by Violet Blue
“I’m glad,” I replied, both content and relieved. “I’m sooo glad.”
SAFE
Vanessa Vaughn
Mara hung up the phone slowly in the dark, placing it gently back on the bedside table. Her fingers toyed with the long cord, tracing the curling rubber-coated surface with her fingertips, absentmindedly winding it around her hand. She couldn’t bring herself to call. She crossed, then recrossed her legs, shifting her weight on the mattress.
Dan was always the one to call her, but tonight there was nothing. No phone call. No word. He must have found the paper she had folded so deliberately in his briefcase that morning, the one printed so neatly with those three simple sentences.
As she thought of them, she felt her muscles tense. She hoped he had read her three instructions for the evening, but she also sensed the anticipation twisting inside her. She could feel it curling deep in her stomach, the small of her back, the arches of her feet. She felt the electricity of it; but what emotion was this exactly? Excitement? Perhaps just fear? Whatever it was, she wanted to feel filled with it.
Her eyes moved slowly over the furniture, taking in the familiar features of their bedroom. The moonlight was dim tonight, but traces still shone through the window. Her vision could find the edges of the large dresser and the shining silver mirror above it. She could sense the heavy wooden bed frame that surrounded her. The closet stood open. She could just make out the rows of clothes neatly hanging inside, and the gray box with a dial glinting in the light below them.
She wondered how much time she had. Tonight, he wouldn’t arrive as he always did, dropping his wallet and keys casually into the silver dish by the front door, loosening his tie, smelling of clean comfortable cologne as he sorted through the mail. No, she was sure of that. Tonight he would be someone different. Mara thought about what she had written. It was clear. It was simple. She hoped he understood.
She settled in under the heavy comforter. Although she was dressed as she always was for bed, wearing a pink tank top and thin cotton panties, tonight she felt almost naked as she lay there. She felt vulnerable and enticing. The wetness between her legs increased as she tossed and turned in the dark. She stretched, feeling the cool cotton sheets against her bare arms and legs. Slowly, she traced the outline of her body with the edge of her fingernail, feeling the sensation on her skin. Looking down at her pink nipples, she squeezed them gently, watching them harden in the cold air. She thought of Dan, of the sculpted muscles of his wide shoulders, of his large hands and how they would feel holding her down. She shuddered. The waiting made her feel suffocated. She lay with her mouth slightly open and eyes shut, her chest rising and falling in slow measured breaths.
No one would understand. Perhaps he wouldn’t understand. Role-playing was supposed to be about dressing as secretaries or nurses or schoolgirls, but that felt so artificial. Alone in the dark, Mara gently bit her lip. She wasn’t a toy to be dressed up and played with. She wanted something more intense.
Her whole body craved it. She craved him, wondering if he could be as aggressive as she wanted him to be. Silently, she wondered if he would be able to play the role she had given him. But she didn’t want to be played with, exactly. She wanted to be owned. She remembered the second of the three neatly printed sentences she had written: Make it rape.
She rolled onto her stomach with a sigh, trying to relax before he arrived. The ceiling fan turned slowly and rhythmically above her, blowing patterns of cool air across her shoulders. She felt the perfect roundness of her ass in the white cotton, and tried to imagine what it would look like to him. Without thinking, she arched her lower back a little, as if he was watching her, curling the ends of her toes together. Her eyes closed sleepily as she focused on the relaxing heartbeat of the fan, willing her body to relax and wait.
Her eyes fluttered open as she slowly became aware of the sound in the other room. Her limbs felt heavier, her mouth dry. Had she fallen asleep?
Then she heard it again: a muffled squeaking noise, this time followed by a dull thud. For a moment, she forgot where she was. She forgot what exactly she had asked for. In that moment, she only lay there in the large bed, completely relaxed.
But as she allowed herself to notice the noise, it suddenly registered in her head. It was the squeaky sound of a window being pushed open.
Of course! He was coming in through the window in the next room. Immediately, she thought of the first of the three instructions she had written for him that morning: Tonight, you will be a thief.
She sat up in bed, now fully awake. Dan was playing the role of a thief. And he was coming in through the window. But what had that thudding sound been? She began to scramble out of bed. As she realized that the thud must have been the sound of him already jumping inside, she saw the bedroom door open with a sudden powerful motion.
She froze.
He seemed huge standing in the small doorway. In the darkness, she could see only his outline. The very dim glow from the other window illuminated the strong line of his shoulders and chest, but his face and most of his body was hidden in shadow.
They both stood still for a moment, gauging each other’s reaction. As Mara stared at his clothes in the darkness, trying to see him more clearly, she was suddenly, perfectly aware of her own nakedness. She tugged at the bottom hem of her tank top, pulling it down a bit in an automatic gesture of modesty.
In that moment, she could feel his eyes on her, feel them crawling over her bare legs, her arms, the look of innocent surprise on her face. She wanted him so badly, but wondered if he would go through with this game. Something about his stance in the doorway made her sure that he would.
Mara was suddenly afraid. She imagined the desire that had been building inside him all day. She could sense an air of danger and an exciting menace about his presence. Yes, she was sure he was ready to fuck her.
