Night came all too quickly for Vivian. It was like there was a remote control for time, and everything was fast forward. Breakfast, to lunch, to supper, and to night, and though she made it at each meal, her stomach felt like it dropped to her feet, and was strangely empty.
Thirty minutes until nine o'clock, she went to Seth's room. For a few moments, she stood outside his door. It was not that she was fascinated by the wooden door, or that she was trying to hear beyond it. It was the cold fact that after two days it would no longer be Seth's room, but it would be empty until someone else came along to claim it. Maybe next time it would smell like garlic again, or maybe like flowers. But it would never smell of Seth's dark and beautiful scent again, and she could never step into the room, knowing it would only depress her more, that someone was in his space.
Vivian forced herself to open the door. There was Seth sitting up in bed looking dressed, in plain jeans and shirt, Jake sat next to him, red-eyed, swinging his feet above the floor. They both looked up when she entered.
"Are you ready?"
Seth sighed, "yes."
"Can I go?" Jake asked quickly as Seth stood up to go.
Vivian shook her head. "No, you shouldn't see this."
"Why?"
"You're too young." Before he could argue further, Vivian and Seth left, again shutting the door on him.
Neither one of them said anything until they were outside Akia's room. That's when Seth turned and asked a question that had probably been torturing him all day.
"Is this going to hurt?" His eyes were pleading, and again, she could sense the human fear. He was vulnerable like a new fawn, and it always gave Vivian the urge to protect him. That's what she was trying to do, but he was never this sad, and fearful before.
"It's always painful changing."
"Isn't there some kind of spell or potion?"
She laughed, knowing he had the image of a longed wart nosed witch in a pointed hat, cackling over a cauldron. Even a witch doesn't have every advantage in the world, no creature or being does. They have limitations when it comes to magic.
"Sorry, but there isn't. You know the pain of changing into a werewolf? Yeah, well, it's the same pain of changing back into a human."
Seth cringed, and swallowed hard. He motioned towards the door. "I'm ready."
Vivian opened the door, and joined Akia and Jean standing around a blue blanket on the floor.
"Thanks for letting us use your room Akia," Vivian gave a pained smile. This was it.
"Oh, anytime. Seth dear, I have a crystal necklace for you to wear. It will dull the pain." Akia slipped the crystal over his head.
"Thanks," he said dryly, touching the crystal, before tucking it in his shirt close to his skin.
Jean plopped on the floor cross-legged, the old worn Book of the Hidden opened in her lap. Her finger ran across each line of the page mouthing the words. Nodding, she looked up. "Seth, you're going to have to transform into a wolf."
Seth took a shuddering deep breath, lifting his shirt over his head, laying it on the bed behind him. His fist curled, and uncurled, his hair thickening to fur, and his hand grasped his stomach as he fell to all fours, the nose lengthening to a snout. Loud, murdering screams echoed off the walls, ringing in their ears. Soon the screams turned to howls, and when Vivian opened her eyes, she saw a whimpering wolf where Seth had stood.
Jean had stared at Seth for a moment, and leaned her head back down to focus on the book. Her eyes scanned the next few lines. "Okay, umm... Seth, you need to lie on the blanket now," she motioned towards it with the wave of her hand.
On the way, Seth stopped short in front of Vivian, looking up at her, his eyes meaningful. Were they sad? Or some kind of, last goodbye? Before she could figure it out, he had moved to lie down.
"Okay, place four crystals in each corner on the blanket," Jean read on.
Akia bent down, placing the crystals on the blanket like Jean instructed.
"The vial.." Jean reached behind her taking a vial from the floor. At first it appeared that nothing was in it, and then Vivian could see a droplet of silver. "You're going to have to swallow this, Seth."
Vivian laid across him, forcing his mouth open, his fangs glinting in the light. Jean held the vial upside down over his jaws, the metallic drop sliding from its containment into his mouth. Seth's eyes shut tight, and he coughed. Vivian let go, Seth growling in disparagement.
