by Bella Grant
Before she waltzed into my life three months ago, I’d lived through four years of celibacy and seemed to be making up for it now. I had a high sex drive. At first, I was afraid this was going to be a problem, but she had accommodated my needs.
“God, I just want out of this already!”
I stopped just inside the living room, able to see her on the balcony and hear her through the partially opened, glass sliding doors. She was leaning against the railing, so I had a side view of her. She had the phone to her ear and a cigarette in one hand, puffing away as though it was a matter of survival. I frowned because I disliked smoking and didn’t even know she smoked.
She was a beautiful woman with long, blonde hair flowing down her back, though her roots sometimes revealed she wasn’t a natural blonde. She had a nice body too, and I couldn’t complain about the enhancements to her breasts and her pouty lips. I thought of how those lips had felt wrapped around the thickness of my cock earlier and wasn’t surprised at the blood flooding that part of my anatomy in anticipation. I opened my mouth to call to her when her next words stopped me.
“If I hadn’t taken that acting class, I don’t think I could have faked it so well.”
I froze, wanting to back up, but my legs refused to move. Compelled to clarify what she was talking about, I stood inside the entrance, in a way that would have made the Statue of Liberty proud.
“It’s not that he’s bad in bed,” Nicole was saying. “He’s actually good, you know. He can go all night if given the chance, and his dick is freaking huge. But to get the most of it, I have to close my eyes.”
She laughed low at whatever the other person said to her, and I wished I could intercept both ends of the conversation. Nicole’s side was enough.
“Well, the perks are amazing,” she stated. “I just hate doing missionary with him and staring at that side of his face. I don’t like being on top either because I have to stare into his face, but when he takes me from behind, it’s the best sex hands down.”
A myriad of emotions ran through me. I was shocked that she was exactly that which I had been afraid of: women who were with me even though they didn’t like the sight of me. How could she have lain in bed with me and pretended everything was fine? I felt sick to my stomach.
“Uh huh,” she said, then laughed again. “Exactly. At least the beast won’t cheat. Who would want him? I was so sure he would have figured out by now why I’m with him, so I’ve tried to get as much out of him as I can.” A pause and then she continued. “That’s pushing my luck. He promises to pay for law school. As soon as I’m through, all the bills paid, I’m out of here.”
Humiliated, I couldn’t listen to anymore. I backed out of the living room and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me. Feeling the bile in my stomach rising, I rushed to the bathroom and threw up. Hearing her words echoing in my head racked me with nausea.
I should have known. Just as I had feared, she didn’t love me. She couldn’t even stand the sight of me. This was the last time I would date a woman who knew my financial status before getting to know me. If there was a next time. Nicole’s words had cut me to the core. I’d lain in bed with this woman for three months.
How could I have missed the signs? Because I was so damn eager for someone to accept me despite the scars. Because I wanted love and happiness and my own family. I had been without one for sixteen years. Was it so wrong to want a woman to marry and a child of my own? But if a grown woman who should know better could say the hurtful things she just did, could I bear having a child? What if it looked at me and regarded me as a monster?
Gurgling mouthwash, I returned to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, the pain in my chest too heavy, for me to get back up. I wanted to return downstairs and tell her to leave, but the hurt was too raw. I was too vulnerable and feared breaking down. I could feel the tears threatening but clung to anger to keep it at bay. I’d cried enough as a teenager about things I couldn’t change. I wouldn’t shed tears over a superficial woman like Nicole.
Her words reminded me of how kids had looked at me when I returned to school after the accident. Although adults were subtler, they stared as well, leaving me feeling exposed, like a science project that had gone horribly wrong. My first instinct was to hide, to stay out of the public eye, to lick my wounds in private, but I couldn’t go back into that shell.
Any woman who showed interest in me would have hell trying to convince me she cared.
When Nicole slipped into bed almost an hour later, I pretended I was asleep. I had no intention of letting her know what I had heard. I didn’t intend to create a scene and didn’t want her feeling pity for me. As soon as she woke, I would inform her we weren’t working out and I needed my space.
Sleep eluded me as I watched for morning to rid myself of this mistake.
Robyn
“What in the world!?” I stopped in the living room on my way to the kitchen and stared at the disarray. A half-eaten pizza with its lid tossed back was on the sofa. I counted half a dozen empty beer cans littering the floor and a half-smoked cigarette lying on the center table with two other butt ends. The television was still on, though muted, and the room had a combined cheesy smell mixed with beer and tobacco.
My first instinct was to start cleaning up because I disliked my place looking like the bottom of trash receptacle, but I refrained. To make my sister feel at home, I’d gone the extra mile to cut her some slack. Now I realized that had been a huge mistake. Kelly took everything for granted, had no respect for the property of others, and invaded my personal space.
Although she’d come to Seattle to find a job, she did nothing but hang out at the mall or sleep the day away and sneak out at night. Apparently, if she wasn’t sneaking out at night, she was wrecking my house. Instead of cleaning up after her, I would put my foot down. If she was going to live here, with me paying the bills, the least she could do was play her part.