She decided to play along, but she couldn’t believe this was really happening. Just awakening from her sleepy haze, this seemed like part of a dream to her. This couldn’t be her. It couldn’t be him. She gasped and made a move to crawl across the bed to the far side. But before she could make it across, she felt his hand gripping her ankle.
In one motion, he had crossed from the door to the bed and taken hold of her. He tugged on her leg and pulled her solidly toward him as she twisted her body around. Yes, this was real. Mara let out a noise of frustration and fear as he dragged her close. She was lying on her back now, half on and half off the bed, her legs dangling off the side. He stood in front of her.
She marveled at his strength as he did this. He was a full head taller than her, strong and athletic, but he had never handled her like this before. Roughly, before she knew what was happening, he ripped the pink top off of her and tossed it to the floor.
Yes, she thought. I want you to use me completely. She wanted to see how strong his desire for her could be. She wanted him to let go and even scare himself a little. She wanted him to truly take her by force.
He was ready for her. She could feel his cock hard and eager, straining against his pants. The rough fabric brushed against her through her thin panties. Unconsciously, she moved against him, wondering if he could tell how much she wanted it too.
Firmly, before she could speak, he grabbed her by the hips and spun her around. He held her by the back of the neck with one hand, pushing her face into the comforter. She could hear him unzipping his fly behind her as she pretended to resist, twisting to get free. She truly tried to escape. She used all her strength to try to pull herself forward on the bed. She tried to pry his fingers from her neck, but it was no use. He was too strong for her. There was something comforting in the fact that he could dominate her completely. Something safe.
Then she felt it: the smoothness of his skin against hers as he tugged her panties down. She braced herself for him, but it wasn’t enough. This was all happening so fast.
He pushed into her violently. She hadn’t been completely ready for it. She felt
herself tense. Every muscle clenched. Her breath stopped in her throat, as if that first thrust into her held her whole body in check.
For a moment, she felt panic. What if this wasn’t Dan at all? She hadn’t seen his face. He hadn’t even spoken. There was pain in this. It was all so unlike him. But, of course, this was what she had asked for. She felt suddenly guilty and ashamed. It was too much.
He pushed into her again, and she still tensed; but she felt no more panic. Mara could recognize the familiar scent of him. She could hear the familiar timbre in his throat as he grunted with the thrust. Yes, it was him, and he was playing his part completely.
With his free hand, he grabbed one of her wrists and twisted it, pinning her arm behind her back. With the other, he continued to hold the back of her neck, pushing her face firmly into the bed so that she could not see him.
She gave herself up to him in that moment, relaxing completely. He began to fuck her harder and faster. She felt filled with him.
Little patterns of light exploded into her vision behind her tightly shut eyes. Irregular patterns of reds and whites swirled in and out of the dark background with each rough rhythmic thrust. Was it the pain? Her eyelids brushing against the comforter?
Offhandedly, she thought of the third sentence she had written: We will use the same safeword as always. Fractal.
It was a cold word, mathematical, sensible. Everything that was irrelevant to sex. Or was it really? After all, fractals looked like organic things, not something calculated and numerical. They looked alive, like the swirling patterns behind her eyes. They were repetitive, like the all-consuming motion of him pushing into her again and again. Yes, she could easily say it if she wanted to. She could turn her head to the side and speak the word clearly and this would stop, but for that reason she did not want it to stop.
His grip on her wrist tightened. She could feel his fingers digging into her. She wondered how she looked to him in such a vulnerable position, with her arm twisted behind her, her panties slid down just low enough for him to take her. She arched her back, angling herself a little closer to him as he screwed her.
She took in the completeness of this scenario, the simplicity of it. She was his victim and he would rape her. He would have what he wanted. It was as simple and inevitable as that.
It was impossible to push him away. Struggling would do no good, so she allowed every part of her body to relax, melting into the bed. She let the air leave her lungs. She did not respond to him. She simply let him rut in her, like an animal in heat.
Yes. She felt the pleasure building inside of her, felt his friction and his hardness and needed a release. She felt the urgency of it. His breathing was fast now. She could tell he was close to coming.
Without warning, he pushed deep into her with a groan. He held her roughly. She felt him spasm as he entered to the hilt, pumping warm come into her.
Mara heard herself gasp. She blinked, feeling her eyelashes brush against the smooth fabric. She felt disoriented as she lay there. Could this really be her enjoying being used like this? Could Dan really be doing this to her?
A thin sheen of sweat covered her body and his. She felt him lean forward, exhausted, his chest resting against the skin of her back. He laid his head between her shoulder blades as she listened to his breathing slow.
But hers did not slow. She wasn’t finished. He must be able to tell she was still breathing hard. She couldn’t move under the weight of him covering her, but she didn’t really try. Mara let out a pleased little moan as she moved her waist, grinding against him as much as possible.
He lay like that for several minutes, allowing himself to recover completely; then she could feel him stir. He lifted his torso slightly, moving his hands up to grip her by the shoulders. His lips hovered near her ear. His hot breath brushed against her neck, and that new sensation brought her even more to attention, her body freezing in anticipation. God, she still wanted him so badly. She ached for more.
