by Bella Grant
“Commitment is not crap simply because you prefer the opposite!” I yelled at him as he strolled from the kitchen to let himself out.
When he was gone, I checked the profile of the woman with the interesting headline. I noticed she rated herself as average in physical appearance, which was okay by me. She was an administrative assistant and a Scorpio, which, according to the site, was a perfect match for me as a Capricorn. I didn’t believe in zodiac signs, but at least something suggested we would be a perfect match.
Reading her profile took me a while, but I went through every bit of detail she provided. My interest was caught by the way she gave specific answers, but what stood out was her brief description of herself.
I’m a twenty-six-year-old administrative assistant who lives a quiet life. When I’m not working, I hang out with a friend or stay home and binge on Netflix. I enjoy watching the re-runs of old TV shows such as ‘The Andy Griffith Show,’ but occasionally I like going out for dinner at a nice restaurant. I am not looking for a hookup. I want someone I can share a life with and build a home with. Of course, I know this takes time, so I’m also looking for someone who is patient and doesn’t mind talking and getting to know each other before anything serious can happen. That’s all for now. If you wish to know more, just send me a message.
Intrigued because she didn’t seem frivolous by reading her ‘About Me’ section, I realized Greg had already said hi and asked her how she was. She had responded fifteen minutes ago asking me how I was as well and I hadn’t replied. My fingers flew over the computer keyboard.
-Sorry about that. I was busy re-reading your profile, and I must say I am intrigued.
I held my breath, waiting to see if she would respond. I’d been through this with a woman and knew the first twenty-four hours were crucial. I couldn’t say hi and just go to bed. I was relieved when the input box stated she was typing.
-Hah, I was wondering. I thought I’d scared off the first guy who decided I was worth talking to even without a profile pic.
-I don’t have one either, so I can’t hold it against you.
-There are some things worth more than pictures.
-Like what?
-Family, love, trust, friendship… the things money can’t buy.
I paused in responding then, wondering if she was for real. I told myself to calm down but carried the laptop to my bedroom so I could get comfortable while I chatted with her.
-Those are valuable, yes. I agreed with her.
-By the way, I’m Robyn.
Robyn. I said her name over and over in my head and decided I liked it. I was even more curious about what this woman looked like. I debated whether to give my real name before deciding what the heck. There were several Seths in Seattle. I plumped my pillows behind my back, creating a support.
-Robyn, nice to meet you. I’m Seth.
Robyn
“What’s up with you?” Kelly asked as I entered the kitchen. “You look like death warmed over.”
“I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” I growled at her, feeling like a zombie as I made my way to the refrigerator. I stood with the door open and stared inside, not remembering what I wanted.
“We’re out of Naked Juice if that’s what you’re looking for,” she told me, drinking the last of whatever she had in her cup. “I’m making a grocery list of what we need, actually.”
“Oh.” I muttered under my breath and pulled out the carton of milk. I didn’t have the energy to make breakfast, so I’d just have some of the organic cereal Kelly had talked me into getting. I sat across from her at the table and poured cereal and milk into a bowl.
“I’m sure you went to bed at nine,” she said with a frown. “How can you be tired?”
Because I was up talking to Seth, I thought. For two weeks, we had been talking online. A week had passed before we exchanged numbers and now used IM chats for ease of conversation between us. I was surprised by how easy it was to talk to this guy. He was supposed to be a job, but I was getting too involved in our conversations.
I still had no idea why Greg wanted to set me up with this man. All he said was that the guy was a friend who needed a bit of a confidence boost and he wanted me to respond favorably to him. Except Seth didn’t seem like he had any problem with confidence. Other than the fact that we had decided not to share pictures, he was very vocal about his views on certain topics. He didn’t seem shy at all, which led to the question of what Greg was really up to.
“I was up doing stuff,” I replied when I realized Kelly was still waiting for a response.
She made a face at me. “Not even you can pull a solo for that long!”
My cheeks were stained with embarrassment at her allusion. “No, not that!” I exclaimed, my eyes wide with horror. “Just working on that thing Greg has blackmailed me to do.”
Her face fell at the memory. “I’m sorry about that. Is there any way you can avoid dating this creep?”
“Hey, Seth’s not a creep,” I heard myself defending a man I didn’t even know. “At least I don’t think he is.”
“It just doesn’t make sense,” she ruminated aloud. “Why would Greg want you to date a nice guy?”
“He hasn’t said. He insists I build a relationship with this guy.”
“I should be the one to do it since it’s my fault,” she sighed.
“No!” At my sharp objection, she looked at me funny, and I figured I was taking this online dating too serious. “I mean, I don’t want you botching up things any further.”
“’Cause I’m always screwing things up,” she concluded, hurt in her eyes.
“Kelly, don’t be like that.”
“I’ve apologized a million times,” she stated in a broken voice. “It was a stupid thing for me to do. I just didn’t think it would be harmful. It was just a few pills. I rarely ever take them.”
“What’s done is done,” I told her, attempting to smile, but it was a grimace. “It cannot be changed. I’ll find out what Greg has up his sleeve and take care of our situation. He’s not coming on to you at work, is he?”
