Once Beauty Twice Beast, Moon & Madly, Rumpelstein, Jawigi

by Cameron Jace

  “I’m going to count to three,” Jack said, the sack still a few inches off the ground. “One,” he said, and the goblins growled. “Two,” a crow cawed somewhere in the distance, and Jack mumbled something about annoying crows. “Three,” He let the sack fall on the ground. That sack seemed heavy, and I wondered what about its contents.

  I almost exposed myself laughing when a couple of goblins winced at the thud. Jack clapped his hands together, as if he had accomplished an incredibly hard task. He adjusted his hat with both his hands, heaving a sigh of relief. That hat meant a lot to him.

  “Does the hat still look good on me?” he asked them casually, but this time they took a voluntary step forward.

  “Wow,” Jack held up his hands defensively in the air, “Back off, gobs, I need little personal space here. If we’re going to talk, let’s be civilized about it,” he pretended to be upset; a plant was sticking out of the corner of his mouth. “You know what civilized means, right?” he craned his neck a little forward.

  “Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t let my people eat you alive, right now?” the goblin leader said through gritted teeth.

  “Just don’t say, ‘people,’ alright?” Jack shook his head. “You’re goblins: Awful-looking, short, ill-tempered, and unnecessary creations. Like flies, there’s no use for you whatsoever, except for buzzing people to madness. Don’t you compare yourselves to people.”

  “I will eat you alive!”one goblin snarled, and another calmed him down, “Easy, Uggogog. We will skin him alive and cook him with beetle sauce and two ripe canaries, and then savor him piece by piece.”

  “Listen to your friend, Ugghh—whatever your name is. Sounds appetizing,” Jack said and then turned to their leader. “I know you’re upset; I stole your fruit, but it’s so damn delicious. God only knows why goblins like you know how to grow such an amazing fruit.”

  “That’s no excuse, Jack,” The leader seemed more relaxed – I wondered what his name was. “You’ve stolen from us many times before, and don’t forget that we’ve come to an agreement that if you don’t steal from us, we won’t eat you.”

  “That’s what I call justice, sir,” Jack laced his hands behind his back. “’We don’t eat you if you don’t steal from us’ I couldn’t have said it any better.”

  “But it’s in your blood, Jack,” The leader burped. It seemed as though he’d had a raven, two cockroaches, and a mouse tail stew for dinner. “You can’t keep promises because you’re a thief. A damned, low-life thief.”

  “Since when are thieves worse than goblins?” Jack joked, prompting the goblins to take another step closer. Three more strides and they would be stepping over his dead body. “Ok, Sorry. Didn’t mean to disrespect the Order of the Goblins,” Jack held up a hand in the air again. “But seriously, you know what you do with your fruit. You lull pretty, young girls into the goblin market with the scent of your unbelievably tasty fruit, and then eat them alive. I know that you’re sexually-frustrated goblins who are short, ugly, unloved, and therefore you feel like you need to eat all the girls who reject you, but that’s no excuse. When I steal your fruits, I’m actually saving a maiden’s life.”

  “I advise you not to say one more word, or we will really eat you now. Unless you tell us why you stopped and dared to look in our eyes, instead of running away like you usually do.” The leader grumbled.

  “I’ve run away from you before?” Jack scratched his hat.

  The goblins growled and took another step closer. Two more steps and you’re dead, Jack!

  “Alright,” Jack gave up, “I stopped because I can compensate you for the fruit I stole. I can give you something you’d really like and in exchange, you’d let me walk away from here, unharmed. What do you think of that?”

  “What could you possibly have that we want?”

  “A silly question to ask a thief, really,” Jack scratched his temple lightly. “It’s all in my Sack of Wonders,” Jack closed his eyes and spread out his arms like a magician. “I’ll give you something that I’ve stolen from the Devil.” Jack open his eye then winked, and started chewing a plant stem.

  The goblins took a step back, all staring at the Sack of Wonders that held something that belonged to the Devil. I had heard about him, but never cared to find out more, except that he was the root of all evil.

  “You stole from the Devil?” The goblin leader asked suspiciously.

