No is a Four-Letter Word

Home > Other > No is a Four-Letter Word > Page 21
No is a Four-Letter Word Page 21

by Chris Jericho

How many times have you watched a wrestling show, music video, or HBO comedy special and queried, “This guy is still around . . . and doing the same old shtick?” Well, in the spirit of Lazarus and The Phenom, I vowed I would never be that same old guy, doing the same old shit.

  I strived to change my look, my catchphrases, my moves, and my character as much as I could, which was important considering I was on television twice a week, every week. Pat Patterson used to marvel at my weekly facial hair changes in the early 2000s, a tactic I used to keep my image fresh. Changing even such a small detail helped me to stay creatively stimulated and gave me a different look from show to show.

  If I didn’t change things up, people would see the same Chris Jericho 104 times a year, and that would get boring fast. Soon, that changing of my facial hair expanded to my hair style, my wrestling gear, my raps on the way to the ring, everything. It was a smart move both from a “keeping it fresh” standpoint and from a business one as well, because the more pairs of tights I wore, the more action figures they made of me. There are over two hundred different tiny versions of me now; how many of them do you have? Go ahead and check, I’ll wait.

  Wow, that many, huh? You are a true Friend of Jericho!

  Anyway, making constant ch-ch-ch-changes is the only way I can operate, even though it makes some people mad. I constantly hear complaints from fans telling me to grow my hair out and go back to wearing suits and long tights or calling people hypocrites, but my answer is always the same: “Been there, done that.”

  Why would I want to go back to the past to try to re-create something that’s outlived its shelf life? Once I’ve created a new character, to go back to the old one would be like putting on a used condom. It might still fit, but it would feel warped, uncomfortable . . . and, well, disgusting.

  This is not just a principle for show business; it’s a rule that can be applied to any business or aspect of your life. If something isn’t working or is getting stale, then it’s time to reinvent and modify, no matter if it’s your relationship, job, living arrangements, car, favorite pair of jorts, you name it. Whatever it is, you have to keep things fresh, (and I ain’t talkin’ about Kool & the Gang) if you want to stay relevant.

  That’s been the method to my madness ever since I debuted in the WWE in 1999. There have been so many different looks, costumes, catchphrases, gimmicks, and coifs, but which one was your favorite? Here’s a quick rundown to help refresh your memory . . .

  Y2J Jericho—(1999): This was the original incarnation of the character that made me famous. Brash, obnoxious, full of ego— and that was just behind the scenes. The trademark of this guy was long blond hair with a carefully constructed topknot (which I stole from Hotter Than Hell–era Gene Simmons), a look that’s still popular now. I get at least one tweet a day from somebody posting a picture of themselves or their kid sporting the “Y2J topknot.” It makes me laugh, because I only wore the damn thing for about six months before I switched it to a back-of-the-head ponytail (which I stole from Revenge-era Gene Simmons). I guess you just never know what’s going to stick in a Jerichoholic’s mind!

  The look was completed with a scraggly goatee, a silver rave shirt, a pair of tight leather pants, and a jangly chain belt. The chin pubes were quickly shaved off, but the rave shirts lasted for a few years before being replaced by sparkly pajama tops with matching bottoms (the most famous maroon-pink version of which still reeks of stale beer due to taking a summer’s worth of stunners from Stone Cold Steve Austin).

  The catchphrases of the time were mostly retreads from WCW, including “Jerichoholics,” “Welcome to Raw Is Jericho,” “Never EEEVVVEEERRR Be the Same Agayn,” and “I Am the Ayatollah of Rock ’n’ Rollah,” with “Would You Please Shut the Hell Up?” and “King of the World” added in over the next few years.

  Bearded Jericho—(2003): At this point, I had grown back the long King Tut goatee, the result of a beard-growing contest with Zakk Wylde (I obviously lost), and I wore my long blond hair in a variety of ponytails, braids, and man buns. I had dyed the tips red (I stole that from Ozzy Osbourne), which left a bloody-looking mess in the shower that resembled the opening scene in Carrie whenever I had to recolor them. The sparkly beer-soaked ring pajamas were replaced by red velvet pants with a weird Cossack design and a matching short-sleeved dressy shirt with red lips printed all over it. The catchphrases were “Assclown,” “Larger Than Life,” and the drinking of “Jerichohol.”