"Now, Vivian, you and I need to hold hands around him, and use our powers to bring him back to human form," Jean moved closer to the wolf, taking Vivian's hands, sitting cross legged around him in a small circle.
Jean caught her eye, and mouthed "are you okay?"
Vivian looked down watching a small shudder go through his body, his fur sticking oddly up. She nodded, closing her eyes focusing on her powers, and not upon the scared wolf in front of her. In her mind she kept telling herself this is what needs to be done, this is how she should talk herself into not chickening out.
A warm tingling sensation followed through Vivian's hand, to Jean's. The circle they completed was filled with their magic, Seth in the mist of it all, breathing it in. Vivian was lost in her own mind, and could not feel the writhing that Seth was making. She knew he must be in severe pain though, and it was just as well that she didn't feel it, because she would want to snatch her hands away, and quit the spell. It's for the best.... It's for the best.... Don't give up now..... It's almost over.....
The faint squeeze that Jean gave her told her it was almost over. The magic was very strong now, but Vivian was growing tired, her energy being drained away from her. Almost there.... A little further.....
"Viv! Vivian, wake up!" Jean's voice was far away, and quiet. Vivian wanted to reach for her, to see for herself if it was a dream or not, but she couldn't raise her arms. Then slowly, she began to wake, her eyelids feeling heavy, but opening to see Jean hovering above her, and behind her the canopy of Vivian's bed.
She tried to remember. Seth.... Human.... Crystals.... Power....Metal... Magic.... Vivian suddenly sat upright in her bed, Jean jumping out of her way.
"Is he okay?"
"Seth?"
"Yes!"
"He's fine, he's resting right now, like you should," Jean tried to push her back down, but Vivian just waved her arms away.
"No, I don't need rest."
"Yes you do. I barely had to put any of my powers into it, you went all out, you shouldn't have done that. What were you thinking?"
Vivian didn't answer, she wasn't listening. She rolled off the bed, and went straight for the door, before Jean grabbed her arm pulling her back.
"Viv, listen to me, you need to rest, I order you to rest."
Vivian chuckled, "you let this whole 'I'm older' thing get to your head." She forced herself out of her sister's grip, and went out to the door.
When Vivian reached Seth's room, she didn't give herself time to think, if she did, she would never go through with it, so she gave a rather loud knock. No turning back now.
A minute later, Seth opened the door. He stood there, darkness under his eyes like night, pale as the moon. Vivian had a strong feeling to heal him, but she couldn't without transferring her powers to him, he had to get better, the human way.
"Vivian, are you okay?" Seth held open the door for her.
"Yes, why?" She walked inside, and heard the door softly shut behind them, and he walked in view.
"Jean told me about you using all your energy. You shouldn't have done that."
"Now you're starting to sound like her," Vivian walked over to his bed, sitting down slowly, she felt just fine, whatever Jean or Akia did to help, helped. It was just her heart that seemed to be breaking a little.
"I came over to see how you felt."
Seth nodded, not looking her in the eyes, "I feel fine."
"People usually feel weird being human again, it's a huge change."
"I do feel weird, but some of it is not from being human again."
"Wha
t do you feel weird about?"
Seth walked over to his claw marked dresser, he ran his hand over the downward slashes that it was covered in. "Knowing I'll never see this place again." He stopped, and looked over at her, this time straight in her eyes. "That, I'll never see you again."
Her heart was breaking a little before, now it was breaking entirely. The way he looked at her, as though he knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling. No matter how much she knew that he wanted to be here, she had convinced herself that it was best for Jake and him, if Seth went back to being human, or maybe she just didn't want to get attached to them, but it was too late for that. It was too late to have this realization now, she had to go through with it, he's human, there's no turning back.
"I can't discuss this Seth," Vivian stood to walk to the door, but Seth got there first, blocking the way.
"What are you so afraid of? Are you afraid that I'm going to mess up your precious home and the creatures in it? Or are you afraid of getting close to me?"
"Get out of the way Seth," her voice broke, revealing everything.