She shook her head. “I want to quit, but he says I can’t until you finish your task.”
“Just stay away from him and we’ll be fine.”
She nodded and walked from the kitchen to dress for work. The phone in my pajama pocket chirped, that special ringtone activated whenever Seth sent me a message. He texted me often during the day. and at night we sometimes communicated until one of us fell asleep. I remembered the first night he texted me as Greg had said he would, he had fallen asleep. I’d worried that night that I’d done something to foil Greg’s plans but as soon as I woke up, I saw a message from him apologizing.
-Good morning, Robyn. I hope several cups of coffee are in your plans for today. I know they are in mine. I enjoyed our conversation last night, as usual.
I smiled and responded to him. I couldn’t put a name on it but talking to him was different. He didn’t flirt outrageously or ask to see naked pictures like most guys would. He never even suggested I call him so we could have a voice conversation. Maybe he was comfortable just texting, but I wanted to hear his voice.
-You mean our conversation this morning? In fact, two hours ago. Good morning, Seth. Are you still flying out from Canada today?
He had mentioned a few days ago he would be in Canada and alluded to us meeting when he returned. According to Greg, the ultimate goal was to date Seth, who must never know I had any connections at all to him. Essentially, what I gathered was that he wanted me to form a relationship with this Seth fellow.
My lack of social activities with the opposite sex was to be blamed for my enjoying Seth’s conversation. When Greg told me about the plan he blackmailed me into, I’d thought I would be stuck with someone rude or poor at conversation. Worse, he could be a complete asshole who would try to get me into bed all night. This wouldn’t be surprising considering Greg was a friend. I’d been suspicious he was trying to help a friend get laid, but as I spoke to Seth,
he didn’t seem interested in just sex. The sound of his message coming in snapped me out of my reverie.
-Yes! Thank God, I was practically a zombie with all the work I had to do. Then there was also this amazing woman I spent most of my free time with.
I registered he was talking about me when he sent another text message before I could respond.
-I know it’s probably too soon and the aim was to spend as much time as possible getting to know each other, but do you want to go for dinner tonight?
Tonight? My heart thumped in my chest. My first reaction was to send him a no. Personally I would have never signed up on a dating website nor chose to go out with a complete stranger. But wasn’t this Greg’s aim? For me to go out with Seth? And it was to be a public meeting, so what could go wrong?
-Sure, why not. I have to get dressed for work, but send me the location and time and I’ll be there.
-Okay, great. Will send you the details in a bit. No pressure, right? Just two people who can be friends.
-Right. If there’s anything more, that would be a major plus. Have a good day.
Not checking for his response, I dropped my phone in my pocket and hurried to my room to get dressed. I put on my clothes as quickly as possible because I was running late. But Greg could hardly blame me. If he didn’t insist I talk to Seth, I wouldn’t have stayed up all night.
Except sometimes I found it difficult to remember that Seth was a job and not a real date. His conversations were just too real, and I really wanted to know what he looked like. What if by sheer luck we suited each other well? He seemed confident and guided by decent principles that most men lacked.
At the office, I worked as efficiently as before but made no effort to hide my dislike for Greg. I hated having to report to him about how my ‘relationship’ with Seth was progressing, and I felt like I was violating Seth’s trust. I had to email him my conversations with Seth every single day, which I didn’t like it in the least.
“Robyn, office.” He pushed his head through the door to command me to step inside.
I had sent him the chat information half an hour ago and knew he wanted to talk about the date I was going on with Seth later.
I strode to his office, my back straight, and didn’t make any effort to mask my dislike for him as the door closed. I hoped he didn’t think I would continue working for him after this was finished. I was just concerned about getting a recommendation from this job even if I were to apply and secure another.
“You’re even better than I thought,” he commended me, looking pleased, perched as he was on the edge of his desk. “Take a seat.”
“I’d rather stand,” I said, declining his invitation.
He frowned at me. “You need to relax if you’re going to make it through this date.”
“How can I relax when I don’t even know what you’re using me for to do to this poor man?”
“Poor man,” he repeated with humor. “You don’t have to worry that you’re doing something criminal. You aren’t.”
“You still refuse to tell me why I’m going on a pretend date with this guy?” I asked him, tilting my chin.
“You don’t need to know all the details yet.”
“Jeez, that sure makes me feel a whole lot better.”
“Whatever you do,” he said, all trace of laughter erased from his voice, “don’t walk out on him. While it doesn’t matter if you like him or not, if you don’t, there should be no indication.”
“And what if he doesn’t like me?” I quipped, raising an eyebrow.
He stared at me so intently I almost crossed my arms over my breasts and my crotch. He was looking at me as though he could see right through my clothing.
“Trust me, he will like you,” he answered emphatically as though it was written in stone that Seth had to like me. “Now don’t spoil this for me, Robyn, or not only will your sister go to prison, but you’ll never work in Seattle in again.”
