by Virna DePaul
God, it was so good to kiss him. To have him touch her again. Lucy could hardly breathe. She was dizzy and she felt like she might very well black out. Her panties were soaked by the time he gently disengaged his fingers from her hair and pulled back.
She opened her eyes and he was staring into hers with an intense smoldering look that made her want to take him right there on the desk. Instead, she forced herself to take a step back.
“Bye, Luce. Take care of yourself, okay?”
“You, too,” she said simply. Because what else was there to say?
He turned then started walking away. She stared at the notes on her desk, the words a blur, when her cell phone rang.
* * *
Jamie automatically turned back as Lucy’s phone continued to ring.
She was staring at the screen, frowning, clearly distressed.
He hesitated. He hadn’t intended to kiss her and the fact he wanted to do it again told him he should get the hell out of there. But something about the strained look on her face…
“Lucy,” he said. “What is it?”
“It’s my father,” she whispered. “I—I haven’t talked to him in fifteen years.”
“How does he have your cell phone number?”
“I—I don’t know. Unless…” She looked up at him. “I called Gail once. Years ago. Left her a message with my number, hoping to…” She shook her head.
Gail was her older sister and as far as Jamie knew, they hadn’t spoken in over a decade. When she didn’t continue, he placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked back at him.
“Something must be wrong.”
“Answer it, Luce. I’m right here with you.”
Seeming comforted by his words, she lifted the phone to her ear. “Hello?”
He heard a muffled voice. Could just make out the words “Gail” and “don’t think she’s going to make it,” before Lucy dropped the phone and her knees collapsed. Jamie barely caught her before she hit the ground.
Swiftly, he swept her into his arms, cradling her in his lap as he sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk.
She was pale with shock, her gaze desperate.
When they were dating, Lucy hadn’t told him much about her family besides the fact that they were estranged. When he’d tried to dig further about why that was the case, why she’d walked away not only from her mother and father, but from her sister, too, she’d clammed up. But it was obvious the news about her sister had completely shaken her.
“Hang on to me, sweet thing,” he said. “I’ve got you.”
She took several deep breaths. When her color returned and her gaze met his, he shifted, gently placed her in the chair, and crouched beside her. He noted with more than a small amount of concern how she clutched at his shirt, as if she was afraid he was going to abandon her in her time of need.
“I’m going to get your phone and call your father back. Do you understand?”
She just stared at him.
“Luce, let go of me. Just for a few seconds. I need to call your father back, okay?”
After several seconds, she nodded and with great effort released her hold on his shirt. He took her hands in his, squeezed them, and kissed her forehead. “I’m here for you, Luce. I’m not leaving.”
Jamie swiftly retrieved the phone before retuning to place a comforting hand on her leg. He called the last number that had come through on her phone.
A hoarse male voice answered. “Yes?”
“This is Jamie Whitcomb, a friend of Lucy’s. Lucy is extremely upset and I need to find out what’s going on so I can help her.”
“Lucy’s sister Gail and her husband Mason were in a car accident. Mason died at the scene. Gail…it’s not looking good. If Lucy wants a chance to say goodbye, she needs to get to the hospital right away.”
“How much time do we have?”
“Hours. Maybe.”
Shit.
Jamie got the information he needed, hung up, and made more phone calls. The entire time, he remained next to Lucy, caressing her leg. After disconnecting from his latest call, he said, “I’m so sorry, Luce. Tell me what you know.”
“Accident…Mason dead…Gail isn’t expected to live.”
He nodded. “Your father said they were driving home to Palm Springs when the accident occurred. They were airlifted to a trauma center called Desert Regional Medical Center. I have all the information, but Lucy…I called the airlines and there’s no commercial flight out of here until ten a.m. tomorrow.”
She gave a cry of dismay.
“Don’t worry. I can get you there in a few hours.”
“How?”
“I have access to a private jet.”
She stared at him. “Of course you do,” she seemed to choke out even as she looked away.
Gently, he turned her face back toward him. “Please don’t reject my help because of some ill will you harbor toward—”
“I’m not. I’m not going to reject it. Help me. Please.”
CHAPTER TWO
An hour after the phone call with her father, Lucy pressed her forehead to the cool glass of the tinted window and watched the lights of the city blur past them as the driver navigated them to the San Francisco Airport. She could vaguely hear Jamie talking to the pilot about taking them to Palm Springs. When he finished, she felt the warmth of his hand on her shoulder. She didn’t move into him as she wanted to, but she didn’t pull away, either. They rode in silence until the limousine parked in a secure area of the airport and stopped about thirty feet from a deluxe looking silver jet with “WHITCOMB ENTERPRISES” stenciled across the side in elegant black letters.
After exiting the limo, Jamie led Lucy up the ramp and into the jet. A woman in a black skirt and blazer helped her through the jet doors and led her to an open area with several plush seats. They were nothing like the airline seats she’d seen in the past, not even in first class, which she’d used her points to bump up to once. Lucy shuffled to one of the recliners and practically collapsed into it. She was vaguely aware of Jamie buckling her seat belt as she glanced around the rest of the jet. It had a wet bar and an espresso machine. A closed door toward the back had her wondering if there was actually a bedroom on board.
