by Cameron Jace
“What?” I shrieked in a mix of pain and astonishment. “How could you say so, Angel?”
“I know,” He kissed my hand. “I want her more than you do, but I could end up losing both of you.”
“I am not going to give up on our daughter,” I said. “I don’t care if I die.”
“The problem is that you both could die,” Angel explained. “Remember when we thought you were pregnant with twins?” It was true. When I first got pregnant, the king’s doctors had thought they were twins. “Van Helsing says it was true. The doctors weren’t mistaken. Our daughter…” Angel shrugged again. For a fierce warrior like him, these were too many shrugs.
“Our daughter, what? Continue.” I pleaded.
“She ate up her twin,” Angel couldn’t meet my eyes.
“I don’t believe that!” I shrieked again. “Did Van Helsing tell you that now? And who is Bathory?”
“There is no Bathory,” Angel said, pressing on my hand. “You misheard. What matters now is you. I can’t live without you, and you know what our daughter is.”
“So she could be one of those Vampires, I don’t care,” I said. “I will bring my daughter to the world. She is my daughter. I don’t care about prophecies. My daughter deserves a chance to…”
“She is not exactly a vampire, my Queen,” Van Helsing felt the need to interfere. “She is,” Van Helsing reconsidered, as if he remembered to stop himself from uttering the word.
“She is what?” I demanded.
“She will kill you all,” Van Helsing said slowly, then added, “My Queen,” he lowered his head, refusing to tell me what the prophecy said about my daughter. “I can save you, My Queen, but you have to give up on her.”
“I am not going to give up on her!” I turned back to Angel with pleading eyes.
A sudden knock came on the door, interrupting us. It was one of the huntsmen.
“They are here, My King,” The huntsman said with worried eyes.
“Who is here?” I asked.
“They must have followed me,” Van Helsing said.
“Who is here?” I screamed again. “The intruders?”
“Not exactly, My Queen,” said the huntsman. “They sent their panthers.”
“Oh, my!” The two servants gave up on me, shrieking.
“The black panthers, My Queen,” Van Helsing said. “They are here to kill you and the King. My assumption is that when the intruders failed in breaching the enchanted boarders, they sent their panthers that are capable of going anywhere.”
Angel looked me in the eyes. “Are you sure you want to keep her?” He said, tightening his grip on my hands.
“I will not give up on my daughter!” I screamed one more time. How many times did I have to shout it out? I was the Queen! Why didn’t anyone obey me in this room? “I don’t care about black panthers, and I will fight until my last breath.”
“As you say, My Queen,” Angel said to me, honoring my wish. “And I will fight with you for our daughter. There is only one way to give birth to her.”
“But, My King. She is a monster…” Van Helsing tried to say.
“I don’t care if she is the devil himself,” Angel roared. “She is my daughter. We will take her to the Black Forest. I know a safe place by the Avalon Tree. Pomona will protect us there,” Angel stood up and ordered the servants to help me walk to the carriage, a special one with bars on the windows, which was used in the wars.
As they pulled me out of bed, the pain was starting to become unbearable. I gripped Van Helsing’s sleeve on my way out. “If you want to be useful, then tell me what I should do to bring this baby into the world.”
“What do you mean?” he looked puzzled.
“What is the most important thing I should keep doing no matter what happens to me? If I get stabbed or decapitated, is there still something I could do to help her birth while I am dying? I don’t want to waste one second as long as I live that I hadn’t tried enough to make that happen.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, My Queen,” said Van Helsing. “If you get killed, do you still expect your body to deliver the baby?”
“If that’s possible, yes. And if it’s not possible, and it’s considered a miracle, I’d like to try it.” I ached in pain as the servants tried to pull me out of the chamber.
“I don’t think I have an answer for that. I am sorry,” Van Helsing said. “She is a monster, My Queen. She doesn’t deserve this love from you,” Van Helsing burst out.