Without responding to him, I stalked out of his office and back to my desk. The talk with Greg had reminded me that Seth was a job. The conversations I had with him weren’t real. I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t, yet I’d kept the information I shared with him genuine so I wouldn’t foul up my lies. Sticking to the truth, without revealing why I was really dating him, was the only way I could survive this.
After my conversation with Greg, my mood for the rest of the day was black. I was no longer harboring curiosity about my date. Seth had texted me the name of the restaurant we were supposed to dine at later, and I almost cancelled. But I thought of my eighteen-year-old sister spending time in prison because she had done something stupid and knew I couldn’t let that happen. I was hiding everything from my mother because she would have protested and told me to let Kelly find her own salvation.
At the end of the work day, Kelly told me she was going out with a couple of the others from work and asked if I wanted to tag along. I told her I couldn’t but reminded her to stay sober. I hurried home to prepare for my date with Seth.
As I showered and shaved my legs, I was confused. I was doing all this because I had to make the date as real as possible. Seth could never know I wasn’t really into him. The deal was all pretense, but sometimes the pretense felt too good. Like when he made me laugh, talking about falling asleep in a meeting because we were up so late chatting. He claimed his snore had woken him up and attracted everybody’s attention. I’d asked him if his boss was pissed, and his response was that he knew how to take care of his boss.
After my shower, I glanced at the time. I had less than forty minutes to get dressed. Unlike most women, I didn’t believe in keeping a guy waiting just to arrive fashionably late. I walked into the closet to find something to wear. I hadn’t been on a date for so long. How was I supposed to dress on a first date? The restaurant we were going to was formal, so I already had an inkling I was wearing a cocktail dress. As I skipped through the racks, I wondered if I should go for long or short, loose or form fitting.
I selected the epitome of the little black dress every woman should have in her closet. The full-length sleeves were a sheer material with an intricate pattern woven into the entire dress. Ending a few inches above my knees, when I slipped it on and stood before the mirror to look at myself, I was pleased with the result. With the long sleeves and the high neckline, the dress was demure but not maidenish since the material used for those features was sheer. The dress molded to my curves well, curves I’d almost forgotten I possessed since I hadn’t played dress up for a while. In fact, the last dress up I remembered was for a staff party over Christmas.
As I slipped on my strappy black heels, I couldn’t stop wondering what Seth would think. I hoped he wouldn’t take one look at me and let his hormones rule him before I reminded myself again that shouldn’t matter. I was going to pretend for a couple hours at best, then return home.
I was weaving my hair into a half top-knot when my phone chirped. My first thought was that Seth was cancelling our date. I retrieved the phone from the bed and read his message.
-I must admit I’m nervous about meeting you. I’m trying not to expect anything, but I just can’t.
I didn’t know what to respond and read his message over and over, feeling like a heel. Whatever Greg was having me do to this man was not right. I just wished I knew what it was. He must have thought I wasn’t going to respond to his message, although it was marked that I had read it, so he messaged me gain.
-Forget I said that. I don’t know why I said that. It’s just talking to you has made it so easy to say what’s on my mind.
I typed a response.
-I’m getting dressed. How will I know you?
-Do you want me to send you a pic?
My heart pounded, and I started to type yes before I erased it. What did it matter if he sent me a pic now? I would have to suffer through the date whether I was physically attracted to him or not. So that was of no consequence to the situation. I texted him.
-It’s fin
e. We’ve waited this long. A few more minutes won’t hurt.
-You deserve to know so you can decide if you still want to come.
I frowned, wondering what he was talking about, until he sent me a picture.
Sorry, it’s a little outdated, but I don’t like taking pictures. I’m sure you can see why.
I stared at the photo for a long time, not glancing from it when another message arrived. He was a gorgeous man with a timid smile and uncertainty in his eyes. His face to the left was scarred and reminded me of William. He had been scarred from the skiing accident and never got over it. To see this man willing to date again, to put himself out there, I felt immeasurable compassion for him.
The more I looked at the scars, the less significant they seemed. Like staring at it diminished its presence somehow. I found myself admiring other features, the strong jawline, the straight nose and broad forehead. Bright blue eyes stared back at me, and in this picture, his long black hair was down to his shoulders. He seemed about my age in the picture, and I knew he was currently thirty-two.
A string of other messages coming into my phone pulled me away from the mesmerizing blue eyes and those thick lashes I envied. I read his rapid succession of messages.
-Hello, are you still there?
-Robyn?
-It’s okay, you don’t have to respond.
-I’ll just cancel the dinner reservation.
I knew he expected me to cancel when he had sent the picture. For me to determine ahead of time if I still wanted to show or not, thus allowing him to avoid the awkwardness of the situation at the restaurant if I wasn’t into him.
Just what in hell was Greg making me do to this poor man?
Seth
Disappointment streaked through me as I texted Robyn that I would cancel our dinner reservation. I shouldn’t have sent her the photo, but I didn’t want what happened to me on my last date to happen again. I’d thought it was better for me to send her the picture now so she could decide if she wanted to be with me or not. I’d sent it on a whim, and although the IM app clearly showed she had seen the picture, she hadn’t typed a response.