Try to cut some off and they just keep multiplying.
That’s civilization for you.
Know what?
Fuck civilization this time.
Fuck peace.
Inanina doesn’t get away with it.
The story keeps on going.
.
.
.
If only it hadn’t.
[CLICK]
I cashed my check in Los Angeles, the vast majority going into paying off Ceinwyn’s loan, though I did have a bit left over. A bit. More than my Dad made in a year back during my childhood and it was a bit.
I stuck it into my personal account and then used it to rent a car, a hotel room near the Los Angeles Vampire Embassy, and to buy a new smartphone. The SIM card from the last one was still in one piece, so at least I had all my numbers back in my hand.
I clicked to Val’s number, sent her a text: Mission over. Still alive. Will call when back in Fresno.
Clicked to Ceinwyn’s number next, sent another text: I have some questions you need to answer. Lying will have consequences this time around.
Civilization appeased, I took a shower in the hotel room, happy to be alone and not worrying about being ate on at any second. Vamps ain’t good on the nerves. Make you jumpy. Make you expect that rush for your throat at any moment. Just like Inanina tried.
Tried to kill me.
Twice I could directly point to, maybe more than that if you counted the trap with Hector.
She couldn’t get away with it.
No one gets away with fucking King Henry Price unless he wants you to fuck him.
It’s the one rule of my universe that has serious consequences. Bullying and being an asshole will not be borne. Ask Heinrich Welf about the consequences. He was still paying for one impulsive snide remark to this day.
Douchebag necromancer.
Necromancer . . . wasn’t even close to that one. Wasn’t even close to finding out who was behind that army of Constructs. Only a little over a thousand Bonegrinders in the world, but still . . . could’ve been any of them. Didn’t matter really. Inanina. She was behind it all.
All I needed was a target for my rage.
The rest could wait.
I got out of the shower, noticed a new deep blue bruise on my stomach where Inanina punched me. Didn’t even want to look near Prince Henry. Poor guy felt plenty bruised as it was. Should have kept some of that Slush I poured over Tatter. I dressed in my beat up clothes, tux discarded on the floor. Did the artifact transfer.
SEM-DEW was wrecked. Scio-ball was without a charge. HSK needed refilled. SDR Mark 3 was back in action. Still had Poug’s knife. Should’ve stabbed Inanina with it. I pulled a few of the other magic balls and my anima tracker rod out of the bag Annie B had given to me. Too bad you didn’t have the trackers on you, would’ve been a good opportunity to plant one on Inanina while she was trying to kill you.
Fucking life . . . whole bunch of Should’ve and Too Bad.
I sat down on a bed, clicked on a TV and turned it to the news.
Massive Gang Shooting in Industrial District, 26 Dead.
How ‘bout that.
Gas Explosion in Fresno Still a Mystery.
‘Nother mess I get to go home to.
49ers win, Raiders lose.
What’s new?
I clicked the TV off.
Inanina had to pay, but how?
Kill her?
Already saw what it took to kill a Divine and I’m not even near that power threshold at the moment. Maybe in a decade. If I survive that long. Or maybe if Ceinwyn tells me some truths about Ultra abilities and I can put in a good solid year of training.
But not now.
Can’t kill her, that just left proving she did it.
Only Inanina was stuck in the Los Angeles Embassy and I had no ticket inside now that Annie B wasn’t around. Could call her. But she wouldn’t go for it. Why authority figures in my life got to quash all my plans? Even the monster authority figures?
Meant I needed some way of watching Inanina without her knowing about it. All them cameras in the Embassy hallways, that joke by Pwent about Nii-Vah’s cameras . . .
The vampires were already watching one another.
I just had to see what they saw . . . wait for Inanina to slip up or leave the Embassy or . . .
What I needed was a hacker.
“I happened to be friends with one of those,” I said to the empty room
A predator grin slowly spread over my face as my plan came into focus.
[CLICK]
T-Bone arrived bearing gifts. Or at least shit for me to carry.