“No one is destined to become a monster, you awful and useless physician,” I said, loosening my grip, and allowing the servants to take me to the carriage.
On my way out, Van Helsing felt the need to say something, “Breathe!” he said.
“What?” I screamed back.
“Breathe, My Queen. Breathe. As long as you do your very best to breathe, you will be able to give birth to her.”
Later, Angel tucked me back in the carriage.
“You will be safe here,” he said. “I will be riding the carriage. I had designed with a barred door for an occasion like this. These are two of my best horses,” he pointed at the front of the carriage. “They are unicorns actually, and they will get us there.”
“Unicorns?” Although I was in great pain, I had never seen a unicorn in my life before. I never knew they existed in the first place. With all the magic that surrounded us, and with all I knew about my husband’s past, unicorns were always the one myth that was actually a myth. Seeing them for the first time, pulling my husband’s carriage, which he had apparently designed exclusively for such an occasion, made me want to go out in the snow and watch them with my own eyes.
But the pain, as sharp a spear, hit me in the back again and then my daughter kicked me from inside out. I let out a horrible scream.
“She really wants to come out to the world,” Angel looked dazed, watching my stomach. “There are two other carriages behind us. They will be of great help,” he said to me, waking up from his daydreaming about our daughter. Angel was an alert leader, and distraction didn’t linger long onto his consciousness. “When the panthers show up, don’t show any fear. Understood?” He told me, “They feed on our fear. You just keep breathing, my love. Just keep breathing. I’ll take care of the rest.”
His words had already set my lungs on fire, breathing in and out, and remembering that this was what Van Helsing had said. I reached for Angel’s hand before he closed the barred door. “Take care of yourself, my love.”
“I will,” he kissed me on the forehead. “I will kill every single panther they send after me. Our daughter will be born today.”
The carriage took off, and I fell from the bunk to the floor, unable to keep balance. The fall increased my suffering, and I started breathing hysterically once I heard the sound of the panthers padding on the snow outside.
On my knees, I looked out and back. It was a mistake to look. The panthers were swift with reddened eyes, and they had already killed everyone in the first carriage following us. Blood splattered on the snow, red trails of liquid spreading on the white of the ground, and followed by the black panthers. The three colors hurt my eyes for some reason. Part of it was reminding me of Angel’s past. We had seen these three colors hunting us before, giving us nightmares for the rest of my life. I hated them. Red, White, and Black: Blood, Snow, and Panthers.
I screamed, holding the bars with my hands. Another mistake. The panthers diverted their gaze toward me.
As they ran after our carriage, birds fluttered away from the trees. The most imminent sound was the panther’s heavy breathing.
Breathe, Queen of Sorrow. You have to breathe. Your daughter’s life depends on it.
I kept breathing, more like panting, as the panthers followed us.
Angel was a master in controlling the unicorns, and they were fast, and did not lose breath. Looking through the bars, I glimpsed part of their fabulous bodies, and wondered if they could kill these panthers with their horns, or maybe
they could fly this carriage high to the full moon above.
The panthers started jumping, hitting against the carriage with their bodies. I didn’t know if they did this to scare me or if they thought they could actually breach through to me.
I didn’t even understand what they wanted exactly. Were they sent by the intruders to kill us because we were at war with them: if so, why tonight?
In the distance, I heard the howling of wolves. I wondered if they were warning us, or if they feared the panthers.
“Keep on breathing, love!” Angel screamed from outside, whipping the snow away as the unicorns took off even faster. I heard a panther moaning and thudding to the ground. That had to be Angel. He killed it with his sword, I assumed.
Curiously, I neared the bars again to get a glimpse of my husband’s courageous endeavor. A panther jumped right in front of me, its paws holding to the bars as if it were human, staring at me with reddened eyes. Again, I fell on my back.
The first thing I did was check up on my daughter by touching my belly. “You’re going to be alright, Snow White,” I whispered to her in my belly. Angel and I had agreed on her name earlier. Her name was more of an epitaph of a memory we cherished in our past. “I will not let them hurt you.”
