by Rose Pearson
Pressing her lips together and still feeling rather anxious, Caroline thanked Peter as he opened the door to the library, only for him to usher her in and shut the door tightly behind her, calling that he’d be back soon.
“Caroline.”
Taking a few steps forward, Caroline saw Lord Brandeis coming towards her, a glass of brandy in his hand.
“Brandeis,” she said slowly, not quite certain what to make of this. “Are you quite all right?”
He shook his head, coming to a stop a few steps away from her. “I do not know what it is I feel, Caroline. This evening could have been a disaster but you stepped in and took the wind from my brother’s sails in an attempt to defend me.” He looked down at the floor, misery written on his features. “No-one has ever done that kind of thing for me before, mostly because I have never deserved it.” Dark eyes lifted to hers, his lips pulled tight. “And then you come along, with your kind heart and your sense of justice and defend a man who has done nothing to merit it.”
She made to step forward, only to catch herself. “Lord Brandeis, I spoke because I felt you were being unfairly treated. Your father did not say a word of reproach to either Miss Gosford or Lord Weston, even though he has never held back from criticizing you. I believe, truly, that you have done things in your life that are worthy of merit. You have treated me with respect and consideration and have proved that you can be that kind of gentleman if you put your mind to it. Why would I remain silent when they are speaking of you in such a way? It is not something I could endure.”
Lord Brandeis took a small step forward, before throwing back the rest of his brandy and setting the glass down. “You are too good to me, Caroline.”
The air between them seemed to crackle with a sudden anticipation.
“I do what I believe is right,” she replied, softly. “I could see from your expression that you believed what your brother was saying about you to be true, and I could not let you continue in that belief. There is good in you, Brandeis. You have already shown as much to me, and all that is required of you now is to believe that of yourself.” Hesitantly, she stepped forward and touched his hand with her own, ignoring the warnings that immediately began ringing in her ears. “This is only the beginning, Brandeis. If you continue as you are, then you will find your true self, your true nature, continues to reveal itself to you. There is kindness in your heart, consideration and respect deep within you. Let it come to the surface. Let it become a part of you instead of deciding to always choose the path that will bring you the most pleasure and your father the most shame.”
His fingers grasped hers with strength, his face now closer to hers than ever before.
“What are you?” he whispered, his free hand lifting to brush down the side of her cheek, his fingers tangling in her curls. “Are you some kind of angel, sent to help this poor, broken man back to his feet?”
She smiled softly, her eyes bright. “No, Brandeis. I am nothing more than an orphan who has been given a taste of your life and discovered that people can be just as broken here as they are in the tavern. I confess that I have found my heart growing with compassion and sympathy for you as I have watched the way your father discards you, despite what he says about you. I am quite sure that he loves you in his own way, but that his regard for his heir has blinded him to your goodness.” She shuddered as his fingers cupped her chin, lifting her face to his. “But I see more than the façade you put on, Brandeis. You know that I see more than the mask you choose to wear.”
He nodded, his forehead brushing against hers. “You see my heart and still, you have not turned from me,” he whispered, quietly. “I shall never be able to repay you for all that you have done for me, Caroline. For all that you have become to me.”
She pushed away the warnings that sounded through her mind and gave into the desire that swept through her. She knew that Lord Brandeis was being honest with her, being vulnerable enough to share his thoughts with her, and, as he did so, she found herself lost to him. When their lips met, she gave in at once, wrapping her arms around his neck as his own tightened around her waist. It was sweetness itself, his lips tender and gentle, not pushing her for more. There were no grasping hands, no tugging of her clothes, nothing but respect and consideration, even as he kissed her.
“I do not want to have you gone from my life,” he whispered, making her heart soar. “My dear Caroline, I cannot have you gone from my side. What shall I do without you?”
She could not answer, could not speak such was the wildness of her emotions. Instead, she let him kiss her gently again, his hands now grasping hers, before he stepped back from her, confusion in his expression.
“I must think,” he said slowly, squeezing her hands gently. “Caroline, I have never experienced such a feeling as this before. It is quite.....overwhelming.”
“I feel it too,” she replied, honestly, wondering if there could truly be any kind of future for them both. “We need not rush, Lord Brandeis. I do not want to lose my heart to someone who can never truly return my affection.” She did not want to think of a future with him but yet could not prevent herself from doing so. Would he ever offer her his hand in marriage? She would not ever be anything but a wife to him. She could not give him her heart and her affection without taking his name as her own.
His eyes flared. “I do not deserve your heart, Caroline,” he murmured, just as the sound of Peter’s footsteps along the hallway began to reach them. “If you will but give me some time to consider, then I promise you that your heart will be kept quite safe.”
She smiled at him, dropping her hands so that Peter would not find them in such an intimate embrace, whilst desperately hoping that the heat in her cheeks would soon fade. “I do trust you, Lord Brandeis. You need not worry about that.”
Chapter Fourteen
“Lady Winter.”
