That was what I needed, a long ride on my bike. I wanted to coast on the open road and let the sound of the rushing wind block out any of the things my bear was tempting me to think about. So, that’s what I did.
I filled up my tank outside of town and I rode up the highway for a couple of hours before turning around and taking back roads back to town. I didn’t get back to the house until the sun was setting and a party was already raging—inside and outside the house. All the relaxing that the drive had done for me was instantly undone at the sight of the house all lit up and the shaking from the loud music blaring inside. A few of the brothers outside heard the sound of my bike approaching and shouted and waved.
What was normally my scene suddenly felt suffocating. I ran my hands through my hair. Those wild men were my people. My brothers. They were the only family I’d ever known. I shouldn’t have been feeling anything but gratitude to hear them shouting my name.
I walked into the house and headed straight for the booze. Grabbing a bottle, I turned it up and drained a quarter of it, grateful that it burned like fire going down my gullet. Hurt so good. Fontaine was staring at me. I nodded to him and downed another quarter of the bottle.
“Hey, man. We were wondering where you took off to.” He smirked and raised his eyebrow. “If the smell is any indication, I’d say you were having yourself a party without us.”
I told myself to get him off my back by making a crude joke about getting laid by the hot little wolf bitch that kicked us out of the B&B, but my mouth wouldn’t form the words. Instead, I just nodded and finished off the bottle.
“What’s up, brother?” He clapped me on the back and then swore as his eyes took in the almost healed, but still pink bite mark on my arm. “Whoa. What the fuck happened to you?”
I flexed my arm and stared at the impression from Charlie’s teeth. Her wolf teeth, anyway. The bitch was tough as steel. A ball buster. And her animal was a fighter, a dominant wolf that probably overpowered most men. I wasn’t most men. My beast within contained indomitable power. And, I could handle her ball busting. I grinned thinking about her.
“I pissed off a wolf in town.” I shrugged. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
“Hell no. Let’s go kick his ass.”
I smiled. “Her ass.”
He paused, raised an eyebrow, and laughed. “Fuck. You’re into some kinky shit, bro. Whatever tickles your fancy.”
I made myself forget about Charlie the best I could, trying instead to focus on having a good time. Someone had uncovered a pool table in the basement and I shot some 8 ball with another couple of guys for a while. What should’ve felt like a great night of partying and mayhem felt off, though. I felt different and it was irritating as fuck. I wanted things to be back to normal.
When someone brought out harder drugs, I nodded to my brothers and went back upstairs. In the living room, I found a couple of the guys hanging around with bitches on their laps, talking. Fontaine was there, so I made my way in and settled on a corner of a couch with a bottle of beer I grabbed along the way. Someone passed me a joint and I took a long drag.
“We were just talking about how there aren’t enough bear shifter bitches in this crazy ass town.”
I nodded to Fontaine. “True. Swear I smelled some kind of rodent shifter today. Shit you not.”
They all laughed. Another brother, Scar, pushed the woman on his lap away and sat forward. “It could be the drugs talking, but sometimes I worry about that shit. When I’m older and it comes time to settle down, what if I can’t find me a bear?”
Some of the guys rolled their eyes at him, but a few more nodded. Someone else snorted. “Just keep away from them rodent shifters. They’ll gnaw your balls off.”
“I smelled a tiger in town.”
Fontaine grinned. “I wouldn’t want to end up with a tiger, but I’d love to fuck one. I hear crazy things about them.”
I took a long swig from my beer and just listened to them talk. Anything to avoid the incessant thoughts of Charlie. Yet, nothing was working.
“How could any of us call ourselves Raging Bears if our Ol’ Lady was some other breed? They might each have some good qualities, but we’re bears. There ain’t nothing like us! We gotta keep our line pure.”
Cheers went up and a few of the guys clinked their beers together. Fontaine was feeling his liquor, because he nodded in my direction and chuckled. “I don’t know. Axel found himself a live little bitch today. She took a chunk out of him. Some kinky shit right there.”
