by Bolz, Stefan
“No!” Joshua’s thoughts screamed out into the cave. And his rooster crow gave the others hope and strength. They fought the spiders with a newfound ferocity and, for a moment, seemed to get the upper hand. But there were just too many of them. All Joshua could see was the dark bodies of the spiders. He flew up in the air trying to find something to use against them. Then the web hit him from several sides and he was pulled back to the ground. He hit it hard and the spiders began instantly to wrap him into a cocoon.
That was when the vulture flew through the opening. For an instant, Joshua’s heart stopped. Was Krieg dead? Did he loose the battle against her and lay somewhere, body broken and dying? But then Joshua saw him charging through the opening, trampling the spiders underneath him. He gained speed and lifted off into the air. The vulture turned to face him.
“Do you think I really flee from you, war horse?” Her thoughts were shrill and piercing. “I let you pursue me to lead you here. So your friends can witness your final battle and mourn your death before I take them as well. You will make a fine general in my army once I have resurrected you. You will lead legions beyond legions of my soldiers and I will make you the mightiest horse of war that ever existed!”
With that she flew toward him, talons outstretched, her beak ready to penetrate Krieg’s scull in mid air.
“Not this time!” Krieg thought and, just before the vulture reached him, he pulled back with his wings, stopping in mid air and moving his upper body backwards. When the vulture was about to dig her talons into his flesh, Krieg hit her with his hind legs. The blow stopped her in her tracks and for a moment she hung there, suspended in mid air, an expression of disbelief in her face. Then she fell to the ground like a stone. Krieg flew down and when she hit the floor he was there. She got up, disoriented for a moment. Krieg turned and hit her again with his hind legs. She flew through the air screaming, and landed only a few feet away from the opening. The spiders fled from under her.
“KILL HIM! She pushed her thoughts onto them, demanded them to obey her. But before they could react, Krieg turned again and delivered one more blow with his powerful hind legs. She landed inside the opening in a puddle of water.
Her cries filled the cave. Sheer terror stood in her one eye as Krieg held her down. The water began to dissolve her back and her wings, then her chest and head. Krieg let go of her. Joshua felt the terror going through the spiders at the same time as well. But when the vulture was gone, the terror left them in an instant and, for a moment, they remembered who they were and they remembered their brethren next to them and they lay down on the stone and died knowing where they belonged. Their bodies became light and transparent and one moment later they were gone. The cocoons disintegrated alongside them.
Joshua felt his strength leave him almost at once. He was exhausted far beyond his limits and sank to the ground. He saw the wolf collapse next to him and he saw Wind and Krieg leaning against each other before they lay down. He saw the dragon lower his head onto his front legs. Before sleep took him Joshua remembered that he had been here before, that he had walked this cave in his dreams. He had almost reached the end of his journey. When he looked at his companions however, he thought the price too high, the payment too steep. The sting of regret followed him into sleep and did not leave him even after he awoke.
* * *
“Joshua… Joshua…” Grey’s thoughts gently brushed against him. “Joshua, wake up.”
Joshua opened his eyes. The wolf stood over him, nudging him with his nose. Grey looked exhausted. He hadn’t eaten in days. His fur had dried blood in it still—a reminder of his fights with the hyenas and sign of the sacrifices Grey had made on his behalf. After all that had happened Joshua thought he should be happy to be alive. But he felt despair. When he looked at Wind and Krieg who lay together across from him, he felt utter selfishness. Ashamed, he looked aside. Never did the thought of searching for a bunch of feathers somewhere inside a mountain seem more preposterous than at this moment. What had driven him to this? Why did he follow his dream—a dream that had caused pain to everyone involved, including himself?
He felt that something was not right with his body. There was a pain that seemed deeper than just surface scratches. “Will I be paying with my life for this?” He asked himself. At this moment he thought that if he were to die, it would be rightfully so.
“Nonsense,” the wolf’s thoughts, as usual, interrupted his own, attempting to break them up, stir them in a different direction.
“Not this time,” Joshua thought back. “What I did was wrong. I should never have jumped out of the coop. You, Grey, would have been better off. So would everyone. Look at them. Look at you! Don’t you see! The vulture came because of me and we all almost died and with us this world and all the many worlds beyond. What I did was completely irresponsible.”
“You came for me,” Wind’s warmth enveloped him like a breeze in summer, lessened the pain he felt for an instant. “You knew what would happen and you came for me.”
“I did not. It was Krieg who came for you,” Joshua answered.
“And without you we would not have made it to her,” Krieg replied.
“You would have been just fine. You would have been faster. Without me you wouldn’t even be in this position in the first place.”
“Yes. You are right, Joshua.” Krieg stood up. “Without you I would be dead.”
“And without you I would still be imprisoned inside the stone.” Wind added. “You are too hard on yourself, Joshua. Let us help you.”
“No. You can’t. Besides, in my dream I walked this cave alone. There was nobody here except me.”
