by J. C. Reed
“Laurie?” Jude’s voice drew me back in.
“Obviously, I’ll have to give it more thought and—” I brushed my fingers through my knotted hair, faintly aware of the fact that if I was to marry Chase, I’d have to schedule an appointment with a hairdresser and find a dress and…
Oh, God.
I was officially crazy, because no woman in her right mind would marry a stranger. Not even one as hot as Chase, especially not after the previous night and relentless memories of his tongue between my legs, licking me, filling me with want and need for his hard body. I pressed my legs together, my mind fighting to suppress the haunting images before my eyes. But I was so turned on, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was written across my forehead.
“I can’t believe it,” Jude said, jerking me out of my thoughts. “You’re getting married, and then you and Chase will end up having lots of babies and I’ll be Auntie Jude.”
“No.” I slapped her arm gently before she got completely carried away and started choosing baby names. I had thought hard about it and eventually came to the conclusion that the shorter we kept the entire experience, the better. “I’m not really getting married, Jude. It would be a fake marriage that would lead to a fake divorce. I wouldn’t stay married to him.”
Her delighted smile disappeared. “Why not?”
“Because.” I threw my hands up in despair. “There are a million reasons. Like the fact that we know literally nothing about each other.”
“You’re using ‘literally’ in the wrong context, sweetie. Technically, you know more than nothing about him, like his name and how he earns his living. Then there’s his age.”
Which was true. And I also knew the tattoo hidden behind his tight shirt. The way he slept. The way he kissed. What he tasted like.
Oh, God.
Why wouldn’t those naughty thoughts ever stop torturing me?
“I got it,” I said, irritated.
“Did you really?” Jude asked, eyes glinting with humor.
“Yes.” I rolled my eyes. “The point is, marriage is a huge commitment. Every second couple is getting divorced, and even if this isn’t your usual love relationship, I don’t want my future to be marked by it.”
I winced inwardly as I realized how I sounded.
Why was I even bothered by the fact that Chase and I might get a divorce one day in the near future when it was nothing but a business proposition anyway?
“I mean, who wants a woman who couldn’t even stay married for a year?” I added. “It’s a bad stigma, like running away from the altar, or ditching someone for your job. I don’t want to add ‘unstable’ to my almost nonexistent relationship résumé. Same for him. I don’t want to jeopardize his future and ruin the chance of him meeting ‘the one.’”
Even as I said the words, my throat choked up. Eventually, he would meet ‘the one’ and then I’d be completely out of his system.
The thought sucked. It made me furious, both with him and with myself for thinking it.
What was wrong with me? Chase didn’t belong to me, so the feeling of jealousy came out of nowhere.
“May I remind you he’s the answer to your prayers, Hanson?” Jude whispered. “This could all be a sign. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s meant to be.”
“A sign of what?” I asked warily.
“Of bigger things to come.”
I stared at her. “Seriously? Do you really believe in that stuff?”
“I do. Let me take out my astrology chart and give you a few pointers.” She grinned.
“That’s interesting. Next thing I know you’ll be reading my future.”
She sat up, tucking her legs beneath her. “Okay, what’s his sign?”
“I was being sarcastic, Jude,” I muttered, adding, “Besides, I don’t know.”
“Well, ask him.” She pushed my cell phone across the table.
“I can’t just call him.”
“Why not?”
I threw my hands up again in exasperation. “Because—” My brain failed to come up with a plausible reason. Chase had insisted that I call him anytime—only, people said things like that all the time without actually meaning them.
Jude raised her brows. “Come on. You really need to know the significant stuff.”
I laughed out loud. Knowing his astrological sign was hardly significant. In fact, it couldn’t be more trivial.
“Fine. I’ll text him.” With Jude peeking over my shoulder, my fingers flew over the touchscreen buttons as I typed the message.
What’s your sign? In case you ask, Jude wants to compile a personality chart, even though I’m strictly against it. Don’t ask. I didn’t know she was psychic either.
I pressed the send button before I could change my mind and put the cell phone aside because it wasn’t important. Even if Chase and I married, I didn’t need to know anything about him. In fact, I even muted the sound so I wouldn’t read his reply straight away.
Jude regarded me with an amused smile on her face.
“What?” I asked, irritated.
She shook her head, all fake innocence. “Nothing.”
Unfortunately, ‘nothing’ was never really nothing with Jude. A few moments later, the screen lit up with a reply.
I’m a Taurus. Very passionate lover who enjoys giving and taking in equal measures. If you open up your heart, I’ll treasure it forever while carrying you on the wings of passion.
Jude giggled. “He’s so hot.”
“I can’t believe you’re falling for this crap.” I switched off my phone and pushed it across the table. “Obviously, he looked it up on Google and now he’s feeding us what he thinks we want to hear. He’s such a player.”
Wings of passion?
Make it more like wings of his fingers.
I drew a shallow breath as I remembered the way his exploring fingers almost broke my self-control.
For crying out loud.