It took two trips for us to get every last bit of computer equipment from his Nissan Leaf up to the hotel room. Then he finally really looked at me, saw my feral expression, and his heart knew fear.
“I should’ve stayed in Fresno,” he already got in the whining. “I know that face, that’s the face that had us running away from a stick of dynamite!”
“So I misread the fuse length, these things happen,” I waved away the complaint. “How was the drive, car actually made it, huh?”
“It did fine,” T-Bone said, suspicious of me.
It’s the same ol’ T-Bone. Don’t really have to describe him do I? Fine, fine. Six-foot-four, three-hundred something pounds, sweater vest, cords, big black wang.
Now we’re all caught up and situated.
“You said it was life and death and to not tell anyone I was coming,” T-Bone reminded me. “You look fine . . . fine as you get at least.”
“I’ve been better,” I confessed, pacing around the hotel room, “and it is life and death, just not my life and death. We’re on the attack again, buddy!”
“I knew I should’ve told Ceinwyn I was coming here,” he grumbled.
“You didn’t, did you?”
He thought about lying to me. “No,” he grumbled some more, “I’m an idiot; I did exactly what you said.”
“You’re not an idiot, you’re a brilliant damned hacker, which is exactly what I need right now.”
“I’m a security expert,” T-Bone pointed out, “not a hacker. I’m a white hat not a black hat.”
“Because I’m in such a good mood about your timely arrival I’m gonna go without making a racist joke right now.”
“Thanks for telling me I dodged the bullet,” he deadpanned. “Listen, King Henry, what’s going on? Just tell me for once, don’t try to trick me.”
I faked being insulted.
He just stared me down.
“Okay . . . but it was only that one time.”
“The time with machineguns . . . and werecoyotes . . . and us almost dying.”
“Yeah and you’ve been spying on me for Ceinwyn for two years now, so all’s fair.”
“I don’t tell her everything,” he complained.
“I know, that’s why we haven’t killed one another—somehow—and besides: she’ll make someone do it, it might as well be you.”
“That is a way of looking at our acquaintance.”
“Acquaintance? Come on, man, we’re business partners at least, maybe even friends if we have to admit it.”
“You’re really buttering me up, I’m starting to become worried about how illegal things are about to get.”
“It’s only illegal if they prove we did it.”
“So very illegal?”
“Ceinwyn info you in that Annie B kidnapped me?”
“No, but Valentine called. She’s very considerate. I still—”
“Don’t know what she sees in me; join the club, buddy. Right, so I had to work for the Divines.”
“Who—”
“Living vampire gods. Moving on: someone stole a bunch of bodies from the Great Bank. Annie B and me were tasked with looking into it.”
“What—”
“A giant mausoleum where vampires keep all their shells, thousands of dead bodies all right in the same spot. Moving on: I used the monocle to figure out it was a Bonegrin
der behind it all. Just walked all the bodies on out of the Divine Eresha’s private vault, we figured.”
“Who—”
“Divine in charge of the Great Bank. Sometimes she’s a freakishly beautiful chick, sometimes she’s a dude with a dick bigger than yours, now she’s just pretty much fucking dead. Moving on: so we knew what to look for in shells and necro-anima and spent the next day hitting up body brokers, ended up at this guy called the Tsar, who told us about the Auction of Illicit Wonders.”
“Is that—”
“Yeah, that’s really what it was called and they sold everything there, some illegal shit I didn’t even know existed. And who ends up being in charge of things, T-Bone?”
“Um . . . Welf?”
I squinted at him. “Are you mocking me?”
“Two weeks ago you blamed Welf for costing you the Nicholson contract.”
“He could’ve been behind it,” I pointed out.
“It was the Guild. We both know it was the Guild.”
“Fine! It was the Guild, but . . . what was I talking about?”
“Illicit Wonders,” T-Bone prompted.
“Our pal Hector Fucking Vega was running it,” I shouted, “can you believe that shit? It was a trap!”