  “But of course,” Jack said proudly. “I can steal from anyone. I’m awesome. Someone should write a book about—well, I told you that already.”

  “Don’t trust him,” a goblin advised his brothers.

  “I heard a story about Jack selling someone the Devil’s hair once. He is a deceiver.”

  “Why do you say such things about me?” Jack mocked them. “What you heard was true. I stole one lock of the Devil’s hair once. It’s true. Hi mom helped me by the way, but that’s another story.”

  “You’re a liar. The hair you gave the man was golden. The Devil isn’t blonde!” the goblins said with a smirk on his face.

  “A Devil with blonde hair,” Uggogog and the other golblins laughed at Jack.

  “At least his name isn’t Uggogggh—whatever,” Jack commented. And what are you laughing at, you beetle-eaters? Have any of you ever see the Devil to know if he were blonde?”

  Most of the goblin shrugged and looked down, embarrassed.

  “That doesn’t matter,” another broke the awkward silence. “No one steals from the Devil. It’s impossible. No one knows where he even lives.””

  “That’s because he lives everywhere, you morons—I mean goblins – eh – I mean—“

  “Yeah, yeah, we get it,” the goblin leader said. He looked at his tribe, then looked back at Jack, and walked closer to him. He leaned in and started whispering in Jack’s ear. “What is it that you stole from the Devil?” His attempts at whispering failed since everyone, including me, heard him.

  Jack squeezed his nose between his fingers – the goblins must’ve smelled awful – and whispered something in the goblin’s big, shapeless, and waxy ear, something we couldn’t hear.

  “What?” the goblin’s eyes widened. “You’re not fooling me, are you?”

  “Would I ever do that?” the most innocent smile appeared on Jack’s face.

  “How many of those do you have?” the goblin asked eagerly.

  “The sack is full, grab as much as you can,” Jack suggested. “Just leave me be. Want me to show you one?”

  The Goblin nodded excitedly; something green and sticky drooled down the side of his mouth. I guess it was drool of excitement.

  Jack bent to open his Sack of Wonders, and the goblins growled at him.

  “What did I teach you?” Jack reprimanded them like a teacher annoyed with his students. “Didn’t I tell you about the physics thing? If I am to give your leader what he desires, I’ll have to unknot the sack. I don’t have a magic spell to uknot it, so I have to use my hands. Just stay calm. There is no Rabbit in here. Although if there were, I’m sure you’d be happy to eat it.”

  Jack opened the sack and pulled out a thin, gold necklace. When dangled, the necklace produced a unusual light. I was jealous of its beauty. My light was white, and I wondered why it wasn’t gold like it is often portrayed in books. But why was this necklace so important? Was it because it belonged to the Devil?

  “Beautiful,” murmured the goblin’s leader, mesmerized by the rare pulchritude it possessed.

  “That’s the most horrendous ‘beautiful’ someone’s ever said,” Jack couldn’t stop himself from commenting. It was true. The way the goblins’ leader said it sounded as if he was disgusted by the necklace, although I was sure he liked it. The goblins couldn’t feel human emotions. I was fond of the way Jack dealt with them. They were scaring me, and I didn’t know if I could protect someone from them, especially when they lived in packs.

  Jack began unpacking as many necklaces as he could. The way the goblins gathered happily around Jack,
made him look like Santa Claus.

  Then something strange happened. Jack winked at me behind their backs.

  “I’ll meet you beyond those trees,” he mouthed and signaled me where to go, “The door isn’t locked. Push it open.”

  I didn’t know who I should be mad at, him or myself. I could have easily checked that the door wasn’t locked. I sneaked out silently and tip-toed to the rendezvous.

  “Who are you talking to?” The goblin leader turned around.

  “Talking? I’m not talking.”

  “So what does this necklace do?” the leader asked Jack.

  “I don’t know, but it’s the Devil’s. You’d find out yourself. Are you going to let me go now? It’s about time,”

  “I don’t know, Jack. It’s hard to trust you. I think we’ll hold you captive in the Goblin Market for a while,” The goblin touched his shiny necklace. “I’ll let you go in seven days, until you promise me to never steal from us again.”

