by Bolz, Stefan
“I don’t know,” Joshua replied. “Probably because I don’t know where else to go.”
“Sometimes what’s right in front of you is where you should go,” the wolf thought.
“And sometimes it’s just the opposite,” Joshua answered.
“I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”
They didn’t know for how long they had walked but as they crossed fields of green and gold glistening in the sun and small creeks that lead into a marsh land and beyond, the sheer cliffs behind them fell further and further away. When the sun had reached the zenith, they climbed a small hill to find an area to rest in. Joshua’s inner clock was completely out of sorts. They must have been travelling for a few days at least, even though the sun had never set and was just today reaching its midpoint. As they looked down from the hill into the vast valley below, they saw the shimmering in the distance as if hundreds and hundreds of mirrors reflected the light and landscape around them, projecting it infinitely into one another.
By their estimation they were still a day’s journey away but as they walked down the hill and continued toward it they began to see two figures, about a half mile ahead of them, coming in their direction. realized that they were walking toward themselves. Joshua could make out his red colored shape shimmering in the sun. He saw the wolf next to himself and he saw the cliffs behind them far in the distance. He knew suddenly that he was looking into a tremendous mirror—at least twenty stories high and as wide.
“What is this?” Joshua asked.
“I do not know,” Grey answered.
Joshua, at that moment, had a strange and unsettling thought. “What if there is nothing behind this and all that we have been looking at this whole time was a reflection of ourselves and whatever lay behind us.”
“I hope you are wrong but I can’t escape the feeling that you might be right.” Grey could not hide the concern in his thoughts. “Let us be careful.”
As they came closer Joshua couldn’t shake the feeling of uneasiness that had crept up inside him. “I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all,” he thought to Grey. And then, in the mirror image, he saw the wolf bare his teeth and suddenly and without any warning grab Joshua’s neck between his massive fangs. Joshua let out a cry as he flew up in the air, realizing that what he saw in the mirror was not what had happened. Grey was as surprised as Joshua.
“Did you see that?” He asked.
“No. I just saw you fly up in the air suddenly,” the wolf replied.
“I saw in the mirror that you suddenly went after my throat…” The horror of the thought let Joshua pause.
“Joshua.” The wolf stopped and looked at him. “You must know that I would never do that.”
“I do know it, Grey.”
“Do you?”
Joshua realized that as sure as he wanted to be that his friend would never turn on him, he really wasn’t. There was always a small doubt in him as if he never could fully trust Grey, that he had to hold back and keep part of himself safe somehow by not completely giving himself over to his friend. Otherwise he wouldn’t have had a reaction such as the one he just had.
“Do you really ever know anybody?” Joshua didn’t realize how strongly he suddenly thought this to be true. What could have ever made him trust a wolf? As he thought this, he saw his mirror image suddenly split into two and he realized that they had reached the entrance.
“Are you sure you want to go inside?” Grey asked.
“No. But I do not believe there to be much choice. Do you?”
As the wolf looked at him, there was a foreboding in his eyes, as if both knew that whatever it was they would encounter on the other side of that mirror, would test the bindings of their friendship to the breaking point.
When they entered, it was as if the small opening disappeared behind them. It wasn’t so much that it was gone but rather it was multiplied and multiplied again so that it was impossible to see which one was the real entrance and which one was its mere mirror image. The ground they stood on was stone, deep black and polished swallowing light rather than reflecting it.
“Where should we go?” Joshua asked.
“Your guess is as good as mine,” the wolf answered gravely.
As they walked away from where they thought the entrance had been, Joshua looked up. There was a mirror on each side of the narrow walkway as high as he could see. He saw himself next to the wolf half in the shadows and thought suddenly about the hens back in the coop as they went about their day. He thought about them pecking the ground, eating grass or just sitting in the sun… Until death came to claim them and he saw them die right in front of him. But in his vision it suddenly wasn’t an owl that took them, but a wolf. His eyes were red and his blood smeared snout snapped their little necks one by one. The image was visible in the mirror across from him. He saw the coop and the pen right there in front of him and he saw the wolf wreak havoc among his flock.
“NO!” He shouted in his thoughts. “Get away from them! Leave them alone!”
“Joshua!” The wolf’s shout brought him back.
The vision disappeared as quickly as it came and what was left was the wolf next to him in the mirror.
“Why did you leave them, Joshua?” The wolf thought to him.
“What do you mean?”
“Why did you leave your flock when you knew they would be in danger because of it?” The wolf looked at him coldly across the mirror. Joshua knew he was right. Deep down that’s what he had been thinking since this journey began. Joshua walked very close to the mirror and looked at his image. He saw himself strutting in front of the hens, proud and cocky and he hated himself for it. How could he ever have had any respect for himself? He saw now that he was the lowest of the low. He saw himself puny and ugly and he detested what he saw. So much so that he had to look away and close his eyes, appalled by his image.
“You do not deserve to live,” the wolf’s thoughts stood in his mind. As he opened his eyes, he saw the wolf walking next to him. When he looked into the mirror Grey’s image was distorted—a mask of terror with long fangs for teeth, red eyes and a low growl coming from him.
