by Blue Saffire
“Oh, wow. So are you going to try to take this one from me too?” she snorted as she rubbed her belly.
“Excuse me?” I said.
“You heard me. You stole my son, are you after this baby too.”
“Okay, you know what I haven’t stolen anything from you. And what do I want with that baby?” I barked.
“Esther, please take LJ to the swings for me,” Lee called through his teeth.
Esther came to take LJ with her. Lee wrapped his arms around my waist. It felt like he was trying to restrain himself by holding onto me. I placed my hand on his chest, looking up at him.
“Rachael, what do you want? You haven’t called or wanted to see LJ in months. Now you’re calling?” Lee seethed.
“I wanted to let you know you have a little girl on the way,” she beamed.
I felt like I was just kicked in the stomach. My hand clutched the front of Lee’s shirt. This wasn’t happening to me again.
Lee promised me. He promised me I would have his little girl and he promised he would never hurt me like this again.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Lee snapped. “Rachael, I’m not playing with you.”
“Lee, I’m seven months. It’s a little girl. I was thinking we could name her Lily or maybe Leeha,” she said smugly.
I needed to sit. I moved numbly to sit on the bench. Once I sat I looked down to see my hands were shaking. I stared at the ring on my finger that was screaming at me.
‘Stupid. You fool!’
It was all I could hear. I looked up at Lee, but the tears had started to blind me. I blinked to see his face was enraged and in pain at the same time.
“That’s not my baby! Rachael, don’t call me no more. If you want to see LJ, you call my lawyer,” Lee bellowed.
He reached down to pull me from the bench. He barked for Esther to follow us to the car. When we got to his truck, I climbed into the back to sit with LJ.
I didn’t say a word the entire ride home. Lee was so angry, I don’t think he realized I wasn’t sitting next to him. Esther had taken my place. I sat and watched LJ.
I’d made my peace once, I didn’t think I had it in me to go through this again. The fact that Rachael could be telling the truth seared my soul. She and Lee lived with each other for months. The girl slept in his home, in his bed. That could very well be Lee’s baby. Knowing that crumbled my heart to pieces.
I had decided. I had helped to make my house LJ’s home. I wasn’t going to make him leave. I would go. Lee and LJ could stay as long as they needed to. It was the only home LJ knew. I wouldn’t rip him from that.
I was saying my good byes. I would miss him. I tried to hide the tears from him. LJ’s very perceptive for a child, especially one his age.
When we pulled up to the house, I kissed LJ on the forehead and jumped out of the car. I quickly made my way into the house. I entered the storage room to get my luggage. I took my bags to my bedroom, placing them on the bed. I opened them wide so I could throw things into them as fast as I could.
The tears were running hot and fast. I heard Lee enter the room and close the door before he walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms tightly around me. I broke down at his touch.
“What are you doing?” he said into my hair.
I couldn’t answer. I sobbed, trying to pry his arms off of me. I could’ve easily hurt Lee, but I don’t want to. I just wanted his hands free of me.
“What are you doing?” he asked again. “That’s not my baby, Crystal.” I started to cry more as his words served as a reminder.
He reached for my suitcases, pushing them to the floor. Turing me around in his arms, he lifted my face. Kissing me softly, he looked in my eyes.
“That’s not my baby,” he repeated.
Gently laying me down on the bed, he covered me with his body. He kissed my neck, reaching for my legs to trail his hands up my thighs. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my lips as my body betrayed me. No matter how much I was hurting, Lee’s touch always set me on fire.
“That’s not my baby,” he moaned in my ear.
Lee slowly undressed me, before undressed himself. I wanted to believe him, I wanted this to be okay. I wanted him to make me feel better.
“You hear me, Crystal? That’s not my baby,” he panted. “I love you. I wouldn’t do that again.”
I panted and writhed beneath his expert touch. A part of me wanted to trust his words, I needed to. I wrapped my legs and arms around him tighter and relaxed under him.
“I love you. You’re the only one I will ever make another baby with,” he groaned. “I love you, Crystal. You hear me, baby? You, only you.”
Tears rolled back into my ears. I dug my fingers in his back, gasping for air. It felt like my senses were heightened as every inch of him moved in and through me.
His kisses rained all over my face and neck. I clung to him needing to feel safe in his arms. I always felt safe when he made love to me. I would believe anything he said when he made me feel like this.
My mind tried to reel against my body. The betrayal of it all. I wanted to deny him but his touch demanded that I receive the pleasure that was Lee.