  “As if I do care to please you,” Jack blurted out impatiently. “You little awful, disgusting thing,” Jack smacked the goblin leader across the face and ran toward me.

  He grabbed my hand and I tightened the cloak around my body, in hopes of keeping my face hidden from him. Only my blond hair showed through. I found myself helplessly running alongside him again.

  “Just do as I say!” Jack said as the goblins dashed after us.

  I listened to him and hoped he had an escape plan.

  In the middle of being chased, Jack picked up a black cat that got in our way off the ground and tucked it in his sack.

  “What are you doing?” I asked. “Is this cat important?” I panted.

  “Didn’t you see it? It’s hurt in the leg, and won’t be able to run when the goblins come. Gobs like cats, especially black cats with garlic on top. They’d eat it alive.”

  I didn’t ask him any more about it. I was mesmerized by his love for animals.

  After running for quite a while, I noticed that the goblins weren’t after us anymore. Did I underestimate them? I didn’t think I did. I was aware of their superhuman strength and speed, and they should’ve been able to catch up with us. What happened?

  “Why aren’t they chasing us?” I asked from behind my cloak.

  “It’s the necklace,” Jack sprinted down a hill, “The fools think it belongs to the Devil’s. They believe his charm will make them more powerful.”

  “If the necklace isn’t the Devil’s, whose is it then?” I asked, enjoying the feeling of his hands in mine. I thought this was a strange conversation.

  “It’s the Necklace of Harmonia, a bad luck charm that makes you trip or fall wherever you go. It will attract pigeons and they will dispose of their waste on you; make you to stumble over things; become bogged down in swamps, among other things. It’s a real bad luck charm. You can’t chase anyone while wearing it,” Jack laughed heartily. He had won against the goblins. I couldn’t help but notice excitement mingled in his words, it almost sounded as if he enjoyed risking his life. It was a mission, a noble one, to ridicule evil creatures, and it was ironic coming from a thief.

  “And why did you happen to have so many necklaces in your sack?” I wondered aloud.

  “It’s not a sack. It’s a Sack of Wonders. I have tons of different enchanted necklaces for every occasion,” he scanned the forest for a place to hide. “You didn’t think I’d steal a fruit from them because I wanted to? It was my trick to get them out of the goblin market. They are less powerful when they’re outside,” Jack said and stopped in his tracks. “This brings us back to you. What’s a girl like you doing out here all alone?” He stared at my hair and then shifted his gaze to my eyes. I expected him asking me to unveil my cloak and show him my face. “And are you going to keep hiding your face behind that cloak from me forever?”

  “It’s a family tradition,” my voice was muffled. “I’m not supposed to let strangers see my face.”

  “I’m not a stranger, princess,” he smiled invitingly, taking off his hat. “I’m Jack. Everyone knows me, and they—”

  “—should write a book about you. I noticed,” I said, reminding myself that I liked it when he called me princess, “I just can’t, Jack Madly,” I teased him. “I just can’t...”

  “What? Crap. We’re in the 18th century for God’s sake,” Jack sighed, then as he was putting his hat back, we heard a wolf howling somewhere nearby. “Anyhow, we really need to put as much distance between us and the goblins before they find out they are wearing the bad luck charm, but don’t worry I have a plan.”

  “What plan?”

  “These,” he said, showing me a fistful of beans.

  Before I could ask, he dug up the ground and put the seeds into the hole, then patted soil down over it. The ground rumbled and shook as a gigantic beanstalk grew and stretched up and up as far as the eye could see, into the sky. I wondered if Jack had thought out his plan carefully since this was going to attract attention to us.

  I winced at the movement of the earth, but before I lost balance, Jack wrapped his arms around my waist.

  “Hang on tight,” he whispered. “You’re going to be alright. I will take care of you.”

  Never had anyone said something like that to me. It was my job to take care of the nomads of the night and fulfill my duties. There was no reward for me other than being loved by children. I didn’t like that I was unable to live among humans since I didn’t know of any other moons I could mingle with.

