by Marleena
get enough of him -- Tom Paris, the Best Damn Pilot in the Delta
Quadrant and Harry's best friend. What a fine mess you've gotten
yourself into this time.>
"I've got to tell him," she murmured. "I've got to tell Tom that
I can't go through with this marriage, not when the sexual
craving for him is so strong. It's not fair to Harry if I marry
him when I desire another." With that thought in her mind, she
opened the door and stepped into the cabin.
The cabin was dark but she could make out a figure lying on the
floor. "Computer - seventy percent illumination." she ordered.
As soon as the lights came on she saw that Tom was sprawled out
on the deck with a hypospray lying beside him. "Computer --
emergency beam out. Lt. Paris to Sickbay!"
In an instant a blue beam enveloped the lieutenant and
transported him to Sickbay. B'Elanna quickly grabbed the
hypospray and rushed from the cabin and down the hall en route to
the same destination.
Chapter 9
B'Elanna Torres entered Sickbay to find the Doctor working on Tom
Paris. She went over to the biobed and looked at the pilot. He
was deathly pale, and he was having trouble breathing. She looked
up at the monitor, and saw that his vitals were almost nil. She
glanced at the Doctor, who was hooking Paris up to life support.
The EMH then looked at her.
"Lt. Torres," he said running the scanner over Tom's inert form,
"have you informed the Captain about this?"
B'Elanna shook her head, "I was more frightened for him. I wanted
to see if he was alright."
"I will inform the Captain then. As to whether he's all right,
he is not. I have put him on life support for the time being. I have
found a dangerous level of Nocturzine in his system."
B'Elanna looked at the hypsospray in her hand. She felt her heart
sink as she realized what he had done.
left him after I rejected him. I left him when he needed me the
most! How could I be so heartless!>
"Lieutenant?" The Doctor was staring at her curiously, "What do
you have there?"
B'Elanna handed him the hypospray, "He tried to kill himself
again. I left him alone when he needed me the most."
The Doctor took the hypospray and scanned it. It had contained
the same drug that was in Paris' system. The EMH sighed and
tapped his commbadge.
"EMH to Captain Janeway."
"Janeway here. What is it, Doctor?"
"It's Mr. Paris, Captain. I request your presence in Sickbay."
Janeway felt a sense of dread fall over her, "I'm on my way.
Chakotay you have the Bridge."
* * * * * * *
When Janeway entered Sickbay, she saw B'Elanna standing over a
biobed. On closer inspection, she saw Tom lying on the bed. She
gasped when she saw how pale the pilot was.
"Torres, what happened?" She asked, stunned.
"I left him alone, Captain. I found him in his quarters barely
alive. I found a hypospray beside him."
Janeway stared at Tom. A chill went up her spine as she
realized what he did.
"Mr. Paris injected all the contents of the hypospray into his
system," the Doctor spoke her fears, "He was barely alive when he
was beamed in. If Torres hadn't went to his quarters when she
did..."
"He would have died," Janeway concluded, "How is he?"
I put him on life support. He was having trouble breathing, and
his pulse was almost none existent. It will take a while for the
drug to leave his system."
"How long?" B'Elanna asked.
"Probably three days," the EMH answered, "He might not awaken
before then."
"I should have stayed with him," B'Elanna said, trying to keep
herself calm, "I should have told Carey to handle the warp core.
I could have brought Tom with me."
Janeway placed an arm around the distraught engineer. She could
fell B'Elanna tremble, so she gave her a reassuring hug.
"It wasn't your fault, B'Elanna. You had no idea Tom was going to
try again. You were needed in Engineering."
B'Elanna shook her head. She felt guilty for leaving Paris in the
state he was in. She stared at the pilot's pale face as she felt
the tears sting her eyes. She closed them and let the tears fall.
She opened her eyes to find her vision had blurred. She wiped the
tears from her eyes. She then reached a shaking hand and stroked
Paris' hair.
"I'm sorry, Tom," she whispered.
"There's nothing else I can do for him," the Doctor announced,
"We'll just have to wait until he wakes up."
Janeway nodded, "Let me know when he wakes, Doctor. I want to
know what caused him to do this again."
The Doctor nodded. The two knew that it was more than depression
that caused Paris to try to kill himself again.