“But don’t you see?” Wind replied. “You dreamed of this alone but alone you would not have come here. We are here now. With you. We want you to find what you were looking for all this time—”
“BUT WHAT IF IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING?” Joshua was surprised at his outburst. “What if… they are just three feathers on a piece of rock and I… we… did all this to see that it was worthless?” And here it was. The fear of the possible meaninglessness of his journey finally caught up with him. He had thought of this several times throughout their quest, but never did it appear so clearly within him. And now that it was out and known by his friends…, known by his friends that he was in all likelihood a fraud. What would they think? He felt like a child sending her friends on a treasure hunt knowing that there was nothing of value to find at the other end. Suddenly to go this final stretch of the journey seemed to require the most courage. Forget the vulture and all her evil intentions. To have this journey end in utter meaninglessness was more than Joshua could face.
“It will not have been meaningless.” Grey looked at him. His blue eyes holding Joshua’s within them. “But not finishing it would make it so. You have become my friend, Joshua. There can be no greater meaning than this. For either of us.”
Once more the wolf’s clear thoughts were not to be argued with, even though Joshua felt like tearing apart his logic and proving to him that he was wrong, that they all were wrong.
In the end, he had no choice. He needed to finish what he had started, however silly the outcome were to be. And so, he stood up, shook himself and began walking into the cave. Grey took the spot next to him. Krieg and Wind walked behind them and the dragon was last in line. After a few hours they heard the sound of water ahead and eventually they reached a river. It went to the left and to the right. It was wide and Joshua was just about to tell them that he had no idea in which direction to go when Alda’s head peaked out from the current, accompanied by a melody that was reminiscent of a birdsong.
“Alda,” Wind could not contain her joy. “I’m so happy you joined us.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Besides, it is far too important not to witness this,” Alda exclaimed.
“Important? I don’t even know which way to go!” Joshua replied. His mood had not lightened much for the last few hours.
“Follow the river. It will
lead you to your destination,” Alda answered.
“But in my dream I was walking on a straight line.”
“Yes, that is true. But much has happened since then and you are not who you were when you began this journey. Follow me, my red friend. And do not despair.”
And with that she pushed off and slowly the river took her downstream.
“Come, Joshua, fly on my back. No need for you to walk when I can carry you,” Krieg told him. Joshua, still not certain what this was all for, jumped up on his back and sat down.
And so they travelled with the river slowly flowing next to them. Throughout it all Joshua was privy to the dragon communicating with Alda. They shared bits and pieces of the dreams they’d had during their long sleep. Joshua got glimpses of the worlds they had travelled and was astounded by the terrifying darkness of some and the magnificent beauty of others. His small life seemed utterly unimportant in comparison. He was fully aware of the dark clouds that occupied his mind since they had defeated the vulture. But he also knew that there was nothing he could do about it. There had been several moments throughout this journey when he could have given up. Now he couldn’t understand why he didn’t. It would have been so much easier. It would have spared him the moment of truth.
And then he saw it. The entrance to the smaller cave shone through the semi darkness of the one they were in. It was like a beacon pulling them toward it, making sure they arrived safely. Joshua felt his heart beat faster. He exchanged a glance with Grey who reassured him in his thoughts that he would not have to worry and that whatever they would find or not find, would not matter to him at all. Grey seemed tired. Beyond exhausted. Joshua didn’t realize how skinny he had gotten until now. He was only fur and bones. Nothing like the powerful wolf he had first met.
“That is not me you are looking at. I am more than flesh and bones, my dear friend.” The wolf looked at him for a moment. Joshua suddenly had the urge to fly down and walk next to him. And so he did. And until they reached the entrance to the cave, they walked quietly next to each other, enjoying each other’s company.
24. HOME
When they entered the cave they could not believe their eyes. They stood in awe looking at the domed ceiling, its soft glow illuminating the ground on which they stood. Joshua wondered how he could have forgotten this. He saw the patterns in the walls and ceiling—what looked like rivers and valleys and high plateaus. He saw a large circular indentation in the center of the ceiling and the aventurine patches that looked like pastures with threads of the bluest aventurine woven through them. He saw parts of a great lake and for a moment he thought his eyes betrayed him. When he looked closer he saw what seemed like a small house and another building next to it. And from there his eyes found the meadow and the forest beyond that.
“What is this?” He asked, not really expecting an answer.
“I see Hollow’s Gate,” Krieg answered.
“Where?” Joshua asked.
“Right here,” Krieg looked at the center of the ceiling. And now Joshua saw it too. The circular indentation in the middle of the ceiling was a perfect miniature of Hollow’s Gate. He saw the waterfall and he saw what must have been the mirror labyrinth.
“Look, the city of light ruins,” Wind exclaimed.
And now Joshua could see the buildings that were made of light and the beacon in its center.
“How is this possible?” He thought.
“The Gate of Time,” Dragon-Of-The-Stone answered.