T-Bone’s turn to squint. “Hector Vega, the guy we accidentally beat up, is behind the body theft?”
“No, he was a patsy used in an attempt to kill me, but I’m still alive, ain’t I?”
“Then—”
“So all his guys machinegun me and Annie B and she kills all of them.”
“Even Hector?” T-Bone gasped.
“No . . . I killed Hector.”
“King Henry!”
“It was an accident . . . he turned into a coyote, what was I supposed to do? Let him chomp my balls off?”
“You killed—”
“I know! I’m in deep shit, but—”
“Am I here to create a new identity for you? Are you going on the run?”
I stared at him belligerently.
“Right,” he figured, “you’re too stupid to run away from a fight.”
“Correct, but all the Vega shit is a side show, the real shit is what we found out backstage at the Auction after everyone was dead.”
“The bodies?” T-Bone guessed.
“Right in one. The bodies, but we thought there would be six and guess how many there were?”
“More than six?” T-Bone hedged.
“Right again. “Fifty-six. Fifty-six of them! Guess what took the place of all them bodies in all them sarcophagi, T-Bone?”
T-Bone’s eyes got big and wide. “Constructs?”
“Right for the third time. Eresha doesn’t trust the security setup at the Great Bank, so what does she do?” I didn’t let him answer this time. “She moves all the bodies to her mansion, right in her lair, and what happens next?”
“The Constructs wake up and kill her?”
“Exactly. And she almost kills me again. But I bring down the building and kill all the Constructs before they can.”
“I really wish you’d stop doing that, especially around me . . . and who is she?”
“Another Divine, Inanina. She’s like a Neanderthal fertility goddess of war come to life. She’s Eresha’s sister and they hated each other, so she finally killed her, and tried to kill me too . . . and Annie B.”
“So . . . Inanina was arrested?”
“Nope, she got away with it and then tried to kill me a third time, but I cut her head off.”
“Do you hear what your life has turned into when you’re telling me all this?” T-Bone asked, a big black hand rubbing his forehead like he had a headache. He collapsed down on a chair. When you’re that big, all you do is collapse down on stuff. There’s standing and then the other, no middle state.
“Hear it? I lived it, man! Vega, the Curator, and now this . . . we don’t get to go back to normal.”
“We?”
“Sure . . . we’re partners, right?”
His other hand joined the first. He didn’t say anything.
I sat down across from him in another chair. “Need you, man. Need your help to make this right.”
“Who’s right?”
“Humanity’s right. The Divines? They’re fucked up. Not all of them, but . . . three out of the four I’ve met. This other guy I’ve heard about? Moshi? He breeds us like cattle. I can’t do it, man. Can’t let it go this time. We need to find out a way to prove Inanina did it, that she killed her sister and tried to kill me. Then . . . someone else can punish her. All I want it the truth out there. I’m sick of lies . . .”
“Like?” T-Bone asked, honest as can be about it.
I let out a breath and then said it, “I’m lying about plenty, man. I just don’t . . . I kinda trust you even with the spying for Ceinwyn thing. I trust Val, but . . . I love her and I never tell her. Pocket . . . well, there’s things I know about him and I’ve never admitted it to him, cuz he’s secretive about it, but I know he’d feel better if I called him on his bullshit . . . lies, T-Bone, sick of ‘em.”
“Don’t call me—”
“Yeah, sorry, forgot. Old habit.”
He leaned forward. “Ceinwyn’s just worried about you, that’s all it is. She knows you need someone to remind you the world has a few rules you shouldn’t break.”
“I know that. But sometimes the stakes are so high you have to break them.”
“This really one of those times or are you just being prideful about this vampire beating you?” T-Bone asked me to be honest with myself.
I was honest with myself and I was honest with him. “Inanina made me kill Hector Vega. Remember his wife, Zoey? She’s a widow now. It’s my fault, I’ll pay the price, but the world should know the only reason that happened is because vampires were playing their games with the puny mortals.”
