All he had known was that no one else could have Marianne. He might not want her, not particularly, but he would not… indeed, he could not… let someone else have her.
On what level of insanity did that place him?
He entered the study to find Colin already pacing. That was a sign of Colin’s turmoil if there ever was one. If he ever became perfectly still, that was dangerous. This was panic.
Kit took a seat in one of the open chairs. “Need a drink, Colin?”
Colin glared at him, eyes wide, and shook his head. “I don’t see how you can find amusement in any of this.”
Kit scoffed softly. “What else am I supposed to do? Will you not congratulate me, Colin? I am about to become engaged!”
“Don’t say that!”
Kit sighed and decided to take pity on his brother, just for the time being. Colin really was very distressed, and Colin was rarely distressed. “You are upset,” he said, propping his ankle on his knee.
Colin shoved his hands into his hair. “Of course I am upset! I don’t like this one bit!” he cried, suddenly whirling to face him. “You have just volunteered to marry Marianne Bray! Are you completely outside of your mind?”
It was a valid point, he could grant him that. He probably was mad for doing this, but that did not mean he would change it. “What don’t you like about this?” he asked with the same controlled tone. “My becoming a husband or Marianne becoming your sister?”
Colin put his hands on his hips, staring at him in confusion. “Honestly? Both.”
Kit snorted. “Stop.”
His brother sank into the opposite chair, shaking his head. “You haven’t been thinking of getting a wife. You’ve never even attempted to court anyone before. And now you decide it is time? Like this?”
Kit shrugged one shoulder. “Why wait? The opportunity presented itself.”
“The opportunity presented itself?” Colin repeated in disbelief. “This is your idea of a marriage of convenience? Kit, if you want an easy time of it, we can take you back to London and let it be known that you are in need of a wife, and proper candidates will appear.”
Kit shook his head, smiling at his poor, confused brother. “No, Colin, this will do. Why shouldn’t I marry Marianne?”
His brother gave him so sardonic a look it was comical. “Would you like me to list reasons by date or by category?”
Kit rolled his eyes. “Marianne is not as bad as all that.”
Both of Colin’s brows rose a little. “And this coming from you?”
“Have a care,” Kit warned, his tone going a bit darker than he would have liked.
Colin snorted softly and rubbed his temples a little. “Of all the women in the world, Kit, really?”
“I say again, why not?” He shrugged his shoulders. “You care about her, don’t you? You rode like mad to find her, rallied the forces to chase after her, and you yourself comforted her when we found her,” he pointed out.
“Yes, and never once during all of that did I think ‘I would really love to have this girl as my sister.’ On the contrary, I think I thanked God she was not my sister.”
Kit smiled drily. “God has a sense of humor, Colin.”
“Apparently. He gave me you for a brother.”
That drew a smile from them both.
Colin sighed and leaned forward, hands pressed together. “Why are you doing this, Kit? I mean, really.”
He felt the real concern in his brother’s words, and knew he could not play this off a moment longer. His twin needed truth from him, something to settle his newly rattled sensibilities. Well, he supposed it was long past time to admit something that Colin might have suspected, but had never actually put into words. And he would find absolutely no comfort in what he was about to reveal.
“I love her,” Kit said blandly, a bitter smile on his face. He nodded once in confirmation when his brother’s mouth dropped open at the seriousness of his tone. “I always have.”
Slowly, Colin’s features contorted into a mixture of surprise and disapproval. “You are… not supposed to say those words looking like that,” he told him unsteadily, pointing a finger at him.
Kit exhaled without mirth. “Believe me, if I derived any pleasure from that statement, I would show it openly.”
“But you don’t?”
He shook his head. “I do not. More than that, I cannot. Because I feel no joy, no thrill of excitement, no visions of hope from it. It is more a curse than anything else.”
“Love is not supposed to do that,” Colin murmured as he rubbed his temples.
“And yet…” He shrugged helplessly.
Still Colin looked concerned. “How did I never know that you were in love with her?”
Kit turned his head towards his brother so fast Colin jumped. “Not in love, Colin. I love her, I am not in love with her.”
Colin’s brow furrowed. “I do not understand the difference. We are talking about romantic love, correct?”
Kit heaved a pained sigh. “Yes, unfortunately. I have not been in love with her for years, but I cannot stop loving her. As complicated as that sounds, it is even worse to feel. You knew something had gone on between us, and you knew that I was still drawn to her.”
Colin only nodded, obviously still confused.
“I could not bear to admit aloud what my feelings for her were. You accused me once of being obsessed with her.”
“You asked me never to speak of it again, and I never have,” Colin interjected with a defensive gesture.
“I know, and I appreciate that,” Kit told him with a nod, “but it does not change the fact that you were right, though you may not have understood. I might have denied it, but truth is truth. My ears strain for news of her, my eyes search for her, my heart skips three beats when I see her, and my stomach clenches like a nervous, lovesick puppy when she speaks to me. And I hate every single moment of it. I have loved her for years. Hated her, been bitter about my traitorous heart, wished that I could root it out of me, but there it is.” He smirked bitterly at his brother. “Shouldn’t this be the happiest moment of my life? I am to marry the woman I love. Is that not the height of all glorious things?”