“The Gate of Time?” Joshua replied.
“Yes. This cave, the ceiling in particular, is at the same height as the Gate of Time that spans across Hollow’s Gate. It is a horizontal layer that you must have passed through when you came down. And because it is in between the flow of time above and below, it in itself is timeless. In it, past, present and future appear simultaneously. What you see, Joshua, is your own journey. From beginning to end.”
As they went deeper into the cave they saw the Refuge and the Lake of Tears. Wind gasped briefly when she saw the hill with the spider holes. They followed the small river that flowed from the Lake of Tears to the Porte Des Lioness and from there deep into the mountain. They saw the massive head of the lioness in the cliff and beneath it they saw the pond where Broga had waited for them. They saw the cave where the vulture had almost killed Wind and they saw the dark gate into the mountain she used to bring the Pegasus inside. From there their eyes went through the mining town all the way to the dragon’s lair. They saw the crater where Alda came out of the water and they saw the chimney that brought them up and into the large cave. From there they followed the aventurine thread from the ceiling down to the floor. And there it was.
The pillar of stone stood toward the furthermost wall of the cave. When Joshua saw it he thought it was small, nondescript, almost plain. But he could not deny the pull coming from it and he could not help but follow it until he stood before it. He wasn’t able to see what lay on top as the pillar was about 4 feet high but he did see what was behind it and for the tiniest of moments it was as if he looked at himself. There was a full size sculpture of the lioness whose face he had seen in the Refuge and whose presence he had felt during the battle with the spiders and the vulture. He realized at that moment that however much he had tried to deny her presence ever since, he could not do that any longer. He had made room for her once before and he could not close the door to her anymore. He had to leave it open.
He turned around and faced his friends. He saw it in their eyes, saw in them what he could not see within himself. He saw the power and the strength and the grace of the lioness in each of them, reflected back at him. And through their reflection he could no longer deny it in himself. He welcomed her within him and she filled the void he left for her and he felt her strength arise in him. And suddenly he knew. Knew the purpose of his journey, knew where the feathers had lead him.
“Grey, my dear friend,” he thought to the wolf. “I want you to look over here. Tell me what you see.”
Joshua looked up and behind the sculpture of the lioness to her right. The ceiling showed deep green pastures intertwined with forests and aventurine threads of rivers. Grey looked at it for a while. And then he saw her. She stood on the edge of a creek drinking from it. Grey looked from her to Joshua as if he didn’t believe what he saw.
“Look,” Joshua thought to him. “Trust what you see.”
The wolf looked up again and when he did, she saw him. She looked down at him.
“You have found me,” her thoughts whispered. “You have found the ancient hunting grounds of our forefathers.”
“Yes,” Grey thought. “Yes I have.”
Grey looked at Joshua. He could see in the wolf’s eyes the gratitude he felt and, not far behind, the love that was between them.
“Go,” Joshua thought to him. “Go and be with her.”
Grey nodded ever so slightly. He looked from Wind to Krieg to Alda and the dragon and back to Joshua.
“Remember me,” the wolf thought.
“You will never be forgotten,” Joshua answered.
With that Grey laid down in front of him. Looking up onto the ceiling, he put his head down on the ground. His breathing began to slow down. And just before his eyes closed, the great gray wolf from the Ice Forest looked at Joshua one last time. And Joshua was sure he saw him smile. Then he left his earthly form and was gone. His body seemed small as it lay on the cold stone. It was but a remnant of a once great hunter, warrior, and friend. Joshua looked up at the ceiling. And he saw him. He saw as Grey charged full speed across the meadow, through underbrush and up a hill and toward the stream where she waited for him.
“Until we meet again,” the wolf thought to Joshua.
“Until we meet again,” Joshua thought back.
Then the wolf’s thoughts trailed off and Grey and his long lost companion together disappeared into the forest and into the ancient hunting grounds beyond.
* * *
Joshua felt a sting in his
chest when his friend disappeared. But he could not help be content for him at the same time. This was not what he had thought the outcome would be. But then again, he hadn’t really known what to expect.
“He is at peace now,” Krieg thought to him. “A peace that had eluded him for a long time.”
“How about you, Krieg?” Joshua asked. He didn’t really know why he asked. “Are you at peace?”
“I think I am as close to it as I have ever been in my life,” he answered.
There was a moment of silence.
“You can go further,” Wind told him quietly. “Learning to fly was certainly not the end. Questioning your limitations was just the beginning. If you wish, I will show you how you can go further and then go further still.”
“I would very much like that,” Krieg answered. “But I know what you would like as well.”
“What’s that?” Wind asked.
“I want to accompany you to the place of your childhood and stand with you on the ground where you walked in ancient times.”
“And I shall meet you there,” Alda exclaimed.
“And I shall show you the way,” Dragon-Of-The-Stone added.
“That’s settled then,” Joshua added.
“What about you?” Wind asked. Her thoughts played in a breeze that lay on summer fields.