With my hand on my belly, I suddenly remembered what Angel had said about me having had twins; that one of them fed on the other. Could that be true? How did one of my daughters kill the other in my belly?
You will have to investigate that later, Queen of Sorrow. Right now, breathe! Just breathe.
Still lying on my back, I saw there was a rifle in the carriage. I reached to pick it up and shoot the panthers, helping Angel.
But I was too late.
I heard a heavy thud to the ground, followed by Angel’s screaming. Standing up and holding onto the bars again, I peeked outside and saw Angel sprawled on his back above the snow.
The unicorns continued their escape, though, pulling me in the carriage along.
“Angel!” I screamed, holding the bars with my hands like a prisoner pleading for her innocence. “Beware!”
Some of the panthers were approaching Angel while he lay unconscious on the ground. They were going to cut him into pieces.
I kept breathing hysterically, unable to think, only knowing that I was in the hands of the unicorns whom I supposed knew the way into the Black Forest and the Avalon Tree.
It was only minutes until we entered the Black Forest, so I assumed the Unicorns were trained. I didn’t know if they were capable of surviving the panther attacks, though.
Breathe, Queen of Sorrow. Breathe. Let fate take care of your destination. Your job is to breathe until the time comes to deliver Snow White, which is only minutes from now. Hold on.
Breathing wasn’t enough, though; the unicorns went down. They thudded to the ground and let out moans that shook the whole forest. I had heard about how a unicorn’s shriek lets you so sympathize with it that it could tear your heart out.
That wasn’t the case with the panthers, though. They started ripping the unicorns flesh out, and then, when they were finished, they brought the carriage down on its side.
I lay on my back in the shaking carriage, looking at the full moon in the sky through bars. But not for too long: two of them were standing up, trying to find their way in.
Staring them in the eyes, I kept breathing. It was time. I could feel Snow White coming out.
I had never thought I’d give birth to her on my own, let alone with all those monsters around me. I assumed my servants were dead by now, attacked in the other carriage that was following us.
“You’re not going to kill me before I bring her to the world!” I screamed at the panthers, and they understood me, growling fiercer as their saliva dropped down on me.
“Push, Queen, Push,” I told myself, feeling my guts tearing apart. I knew I couldn’t stand and that I would faint, if not die. But I had to give it all I got.
The panthers kicked hysterically against the carriage. The red in their eyes glowed brighter. I still didn’t understand why they were here. Did they want to stop me from giving birth? It was an unlikely thought. It looked more like that they wanted to take her away from me. They were here for her. Angel had told me the intruders were here for Snow White. But why? And how much did I not know about my husband’s past?
Another panther’s drool slapped my face as my bones almost broke from the pain.
“I wish she is born a monster like everyone’s been warning me!” I yelled at the tigers. “So she comes out now and rips your red hearts out, smash them on the white snow, and skin your beautiful black coats and use them as a cloak of her own.”
The panthers growled more and more, staring at me. They hated me in a strange way I couldn’t understand.
Breathe Queen. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Faster. Stay alive.
My eyelids were throbbing from the pain, and it hurt me that my daughter was going to come out with no tender hand to hold her into the world. She was simply going to lay down on the bottom of the tipped over carriage, and one of those evil panthers might drool on her. Poor Snow White.
And it seemed like this was my last thought as I felt the world fade to black…
Black. What a color. Why is it we fade to black, not to any other color? Do we have to fade to darkness?
I didn’t know where I was exactly, and I didn’t know if I was dead. The world around me went silent and the blackness consumed my vision. Somehow, I was sure my eyes were still open, but I couldn’t see. Was this the passage to the afterlife? Did I give up on my daughter, so easily?
I tried my best to move a hand or a muscle in my body, but I was gone. My body wasn’t mine anymore. It was just a vehicle I used in this world, and it was time to leave it.