“Is that you that smells like wet dog? I couldn’t tell where that was coming from.”
“Oh, come on, man. Not you. What’s that they say? Lay down with ‘em and get up with fleas?”
Fontaine laughed. “Then he’s definitely got some fucking fleas. I don’t know, though. Does that work if you don’t lay down? Don’t them canines like it from the back?” He thrust his hips back and forth like he was fucking the air.
My beer bottle shattered in my hand and I slammed my fist into the side of his head before he could even blink. Standing over his crumpled body, I glared at the rest of the men in the room. “Mind your own fucking business and watch your tongues.”
I stormed to the bedroom I’d claimed the previous night, kicked out the assholes who were fucking on my bed, and tore the covers off. I sat on the side of the bare mattress and let my head hang low trying my best to stay calm. Fury unlike anything I’d ever felt before pulsed through me and my bear roared for me to go and finish Fontaine off. He didn’t get to talk about our mate like that. No one did.
He was my brother, though. Maybe not in blood, but in spirit. I had to get myself under control.
13
Charlie
Charlie!” Holt’s loud voice boomed out from the front of my house.
I knew I should’ve locked the door. Crawling out of bed, I pulled on a sweatshirt and pajama pants before walking to the top of the stairs and looking down. “What?”
He glanced up at me and did a double take. “What the fuck happened to you?”
Frowning, I flipped him off and shuffled back to my room. I took a quick shower and changed into leggings and a T-shirt. Running a brush through my hair felt excessive, but I did it anyway.
Holt was in my kitchen when I got downstairs. He had his head in my fridge but jerked it out when I got closer to him. He gave me a horrified look and shook his head. “No fucking way.”
I inhaled deeply and got a strong whiff of Sonnie and sex. Gagging, I took a step back and groaned. “I don’t want my sense of smell if it’s going to tell me every time my brother has sex with my best friend.”
“You mated. You really did it. You found someone who can put up with your shit.”
I frowned. “Hold your congratulations. None are in order.”
“Why the hell not? And what’s up with your sense of smell? You can actually scent things like a real wolf shifter now? That’s huge.”
I plopped onto one of my barstools and hung my head in my hands. “He’s a fucknugget and I want nothing to do with him.”
He leaned on the counter and nodded. “So, you just went ahead and let him mark you, anyway?”
“I didn’t let him mark me.” I groaned and laid my head on the counter. “It just happened. It’s all wrong, though, Holt. He’s not even interested in a mate. Not that I am, either. He’s in some kind of motorcycle gang and they’re absolute filthy pigs. Inconsiderate, ill-mannered swine. They were screwing in Muddy’s dining room.”
“The bikers were screwing each other?”
“Yes. I mean, no, not each other. There were women involved.”
“So, you’re saying your mate was screwing someone in Muddy’s dining room?”
I sighed. “No. He had women on his lap, though. Scantily-clad women.”
“Okay, so the issue here is that he doesn’t want a mate? Yet he claimed you.”
“No, I don’t want a mate.”
“Why not?”
“Bec
ause. I just don’t. I’m not ready to settle down and I don’t even want a family. I like my life. I want to keep living it like it is.”
“Whoa—wait just a second here. You don’t want a family?” Holt made a face and scoffed. “Charlie, you’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as you could talk. I remember you being five and telling Mama and Daddy that you were going to have ten children.”
I rubbed at my throat as the urge to cry balled up there. “Things change.”
“Come on, Charlie. What’s going on?”
I loved my brother probably more than anyone else in the world. I couldn’t tell him, though. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. “Just what I said. Things change. I’ll be happy babysitting Honnie whenever you need me to. I just… it doesn’t matter. Point is, I’m not settling down with this guy.”