Then an opening appeared suddenly, leading into another hallway perpendicular to this one. For a moment they stood there unsure which way to go.
“I think we should go straight,” Grey thought.
“I think this way is better,” Joshua pointed through the opening. Neither of them moved. “Maybe… it would be best if we were to continue… on our own.” Joshua thought.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea. We should stay together,” the wolf answered. “I think we have a better chance of surviving this if we don’t split up.”
Joshua heard the wolf clearly in his thoughts. But behind it he heard laughter. The wolf’s mocking laughter as if to tell him that if they were to stay together it would be clear as to who would survive this and who wouldn’t.
“I’m going this way,” Joshua heard himself think and to his surprise he stepped into the opening and walked away.
After a while he turned around but the wolf was gone. Why did he walk away? He suddenly couldn’t understand his reasoning. All seemed so clear just minutes ago. His friend had betrayed him. He had shown him his real self behind the mask of friendship. Betrayed him? He couldn’t even fathom the thought of it right now. He never thought that before and certainly didn’t think it now. Something strange was going on here.
“Grey! Grey?” He thought into the empty corridor. Suddenly he felt trapped. Better to go back. He turned around and went back to where he came from, where he thought the opening should be. But he must have walked for a good fifteen minutes before he realized that he might have passed it. He turned around again watching both sides of the mirrored walls for an opening. To his surprise, after only a few minutes the hallway ended into yet another corridor. “That can’t be right,” he thought.
As he looked down the long hallway it became clear to him that he was lost. He had no
sense of where he was or where to go. ”Grey, where are you?” He doubted that his thoughts reached the wolf.
“Grey!” Even his own thoughts seemed to have an eerie echo in here.
Without waiting for an answer Joshua began to walk. The last thing that would help him and his friend was for him to just wait here. As he walked over the cold black stone he tried as much as he could to follow his instinct as to where to go and where to turn. He realized that the labyrinth was much bigger than he had envisioned. After what he thought an eternity he suddenly saw something far on the other side of yet another seemingly endless corridor. His pace quickened for he thought it some kind of a sign of where to go next. But when he came closer he saw that it was a skeleton. A small animal, maybe a fox or something similar. Its bones were pushed to one side and up against the mirror as if searching for comfort in death.
Up until now Joshua was hopeful to find a way out, but this small hope faded fast. “I’m going to die in here,” he thought to himself. A sense of desolation washed over him at the realization that his death would probably not be an easy one. He could make it another day or maybe two without water but then he would begin to weaken and soon he would have to lie down and finally just wait until death would claim him.
* * *
The howling was so loud he could have sworn it was right next to him. Completely startled he let out a crow.
“Where are you?” Grey’s thoughts reached him faintly. He couldn’t remember having ever felt something so comforting in his life.
“I’m here. I’m right here!” He answered. For an instant he saw the wolf’s image in his mind. Then, through the wolf’s eyes, he saw in the mirror the wolf’s companion walking toward him. Just before she reached Grey, an arrow penetrated her side and she died. Then the howling started again.
“Grey, try not to think of her.”
“I can’t!” The wolf answered in agony.
Joshua saw the same sequence over and over again in his mind.
“Stay there! I’ll try to come to you,” Joshua felt the wolf’s pain and fueled by that he ran and flew down the corridor looking for a way to get to the wolf. He made two right turns, certain he had remembered correctly where he was in relation to before. But after two more turns and a dead end, he had lost it again. He kept going, running down long corridors, making turn after turn after turn. Sometimes he thought he saw something far ahead but when he got there it was just his own mirror image in a dead end.
He wandered the endless labyrinth for close to a day. Once in a while he heard the distant howling of the wolf. His heart broke for him and he let out his own rooster crows that echoed eerily through the dark corridors. If they ever reached the wolf he did not know it. In the end he just sank to the ground, exhausted and overwhelmed by the hopelessness of it all. He looked at himself in the mirror, looked at his face, his eyes, his beak. He saw the colors of his tail feathers and the red coloring of his back and wings. He just sat there staring at himself in the mirror for a long time.
The thought came slowly as if approaching from deep inside. It was quiet at first and small. But it gained momentum and at one point Joshua became aware of it.
“There must be a way out.”
Faint still but persistent, the thought grew in strength, and as it grew in strength it grew in hope as well. And suddenly a second thought joined the first.
“We can’t die in here.”
And when this one began to reach his awareness he knew he had to find it in himself to get up.
“Get up.” He thought to himself.
“Get up!” He thought to his mirror image.
“Get UP!”
And then he could no longer dismiss it. He had but one choice—to follow it.
He stood up, let the wave of dizziness wash over him; let the fear and hopelessness take him and pass through him. And then he knew it. There was just no way he would let his friend die. He had to find a way out.