Colin slowly shook his head, his face contorted with concern. “Not like this, Kit. Not like this.”
Kit’s smirk faded into a tight smile. “Well, it’s too late for that now.”
“No, it is not,” Colin insisted, canting forward even more. “We can find another solution.”
That drew a snort from him as he looked away. “Right. Because there is another man out there who would take Marianne as she is and give her the chance at happiness we all want for her.”
“Do you want it?”
Something in his brother’s soft query brought Kit’s head slowly around, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. “What is that supposed to mean?” he asked, defenses suddenly raised and at the ready.
Colin gave him a knowing look. “Why are you doing this?” he asked again.
Kit returned his look with a rather mocking face. “Because it is my chance at being heroic.”
Colin frowned and his brows snapped together. “Heroic,” he repeated slowly. “I am afraid I am going to need more than some chance at glory for you. You won’t become a martyr, will you?”
“I guess I could be a bit of a sacrificial lamb,” he considered thoughtfully. “I will certainly have the sympathy of all Society, perhaps even England as a whole…”
“No, don’t you start that,” Colin snapped, pointing a warning finger at him. “If you do this, if you do this… you do not get to wave your so called martyrdom like a badge of honor or feathered plume. You do not get to do this so you have an excuse to be miserable for the rest of your life.”
“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide if I will be miserable forever or not?” Kit asked, leaning on his hand a little and watching his brother with interest.
“You already have.”
Kit straightened up and frowned
at Colin. “I have not.”
The return look of disbelief and blatant understanding made him shift in his seat.
“Yes,” Colin said firmly, “you have. I do not care what your real reasons are for this marriage, but you will not make this a hellish existence for Marianne just to make yourself feel better.”
“I thought you did not want her as your sister,” Kit sneered, folding his arms.
“I don’t,” Colin said bluntly, “but that does not mean that I don’t care about her. There is a reason why we are not selling her off to the first man we can find.”
Kit started to raise his hand to indicate he was that man, that that was exactly what they had agreed to, when Colin gave him a look, and he lowered it once more.
“Marianne is not wife material,” Colin continued, folding his arms as well. “You know this, or you would have married her already, as you want her so badly. Debatable at times, yes,” he said loudly, as Kit began to protest, “but even you wouldn’t be doing this if you did not want to, somewhere. I am telling you right now, Kit, that you cannot marry her if all you intend is to make her life hell because that is what she did to yours.”
Kit sat in silence, staring at his brother for a long while. Somehow, in some impossible way, Colin had become the sensible, responsible brother, and Kit the reckless bachelor. Not that his rashness would ever match what Colin had accomplished, but it did not change the fact that he had never in his life expected Colin to be the one talking sense into him.
“You owe it to yourself to try for more,” Colin said softly. “And even Marianne, as impossible and maddening and spoiled as she is, deserves a chance for more. Even if she does not take it.”
“I have no intention of making her life hell,” Kit answered, his voice sounding hollow even to his own ears. “I hope to teach her a lesson or two, see if I can’t bring some sense into her head, but I know full well she will never change unless she wishes it. I will not intentionally make her unhappy, but I cannot promise that she will be particularly happy either.”
“I doubt anyone knows that,” Colin muttered, shaking his head again. “Not in this situation.”
Kit nodded soberly, then gave his brother an open, honest look. “I can’t explain why I am doing this, Colin, not even to myself. I suppose I hope that somewhere inside is the girl we once knew, the one that I did fall in love with, before she became strangled by the dragon that currently exists in her form.”
“Marianne is not a dragon,” Colin protested with a brief flare of temper.
Kit scowled and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Do you have a better word to describe her?”
Colin’s mouth worked, but no sound came out.
Kit nodded firmly. “Exactly.”
“You can’t speak of her that way once you are married to her.”
“I know. And I will not.” He sighed and put his face into his hands for a moment, then brought his fingertips to his lips. “I am resigning myself to the fact that I will have a wife that might not care for me at all. But then I remember who she was… and I find I still have hope, somehow. I cannot give that up. I cannot give her up.” He peered at Colin, who looked thunderstruck. “Does that make me a fool?”
“Probably,” Colin managed, tempering it with a smile. Then he cocked his head. “Do you even know how to be a husband?”
Kit laughed a little. “No, not at all, but neither does Marianne know how to be a wife.” He smiled at his brother, then groaned. “This is going to set London aflame with talk.”
“Yes, it will. So you had better prepare yourself, Kit. I will stand up with you and support you, if it is what you want. If you are determined to marry her, in spite of everything, with a full understanding of what you are undertaking, then I will defend you both as valiantly as I have ever done.” Colin looked appropriately determined, and almost seemed to be glowing with his sudden valor.
This would take some getting used to.
“I am doing this, Colin,” he said firmly, keeping his eyes steady on his twin.