  Bowlcut Jericho—(2005): It had to happen eventually, but it was not a popular decision when I finally cut my hair. I went from having long, majestic, chest-length locks to a shoulder-length bob, which left me looking like I was wearing a bell on my head. I mean, I had friends; why didn’t they tell me how bad my Darth Vader hair helmet looked? Eventually, I cut it shorter to where it looked vaguely Beatle-esque, and while that was better than the Hanson lid I’d been sporting, it still wasn’t stylish . . . unless you were Ringo Starr in 1965.

  The velvet pants were replaced by long wrestling tights made out of a weird velvet material that never quite fit, along with a matching satin pajama-style ring jacket. The new catchphrases included “Sexy Beast,” “You Can’t Stop Rock ’n’ Roll . . . and You Can’t Stop Chris Jericho Either” and “Vitamin C.”

  Save Us Jericho—(2007): After a twenty-seven-month hiatus, I returned to the WWE in November of 2007 with a series of cryptic vignettes that claimed someone or something was coming to “save” the company. These ran for over two months until I finally made my big redebut as the man who was going to “save us” from all the awful things that had happened recently in the WWE, including the coronation of World Champion Randy Orton. This incarnation of Jericho boasted an even shorter spiky haircut, which once again left a lot of fans unhappy. Y2J without long hair was the equivalent of James Hetfield or Jaimie Lannister with a beaner . . . the same guy, just not as dashing, tough, or cool looking. The long hair was so tied in with the Jericho persona that Don Callis even asked me if I was going to come back with extensions.

  “How can you be Chris Jericho without long hair?”

  I didn’t think it would matter, but I still wanted to keep the rest of the Y2J gimmick intact, so I wore a shiny silver vest, a wife beater, and a wallet chain (a look inspired by Sting’s stage wear on the Police reunion tour). I also had a new finisher called the “Codebreaker” that I had seen used as a transition maneuver in Japan and stole for myself. I didn’t have any new catchphrases besides “Save Us” and maybe “Me Want Title Match” (a minor hit only familiar to the diehards, like the Jericho equivalent of KISS’s “Turn On the Night”). A new version of my theme song (recorded by Zakk Wylde) was rejected by Vince, so I went back to the same one I’d been using since my WWE debut eight years earlier. But even with a new finish and a semi-new image, this character wasn’t that much different from 2005 Bowlcut Jericho, and my act quickly became stagnant. Thankfully, I knew it and reinvented myself into what was one of the top two most critically acclaimed characters of my career.

  Suit & Tie Guy Evil Jericho—(2008): It was well documented in my most excellent codex Best in the World: At What I Have No Idea how this manifestation of Jericho was inspired by a combination of Anton Chigurh from the Coen brothers’ No Country for Old Men and late-’70s AWA Nick Bockwinkel. The character was a career changer for me and led to what was possibly the best run of my career. This guy exclusively wore a suit and tie and spoke in a low, emotionless voice that forced the entire audience to shut up and pay attention to what he was saying, which was no mean feat in the post–Stone Cold Steve Austin “What” world. I also peppered my speech with what my auntie Joan called “five-dollar words,” multisyllable idioms that pissed the audience off by going over their heads. The catchphrases at this time were a confluence (five-dollar word) of insults thrown at the audience, such as “Hypocrites,” “Troglodytes,” “Sycophants,” and “Gelatinous Tapeworms” (my personal favorite), along with the debut of the “I’m the best in the world at what I do; do you u
nderstand what I’m saying to you right now?” maxim that I still use. I also made another controversial decision and switched from long tights to short trunks, which once again gets me complaints to this day. HEY, YOU NEED TO CHANGE BACK TO TIGHTS, BECAUSE THOSE TRUNKS MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A DAD BOD, said @dinkus96. Hmmm, well, since I have three kids AND a bod, I guess that’s an apt description.

  The traction I got from this character due to my classic feuds with Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, and DX (with Big Show as my partner) cemented my legacy in the WWE and took me to a level I hadn’t been before. Had I not taken the chance and reinvented myself, I’d probably be out of wrestling by now, or at the very least having a dog collar match against The Black Mamba in Sweet Lips, Tennessee, next weekend.