But no! I wasn’t ready to go. I was the Queen of Sorrow. Dame Gothel, the fortuneteller, told me I was destined to do great, yet horrible, things. Who stole my chance in life?
Please God, if I am going to die, don’t make me die a bad mother. Give me strength to come back, just for a little while. Let me give Snow White a chance to live, to grow up, to see her first sunrise, to walk for the first time, to say ‘Mama’ and ‘Dada’, to go to school, to learn and show her talents, to grow even more, to love, to have her first kiss, to get heartbroken, to cry, to be miserable only to rise from the ashes to be alive again. Please God, give me the strength to give her a chance. I don’t care if she’s a monster. I don’t care if she is going to kill her father and me. I only care that she tries not to be a monster, and if she fails then it’s ok. Most of us fail, but it’s the journey that matters, not the ending.
In my darkness, knocking on heaven’s door, I finally saw someone. It was a woman. She wore a yellow hood, and held a scythe.
“Do you really want to bring her to the world?” the woman asked.
“Yes, please. Can you help me?” I didn’t care who the woman was. I only hoped she could save me.
“Are you prepared to give birth to her, even if she kills you?” the woman asked.
“Yes,” I nodded, or so I thought. There was nothing to be sure of in this medium. “Please, give her a chance.”
Then suddenly I noticed the woman was pregnant underneath the cloak. Who was this woman?
“I am pregnant too,” she said, touching her belly and smiling at it. “Just like you.”
“So you know how I feel,” I confirmed. “Will you help me live, just until I bring her into the world?”
“My girl is sort of a monster too,” the woman said, smiling the most amazing smile I had seen. “She’ll be like me. Death.”
“You’re Death?” I said reluctantly, knowing it meant all my chances were dust in the wind. Who was I fooling? I was asking Death to save me from death.
“I know you should kill me now, but all I’m asking is to give Snow White the gift of living. Kill me and let her live,” I gave it my last shot.
“I can’t save you,” Death said, and turned around, walking away.
“Wait!” I screamed. “Where are you going? You’re not going to leave me here, wherever this is.”
“I can’t save you, Queen of Sorrow,” Death said over her shoulder. “You have saved yourself already. You’re one of the strongest women I have ever seen.” then she disappeared.
It only took me a minute to understand what was going on, and it was then when I heard the sound of my breathing.
Slowly, I was feeling again. I could move my hand and my legs, and I could even hear the panthers growling. Death was right. I did save myself, and it surprised me.
The truth was that although I was unconscious, and on the verge of dying, I didn’t stop breathing. My body, and my inner soul, didn’t stop breathing, not for a minute.
And even more than that: I had given birth to Snow White.
With all the pain I was suffering, her first cry into the world was as sweet as the sunshine on one’s face on a victorious day, that moment when you have defeated your enemies and overcome the struggles of life. I had succeeded in bringing my baby to the world.
“Always remember,” I heard Death in my ears, unable to know how that was possible. “You and your daughter either live together or die together.”
I hugged Snow White closer to me as if the place around me wasn’t a mess, as if there wasn’t liquid and blood everywhere, as if I wasn’t tired to death, and as if there weren’t panthers breaking into the carriage.
One of the panthers bit on the tip of my cloak and pulled me out to the snow. Shivering, I still held onto my daughter in my arms. I couldn’t believe as they circled around me, and I didn’t know what to do. I was barely breathing from exhaustion now. Death’s words clung to my ears. My daughter and I, we either lived or died together.
Then something unexpected happened. The panthers started to moan and bow their heads closer to the snow, as if reciting a hymn or a prayer. Their eyes were fixed on Snow White, and they were suddenly paying their respect to her.
Dizzy, and about to faint from the pain, I almost let out a painful laugh. They were afraid of my daughter. I couldn’t believe my eyes, staring at them. Was she so important? Was she so feared? Or was she loved? I didn’t know.