  Jack’s grip was firm, yet gentle. Why in the name of shining suns and glittering stars did he care about me? Being treated this way made me feel as if I was invisible before, and having this thief’s eyes lay upon me cured my curse.

  “Don’t you think the growing beanstalk will attract the goblins?” I asked, succumbing to his embrace. I had seen the beanstalk many times before, when I was up there in the sky.

  So this is one of the annoying trees that blocked the view? I know it’s not cursed, but it is the pathway to the giants’ realm. I had seen it many times, in different places. Was that because Jack had the power to conjure it up whenever he wanted?

  “Let’s hope the gobs haven’t linked the necklace to their bad luck. Even if they did, those creatures are by far the stupidest I’ve encountered,” Jack laughed as he held onto a vine that dangled from the beanstalk. “They think a tortoise carries the world on its back and makes it shake when it yawns or wakes from a dream.”

  “Yawns?” I laughed, and the hood almost slipped off my head, nearly exposing my face. I appreciated Jack’s respect to m my privacy, and I was glad he stopped asking about the light forming a halo around my feet. He had his way of making me comfortable. He only asked once, but when I didn’t answer, he dropped the subject, “So, now, they probably think the tortoise is yawning and causing a mini earthquake on earth?”

  “Of course; I wouldn’t be surprised if they start praying for forgiveness until the shaking stops,” He said, pulling on the dangling vine, making sure it was tight and strong enough to support our weight. “Now hang on tight cloak-wearing weirdo,” he joked, “I’m taking you up into the clouds. Ever seen the clouds so close before?”

  “No,” I shook my head, lying to him. Of course, I saw the clouds each night, but I didn’t want to spoil his endeavors at trying to impress a girl. What girl wouldn’t find that romantic?

  “It’s your lucky day,” he smiled. It wasn’t a smirk, and he wasn’t being arrogant. It was a loving smile. In fact, Jack wasn’t behaving like his usual arrogant-self. It seemed as if he wasn’t afraid to drop the façade around me. It still didn’t make sense. I had just met him, and yet I was unable to resist his charms. “You’re about to see where I live. I’ve never taken anyone with me before.”

  Jack nudged the vine and branches shifted into a staircase, leading us up into the clouds. We could see the forest on our way up as we were nearing our destination.

  “Wow,” Jack said. “You haven’t even made any sounds. Most girls panic at th
is height.”

  “You said no one’s been here before,” I pursed my lips.

  Jack blushed. “Weird… and smart,” he mumbled. “Who are you glowing-girl-under-the cloak?”

  I pretended I didn’t hear him. Luckily, he didn’t push the matter, and a second later, we found ourselves walking on clouds.

  At the top of the beanstalk laid a new dimension—a world different from ours. You’d think you’d fall from an opening or a gap between the clouds, but that wasn’t the case. It was a higher place, away from the crowd, and it was magical. I found it to be a lot more enchanting than the sky itself. Here, in Jack’s private world, everything except the clouds was green and sometimes yellow or brown. The beanstalk was a maze of its own like small town. Jack treated the ladybugs buzzing around with special care. Birds, doves, and ravens were the common companions. When I stood on my tiptoes and stretched my hand upward it disappeared into a cloud.

  “Wow,” Jack said. “That’s a lot of light again.”

  Instantly, I pulled back my arm and hid my light under the cloak again.

  “Why would a bright girl like you hide under that black cloak all the time?” Jack asked, letting the cat he rescued out of the sack. He then went on to light up pumpkins that hung from the trees. They were hung by snakes that looked exhausted from the job. There was a sign on one tree that said:

  Don’t mess up with my Jack O’lantern

  Yes, I’m talking to you, nasty troll!

  I didn’t comment, hoping the giant – or troll – would stay away from us, “I told you I don’t want to talk about it. If that’s not fine with you, I’d like to leave.”

  “If you have wings, and can fly, be my guest,” he signaled at the edge of the beanstalk. He squeezed a disobeying snake so it would let him light up the pumpkin.