"I'm going to say this, I think it's too late -"
"It is too late."
"That's not what I meant, we're already close."
"Move away...." He was hurting her, he knew he was breaking her down.
"NO! Vivian, just listen to me."
"No...."
"Vivian, I love you. I'm in love with you."
Vivian started crying, tears rolled down her cheeks to her lips, she could taste the saltiness of them before she wiped them away vigorously with her hands. If he had to say anything, anything at all, she wished it wouldn't have been that. She didn't want to regret her decision, she wanted to think it was best for all, except that it wasn't, it was a way for her not to get hurt, but nothing could hurt worse than this.
Seth's hands reached out, pushing her hair back from her face, he moved closer to her, pulling her to his chest. Vivian didn't know why, she pushed him away. The next moments were a blur, she must have walked out, slammed the door, went to her room, and climbed out of the window. She could remember passing trees, stumping her foot (it was throbbing painfully now), and falling to her knees next to the water called Silver Reflections.
Noises came from all around her, the owls hooting, and the beating of their wings as they took off, the grasshoppers singing, and rustling of mysterious animals. All this came to a low volume in Vivian's ears, as her heart was drowning most of it out. It was beating frantically, whether from the run, or from her nerves being on edge.
Between the thick clump of trees, silver light from the lake was shining through. Squeezing past the last few trees, she landed on her knees beside the Silver Reflections. She rocked forward, covering her face with her hands, sobbing uncontrollably, it was loud in her ears, and she could swear the world could hear her sadness. The more she tried to calm herself, the more she lost it. Her heart felt like it was literally breaking, painfully being chipped away with a chisel, a hateful artist fashioning it into nothing, so she would be truly empty.
A tear leaked from between her fingers, falling to her knuckle, and dripping into the lake. Vivian's hands fell down beside her, and she saw in the Silver Reflections, not her reflection, but something entirely different. Something that made her stand up, and run back to her bedroom window, back to the hallway, back to Seth's room. She walked through the closed door expecting him to be lying in bed. Instead her eyes were greeted with an empty room. The bed was made, clean and crisp. The dresser held no pictures. There was nothing to show that there had been life in this room an hour ago.
Vivian's breath caught in her throat, and she backtracked out the door, and ran into the circular room. She slowed when she saw Jean standing staring at the closed door. "Jean...."
Her sister turned around, and shook her head. "I can't believe you...."
"What?" Vivian kept stealing glances at the door.
"Seth left.... I'm sorry Viv, I guess you pushed him away for the last time."
Chapter Fourteen
Her Pride and Joy
Vivian stopped in front of a row of cluttered apartments. The complex was run-down. A lot of the windows were poorly boarded, and from there to the jeep she could hear yelling and babies crying as if it was happening in the vehicle itself.
Her eyes fell back to the torn scrap of paper clutched in her hand. The Underground Directories were a beautiful thing. Records were kept of everyone, and their families (if could be traced). This family was a surprise, as Vivian never thought there were records of them.
Astrid's parents were a mystery. They weren't mentioned, much less seen. Vivian had always assumed that Astrid had a falling-out with them, or she was an orphan. Both very likely possibilities. Now she wasn't sure. Maybe Astrid couldn't tell them that she was a run-away.
Vivian shook her head. Whatever the situation was, she'd have to deal with it. So she took one last look at the address and threw it to the passenger's side.
The air outside had the distinct odor of beer and cigarettes. Cheap beer at that. Oh the fond memories of Uncle Bobby. There was at least one in every family. In hers there was more, worse than Bobby, but not alcoholics. She gave a short laugh. It wasn't funny, but it would be so if it wasn't true.
"I can't take this! Get a job you lazy excuse!"
"Is that right? You're wasting your life at that saloon chatting it up like an old hen!"
The walls must have been as thin as paper, Vivian could hear the arguing – No, screeching like tires, very clearly. If she knew nothing about anger she would wonder if they had any shame.