He sat down in the recliner next to hers and took her hand. She closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall into a deep sleep from which she could wake and start the day over again. She concentrated on the feel of Jamie’s grip and way he occasionally stroked her arm.
Mason had used to stroke her arm like that. Despite how things had ended between them, he’d always been affectionate and caring. That’s why it had stunned her when he’d walked away from her so easily, only to take up with Gail. Now Mason was dead. His eyes, which had reminded her of dark chocolate and could light up her world when he laughed, would never light up again. Oh God.
She sobbed and instinctively moved away from Jamie. Think of Gail, she told herself. Gail is still alive. With Gail there’s still hope.
As Lucy closed her eyes, however, hope eluded her.
The doctors don’t think she’s going to make it, her father had said.
But she has to make it, Lucy thought.
Her older sister couldn’t die.
She couldn’t die without Lucy seeing her. Without Lucy telling her she loved her.
Time lost meaning, and Lucy’s mind drifted between the past and the present. The next thing she knew, someone was shaking her and calling her name.
“Lucy, we’re here,” Jamie said.
Her eyes popped open. The lingering dream she’d been having of her and Gail, nine and eleven, making bracelets for each other that said, “My sister/My best friend,” drifted away. Within minutes, they were on the move again, in another limo, then pulling up in front of the doors of a big hospital. She wasn’t sure how she managed to put one foot in front of the other, much less breathe, but somehow Jamie held her firm and steady and got her inside.
Everything seemed to be happen
ing so fast. She couldn’t get a hold on reality. All she could do was cling to Jamie and the safety and comfort he represented, even as a part of her knew his presence and those feelings were only temporary. He was leaving the university. Had come to her classroom just hours ago to say good-bye. Unfortunately for him, he’d gotten caught in this maelstrom that was currently her life, but soon she’d have to pull herself together and deal with the reality of what was happening on her own.
Soon, she’d have to let Jamie walk away.
A nurse directed them to the ICU on the tenth floor. The elevator opened into the waiting room and the sight of all the people she’d avoided for fifteen years twisted her stomach into a tight knot. Her mother and father looked very much as they should after the passing of fifteen years, their hair grayer, their bodies more fragile, their faces painted with lines she didn’t remember. They sat on a sofa next to one of her aunts, who didn’t look like she’d aged at all. Mason’s parents were seated in a corner with his mother’s face buried in his father’s chest.
There were men in suits standing around the perimeter of the room, and by their posture Lucy suspected they were her father’s bodyguards; even before Lucy had left home at sixteen, her father, a congressman, had already received several threats on his life. He’d been fanatical about ensuring his family was safe and terribly furious each time Lucy had ditched her guards in order to have some time to herself.
Her father neither rose nor called her over. He just stared at her and she knew what he was wishing. That it was her lying in the ICU bed rather than Gail.
Her mother followed her father’s gaze and the second she saw Lucy, her face contorted. She stood, then rushed to Lucy, pulling her into her arms as she sobbed. For several precious seconds, Lucy closed her eyes, cherishing the feel of her mother’s embrace. But before she could begin sobbing, too, her mother pulled away.
In all these years, her mother had never reached out to Lucy. Not once. She’d never betray her husband in such a way.
“Gail?” Lucy asked.
When her mother’s expression crumpled and she dissolved into tears again, Lucy knew.
Her big sister, her first best friend, her first confidante was dead.
“Milly…” her mother murmured.
“Milly is home with the nanny,” her father said.
“Milly?” Lucy asked.
Her mother looked up. “Gail and Mason’s baby. She’s six months old.”
Oh God. Gail had had a daughter and no one had told her? She shouldn’t be surprised. And she wasn’t blameless. While it was true neither her parents nor Gail had tried to contact her to make amends, Lucy had tried only once—when she’d left her cell phone number on Gail’s answering machine. For fifteen years, she’d let hurt feelings and pride dictate her actions and now…
She sobbed, a broken sound that sounded more broken because of the way she tried to hold it back. Somehow, Lucy’s mother was returned to the embrace of her husband. Then Jamie had his arm around her.
She looked up at him. “I need to see her,” she said. “I need to—I need to say goodbye.”
His expression solemn, he nodded. “Okay, Luce. We’ll see her together.”
She closed her eyes in relief. As independent as she was, his presence strengthened her.
“Thank you, Jamie,” she said.
It wasn’t the last time she’d say those words to him that night. She said it after they saw Gail’s lifeless form and Lucy said her final goodbye. She said it after Jamie spoke with her mother and father, then guided her through the process of getting her back home. When the car got to Lucy’s apartment building, she turned to him to say thank you yet again, as well as goodbye, but he simply guided her out of the car, picked her up in his arms, and carried her inside. Surprised and feeling too weak to resist, she leaned her head against his chest.
By the time Jamie tucked her into bed, she was practically asleep.
“I’m going to sleep on the couch,” he said.