Caroline inclined her head as she smiled softly, thinking that Lord Brandeis looked exceedingly handsome.
“You are truly breathtaking,” Lord Brandeis murmured, taking her hand and bending over it, his lips brushing against her skin. “I do not think that I have ever seen such a beautiful sight in all my life.”
She blushed profusely, aware of just how long she had spent preparing herself. Her maid had been quite adept at ensuring she looked her best, weaving ribbons and seed pearls through Caroline’s light brown locks.
“Thank you, Lord Brandeis, you are very kind,” she replied, aware of the warmth that was shooting up her arm. “I have been looking forward to the ball all day, although I confess I am rather nervous about some of the dances.”
He smiled at her, her hand now on his arm. “You will do very well, my dear, I am sure. I must claim you for the waltz, however, for I will not allow any other gentleman to have that pleasure.”
Her blush deepened as she smiled up at him, aware of the affection that was rising ever higher in her heart. Lord Brandeis had truly changed these last few days, had become more open and honest with her than ever before, and in doing so, she had found herself growing increasingly fond of him. She did not worry that he would come chasing after her as he had done the first night in the tavern, nor did she fear that he would try and force his affections on to her just because he wished to do so. In fact, the kiss they had shared last evening had been one of tenderness, one that spoke to her heart as he had taken her in his arms. Caroline had to admit to herself that she was not looking forward to returning home to the tavern once this charade was over, finding it almost painful to think of living without Lord Brandeis by her side.
“And tomorrow, Miss Gosford is to travel home and we the day after that,” she murmured to herself, seeing Miss Gosford in deep conversation with Lady Fernley. Glancing up at Lord Brandeis, she felt her stomach tighten as she thought about the rest of their time together. “Did I hear you say that we might return here for a few days after the wedding ceremony?”
Lord Brandeis nodded. “It is open to us if we wish to return.”
“And – do you?” she asked, hesitantly, her fingers tightening on his arm. “If you would prefer I returned to town, then of course – ”
Lord Brandeis held up one hand, stopping her in her tracks. “I am surprised you need to ask that, Caroline,” he said softly, so quietly that she had to strain to hear him. “Of course I wish to return here with you, even if it is only for a few more short days. The more time I can spend in your company, then the happier I shall be.”
Caroline made to reply, feeling as though she were almost glowing with happiness, only for Lord Fernley to approach them and inquire whether or not he might be able to secure her for the next dance. Relieved that it was the quadrille, Caroline accepted at once, glad that the Marquess was not in any way appearing displeased with her over her comments to Lord Weston last evening.
A few hours later and Caroline was feeling happier than she had ever thought she could be. The ball was a wonderful occasion and, despite her fears that she would forget every single step of the dances she had been taught, she found that she recalled them quite well and, even if she made the occasional mistake, no-one appeared to notice. However, the most wonderful moment was dancing the waltz in Lord Brandeis’s arms, feeling as though it were just the two of them on the floor. The music flooded her ears, her senses bursting into life as Lord Brandeis tugged her just a little closer than propriety allowed, whispering to her that no-one would raise an eyebrow since they were supposed to be quite attached to one another.
She could not help but blush as he released her, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand as the music came to a close. Lord Brandeis smiled at her as he raised his head, his eyes alight.
“Might you care for a short walk outside?” he asked, guiding her towards the open French doors. “I know it is rather cold but the ballroom is getting a little stuffy.”
Caroline nodded her agreement at once, not caring whether or not she would be cold. Lord Brandeis took her arm and they walked outside into the darkness, lit only by a few flickering lanterns.
“My dear Caroline,” Lord Brandeis said in a low tone, as he drew her away into a shadowy part of the gardens where they could not be seen or overheard. “I have been doing a great deal of thinking since last evening and I have a proposition I should like to share with you.”
She looked up at him, barely able to make out his features in the darkness. Her stomach swirled with excitement, her future suddenly bursting with a brightness she had never even allowed herself to consider before. “Oh?”
He cleared his throat, appearing to be a trifle nervous.
“Yes, well,” he began, shifting a little uncomfortably on his feet. “I know it is a little untoward, given that our status in life is rather different –”
A stone dropped into her stomach. “You think your family will disapprove.”
“Of course they will,” he said, with a harsh laugh. “But that is nothing that should concern either one of us, given that they will criticize me regardless. However, since my house is in London and not near any of my father’s estates, I do not think their approval is worth considering in this matter.”
It all sounded so business-like, that, for a moment, Caroline was bolted to the ground with a sudden, overwhelming fear.
“No, we need not think of them at all,” Lord Brandeis continued, nonchalantly. “As I say, I have a house in town where you can reside.”
A cold chill began to seep into Caroline’s bones as she looked back at Lord Brandeis, not quite certain what it was he was saying. Her mind began to scream all sorts of incoherent thoughts, refusing to believe what he was suggesting.