"I want to stay with him," B'Elanna spoke up, "I don't want to
leave him again. Not for anything."
Janeway glanced at the Doctor, who nodded, "If it will help her
then it is best for her to stay."
The Captain agreed then left Sickbay. She wanted to get to the
bottom of this. To do so, she had to let Chakotay and Tuvok know
what was going on.
though it's apart of the whole, I know it's not all of it.>
* * * * * * * *
Three days before they reached the station, Kim and Lerise were
getting more comfortable with each other. Kim had gotten over his
guilt about leaving Tom behind, and he had learned a lot about
Lerise. He learned that Alera loved classical music. She had
practically lit up when he popped in one of his audio chips and
it started to play Mozart. The two talked about music since then.
He mentioned to her that he played the clarinet and she became
even more interested. He was surprised.
B'Elanna didn't much care about his musical interests. He had
tried to get her to join him in a holoprogram where he could
play before an audience. She had told him she had things to take
care of in Engineering and quickly left.
always made an excuse no to hear me play. Sometimes, I think she
cares more about her engines than me.>
Kim shook his head at that,
married to her. Faults and all. Yet, I have more in common with
Alera.>
Kim thought about what else they had in common. They both worked
in two departments. They both worked in Engineering on occasion.
They were both quiet, though Kim was more social that her.
When he began to compare Lerise to Torres, he realized that the
two were complete opposites. B'Elanna was a dark beauty, while
Alera had dark blonde hair and hazel eyes. Though they were both
of mixed heritage, B'Elanna was half-Klingon while Alera was
half-Betazoid. B'Elanna had a vicious temper, while Alera was almost
timid.
Kim suddenly realized that Lerise was just what he wanted in a
wife. Someone he could talk to, and share his feelings and
interests with.
* * * * * * * *
Captain's Log
I regret to report that Tom Paris has tried to commit suicide
again, and this time he may succeed. Currently, he is lying in
Sickbay on life support barely alive. If B'Elanna hadn't
returned to his cabin when she had I would now be preparing for a
funeral for our Chief Pilot as it is those preparations may still
need to be made; for now we wait -- wait to see if the Lieutenant
will awake.
According to the Doctor's estimation, he should be waking soon --
and it can't come too soon. The last few days have been hell
waiting for him to return to us. Though I knew why he resorted
to the first attempt, I was somewhat surprised by this attempt.
I thought that he had been doing better, he had regained some of
the weight he had lost and appeared to be on the road to
recovery. And then there's B'Elanna Torres. B'Elanna hasn't
left his side since she found him in his cabin. When questioned
as to why she thought he had tried again, she can provide no
answer other than that she blames herself for leaving him alone.
Per my instructions, Mr. Tuvok is investigating the incident as
is in keeping with Starfleet protocol. Reluctantly, I was
obligated to relate to him what Mr. Paris had told me in
confidence a few weeks ago. When I told him of Mr. Paris love
for our Chief Engineer, he just cocked one eyebrow and replied
matter-of-factly: 'I've always thought that our Chief Pilot
harbored strong feelings for B'Elanna Torres.' That will be the
last time I assume that matters of the heart are not noticed by
my Chief of Security. At least though I know with Mr. Tuvok that
that information will not be spread throughout the crew.
End of Log.
* * * * * * *
Per the Captain's request, Tuvok reviewed what little
information that he had gathered on Mr. Paris' suicide attempt.
His suspicions that Mr. Paris was attracted to Ms. Torres had
been confirmed by the Captain. And Tuvok also knew that human
emotions, especially emotions driven by love, accounted for many
acts of violence -- not only to others but also to ones self, but
it did not explained what happened the night of the second
attempt to push him to try it again. Talking with Lt. Torres
about the pilot's activities over the previous few days had
proved fruitless, she had been unable -- or unwilling -- to
provide any further information. She only mentioned that their
days had been relatively uneventful and that she and Tom had been
in a holodeck program shortly before he had injected himself with
the drug.
Reviewing the holodeck data logs Tuvok had found out that the
programmed had not been security locked and as such visual and
audio data existed on what had transpired that day. Tuvok
brought this new-found information to the Captain's attention and
with her security clearance accompanied by his own they were able
to view what had occurred that fateful day.