He kissed her on the shoulder, almost too briefly to notice. “Did you like that?” he asked.
No, she thought. This can’t be over yet. She wasn’t satisfied. She moaned into the bedsheets. At the same time, she thought of him. My god, what did he think of her right now? Had that brief kiss been an apology for being so rough with her, or a thank-you for allowing him to do this?
“That’s not an answer,” he said. “Did you like that, bitch?”
So he was still playing. She was relieved. Mara knew the answer he wanted. “Yes,” she said, softly. The sound was muffled.
“What was that?” he demanded, his fingers gripping her shoulders more tightly.
“Yes,” she said, speaking louder.
“Yes what?” he hissed.
“Yes…sir.”
Saying that made her feel more dangerous, as if he possessed her even more now.
He took a deep breath and released it. She could tell he was satisfied with her.
“Stay perfectly still,” he said.
Silently, he released his grip on her shoulders and pulled away. She felt him withdraw, sliding out of her quickly as he stood. She felt the movement of the mattress.
“Now don’t fucking move,” he said.
Mara obeyed, remaining perfectly still. She did not turn her head to watch him. She heard his footsteps as he crossed the room, and then the sound of a door thrown open and hangers being pushed to the side. He must be at the closet. But what could he be looking for?
The heat of his body had left her as he pulled away, making her feel instantly more naked and exposed as the cooler air hit her skin. She was suddenly unsure of herself, unsure of what she wanted, unsure of what exactly he would do next.
She lay there, unclothed, her panties dangling off of her legs. She knew that she looked like something that had been used and cast aside. That was how she felt, but somehow, right now, that was all right. She wanted to feel dirty like this.
After a few moments, he closed one of the closet doors. He was finished there. Dan crossed to the far side of the bed where he stopped. He stood still, his fingers working on something. She heard the sounds of fabric.
Whatever he was planning, Mara wanted him to be done with it. She was impatient for more, and she was ready for him to take her again. She didn’t want to be dressed in some costume right now. But, of course, she also knew he would have what he wanted tonight, and there was a certain security in that. She had already felt how futile it was to struggle.
She heard him as he slowly circled around the bed, the sounds of material in his hands. Finally, he pulled her closer, standing behind her. He brought his hands to the side of her head. She could feel their strength as he brought a strip of heavy fabric across her eyes, tying it firmly behind her head.
A blindfold! As she blinked her eyes behind it, there was nothing but darkness. She still had not seen him tonight. She didn’t know how she felt about this. Mara sat up, raising her hands to her face to remove it, but he was too fast for her. In an instant, he had pushed her down onto the bed, this time on her back.
Her naked breasts jiggled as she fell back. He straddled her, using his whole body weight to hold her down. He grabbed both of her arms and pinned them above her head.
“No, wait,” she said. “Don’t, please!”
But she didn’t really mean it. She didn’t want to say that word, because then it would really stop.
“If you liked that so much, let’s see how you like this.” His voice sounded raw and cruel now. He sounded like someone else. She loved that. She wanted to be fucked tonight by a man she didn’t know.
He held her down with one arm, reaching to the side with the other. She couldn’t see what he was picking up. He brought his hand closer, wrapping something around her right wrist several times before she knew what was happening. He used both hands to quickly tie it before grabbing her other arm firmly.
Mara tried to move her right arm to push him away, but she couldn’t jerk it free. A silky mesh held her wris
t securely in place. She recognized the texture: the flexible material of panty hose. He wasn’t dressing her up. He was tying her down. This was something she hadn’t expected. Soon he would have her so completely, he wouldn’t even have to struggle to hold her down. Fucking her would be effortless for him. That excited her.
“No. No, stop!” she screamed. Her arm tethered in place, she bucked against him with the rest of her body, trying to throw him off balance. She thought maybe she could roll him off, but his whole weight was leveraged on top of her. It was useless. “Please, don’t!”
He reached over to the other side, winding panty hose securely around her other wrist. He tied it off and sat back on her legs.
He squeezed her face with one hand, his fingers digging into her cheeks. “Quiet.” he demanded.
She screamed again.
“I said quiet!” He grabbed her left nipple and twisted it hard. The pain was hot and tickling. It shot into her body with a rush. The motion was incredibly cruel and intense, and she hadn’t expected it. For a moment, she couldn’t respond, couldn’t even breathe.
“You’ll speak when I tell you to speak. Got that?” he said.
Slowly, the words registered as the pain began to dissipate. After a moment, she nodded cautiously.
He bent over her. “There’s a safe in that closet. Want to give me the combination?” he asked.
She sat, thinking. If she gave him the combination now, he might stop this. She wanted to see if he was willing to keep going this time.
“I…I can’t,” she stammered. Mara clenched her hands into fists, preparing for him to twist her nipple again.
He slapped her once on each side of her stomach, hard and precise. As the pain flashed in front of her eyes, she thought of the safeword. She felt the lingering sting on the tender skin and knew he had left red marks behind.
“I don’t know it,” she said, a pleading edge to her voice.
“Well, we’ll see, won’t we?”