  I Invented Everything Jericho—(2012): Another hiatus led to another series of cryptic vignettes promoting my return by threatening “The End of the World as We Know It.” This all came about when I left the company to do Dancing with the Stars and guys like The Miz, CM Punk, and Kofi Kingston started borrowing my look, moves, catchphrases, and promo style. It didn’t bother me because I’d stolen most of my stuff from other people in the first place, but I thought it could lead to some good storytelling when I returned. So I accused the entire WWE of copying me, as I had pretty much invented everything the company had ever done that was successful. The new catchphrases were “Copycats” and “Wannabees,” which led to the worst Jericho merch shirt in history, featuring a giant Raid can that could be used to kill WannaBEES (sorry if you bought that one). The rest of this guy’s wardrobe harkened back to the swank leather pants and studded-leather jackets of earlier years. I also added another integral piece to the character that became as iconic as the Y2J nickname . . . the Lighted Jacket. I was looking for something unique and original to add to my act, but as I mentioned earlier in this folio, they weren’t always the easiest props to work with and caused me a ton of hassle. However, they were worth every second of annoyance felt and every dollar spent, because they became my trademark. As a matter of fact, one of the biggest things I miss about being a babyface is the roar of the crowd when that electric bad boy turns on and hundreds of tiny flashing lights pierce the darkness of my entrance. But alas, when I turned heel on AJ Styles in 2016, all the froot babyface tricks had to go, hence the destruction of my poor jacket at the hands of Dean Ambrose.

  Return to Y2J Beach—(2013): After four years of heavy heelness, including a two-year stretch where I was the most hated bad guy in the wrestling world, it got quite difficult to elicit boos, so it was time to make the switch back to babyface. This finally took place with no pomp and circumstance whatsoever, when I returned from a thirty-day suspension for kicking a Brazilian flag (read all about this incident in my memoir of international intrigue, Best in the World) and morphed into a good guy overnight just by working with the hated Dolph Ziggler and the more despicable Vickie Guerrero. This was the period where I decided it might be a good idea to grow my hair out, but couldn’t figure out what to do with it as it got longer, so I just slicked it back with a shield of hairspray. Unfortunately, when that spray loosened up with sweat, the hair fell listlessly to both sides of my head, making me look like a less fashionable William Regal. There were no new catchphrases because I adapted the adage “What’s old is new” and just recycled all of my classics. It was fun for the fans to hear them again (once), as I hadn’t used them in years, and a blast from the past to bring back my previously retired Highlight Reel segment. But like a rock band who tours every summer but never releases a new album, the nostalgia wore off fairly quickly. I did get a new costume design and went with a wicked-looking logo on my tights that said “Y2J 2013,” which morphed to “Y2J 2014” the following year and so on. But I kept using the rehashed Y2J for the next two and a half years and everybody, even hardcore Jerichoholics, felt it was getting stale. It was becoming apparent that the goodwill extended to me with each return was getting less every time, as my reactions were lukewarm and online critics were tearing me apart, demanding my retirement. Thankfully, I had been through it all before and knew it was the perfect time to . . . say it with me, kids . . . REINVENT MYSELF!

  Stupid Idiot Jericho—(2016): When I came back to the WWE in January of 2016, my idea was to come back as a heel. I wanted to reunite with my old partner Big Show and have him be my heater leading into a feud with Dean Ambrose for WrestleMania 31. I originally only planned to stay with WWE until the end of April, so turning heel quickly was essential. But then something interesting happened . . . I started to really enjoy myself. Something was different about this run, maybe because since I knew the endgame was for me to turn heel, there was no pressure on me as a babyface. I could say what I wanted and not have to worry if my lines were stale or cheesy (see “Rooty Tooty Booty”), and the plan to slowly piss people off, worked. I instantly got hundreds of tweets saying my work was lame and that my “shirtless with a scarf” outfit looked horrible and douchy:

  Jericho that vest/scarf combo is brutal. Please put a shirt on.

  —@thegordiecanuck

  Y2J’s scarf is the worst thing on Raw. He looks ridiculous and his insults are lame!

  —TubaBoy257

  Chris Jericho is old and out of place. Take off the scarf, put on a shirt and retire now!