“Charlie, you let him put his claiming mark on you. You’re tied to him. I don’t see where you have much of a choice anymore.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, big brother. I do have a choice. Axel is going to leave and go back to whatever hole in the ground he slithered out of and I’m going to happily and joyously go about my life without him in it. End of story.”
“Do you realize there are shifters who go insane from not accepting their mates?”
I rolled my eyes. “I feel like that’s a special set of circumstances. I can assure you that I’m not going to go insane without him near. Quite the contrary. I’m likely to go insane if he doesn’t leave town soon.”
He went back to the fridge and grabbed some leftover pie. “This isn’t going to be something you can just ignore.”
“You were going to ignore that Sonnie was your mate.”
“Yeah, before I marked her. And it still wasn’t a good plan, and it still didn’t work.” He grabbed a fork and took a big bite of pie. Talking with his mouth full, he gestured at me with another bite on his fork. “What’s so bad about this guy, anyway?”
“Where to start…”
“Seriously?”
I grabbed his fork and took a bite myself. I ticked off on my fingers my response. “He’s crass. He’s rude. He’s cocky and arrogant. He probably hangs out with his buddies at strip clubs and farts at the dinner table and urinates on the side of public buildings. He asked me if I wanted to have a threesome with him. Shall I go on?”
Holt practically choked on his pie trying to stifle a laugh. “There were moments when Sonnie hated me.”
“But you weren’t a giant asshole.” I hesitated. “Yes, yes you were.”
He waved his fork at me. “See. It’ll work out. It has to. Whether you like it or not, he was made for you, Charlie. Nature put you two together. There’s a reason for it.”
“It doesn’t make sense. I don’t know how we could’ve been made for each other, Holt. He disgusts me. Everything he stands for I find vile.”
“It doesn’t always have to make sense. Who knows the things that you both have been through that changed you. Sometimes, it takes finding your mate to remember who you are. Or even to find out who you really are.”
I pulled the pie away from him and picked up a piece with my hands. “That sounds dangerously sappy and pitiful, like I’m not whole without a man. I am. I’m perfectly fine without him.”
“You’re a shifter, baby sis. That means that you aren’t whole without your mate. The two of you, you’re each a half of a whole.”
“I hate that.”
He gave me a crooked grin. “You won’t once you get things worked out between the two of you.”
“I think I liked you better before you got in touch with your emotions.”
“And I think I liked you better before you stunk like bear.”
I gritted my teeth. “Not funny.”
“Wasn’t joking.”
14
Axel
Another night, another party. Everyone was drunk or high and I’d gotten my hands on some of Big Al’s moonshine. I’d had a couple of jars of it and I was feeling as good as could be.
The guys had been wary around me all day, the attack on Fontaine still fresh on their minds, but after drinking with me all night, all was forgotten. That was our modus operandi. We got shit-faced, fucked whatever bitch was around, slept it off, and did it all over again the next day.
I’d showered twice, but I still kept getting whiffs of Charlie. It was making me hard and needy for her. There was no way I was tracking her down, though. She’d be more likely to bite my cock off than to ride it. She was a problem. I was looking for something a little easier.
When a pretty blonde came my way, I didn’t immediately turn down her advances like I had others through the night. If I squinted, and looked at her from behind through my eyelashes with my bloodshot eyes, she could’ve almost passed for Charlie. If I didn’t inhale or think or look too hard at her.
Aw, fuck it. No one was Charlie but Charlie. I turned and headed to my room. Egged on by the cheers of all the men around her, the blonde followed close behind me, her hands already tugging at my shirt. I pushed open my door, ignoring the sick feeling in my stomach, and sat on my bed.
When the bitch came in the door behind me, and walked up, too close to me, I held up my hand and stopped her. She turned toward the door, and I expected her to leave. Instead, she began to shut the door, then hesitated. Looking back at me, she pushed the door open wider and winked before grabbing the hem of her shirt.
“I like it when they watch.”