I continued to the kitchen, wondering if there was something my mother and I had missed. I had no idea why she was acting out. She was a young adult now, and even if hormones could be attributed to her attitude, what would be her excuse as she got older? I was afraid for her, afraid she would end up in the wrong company. And by wrong company, I wasn’t simply referring to the deviant groups who had been her friends in high school.
I stopped short in the kitchen and observed the mess there as well. Whatever she had used last night when I’d retreated to bed were left dirty in the sink. I never went to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. For one, I wasn’t trying to attract rodents, and secondly, the odor left from overnight food was disgusting. I pushed open the kitchen window to let in fresh air. I didn’t even know where to begin.
Taking a good look at the kitchen, I frowned. She couldn’t have used all these utensils alone in one night. I thought about the beer bottles on the floor in the living room. Had she invited over company in my house? She wouldn’t dare. I hadn’t laid out any rules for her when she moved in because I wanted to treat her as an adult, but one didn’t just bring over friends, especially guys, without at least giving a heads up.
Clearly, she had way too much time on her hands and needed to be put to work. I didn’t bother to make myself breakfast since I wouldn’t be able to do so with all the dirty utensils staring at me. I’d be tempted to wash them, and I was done being her maid. I loved her to death, but I had to draw a line.
I trudged outside to retrieved the newspaper from the mailbox. With the morning’s edition under my arm, I headed back inside before my neighbor could exit his house. He had been trying to get me to go on a date with him since he’d moved in a year ago and didn’t seem inclined to take no for an answer. He usually tried to chat me up at the mailbox on the unfortunate mornings my mad dash wasn’t quick enough.
Thankfully I beat him, though. As I slipped through the front doors, I could see him coming out onto his porch. I already had my sister to deal with this morning and didn’t have time to find excu
ses to let Jeff down gently.
At my sister’s bedroom door, I paused, wondering if she had someone inside with her. I hoped not. I knocked on the door several times without a response. I almost walked away, not wanting to invade her privacy but decided this was an urgent matter and I had to be at work in less than an hour.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw she was in bed alone. She hadn’t made it under the covers and was wearing shorts and a bra only. I hated waking her like this, but more than likely when I came home later in the evening, she would be at the mall.
“Kelly!” I walked over to the bed and called her name. “Kelly, wake up!”
“Huh?” she moaned, turning her head to me. The stench of beer on morning breath forced me back.
“We need to talk before I go to work,” I informed her, stepping back to give her some space.
“Leave me alone,” she mumbled and pushed her head under the pillow.
I ripped the pillow from her head. “It’s morning and you should be working a job already. Wake up!”
“Shut up,” she groaned, irritated at me. “Can’t you see I wanna sleep?”
“This will be quick.”
“What do you want?” she asked sullenly and flipped over to her back.
I dropped the newspaper on her stomach, knowing it wouldn’t hurt her, just get her attention. “You need to find a job,” I told her. “Now. You’re not waiting until next week or next month. You’re going to start helping out around here.”
“I didn’t come here to help you make rent,” she said stubbornly.
“Why exactly did you come here?”
“To get away from Mom. She’s such a nag, but you’re turning out as bad as her.”
“We nag because we care about you,” I remarked. “When I get home, I want the kitchen and living room cleaned. Back to the way you found it when you arrived last week. Is that understood?”
“Whatever.”
“I mean it, Kelly.”
“I don’t have to do shit. Now will you just get out and leave me alone!?”
I glared at her. “You make the mess, you clean it up. I was trying to be adult about this, but obviously you don’t have a conscience. So you can expect a list of my rules for living here.”
“Rules?” she scoffed, then growled at me. “This isn’t school. I’m grown.”
“Then act like it. The best place to start is finding that job.”
“Fuck off.”
Instead of being angry, I felt a wave of sadness and hurt wash over me. That she would talk to me this way after all I had done for her. We were not only close by blood, but she would call me for anything she needed while in high school and if it was within reason, I’d ensure she received it.
“Get a job,” I repeated and walked out of her room, shutting the door behind me. I could hear her mumbling as I walked away.
I tried to push Kelly from my mind as I showered and dressed for work, but I couldn’t. I was worried about her. I didn’t know how to reach her, and her behavior didn’t seem like it would improve on its own. How did I get help from her? If my mom had failed and the state had failed, why did I think I could make a difference?
I brooded at work, thankful Greg was in meetings for most of the morning so I wouldn’t have to put up with his sexual innuendos. My best friend, Laurel, who worked in accounting downstairs, came up at midday to go out for lunch. She was a tall, slender redhead who had hit on me when I moved to Seattle three years ago, before she found out I wasn’t into girls and no amount of persuading would change my mind. Once she’d stopped trying to get my attention, we had become fast friends.