  —@ClintBobski18

  I found it funny that more people were talking about my scarf and lack of shirt than the main event of the next PPV. Once again, I had made the most subtle of changes to my character to get a response, and it had worked like a charm. When I finally turned heel on AJ Styles and called the audience “Stupid Idiots,” it drew major heat. When I started using the insult, people hated me for saying it, along with my other new catchphrases, like “The Gift of Jericho,” “Quiet,” and “It.” When I started saying “Drink It In, Maaaan,” I would spit out the words, then stand in silence with my arms outstretched and my eyes closed in a euphoric daze, while the fans booed me out of the building. But only a few months later, people were chanting along and wanting “Drink It In, Maaaan” water bottles and T-shirts at the souvenir stand. There was such a demand that I even broke my “no merch” rule and allowed the WWE to market Jericho swag for the first time in years.

  However, it didn’t matter that people went from hating the sayings to wanting to wear them on their bodies. The point was I had reinvented myself again and had risen to being one of the top heels and hottest acts in the company as a result. Some would say this was the most popular incarnation of Jericho ever, but that’s for you to decide, not me.

  I got new tights made with G.O.A.T on the back, which for those of you who aren’t hip with the terms of the street like I am, yo, means “Greatest of All Time.” Hey, it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way, right? I also incorporated a few new moves into my repertoire, including a second-rope enziguri, which I hadn’t seen before, and a jumping elbow from the top rope, which I hadn’t used in years.

  Also due to a good diet, smarter psychology, and DDP Yoga, my body felt great and I had one of my best career runs in the ring as well. I expanded my mindset on how to put together a match after working with guys like Cesaro, Ambrose, Sami Zayn, and Seth Rollins. This newer generation of performers had no problem doing multiple superkicks or dives during a match, which is something I never would’ve allowed in my matches in the past, because it wasn’t the way I usually did things. I always believed that using a move once in a match was enough, but by working with those guys and having an open mind to how the business had evolved, I evolved as well.

  Of course the crowning jewel of this era was my storyline with my best friend, Kevin Owens. The chemistry between us was undeniable and lead to an amazing program of over eight months, culminating with my exit from the company in May of 2017. There are many stories from this era involving Kevin, Seth Rollins, Sami Zayn, Roman Reigns, Gallows, Anderson, Braun Strowman, Brock Lesnar and more, but I’ll save those for another time. And don’t even get me started on The List of Je
richo . . . that deserves an entire book of its own!

  Future of Jericho—(2017–???): As I write this primer, I have no idea what the future holds for me as far as my involvement in WWE goes . . . in the words of the great Joe Strummer, “Should I stay or should I go?” Only I can answer that, and as of this writing I’m not sure.

  I suspect I’ll stay in the business for a while because as long as I can stay healthy, compete at the highest of levels, and have an angle I can sink my teeth into, there’s no reason to stop. I don’t see why I can’t pop in from time to time for many years to come, either as a regular television performer or even just exclusively doing live events like I did in 2015. One thing I know for sure, no matter what my involvement is, if and when I return to the WWE, it will be with a new move, a new look. I’ll always continue to reinvent myself, because to paraphrase another entertainment chameleon named Madonna:

  “Bitch, I’m Chris Jericho!”

  EPILOGUE

  GOODBYE . . .

  IF ONLY

  FOR NOW

  And in the end, the love you take

  is equal to the love you make . . .

  —THE BEATLES, “THE END”

  (Lennon–McCartney)

  Well, that’s it, Constant Reader. I hope you enjoyed this little treatise and even learned a thing or two. If you walk away from this book with only one lesson learned, let’s hope it’s this: if you want to make something happen, MAKE IT HAPPEN! From this moment on, let’s leave the excuses behind and achieve dem goals, all right?

  Remember, when I first moved to Calgary in 1990, away from the comforts of my mom’s home, I had no guarantees, no fixed future, and no backup plan. It was all or nothing and nobody was going to tell me any different. I had no money, no job, nowhere to live, a shitty ’76 Volare with a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it was dark, and I was wearing sunglasses. But I also had the desire and passion to make things happen and that, along with an impenetrable belief in myself, was all I really needed. I believe that’s all YOU really need as well.

 

‹ Prev