Colin smiled thinly. “I know. I knew that the moment you said it.”
Kit raised a brow. “How did you know that?”
Colin shrugged, his smile growing. “You are a man of your word, Kit. Honorable to the core. You would never have suggested it to Duncan if you were not going to follow through.”
Kit found himself smiling in earnest at his brother. “I’m getting married,” he said on a laugh.
Colin made a face. “We need to secure the lady’s acceptance first.”
Kit scoffed and waved a hand. “You heard Duncan. She’ll have me.”
A slow, mischievous, very Colin-esque grin spread across Colin’s face, and Kit was suddenly very wary. “What is that for?” he asked.
“This is going to be a very interesting marriage,” Colin said, settling into his chair as if to watch it unfold before his very eyes.
“Of course it is,” Kit replied, confused, “but why should you say it like that?”
Still Colin’s smile remained. “You say that you know Marianne. Better than most of us, I should assume. Do you really think she will be as easy to persuade as Duncan seems to think? And that she is going to quietly and meekly enter into this union as appropriately compliant as she ought to be?”
Kit’s jaw suddenly ached and it took a great deal of effort to keep his mouth from dropping open.
Of course, he’d known it would be difficult, but he hadn’t thought it through in great detail. Marianne was emotional and headstrong and naturally rebellious, and he had very little comfort to offer her in that regard, should she have sought comfort from him at all. She might have wanted his head on a platter instead.
It could be a very ugly beginning to this marriage.
And he had not exactly envisioned it starting off well.
“She will come around to the idea,” he said roughly, rubbing at the back of his head.
Colin’s smile grew a little. “Not before a rather loud, drawn out, and vicious fit ensues.”
Kit swallowed and tried for a smile. “Perhaps I have not thought this through as thoroughly as I should have.”
“Oh, I know you have not,” Colin laughed, getting to his feet, “but I can promise you that I will very much enjoy watching.”
Kit looked up at him with a frown. “That is all you have to say?”
Colin mirrored Kit’s typical sardonic brow raise. “You said the same thing to me not too long ago.”
“Yes, and we see what sort of trouble that led to,” Kit remarked dryly as he pushed himself to his feet as well.
Colin grinned at him. “But you are always saying how you are so much wiser and more responsible than I am. Surely you would never make such disastrous mistakes as your younger brother.”
“Why do I confide in you?” Kit muttered as he started out of the door, glancing behind him with a glower.
“Because your only other option is Rosie, and that would not go well at all,” Colin said with a faint skip as he caught up to Kit.
“It’s going to be hard enough to explain this marriage to her,” Kit muttered.
Colin clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. I will be right there with you when you tell her.”
Kit shrugged his hand off. “That does not give me any comfort.” He shook his head and the pair of them returned to the room with the others.
They all looked to them as the brothers entered the room.
“All settled?” Duncan asked with a searching look between the pair of them.
“Quite,” Kit clipped, settling back into his chair.
Colin only nodded as he did the same.
“Do you want to inform her of the news?” Kit asked Duncan. “Or shall I?”
The entire room seemed to shudder. “I will,” Duncan groaned. “She is my sister, it is my responsibility.”
Colin looked somber and solemn as he gazed at his large friend. “You should eat something before you go, Duncan. A last
meal, if you will.”
Kit glanced at his brother, wondering if he was supposed to start scolding him about speaking of Marianne that way.
The others in the room laughed in agreement, and Kit opted to sit back and let them.
He would have to do enough defending for a lifetime very soon.
“Duncan, I have another question, and I have wondered it for several months now. What in the world possessed you to name your daughter after Tibby?” Derek asked with a shudder.
“Absolutely,” Nathan chimed in. “One was quite enough.”
Duncan smiled and shrugged. “Annalise wanted it. And we will never call her Tibby. Just Tillie.”
Colin snorted and flagged down a servant to request a tray. “Right, until she gets old enough to know Tibby well, and then you’ll be in quite the mess, my friend.”
Kit resisted the urge to rub at his forehead again. They were unknowingly bringing up another thing he was worried about.
Tibby.
Marianne agreeing to the marriage would be a trial enough.
Tibby could be a nightmare.
Chapter Three
“Married? I thought we just prevented my getting married, now you’ve changed your mind?”
“We did nothing,” Duncan pointed out sternly, sitting as he was in the chair beside her in the sitting room adjacent to the bedchamber she had been using. “And you do not get to claim that your illicit attempt at elopement compares with this plan.”
Marianne stared at her brother in abject horror, slowly shaking her head. “I apologized to you for my blindness and my rash behavior, Duncan, and you said…”
“I said I would find a solution,” her brother overrode, his expression not at all comforting. “And I have.”
She did not appreciate the finality in his tone. She folded her arms and glared back. “And your brilliant solution is to marry me off?”
The storm brewing in her brother’s face should have warned her, but she had never been particularly adept at obeying unspoken warnings.
A Bride Worth Taking (Arrangements, Book 6) Page 3