But before he could walk away, she somehow managed to ask, “Can you stay here? Just for a while longer?”
He looked back at her. Hesitated. Then nodded. “Of course.”
He kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed with her. As she shifted to turn on her side, he pulled her close so that he was spooning her back. She felt him kiss her temple.
“I’ve missed you, Jamie. I’m so glad we’re still friends.”
“Me, too, sweet thing,” he said. “Me, too.
She let out a shuddering sigh. He really was a very nice man. He would make someone a wonderful partner. An excellent husband. But not her, she reminded herself.
Not her.
Seeing her parents—especially her father—had reminded her she could never fit into Jamie’s affluent world. Could never toe the line the way that would be expected. Could never meld into the mold that others would want to put her in.
But despite that knowledge, for the first time in over fifteen years, she wished she could.
CHAPTER THREE
Two weeks later
“How are you doing, Lucy?” Grace asked.
The other woman had her legs stretched out in front of her on the comfortable lounge chair that sat on the deck of Melina’s beautiful home. Lucy had arrived in Vegas earlier in the day and the three of them were enjoying some alone time together while Melina’s twins, Charlie and Tabitha, slept and while Max and Rhys made final preparations for the opening of their new magic theater the next night. Lucy figured Jamie was also in town, but she was trying to put that fact out of her mind.
Unfortunately, she had too many things she didn’t want to think about; obviously her sister’s death was number one on the list. It was virtually all she’d been able to think about and for the first week following Gail’s death, Lucy had hibernated in bed with her shades drawn, crying more than she’d ever thought it was possible for a human being to cry. She’d been overwhelmed by grief and regret and guilt…but even though she’d asked them not to visit or come to the funeral, Melina, Grace, and Jamie had kept in touch.
They’d been the support she’d needed to finally crawl out of bed and start living again.
Today was the first time she’d actually seen Grace and Melina since Gail’s death and funeral, and she knew her friends were worried about her.
“I’m doing okay. It’s been tough. It’s weird, you know…we didn’t have a relationship for the past fifteen years, but she was my first best friend. In spite of our differences and all the years that went by, I never stopped loving her.” Even to Lucy’s own ears, her words sounded hollow. If she’d loved her big sister so much, why hadn’t she put aside the past and mended fences with her? One lousy phone call in fifteen years hadn’t been much of an effort. She hated that hurt feelings and pride had come between them, but she also knew it had been more than that. Her sister had not only chosen Mason over her, but in doing so, she’d helped Lucy feel like a pariah—even though her sister had known how hurtful that would have been to Lucy, who’d often cried in her arms because she never seemed to fit in.
As Lucy was speaking, Melina brought out the iced tea. She handed Lucy and Grace glasses, then sat on the other side of Lucy and took her hand.
“What about the baby? Have you been able to see her?”
“Not yet. She wasn’t at the funeral.”
Lucy stared into her drink as even more guilt and regret overwhelmed her. It made her so sad that she hadn’t known about Milly while Gail was alive. There was no way of knowing, but sometimes she thought if she had known, the baby would have been the thing to bring the sisters together again.
She took a sip of her tea then looked up and smiled at her friends, who were watching her with worried expressions. “All I can do is move forward, right? I’ve called Mason’s sister Diana a couple of times and she’s let me talk to Milly on the phone. She’s a gurgler and cooer just like your babies, Melina. I’m hoping to get to visit her soon.”
“That’ll be wo
nderful, Lucy,” Melina said.
“How was it at the funeral?” Grace asked. “I wish you’d let us go with you.”
“You know I appreciated the offer but…” Lucy shook her head. “I needed to go alone. Most people didn’t even know who I was.”
“What about your parents?”
“I could actually see the pain etched into my father’s face. He ignored me, but my mom…she grabbed me and hugged me so tight when I got there.” Lucy closed her eyes at the memory. “I wanted so badly to ease her grief but it just didn’t seem to be my place.”
“I’m sure they felt the same way, Lucy. That they knew you were hurting and wanted to comfort you, too. Did you get a chance to talk about a future visit?” The hope in Grace’s voice was obvious. She’d often said Lucy was only hurting herself by allowing the rift between her and her family to continue after all these years. Lucy knew she was right, but how could she even begin to repair fifteen years of separation at a time when her parents had just lost Gail? No, it was best to let them grieve in peace.
She simply shook her head, but Grace didn’t let the matter drop as she’d expected her to.
“Maybe this is the time, Lucy. I know reconnecting with them isn’t going to be as easy as sliding off a greasy log backward, but they’ve already lost one daughter for good.”
Lucy couldn’t help smiling at Grace’s words; it was always a treat when she threw a southern idiom into her speech. But even though she knew her friend meant well, she’d never experienced being an outcast in her own family. “I can’t replace Gail and I’m still not the kind of daughter they want.”
“Lucy—” Melina began
Lucy interrupted even as she blinked back a sudden rush of tears. “I’m sorry, ladies, but I’d rather not talk about it. I appreciate the two of you always being here for me more than I can say, but let’s talk about something joyful—like the grand opening tomorrow.”