He began to run. He ran down the corridor, not thinking at all what would be the right opening, the right direction to take at any of the cross roads. He just ran what appeared to be a zigzag through the massive labyrinth. Twice he heard distant howling but he kept running. Until suddenly he stepped into nothingness. The floor was gone. By sheer instinct he opened his wings and flew across to what looked like a platform in a large dome like structure that had mirrors only on its sides leaving a large empty space in the middle.
“This must be the center where all the corridors lead to,” he thought to himself. But there was something else. He was missing something. He couldn’t pinpoint it but he was sure he just missed a crucial piece of information. Before he could follow the thought he suddenly saw the large image of a female wolf on one of the mirrors. She looked past him into one of the corridors. When Joshua followed her gaze he saw Grey on the far side of a corridor. At first he couldn’t make out what was happening but then he saw that the wolf ran toward the image. In full speed and with long strides he raced down the corridor toward Joshua…
“NO! Grey, NO!” He screamed in his thoughts while letting out a crow. Out of sheer desperation he flew up in the air and toward the wolf. He made it across the gap to the other side noticing the low glowing remnants of animal bones deep down.
“Grey, stop!” Joshua ran and flew toward Grey who just now seemed to notice Joshua.
“THEREISABIGWHOLEINTHEGROUNDYOUHAVETO
STOP!”
Joshua saw the wolf react to his plea and try to stop his momentum. But the stone was too slippery and both realized that he would not be able to stop himself in time.
“You have to jump!” Joshua yelled in his thoughts while flying up in the air and letting the wolf run under him and toward the large gap. As he turned his head in the air he saw Grey gaining speed again and jumping…
All went quiet in Joshua at that moment. It was as if time stood still. Joshua saw the wolf stretch himself in the air to bridge the gap. He saw his gray coat with two of his paws being almost white. He saw his ears flat against his head and his teeth bared but what he saw beyond this was the wolf’s undying wish to live, to fulfill his promise to his companion to live a full life, to be ALIVE.
At that moment, Joshua was suddenly overcome by a fierce love for the wolf and for all that he was. It was a love reaching from brother to brother bridging the gap between them and enveloping both. And what he felt he could not contain any longer. He let out a crow that carried with it all that he felt at that moment—all his beliefs, all of himself, his past, his present and what he wished to become.
As he cried out, he saw the mirrors move. Not move as such but rather bend. As if a pebble fell into a still lake, the mirrors suddenly had waves in them extending from within toward the outside. And as the wolf landed on the other side of the gap, the mirrors—ALL the mirrors—imploded with a deafening sound. Joshua flew across the gap and while he did, myriads of tiny particles fell to the ground creating a cacophony of sound of shattering glass.
When Joshua landed on the other side he suddenly realized the missing piece of information he could not remember before. The large dome had no ceiling. The night sky illuminated the shattering glass creating a myriad of reflections of star light. Joshua and the wolf watched as the glass particles hit the ground but instead of spreading they began to liquefy almost instantly. Where the mirrors had stood there were now channels. All the pieces of the mirrors flowed into them. The substance had the color of silvery glass, reflecting the moon light high above and emitting a golden glow.
All was suddenly quiet. There were geometrical patterns of the low glowing light in the ground as far as they could see, tracing the footprint of the massive labyrinth that stretched out far into the night. Joshua and the wolf were awestruck. It took them several minutes to process what had happened. They stood, shaking, in the middle of the platform, barely able to grasp what was happening. The beauty in the pattern of the emitting light stood in stark contrast with the utter danger they had barely escaped
.
“We made it,” the wolf thought. “I don’t know how but we made it. Whatever you did, it worked.”
“I didn’t really do anything,” Joshua replied.
“Yes, you did. You stopped me from falling to my death. The pain of seeing my beloved companion die over and over again made me blind to anything except her image.”
Joshua could see the anguish still lingering in the wolf’s eyes.
“I’m just glad it’s over,” Joshua thought.
“Me too,” Grey answered.
“Then let us leave this place and let us go right now,” Joshua replied.
“Agreed,” Grey answered.
As they looked around they saw a path of black stone to the northwest leading across the large gap which was now entirely filled with liquid glass. As they crossed it, Joshua wondered how many animals had lost their lives down there over time.
They decided to follow the widest channel as it seemed to lead out of the maze. As they walked, the smaller channels began flowing into the larger one until they found themselves outside the geometrical patterns on another path made of the same black stone. The liquid glass flowed next to it emitting a golden glow that reached a short distance past them into the darkness and to the edge on the other side of the path they walked on. As they traveled through the night, they could make out the dark silhouettes of hills on both sides against the night sky. Occasionally the stone path came close to large boulders of moss covered rock. The boulders had strange shapes that were reminiscent of serpent’s heads. Sometimes Joshua could make out the shapes of long snake like bodies that were connected to the heads. They must have been here for eons, half buried into the hills. Ancient guardians of the path they walked on.
It was impossible to look deeper into the night as the glow around the path made the darkness beyond it impenetrable. But after a while, Joshua could sense, almost feel, something lurking behind the veil of light.
“Grey.”
“Yes, I can feel it too.”
“What do you think it is?”