T-Bone studied me for a good minute before nodding. “So what do you need from me?”
“I think the Los Angeles Vampire Embassy is bugged . . . I need you to hack into the feed so we can watch Inanina.”
“But if someone else is already watching—”
“Rule Number One with Vampires: don’t trust vampires.”
[CLICK]
“I’m saying it’s impossible!” T-Bone told me again.
“Nothing’s impossible,” I growled back, getting angry. “I just saw a two-story-tall blood monster get killed, man, and you’re telling me you can’t hack a place three blocks away?”
T-Bone tried to explain the computer wizardry about like I tried to explain artificing to him. “Closed-circuit, okay? I can see it’s there. I can sniff data from the actual Embassy servers, so if you want to know room key numbers or how much vodka they’re ordering or who’s on the guest list for next Thursday, I can tell you. But if we want to piggyback on this spy feed you think is watching all the vampires, then we’d need someone to go into the Embassy and connect a wireless device to send us the signal. So unless you know any actual spies, we need to give up and go back to Fresno.”
What I needed was a spy.
“I happen to be friends with one of those,” I said.
Session 143
“That was fun, Lover Boy, try to give me something more challenging next time,” Eva told me before heading out the door.
T-Bone just stared in her wake. “Your ex-girlfriend is a spy,” he repeated for the twentieth time.
“Awesome, ain’t she?”
“Why do women like you so much?”
“It’s an unfair world, T-Bone.”
“Quit calling me that.”
“One day you’ll find one of your own.”
He would. You’ll never guess who.
“As opposed to six of my own?”
I had to count to be sure. Val, Annie B, Eva, Naomi . . . Isabel. “Only five, thank you very much. And one of them tricked me . . . she doesn’t really count.”
I realize I left out Sally, but then . . . that had been in my first life. The Asylum had
given me a second one, the one that really mattered. Hadn’t included all my Intra conquests or the one-night-stands either . . . hadn’t been much girlfriend about them, just fuck-buddy.
Yup, I’m disgustingly unrepentant.
T-Bone closed the door, locked it, even put a chair in front of it.
He’d grown a bit paranoid since he started with the hacking. Not that I exactly understood it all, but we rode on someone else’s access point or something or other and he was changing it up every couple hours and . . . oh look, my brain is leaking out of my ears just like Hector Vega’s did.
“I know she’s a Shadeshifter, but how does a Shadeshifter even manage to sneak into an Embassy security center and install my bug in under four hours?” T-Bone asked.
“If she told us, it would take away the mystery of it,” I said, quoting Ceinwyn before adding, “and since she’s a woman, she wants all us men confused by every action she takes.”
“Sexist little shit and he has more ex-girlfriends than I have sexual encounters,” T-Bone mumbled under his breath.
“What was that?”
“Nothing,” he said louder, “just preparing to open our way in.”
I’d gotten a better-than-average hotel room with a proper bedroom, bathroom, and a small kitchen mostly in the form of a coffee machine and a microwave, but the best part was having a real living room to load all the computer stuff in. There were three different computer boxes on the hotel floor and a multitude of screens lined up on a table. And cords, lots of cords all jumbled together. Where do they end? Where do they start? No one knows.
T-Bone made a few mouse clicks.
I stood at his shoulder. “Anything?”
T-Bone made a few more mouse clicks. “Finding the signal.”
“Our mission in the hands of Comcast . . . I’d say we’re pretty fucked.”
“Sprint actually,” he corrected.
“So much better.”
T-Bone clicked some more on a few lists that looked like gibberish to me. About as gibberish as a prophecy. More clicks. So . . . go figure, but real hacking? Not as interesting as Hollywood makes it out to be.
He typed something into a keyboard. I was always surprised that he could manage the keys with them big hands of his.
“No one can track this, right?” I asked . . . probably a few hours after I should’ve been concerned about our safety. “Don’t want the NSA or FBI after my ass. Fresno PD is bad enough.”
The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny (The King Henry Tapes) Page 34