Not only that, I can't help but notice that Bellanore is sitting alone at dinner. I often find myself watching her during meals. We haven't shared one since Cinnamon Crunch. I'm almost dead on my feet because of my punishment. Professor Rockhound is running me into the ground. He's going to be the case of my dying earlier than the curse would've have called for, and I have no one to blame but myself.
It was worth it.
I don’t think I would have minded if the meal at Cinnamon Crunch had been my last.
So why am I not bothering to sit with Bellanore for every meal?
Because I’ve intruded into her life too much as it is.
Because I’m trying not to be selfish or as selfish as I can be.
And because when I first started to head over to eat with her, the rough crowd started to follow, and I didn’t know how they would react to her. Roald and Wyatt are butting heads again. I swear, if they were bucks, their antlers would be all stuck together, interlocked.
I haven’t sat with her to protect her.
Besides, I don’t want to keep her from her friends. She’ll need them when I’m gone.
Only now, Ellamaria is nowhere to be found.
Before I can think better of it, I stand.
Roald immediately eyes me.
“I’m off.”
“Where to?”
I grit my teeth. I’m not going to allow him to act as if he can dictate my every move. He's not my alpha, so there's no reason for him to know my every move. My whereabouts aren't his concern.
“I’m blowing this joint.”
Roald burls back his upper lip, not liking that at all, but I don’t care. I curl mine right back, but I can feel it. I’m drained. My muscles are going to start to go away, and I’m going to rot until I’m nothing more than skin and bones, and then, I’ll just be bones buried somewhere, and that’s it.
Thankfully, Wyatt walks on by, and Roald realizes too. As soon as Roald’s gaze shifts to the other werewolf, I’m out of there and gunning for Bellanore.
She doesn’t even look up as I approach, and I claim the seat that had been Ellamaria’s.
Only now does she look up, and she doesn’t smile. She doesn’t react at all except to stare at me. More like stare through me.
I tilt my head to the side, appraising her. Normally, her face is so very easy to read, but it’s entirely devoid of emotion right now.
She looks how I feel all the time.
I clear my throat and cough into my fist. “Bellanore, maybe tomorrow, we can finally have our date. I think Professor Rockhound is going to end my punishment, and—”
“I can’t.”
“Not tomorrow night. Not the night after either, I’m guessing. Is that a never? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, you don’t understand.” She looks away, off to the side. “Ellamaria and I had a fight. I said something I shouldn’t have.”
“Why were you fighting? You two are like sisters.”
"You don't even know how close we are. Born less than a half-hour apart in the same pack…"
“You two don’t have the same last name, though.”
“I took my dad’s last name.” Bellanore bites her lower lip and grimaces. “I don’t want to get into that, but Ellamaria and I, we did grow up super close, and she should know me better than anyone, but I feel that she doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t think I know what I’m doing. I swear she thinks that I’m being reckless and clueless, but she doesn’t know everything. How can she? I won’t tell her…”
Bellanore eyes me and shrugs.
“You fought about what specifically?” I ask even though it’s fairly clear that they fought about me in some capacity.
“Ellamaria doesn’t like that you eat meals with and spend time around Roald and his group.”
“I’m not friends with Roald or any of them.”
“No? Then why do you hang out with them?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Complicated?” She gives me the most exasperated look ever. “How about you explain that? Or are you back to not giving any details? Because that’s as good as lying.”
“I don’t abide by what they do,” I say.
“And just what exactly do you not abide?”
I grit my teeth. “You want to tar and feather me because they won’t leave me be?”
“They seem to be leaving you be right now, aren’t they?”
“Because Roald and Wyatt are at it again. Don’t ask me why. I’m not their keepers.” I tap a finger to my chin. “I have the strangest feeling of déjà vu. Didn’t we talk about this before? I thought you understood—”
“What did they do that you don’t abide? If you won’t tell me, that’s as good as lying.”
“Fine. You want to know what happened? I’ll tell you, but, ah, there’s no one who can confirm this.”
Her eyes narrow, and I wince.
“Fine. Nia can, but don’t ask her. She’s… She’s worse than Roald.”
After a moment, she nods for me to continue.
“They went to the Blood Moon Ball. Er, the Red Moon Ball. Whatever it’s called.”
“Blood Haven?”
I nod.
“What happened?”
I blow out a breath. “What do you think happened when werewolves showed up there? There was a fight, and I stopped… I stopped Nia from killing a vampire, and I claimed that it was to save a werewolf. I’m not even sure who I said.”
“That’s the thing with lies. It’s not worth telling them.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes you need to because she would’ve turned on me.”
Slowly, Bellanore reaches out, holding out her hand. It’s a peace offering.
“There’s just one thing I don’t understand. You said that no one but Nia can collaborate your story. Why is that?”
“Do you know about haze avitores?”
“Yes,” she says slowly. “You brought them to a party?”
"I bring them everywhere."
“Uh, you realize that’s not normal, right?”
“Princess, I’m not normal.”
She flinches.
“You don’t like that nickname? Do you prefer 'Queen'?"
“And what would I be a queen of exactly?”