Fuck. It seemed like half the fucking club was outside my room watching. I tried to appreciate the way she pulled her shirt off and the way her breasts swayed as they plopped out. Even the way she ran her hands over her bare breasts and down her stomach wasn’t doing it for me, though. Instead of feeling turned on, I winced, feeling like I was watching my sister or something. I was going to throw up. The alcohol sloshed dangerously in my stomach when her fingers slipped into the sides of the tiny skirt she was wearing.
I leaned back on the bed, doing everything I could to get comfortable and pretend I was enjoying the show.
There were cheers from outside the room.
“That’s it baby, strip for Daddy.”
“Take the rest off.”
She pushed the skirt down and was stark naked, wearing just her heels. Her seductive smile said that she thought I’d like what she was showing. Slowly swaying her hips to the music wafting in from the living room, she ran her hands down her body and stepped closer to me.
I felt the churning of stomach acid. My brain searched for ways out of the situation. How could I get her to leave without losing face? Maybe she’d trip and fall and impale herself on her stiletto. My bear withdrew from me, his horror at what was happening palpable.
On the other hand, maybe I needed to push past it. I had to be able to try to exist normally if my own mate was rejecting me.
She touched my chest and clicked her tongue. “Where’d you go? That won’t do, handsome. I’m going to need you to focus on me. Can you do that? I’m gonna fuck you real good.”
My skin felt cold and clammy where her hand made contact. I flinched slightly and wanted to yank her hand away, but we were being watched. I had to find a subtler way of getting rid of her. When she climbed up and straddled my lap, everything in me revolted. My stomach twisted and I pushed her off of me so I could get up and hurry into the connecting bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and up chucked all the liquor I’d made it a point of guzzling, hoping it would make me feel normal.
When I finished, I stood looking into the bathroom mirror at the room behind me. She was still there. Her knees were locked and she was bent over, ass towards the open door, fingering herself to the hoots and hollers of the fuckers outside.
I glared over my shoulder at her. “You’re gonna need to leave.”
She smirked as she adjusted her hair. “What are you gay? No other reason a man like you wouldn’t be all over me. You’re a faggot.” I wasn’t a homophobe, and her trying to sling her insults at me didn’t particul
arly rile me. I knew she was hurt by my rejection, and I didn’t feel great about it, either. Sure, I used bitches as sex objects, I freely admitted it, but it wasn’t ever my intention to hurt or insult any of them. That wasn’t cool.
More than anything, though, I wanted her out. The only woman I wanted, the only woman I could even think about, was Charlie. I stood with my arms folded across my chest and stared at her, my stomach continuing to toss and bubble.
She gathered her clothes without bothering to put them on, and slammed my door as she left. After having Charlie, I didn’t think I’d be able to touch another woman again without wanting to rip my hand off or disinfect my cock.
I emptied the rest of my stomach contents, brushed my teeth with my finger and toothpaste I found in the medicine cabinet, and then collapsed in bed. I wanted to get lucky and just pass out so I wouldn’t have to think about the rest of my celibate future, but it was impossible. My mind was racing.
The noises from the rest of the house grew louder and, by the sound of it, I could tell that the guys were having a good time with a few of the chicks not too far from my bedroom door. When I focused, I could hear slurred speech, smell the sweat, and get a clear image of what was happening. I’d been involved in that kind of party more than once, but being sober, and looking in from the outside, made the whole scene seem pitiful somehow.
What I’d felt with Charlie was never going to be reproduced by fucking any other woman. The guys in the club wouldn’t understand. None of them had mates. They’d never felt anything like what I felt.
I rolled over to face the wall. They were lucky. Even if their lives seemed sad to some sober dickhead secluding himself to pine away for a woman who hated him, they were having a blast. They didn’t have to worry about reality. They got to continue to live it up and party like there was no tomorrow. While I continued having a fucking existential crisis in the guest room of some random stranger’s house.
Bear Outlaw (She-Shifters of Hell's Corner Book 4) Page 6