It didn't matter, a few steps later to the next door was pounding rap music. She guessed. Hard to tell, all she heard was the bass, and even then it wasn't distinguishable from a migraine. It would give her one for sure though.
Finally Vivian reached the right door, which was remarkably silent. The unwelcomed thought came, that one may have killed the other.
Taking a deep breath she knocked twice. It may have been her imagination, but she thought she heard footsteps drawing near the other side of the door. But no one answered. She raised a fist to knock again when the sound of rattling chains stopped her.
The door swung open to reveal a much older Astrid. The resemblance between the mother and daughter was amazing. Mrs. Calmen however had deeper set of amber eyes, or maybe it looked that way because of the dark circles underlining them. They even looked sunken. Her hair hid dead in tangles around her shoulders. The more Vivian looked at her, the less Mrs. Calmen resembled her daughter.
"May I help you?"
She blinked several times forcing herself out of her daze. "Yes, are you Mrs. Calmen?"
"Are you trying to sell me something?"
Vivian would have laughed but her tone was serious and tired. She didn't know this woman's problems but felt sympathy for her. Astrid was her daughter.
"No ma'am, I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm here about your daughter Astrid Calmen."
Mrs. Calmen's dead amber eyes immediately lit up. "M-my daughter? Y-you know Astrid? Is she okay? Where is she?"
She bit her bottom lip. She probably shouldn't have blurted it out like that. How else is there to break this kind of news? Vivian has known Astrid for years as delinquent heading for trouble. And she did, it got her killed. There is no way to just say that.
"Um, no Mrs. Calmen, she's not here."
As quickly as she had looked happy, her face was now creased with worry. "Where is she?"
"Ma'am, I don't feel comfortable discussing this here. Is there someplace else we can go?"
"No!" Mrs. Calmen burst out. "Tell me right now! Where is my daughter?!"
Vivian stepped back, putting space between them. She wanted a good chance to run in case this mother lashed out at the news.
"Okay," Vivian sighed. "Astrid died three days ago."
The facial expressions came in steps. First it was shock, disbelief, then her tears welled up as she knew it to be true,
and her hands covered her face. Her body fell against the side paneling sliding down into a heap on the ground.
Vivian stood there uncomfortably not sure what to do. A few moments of hearing the poor woman's cries, she knelt down picking lint from her jeans. Her sister really should have handled this.
A few minutes later Mrs. Calmen looked up, her crumpled face wet with tears. "How?"
"What?" Vivian should have saw this coming, but she more expected that she would want to be left alone. "Ummmm...."
"The truth."
Oh sure thought Vivian, I'm going to tell her that her pride and joy was killed at the hands of a dwarf while she was trying to kill her own kind. And oh, yeah, her own kind means that she isn't human! She shook her head. It wasn't an option.
"She saved someone's life. I can't tell you the details - "
"Why?"
"Uh...." She should have prepared a speech, something to tell her. Even if it was made up, it would have given her peace of mind. But Vivian wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole ordeal. "Ummm...." Great, now I lost all intelligent form of speech.
"Tell me why! She's my daughter!"
"I know ma'am, but...."
"Oh no...." Her voice had suddenly gone soft. "This has something to do with the claw marks." It wasn't a question, and she went on. "The howling, growling, her disappearance after this. She didn't sneak a dog in, she.... No....."
"I'm sorry I can't tell you anything more. This is all I can do for you."
The woman's downcast eyes looked up into hers slowly. "I know. Goodbye....."
Mrs. Calmen was searching for a name. "Goodbye Mrs. Calmen."
Chapter Fifteen
Back to the Everyday
With Seth gone, Vivian no longer talked to anyone, even at breakfast or supper. She came through the kitchen after everyone had long been gone. She had even taken to avoiding Jean. They might criticize, telling her that she was wrong, and she already knew that. Her work was her life now, what they all did, what they were destined to do, is what she would dedicate her life to. She screwed up the one thing that could have made it better, she chose this, and this is the way she would live.
Book of the Hidden Page 11