“Anything you want.”
Her smile is slow to grow but stretches across her face, and—surprise, surprise—it’s contagious. I’m smiling back before I even realize what I’m doing.
“I’m no queen,” she says softly. “Maybe Princess of Darkness does fit.”
“If it fits, own it.”
Her smile fades some. “I really want to make things right with Ellamaria.”
“I’m sorry I was the cause of your argument. Do you want me to talk to her?”
She tilts her head to the side. “Maybe we could both talk to her.”
“I’m more than willing to do anything to help.”
Bellanore makes a cute face and shrugs. “Maybe if you can help make things right, maybe we will go on that date.”
“Whatever will make you happy.”
“What about you?” she asks me. “What will make you happy?”
I gape at her. She’ll know if I’m lying, but I can’t. I can’t be happy.
Deciding to take a leaf out of a fairy’s book—a wing might be better—I finally say, “All that matters is your happiness.”
“That’s not true at all,” she protests. “Your happiness—”
“—hinges upon yours.”
She eyes me skeptically. “You know… You could’ve saved me from all of this if you would’ve just eaten with us.”
“And made her a third wheel?”
“There’s no reason why others can’t get to know you. The real you.”
“No one wants to know the real me.”
“Why? Because you allowed yourself to, what, be more animalistic? To be so-called dark like a fairy can be light or dark? Trust me, Robb, you don’t have to complete any penance.�
��
I blink a few times.
“Yes,” she says, answering my unspoken question. “I do think you’re punishing yourself. You’re trying to keep Roald and the others in check. That’s why you went with them to the ball. You’ve said so many times that you aren’t their keeper, but that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re trying to make this campus safer for us all. You’re a good man, Robb. Don’t sell yourself short.”
“I killed—”
“You had no choice.”
“There’s always a choice.” I wrinkle my nose and fight back a sneer. “There’s almost always a choice.”
“You are a werewolf with honor, and you defended your family and friends. I don’t know why that drow killed them, but you fought him because of his actions. You were not in the wrong, and you can move forward. I know you’re trying to.”
“Oh, so you got me all figured out, have you?”
Her smile makes her eyes glow even more than normal. “Yes, I think I do. Tell me if I’m wrong.”
“You’re wrong,” I lie, just to tease her.
Her giggle has me grabbing her hand. We stand and head to that same castle she brought me to before. Still hand-in-hand, we stroll inside.
“Stay here,” Bellanore murmurs, guiding me to the parlor, but already, her friend is strolling toward us. “Oh.” She turns her head so that her lips are right up against my ear. “We fought about a lot more than just you.”
Ellamaria crosses her arms. “Oh, so Robb decides to finally pretend to be the perfect boyfriend tonight of all nights?”
“Yes,” I say, “because I’m not the perfect boyfriend, so I would have to pretend to be perfect. Actually, no. I’m not pretending to be perfect. I’m just me. I’ve made mistakes in the past, and I… I’ll probably make some more in the future.”
“We’ve all made mistakes from time to time,” Bellanore says softly. “I’m sorry about the things I said. My issues with my mom…” She rolls her eyes. “Go ahead. Say it.”
Ellamaria just shakes her head.
“Say it,” Bellanore repeats.
“I always knew you had issues,” Ellamaria murmurs.
Bellanore laughs. “What can you expect? I mean, abandonment by mom, demon dad… What’s a girl to do?”
I rub the back of my neck. “Maybe that calls for a lot of chocolate.”
Ellamaria wrinkles her nose. “Only if you want to be in Bellanore’s good graces.”
“Wait, you don’t like chocolate?”
She shakes her head.
“And you don’t know if you like me. Fair enough. You don’t know me, so how can you know?” I shrug. “I—”
“I need you to trust me about Robb,” Bellanore says desperately.
“I—”
But Bellanore won’t let me get a word in. “He’s the kind of guy who should be alpha. He stands up for his family, and he’s trying to prevent Roald from starting a war with the vampires.”
“What is she talking about?” Ellamaria asks me.
“The ball,” I mumble.
“At Blood Haven? You mean the rumors are true? Werewolves went?”
I nod slowly. I can't help thinking about that one werewolf I saw there, the one talking to the vampire. Julian. If he did something to hurt her, it would've been the talk of the entire academy. No, I don't think he was there for nefarious purposes. Who knows? Maybe he fell for her.
I’m falling for Bellanore.
I shouldn’t, but I am.
She needs to be friends with Ellamaria again. The abandonment, her mom… Bellanore deserves so much more than I can give her.
For now, though, I can give her tonight, and I can try to help patch things up with her friend, and then… We'll just take it a week at a time, a day at a time, until I'm down to minutes.
Tran is right. Time is running out for me. There’s no way I can do what’s required of me. I might as well try to pretend to be happy during my last days.
That’s the best I’m going to get.
Bellanore and Ellamaria are laughing. I missed the joke, but I laugh anyhow, and the sound isn’t entirely fake.
Maybe, despite everything, I really am a little happy.