I sent an email to Greg that I was off to lunch, signing out of the computer before he could reply and tell me he needed me to do something or another. Laurel and I decided to dine close by so we didn’t have to drive. We walked to a bistro just a few minutes’ walk from Halliday Inc. The restaurant was quite modern for its reasonably priced meals, and the quality was good.
“So how is your sister getting along?” Laurel asked when we were seated and had received our orders.
“We are not getting along,” I replied honestly and proceeded to enlighten her about the long list of Kelly’s misdeeds.
“Yikes, sounds like every roomie’s nightmare,” she responded. “I love my siblings but I’d not have any of them living with me.”
“But your siblings are well-behaved,” I pointed out.
“Exactly,” she said on a grin. “I can’t imagine your predicament. So what are you going to do?”
“I’ve told her to get a job,” I answered with a sigh. “God knows if she will.”
“Then find one for her.”
“That’s exactly what I’ll do if she doesn’t.” I fretted, pushing the fork around in my salad as I shared my fears. “She’ll eventually come around, right? Because if she doesn’t…”
She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “I hope she does, but whatever the outcome, you’ll know you tried your best. You can guide her, but you can’t act for her. She has to be responsible for her actions, and you can’t shield her from the consequences when she does something wrong.”
Our waitress returned to top off our glasses of lemonade and water, and Laurel was immediately distracted as she asked the girl for her number. The blonde with knockers the size of cantaloupes apologized because she couldn’t fraternize with customers, but anything else Laurel wanted she should feel free to ask.
“She might not even be gay,” I said when the waitress left.
“So? Who cares? More fun to chase the ones who don’t think they are gay anyway.”
“If you say so.”
“And while you’re so concerned about my love life,” she mentioned, staring at me knowingly, “what about yours?”
“I don’t have a love life,” I concluded.
“That’s kind of my point,” she responded, rolling her eyes. “I know you told me about your boyfriend’s accident and all, but it’s been three years.”
I shrugged. “It’s not that I’m mourning William, although I do miss him. I just haven’t found anyone with depth.”
“You mean length and breadth, right?” she asked, laughing. “That’s what you straight girls go after, right?”
I glared at her. “Of course not. Most guys out there are players. I don’t intend to put myself through that with any man. I was with William for so long I forgot just how horrible finding a guy worth dating can be.
“Hmm.”
Our conversation drifted to different topics as we arranged a movie date. We paid our bill, and Laurel crowed with delight when she showed me the receipt with the waitress’ number written on the back. I didn’t envy her. She was looking for a casual romp beneath the sheets, but I was looking for more in a relationship. If there was no promise of long term, I wasn’t interested.
Back at the office, we separated as she returned to her floor and I rode the elevator to the top floor. I sauntered out, feeling much better now that I’d shared my worries with someone. I had barely sat down at my desk and powered up the computer when the telephone on my desk rang. I recognized the extension from Greg’s office and groaned before I answered.
“Yes, Mr. Halliday?”
“For the last time, it’s Greg, Robyn,” came his voice on the line. “You’ll never guess who I have here with me.”
“Hey, sis!”
I froze in alarm at the sound of Kelly’s voice over the phone. I swung around to stare at the closed office door. Dropping the phone, I sprang up from my chair and rushed into Greg’s office, pushing the door open without knocking. Kelly, who was sitting in the chair opposite Greg’s desk, turned at the sound of the door opening. Greg was perched on the edge of his desk in front of my sister, and the smug look on his face said it all. He had found his new prey.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, my worry over Kelly associating with Greg making my voice come out sharp.
Greg took the phone from Kelly an
d replaced it on the desk. “Your sister dropped by to visit you,” he explained, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “It was just my luck to run into her at the front desk asking for you. The resemblance is so uncanny I knew she just had to be your sister.”
I swung my gaze from him to my sister. “You’re supposed to be searching for a job.”
Kelly stood to face me, her face lit with a grin. “I stopped by to apologize about being rude earlier,” she explained, looking chagrined, “but you should know better than to wake someone in the middle of a sleep and try to have a conversation with them.”
I walked over to her and took her by the arm. “Okay, apology accepted. Now you need to go home. It’s very unprofessional for you to come to my work place for this purpose.” I turned to Greg as I led her to the door. “I’m so sorry for this. I assure you it won’t happen again.”
“But you missed the best part,” Greg remarked with such a self-satisfied look, I knew I wouldn’t like what he was going to say. “Why don’t you tell your sister, Kel. She’ll love this.”
Kel? Just how long had she been here while I was at lunch? I hated that he was openly lusting after my sister. I could see it in his eyes and his body language.
“He hired me!” Kelly announced, confirming my worst nightmare. “Greg said I could start tomorrow.”
“What?” I exploded, then picked my jaw up off the floor and continued. “No, that’s not a good idea. We can find you a decent job somewhere else.”
“I don’t mind,” she answered, and the way she looked at Greg, I could tell she really didn’t mind. “Plus, his starting salary is good. Way better than at that newspaper.”