I had almost slept with the guy. Now, in broad daylight and with him at a safe distance, I was happy I hadn’t gone through with it, because who knew…maybe he would have changed his mind about marrying me once he got the cream, proverbially speaking.
“He’s probably slept with thousands of women,” I added, not least to convince myself that men like Chase came with a big, fat ‘player’ sign scribbled all over their face and private parts.
“Maybe, but experience is sexy in a guy,” Jude said, still grinning.
Experience?
The guy probably had a little black book containing all the names of his conquests plus pictures so he could remember them all. If we walked into any bar in L.A. he’d probably know half the female clientele. The fact that he drove me to a stranded bar so far out of the city for our initial interview proved that point. The female population he hadn’t fucked was probably diminishing by the day, and I was one of the few remaining closed-legged women he had left to chase.
Come to think of it, my legs hadn’t exactly stayed closed, either.
I slumped against the cushions and rubbed a hand over my hip where his fingers had dug into my skin to bring my core closer to his talented tongue.
After twenty-two years of staying out of a man’s bed, even I hadn’t been able to resist him.
Men like him should come with a warning: danger to your panties.
“Aren’t you going to reply?” Jude asked.
“Sure.” I sighed, focusing my mind on what to write. Eventually, I typed up a message, then showed it to Jude.
I’m an Aries and I’m very much into the whole BDMS thing. In fact, why don’t you send over your ego right now so I can kick its ass before it can fly away on its wings of passion.
Jude laughed. “You’re a lost cause.”
“I try.” I shrugged and took a deep breath, my mood dimming as the stack of opened letters on my desk caught my eye—all reminders of my failure.
“No job yet, huh?” Jude said, following my line of vision.
I shook my head. “N
ot even the slightest hint of interest. Just one rejection after another. I’m overqualified for most normal jobs and not qualified enough for anything related to my degree.”
It was so frustrating, I felt like hitting a wall.
“You could always start your own business.”
“With what money, Jude? Every business needs investment. Besides, what could I possibly be doing?”
“I don’t know.” She fell silent for a moment and her forehead creased in concentration. “You have a phone, so you could offer a phone service, you know, people call in and ask for your opinion.”
Not bad…if only it were realistic and could actually make money. And then there was another problem.
Google.
“What sort of opinion?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “They could call and ask you for the time in Alaska.”
“What a fantastic idea. I’ll be able to pay the rent in no time,” I said, struggling to keep my sarcasm in check. “And then I would never have to be lonely again, because between you and me, it must be heaven to have your phone ringing at the most unfortunate hours, and you get to chat to all the creeps in the world. Really, sometimes I have no idea how you come up with all those crazy plans of yours.”
Jude’s expression darkened instantly. “At least one of us can pay the bills, you know.”
I could tell she was pissed by her rigid stance. “I didn’t mean—”
“If you started blogging like me, and actually invested some time rather than giving up so easily, then your work might actually get you somewhere,” Jude said.
Ouch.
“I’m sorry,” I said, ready to back off, because she was right. Jude was the most inventive person I knew, and probably the most capable. She always persevered, and when one plan didn’t pan out, the next one was already waiting around the corner. She had started almost fifty blogs and worked her ass off trying to hook advertising companies before she found success with one. For that, she deserved more than just my respect.
“I can’t do that,” I whispered. “What you do, blogging…it’s amazing, but I don’t have that gift, Jude. It’s not something you learn.”
She heaved a long sigh. “I was just trying to help you. It doesn’t have to be what I’m doing.”
“I know.” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. “Thank you for watching out for me.” My voice broke at the realization that she was the only one who did. She was the only thing I had left in the world. While Chase seemed to be around now, it had been Jude who brought him into my life in the first place. It had been her who made the impossible possible. For a change, I wanted to do something nice for her.
“Let me take you out.” I jumped up and pulled her to her feet.
“No, Laurie.”
“I insist.” The fleeting thought of a maxed-out credit card entered my mind and left it just as quickly. I wasn’t much of a drinker, and wherever Jude appeared, guys offered to pay. Some even forked out a drink or two on me in the hope to impress her with their display of so-called generosity. The whole evening wouldn’t cost me more than forty bucks. A hundred, tops. A few dollars, more or less, wouldn’t really make much difference to my overexerted bank account. And to be honest, I really owed her.
“Maybe tomorrow.”
Judging from the way she kept fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, she wanted to come. She wanted it badly; she just felt guilty at the prospect of letting me pay.
“Clint has left me some money. We might as well spend it.” The half-lie made it past my lips so fast, I barely had time to acknowledge it.
Yes, Clint had insisted I cash in my allowance check, but it was for life-threatening emergencies only. Besides, I wasn’t comfortable taking money from him. He was already too involved in my life, always lecturing me on the merits of dedication and hard work. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of admitting that my attempts at attaining financial independence had remained fruitless and would most likely stay that way for a long time.