Chapter 19
Robb
The punishment isn’t over. Technically, Professor Rockhound wants me to continue on with the charade, but I’m done. I’m not going to waste my time doing this. It’s bad enough that I’m wasting my time here at the academy at all when I’m wasting away.
Why did I even come to Moonstone Academy in the first place? To try to find a way to get close to my target, but honestly, my thoughts aren’t about myself lately.
No. They’re all centered on her.
She confuses me even as she coaxes smiles out of me. No one else moves me like she does, and I don’t think anyone else understands me like she does. She doesn’t know the entire story, even if everything I told her was true, and I can’t help but appreciate that she doesn’t think I’m a monster.
But if she knew the whole truth…
It’s not as if I provoked the drow and that’s why my entire pack is dead. No, that blame lies elsewhere, and even though the one responsible is also dead, I find no solace in that.
For me, there’s no solace to be had. My life is meaningless, yet I’m striving to find a reason to continue on each day.
Why, though? For what? To what end?
I attended Moonstone Academy because I sought to end the curse, but if I truly wished to, I would already know who I have to kill. I would know where my target lives, have plans to know how best to secure the heart and brain.
Instead, I find myself infiltrating a rough crowd despite my wishes and falling for a werewolf, unlike any other and not merely because she has a demon for a father. She cares about me. She might be the only person alive who cares about me since my entire pack has been slaughtered.
Never make a deal with a drow.
Never ever make a deal with a demon.
All you’ll get is misery and suffering, but then again, I can’t even feel misery and suffering. Yes, I feel the physical aches of my body from the hours of wallcrawling, but any emotions from it I don’t feel.
A void. That’s all I am.
Who can wish to be around a void?
If she knew, Bellanore would try to be happy enough for both of us, but that isn’t how the world works.
Last night, I didn’t tell Ellamaria much, just enough to get her to realize that I’m not like Roald and the others. That seems to be enough for her, especially since Bellanore pointed out that Ellamaria should know Bellanore enough to realize she is an excellent judge of character. Then, they talked about Bellanore’s mom quite a bit, and I just sat there and listened.
Until Professor Rockhound hunted me down as if I’m prey, and I’ve been wallcrawling for so long that I think I’m going to fall down and collapse into a heap of broken bones.
I can’t handle this anymore. I just can’t.
But I do have something to look forward to tonight.
Bellanore and my first date.
I don’t even care if the professor hunts me down. I’m not going to be on campus, and he can extend the punishment for all the good it’ll do me. I’m done, for real this time.
When it’s finally time for our date, I force myself to smile and not show how exhausted I am.
And then I get a good look at her.
Bellanore is wearing a dress with a black top. The skirt is the same color as her glowing green eyes, and it swirls around her legs as she leans against the doorway of her castle.
As for me, I’m just wearing black pants and a dark shirt. Nothing fancy. I’m a simple guy.
“You ready to go?” I ask.
“I suppose.”
“You don’t sound too enthused,” I say. “Something wrong? Everything’s still good between you and Ellamaria?”
“We’re fine. I just… I’ll tell you later. Where are we going? Cinnamon Chance again?”
“No. I have somewhere else in mind.”
I take her hand, and we walk away, heading off campus.
“Why aren’t we driving there?” she asks. “Or are we almost there?”
“We’re going in here.” I point to a dark alley.
She blinks a few times, but I grin because she doesn’t question me.
As soon as the shadows touch us, I’m dropping to all fours and letting my wolf out. Bellanore does the same, and then I jerk my head to the side, and I dash away. She chases after me, and if this was a real race, she would win easily. I used to be one of the swiftest wolves in my pack. I suppose by default, I still am, but that’s not saying much. She’s so much faster than I am. Hmm. If she gave it her all, would she have beaten me in my prime? Maybe.
The thought almost triggers a bout of sadness, but by now, we’re passing fields and trees and heading to the spot on a small plateau. Once we climb the flat side—yes, having to wallcrawl to get to the top—we finally arrive.
There’s a deer up here. I brought it here earlier, and I’m glad it never came down. I allow Bellanore the first strike, and then the second because I’m too spent to take down even the docile deer.
Together, we carve and cook the meat. Bellanore looks so lovely as the fire gives her a reddish glow.
After we’ve eaten a few bites, I nod to Bellanore. “What do you think?”
“A wonderful first date so far,” she admits.
I beam. “This is how my dad proposed to my mom. They ran together, hunted together, ate together… And Dad asked Mom to do that with him every day for the rest of their lives. Of course, they didn’t necessarily hunt every day. Some kills provided for us for much longer than one meal, but we ate mostly from the Earth.”
“Let me guess. You think too many werewolves are lazy and just go to the store and by their food, don’t you?” she asks.
“Well, that depends.”
“On what? Oh, I know. On whether or not I buy food from a store.” She howls with laughter.
I grin and shrug. “Pretty much.”
“Hmm.”
“So you aren’t going to answer, huh? Noted.”
She gives me a look, and my grin grows. “This is all very sweet of you, but you aren’t planning on asking me anything, are you?”
Moonstone Academy: Year One: A Mayhem of Magic World Story Page 12