“You know that I do not want to lose you, Caroline,” he continued, a trifle more gently as he took her hands in his. “It will be hard for you to leave the tavern, I am sure, but life in my townhouse will be exceedingly better, I am sure – and you will be free to visit Mrs. Beeson whenever you wish, just as long as I am able to have you in my company for as long as I wish first.”
Her stomach dropped and she wrenched her hands from his, taking a step back from him.
“What is the matter, Caroline?” Lord Brandeis asked, sounding entirely confused. “Don’t you want to - ?”
“I – I cannot leave the tavern and I cannot believe that you would ask me to do such a thing as reside with you!” she exclaimed, hot tears pricking at her eyes. “How can you think of it, Lord Brandeis?” She forced herself not to cry, realizing in a moment what it was he intended for her to be to him. Given that she was of a much lower class than he, it was quite clear to her now that he could never offer her matrimony. How foolish she had been to ever even allow herself to think it!
Lord Brandeis’s voice was low and thick. “I do not understand what it is you are saying, Caroline. I thought this was what you would want. I thought that, if I offered it, then you would accept without delay. Did you not say that you could not give me your heart if there was not a returning of your affection? I will confess to you now that my heart is already filling with you, Caroline. I wish to keep you with me.”
She shook her head, dashing tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. She was to be his mistress then, his whore, living in his London residence whilst he came and went as he pleased. His family would disapprove if they were ever to discover it, but given how little he pretended to care, she could not imagine that their consideration of his behavior would bring him much discomfiture.
“I thought to give you my heart but now I see you are not worthy of it,” she whispered, hoarsely, her throat aching with misery. “You do me a great dishonor, Lord Brandeis. I will never do as you ask.”
She heard him take in a sharp breath, as though astonished she had refused him. His arrogance came back to her in sharp relief and she turned away from him entirely.
“No, Lord Brandeis, this is the end of our association,” she finished, quietly. “I will remain at the ball but tomorrow morning, I will return to London. I will return to you everything you have ever given me, for I do not so much as want to remember our time together. It has all been one terrible mistake.”
Her voice broke and she turned away from him, stumbling back towards the French doors and into the ballroom. Once inside, she made her way quickly to the side of the ballroom, where she would not be seen and where she could battle her tears alone.
How foolish she had been to think that Lord Brandeis truly cared for her! How ridiculous to believe that such a significant change could take place in his character, simply by his association with her. She had allowed him to lead her on, had allowed herself to become entwined with him when, at the very end of it all, he had offered her nothing but a physical entanglement, where she might have financial security in exchange for her affections.
It made her sick to her stomach. How easily she had been taken in! Hanging her head in shame, Caroline forced her tears back, knowing that she could not allow them to fall. Not now. She must wait until the end of the ball drew nigh, when it would be proper for her to retire without causing offense. Even though her association with Lord Brandeis was over, even though she would have no cause to remain with the Marquess of Fernley and his guests, she could not bring herself to cause them any offense or insult. She would do what was expected of her and then return home just as soon as she was able.
“Peter,” she mumbled to herself, as the music played merrily on. “I must find Peter.”
It took Caroline the best part of an hour to, firstly, gather her composure and secondly to find her brother. He was dancing and laughing, clearly enjoying himself, and it was some time before he spotted her and took notice of her beckoning him. He could not make his way to the shadows, not when there were so many people watching and so Caroline was forced to step out into the light, making sure her countenance was as serene as it could be.
“Caro,” he said, smiling, “where have you been? I have not seen you dance in some time.” The smile slowly began to slide from his face as he looked at her expression, evidently seeing the pain in her eyes. �
�Goodness, Caro, you look quite done in.”
She swallowed hard, trying her best to keep her voice steady. “Can you make arrangements for me to leave tomorrow, Peter?”
His eyes widened, only for him to frown at her heavily. “What’s the matter, Caro? What happened?”
Shaking her head, she looked up at him with such desperation that he could not help but put one hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. “I can see something’s upset you. Of course, I’ll do whatever I can to help you. When do you need to leave?”
“Tomorrow,” she whispered, her throat aching with the effort of keeping her composure. “Before the rest of the house awaken.”
“I’ll go with you,” he said, firmly, only for Caroline to shake her head. “No, you cannot. Stay, Peter. Otherwise, they will think badly of you. Remember that the family does not know that we are siblings.”
His hand tightened on her shoulder for just a moment before he dropped it again. “Even still, Caroline, I – ”
“Please, Peter,” she interrupted, seeing the marquess make his way to the middle of the floor, clearly ready to make some kind of announcement. “Do as I ask. I will tell you everything once you have returned to London.”
Peter bit his lip but nodded, his brows furrowed. “Is Lord Brandeis the reason for your upset?” he asked, but Caroline dropped her head and remained silent, aware that should she start speaking of Lord Brandeis, then she would, most likely, collapse into a flood of tears.
“Very well, Caro, very well,” Peter whispered, as Lord Fernley called for quiet. “I will make all the arrangements. Take yourself to the stables at 8 o’clock sharp, and I will have everything waiting.”