“In that case—”
I didn’t catch the rest because Jude was already out the door, and halfway across the hall, heading for her bedroom. I followed and watched her through the open door as she chose two outfits for us—dresses so short I knew I’d end up tempted to wear a long coat just to hide my half-bared ass. Maybe Jude didn’t mind flashing her panties to anyone who wanted a glimpse, but it wasn’t really my thing having other people staring up my legs.
I was ready to tell her just that when she tossed a piece of fabric my way and glared in case I started an argument with her.
For once, I clamped my mouth shut and just did as she expected of me.
Chapter 3
Five minutes into our drink at Jude’s favorite bar and already there was a line of interested guys, all eyeing up her long, toned legs and devastatingly low cleavage. She had it all: slender, tall body, hair and skin to die for, and the charm to enchant an entire room with just a modest smile. But I wasn’t envious, because being a male magnet had a huge downside to it.
“Did the guy just grope me?” she whispered, pointing at the grinning man in the adjacent cubicle. He was half sitting, half leaning toward Jude, his naked arm almost resting on the back of Jude’s chair, his fingers brushing suggestively over the polished wood. He winked at me, knowing we were talking about him, and leaned forward, ready to commence whatever he thought was his game, when I turned my back on him.
“Talk about creepy.” I rolled my eyes and agreed to swap seats with her even though I knew it wouldn’t stop his ogling, or the next brainless ape, who thought every attractive woman was an easy catch.
The bar was full, as usual. The chatter of conversations intermingled with the background music. We were at Jude’s usual table, which the bartender had cleared the moment she had entered the door.
“I can’t believe you’re getting married,” Jude said. “I feel like a mother bird whose baby’s leaving the nest, flying into the unknown. I’ll have to teach you everything I know about the birds and the bees.”
I laughed at the twinkling in her eyes. “There’s not going to be any of that, because Chase and I aren’t interested in consummating the marriage.”
Her brows shot up. “So you’ve decided to marry him?”
Dammit! Why did she have this uncanny ability to coax people into revealing their plans and decisions before they even knew for sure what those plans and decisions were?
“I don’t know,” I said. “My head tells me that it’s a stupid idea. It’s all so definite and scary.”
“It probably is…for a commitment phobe, like you.” Her blue eyes narrowed on me.
“I don’t suffer from commitment phobia.”
“And you want me to believe you?” She regarded me with raised eyebrows. “There are sexy guys and there are good, nice guys. And then there’s a mixture of both.”
“Let me guess, Chase belongs to the last category,” I said, and raised my brows. “Your point being?”
“My point being he’s a rare breed. A catch.” She smiled. “In all honesty, what keeps you back, Laurie? Life doesn’t have to be as difficult as you make it out to be. It’s hard, and cutting, full of mistakes and failures, but once you’ve reached the top, with the sky so low you can almost touch it, and the whole world at your feet, it’s beautiful and exhilarating. You’ll see it’s worth the ride.”
“Full of mistakes and failures? Where’s the beauty in that?” I joked, smirking.
“You know there’s beauty in everything. You’re just not looking hard enough. So…what do you really want?” Jude asked.
I regarded her, surprised by the sudden determined edge in her voice. “You know what I want.”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t know. At some point I thought it was obvious, but not anymore. You’ve been talking about those letters for years. Now here’s your chance to go after them, to uncover the truth and find peace once and for all. It’s most certainly your last chance,
Laurie. You said so yourself. And yet here you are, hesitating, suddenly afraid. All my effort to help you has been in vain.”
“Nothing’s been in vain. By me getting engaged, Clint got the point that I’m not after his money. I’m no threat, but I’m also not afraid,” I whispered.
Or was I?
She leaned over the table and squeezed my hand, her warmth seeping into my skin. “Then just do it, get what you want, and then move on with your life. It’s not like you’re pressuring him. He wants to do it. He’s made his choice. Now you need to make yours. It’s about time you leave the past behind.”
That was easier said than done when it kept staring in your face day in, day out. Jude didn’t understand what I had risked to break free and get away. Getting married to receive my mother’s letters would mean that I might end up diving back into the past, where danger lurked. Clint was a powerful man with many connections and dangerous friends. The letters might provide all the answers I’d sought for years, but they could be answers I might not like. The truth was I wasn’t sure if I was really ready to know all the secrets that had plagued my mother. The last months with her—her vacant expression, the angry outbursts followed by fits of crying—still haunted my dreams. I dreaded the letters would not help me eradicate the past, but rather strengthen my fears and suspicions.
“Laurie,” Jude whispered. “Remember you’re not alone. I’ll always be here to help you, and I’m sure Chase won’t let you down. Sometimes the hardest lesson to learn is not to fight whatever’s coming your way. Get the letters and see what happens. For all you know, maybe your mom just wanted to tell you how much she loved you and she could only do so on paper. You need them for yourself to find out what she wanted you to know.”
Nodding slowly, I buried my gaze in my cocktail glass, watching the bubbles slowly dissolving.