The Captain and Tuvok adjourned to the holodeck and asked the
computer to holo-create what had transpired during the time and
B'Elanna and Tom were they three days ago.
"Initiate holodeck program Paris Epsilon 3 replay of last time
the program was activated authorization Janeway Delta Omega 12
and. . ."
Tuvok authorization Alpha Sigma 7." Tuvok supplied completing the
command.
When the computer brought up the start of the program and the
Captain saw the green forest and the waterfall she was taken back
to the conversation she had had with Tom weeks ago in Sickbay.
feelings,> she thought as the program began and a holographic Tom
Paris and B'Elanna Torres entered the forest.
All seemed to be going relatively well at first then the scene
where the two argued about her repressing her Klingon heritage
was presented. Hearing the two quarrel about this subject, the
Captain had to side with her pilot. B'Elanna could never
suppress her Klingon side successfully for very long and she
wouldn't be true to herself if she did.
Then the scene played where B'Elanna reminded Tom that both Harry
and she would be there if he needed them.
hurt,> Kathryn thought realizing how those few words must have
sounded to Tom.
A little while later both Tom and B'Elanna where suddenly kissing
each other with a wild abandon only to have B'Elanna finally pull
away and say something to him.
"Can you replay those words again Tuvok, I couldn't quite
understand what was said," she asked the Vulcan.
"Certainly, Captain," Tuvok responded and he requested that the
program re-cue to the point just before B'Elanna pulled away and
clarify the words and raise the volume.
The Captain listened intently as B'Elanna spoke the following
words: 'I can't . . . We can't . . . . It's not right, Tom, not
. . . . not honorable. I'm engaged to Harry, I love him and he's
your friend. What were we thinking?'
"Oh my!" the Captain said as she looked at Tuvok. "I think we
may have the answer."
"Captain?" Tuvok responded not understanding the implications
behind B'Elanna words.
"Honor, Tuvok. Klingon honor," she said simply. "I believe when
B'Elanna said about their actions not be honorable she was
referring to herself, but Tom may have misinterpreted her to mean
that he wasn't honorable and therefore not worthy. And then to
mention that she is engaged to Harry and that Harry is his friend
only served to confirm to him that he was worthless."
"And he would have concluded that if he were no longer alive,
that he wouldn't have to hurt either Ms. Torres or Mr. Kim."
"Exactly. Sometimes Tom is more Klingon in his quest for honor
than if he had gone through the Klingon Day of Honor himself."
* * * * * * * *
Tom Paris woke three days after he had overdosed. He groggily
opened his eyes, and looked around his surroundings. His eyes
finally focused on Captain Janeway. Her concerned face appeared
before him, and he knew why she was here.
believe I've truly lost my mind.>
Tom closed his eyes, but Janeway's voice brought his attention
to her. Blue eyes stared at gray as Paris waited to be
reprimanded.
"Tom, I don't want to have to order you to talk to someone,"
Janeway said softly, "But you have to talk sometime. Keeping all
this to yourself is only tearing you up."
Tom closed his eyes. The Captain was right, but what
difference would it make? If anything it would only make things
worse. He took a deep breath only to cough loudly. He then felt
his head swim. He closed his ey
es tightly as he felt his stomach
lurch. He groaned, and put a hand on his head.
"I feel sick," he rasped, "What happened?"
Janeway placed a hand on his arm, "You overdosed on Nocturzine.
You've been unconscious for three days, and on life support."
Tom's memory resurfaced and he nodded. He looked away from her
only to find the Doctor scanning him. He closed his eyes and
sighed. He was so close that time, but someone had saved him in
time again.
"Well, Mr. Paris," the EMH spoke, "the drug is almost out of your
system. In the next couple days you will be going through
withdrawal. You will be extremely ill."
He looked at Janeway and continued, "I recommend someone to stay
with him. He will need someone to be with him through all this.
It might also help him deal with whatever is causing him to do
this."
Janeway nodded, "I believe Lt. Torres will want to stay with him.
It might help her get over her guilt for leaving him."
The Doctor agreed. He then looked at his tricorder, and nodded,
"I suggest he stay in his quarters until this is over."
Janeway nodded and tapped her commbadge, "Janeway to Torres."
"Torres here," the engineer's voice sounded on edge. As if she
had been waiting for them to call her with bad news.