pounding on Granny’s door.
“What now? Go home, Silas. Franklin might get jealous if you keep hanging around and I am not responsible for what he does to you. He was a big New York City Detective, you know.”
Silas held up both hands in front of his face trying to silence Granny. He started to speak but couldn’t get the words out to interrupt her. Finally, after trying to still his agitating hands that were still in front of Granny’s face, he blurted, “You did it now. You killed someone!”
The word killed got through to Granny. She pushed Silas’s hands away from in front of her face. “Are you daft? Should I call a doctor to look at your head? I didn’t kill anyone.”
“You should call the police. There’s a dead body in your back yard and you ran over it with your snowmobile!”
CHAPTER FOUR
The Fuchsia Police Department led by Granny’s son, Thor, was all over her backyard. Franklin, Granny’s fiancé, was also in Granny’s backyard, discussing the investigation with Thor. Granny had been instructed to stay inside the house, and Silas had been sent home to his house across the street to wait for Thor to question him.
Granny had to block the shysters’ pet door, and lock Baskerville and Mrs. Bleaty’s window door, so the creatures didn’t try to escape and help with the investigation. Granny had tried to see what was in the back yard after Silas announced the dead body to her, after she had called the police, but Thor, who lived across the street, one house over from Silas, and on the opposite corner across from Granny, had heard the police car and had run over before Granny could take a look at the stiff in the back yard. At least she assumed he or she was a stiff because there was a blizzard outside, and it was freezing cold. Detectives in the old detective movies always called the victim a stiff. Granny wondered what a dead body was doing in her yard.
“What do you suppose Thor and Franklin are going to say about my snowmobile?” Granny asked the shysters. Little White Poodle seemed to understand what Granny was saying and hid under the couch. Furball stood up and gave Granny a piercing stare with his hair standing up straight as if in fright. Fish and Mrs. Bleaty started meowing and bleating but cut it short and headed for Granny’s bedroom when they heard the front door open. Tank and Baskerville slunk low and crawled to Granny’s bedroom anticipating a big uproar.
“What did you find out? Was there really someone back there?” Granny inquired of Thor and Franklin as they stepped into the house, brushing the snow that was still falling off their coats.
“You ran over a body all right, Mom,” Thor informed her.
“A body that’s been dead a long time,” Franklin added.
“You mean I didn’t kill anyone with the snowmobile?” Granny asked.
“About that snowmobile,” Franklin and Thor spoke at the same time.
“First the body, then the snowmobile,” Granny informed them, as she lifted the lid on her footstool and took out the fake bottom, grabbing her bottle of wine and the glasses that she kept stashed there away from her daughters’ eyes. Thor had discovered her stash a long time ago, and Granny had let Franklin in on that little secret when they became engaged. Granny handed Thor and Franklin each a glass and poured the wine.
“No wine for me, Mom. Working.” Thor handed the glass back as he reminded her of the reason he was there.
Franklin lifted the glass to his mouth, but not before catching Thor’s eye.
“What?” Granny asked, seeing the look the two men had shared between them.
“Maybe you had better sit down, Hermiony,” Franklin said as he took Granny’s arm and led her to the sofa.
Granny shifted her arm away from Franklin’s grasp. “I’ll stand, thank you,” Granny informed him with a defiant look in her eye.
“Mom, I don’t how to tell you this.” Thor looked again at Franklin.
“Tell me what? You just told me I ran over a dead body; I didn’t kill anyone so what could be so bad?”
Franklin took over from Thor when he could see that Thor was having a hard time spitting the words out of his mouth.
“The dead body that you ran over––it’s your husband, Thor’s father.”
At this news, Granny did sink down onto the sofa,
a look of disbelief on her face. “How do you know that?” Granny challenged both of them just as Tank took that moment to pick up something by the door and jump into Granny’s lap, and drop the object in her open hand. Granny looked down at the tattered bow tie in her hand.
“That’s his. That’s what he was wearing when we buried him in the cemetery. That’s how you know, isn’t it? Why? How?”
“That’s what we have to find out,” Thor told her gently. “And because we have had so much snow, we don’t know how long his body was out there. If you hadn’t run over him with the snowmobile, and Silas Crickett hadn’t landed on top of his covered corpse, we might never have found him until spring. We still will have to do some tests on the body to make sure.”
Franklin, who had sat down on the couch next to Granny, raised his head when the name Silas was mentioned. “Speaking of Silas, Granny, what were you doing on a snowmobile with the man that you have described since the moment he moved into Sally’s house as a disreputable, crotchety, disagreeable skunk?”
“He broke into my house this morning,” replied Granny, “tramped down to the basement, unlocked the fireplace door, and made himself at home using my house to get to the underground street so he wouldn’t have to go out in the storm. I locked the door after him so he couldn’t come back that way.” Granny chuckled in satisfaction.
Thor interrupted, “I have to ask you some questions for the investigation, Mom, so let’s start from the beginning. “How did you get downtown?”
“I walked the underground streets.” Granny stood up and walked over to Thor giving him a stubborn look. “Don’t I need a lawyer before you question me?”
A glint came into Franklin’s eye. He felt sorry for Thor having to question his own mother––particularly when that mother was the cantankerous Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestadt.
“No, you don’t need a lawyer. Dad was already dead when you mangled him,” Thor said in exasperation.
“Thor, watch your language. Is that any way to talk about your father?” Granny countered back.
3 Granny Snows A Sneak Page 2