“I love you. I will always love you,” he groaned into my ear.
His fingers found mine, lacing with them. He brought our interlocked hands above my head, pressing them into the mattress. I stopped fighting and allowed his love to course through me.
It was all so intense. I lost my sense of direction. Up was down and down was up, Lee was the center of everything whether wrong or right. I was anchored to him for the time being. My body opened for him in a new way and he made love to a vulnerable part of me.
“Lee,” I started to moan his name.
Only Lee could make me feel this way. I was so in love with him. I think that was my problem. I could never see straight because I loved him so much.
“I love you. You have to feel how much I love you. I love you so much. I’d never destroy us. I’d die before I hurt you ever again,” he promised. “Believe me. I love you.”
I sobbed as I broke down beneath him. He wrapped me in his big arms and continued to come at my body and heart like a wrecking ball. He was relentless and I was helpless. I couldn’t think straight, all I knew was Lee.
After two hours of Lee causing me to forget what I had planned to do, I curled up in a ball on the bed. He layed next to me, but when he reached to rub my back, I pulled away. He sat up on the bed, staring down at me for a few minutes. Jumping up in frustration, he went into the bathroom.
The moment the bathroom door closed, I let out a loud sob. It was blood curdling. I heard Lee punch something in the bathroom followed by something breaking. I continued to let out loud sobs. I heard the shower come on in the bathroom, but didn’t move. Instead, I cried some more.
I realized this was my chance. Lee hated to see or hear me in pain. He couldn’t handle it, he would stay under the water trying to drain out my cries as long as he could.
I got up, throwing on the first thing I could put my hands on. I tossed a few things in a bag. Next, I ran for my car.
I needed to get away from Lee to think straight. I couldn’t stay with him and trust myself. I didn’t know if I was hearing the truth or if I just wanted to hear the truth.
I needed time and space for clarity. I needed a moment to breathe without him. I’d get through this, I just needed time alone.
Chapter 27
The Truth
I went to stay with my parents. I told them that I needed to stay with them because I had caught some bug. I didn’t want to make LJ sick. That worked for the first two weeks because I did nothing but cry in my room. When I did come out, my face was all puffy and I looked a mess as if I were sick.
I cried about Lee, missing LJ, and the fact that I wasn’t sure if Lee had another baby that wasn’t mine coming into this world.
Lee would call all day, every day. He sent flowers once a day without fail. I wouldn’t answer his calls and
I trashed the flowers when no one was looking. My mother thought Lee was such a sweetheart for sending flowers while I wasn’t feeling well. As far as she knew he felt bad I had to leave our home because of LJ’s well-being.
By the third week, my mother started to look at me a little funny. I told her the wedding was two weeks away and I thought it would be a good idea if I stayed close to her to help. That worked for about two days.
Once she noticed I’d begun to down a pint of ice cream a day and I wasn’t working as much as I usually did, she started to give me side eye and began to pry. Her hawk like attention had zoned in on me. I did my best to cover the situation up.
It didn’t help that the flowers started to get in my head so much they made me nauseous. I couldn’t help but throw them out right away to keep from losing the contents of my stomach. I seriously couldn’t stand the smell in my room.
My mother caught me throwing the flowers out one morning and started with a round of a million and one questions. I tried to dodge them as much as I could, but she asked one too many and I blew up.
It was so out of character for me. I locked myself in my room and cried some more. I needed to get out of the house.
My assistant informed me that Lee showed up at the Westchester salon every day. I knew he knew where I was, and just like me, was refusing to involve my parents. I figured I could go to the newest salon, but I thought that would be the next place he would look to find me.
The last place he would expect to find me would be with Kim and Kenny. I needed to cut some hair and fast. It was the only way to soothe me.
I threw on a pair of grey leggings, a black tunic top with a grey leather belt, and a pair of stiletto boots. No need to look like crap just because I felt like it. Trying to be slick, I took out my grey Jaguar. It was a car Lee knew little about, one of my father’s gifts.
I hoped it would keep him from finding me at the shop if he passed. He’d be looking for a car he knew. All I knew was I needed to get my moody, 007, ass to a station and lose myself.
I called Kim and told her I’d be in. She promised to line me up as many heads as she could. I made it to the shop in record time. Kim had two girls waiting for me to start with. I jumped right into my work. These girls were lucky. I actually work better under stress.
Kim was pretty busy when I got in, thankfully. She didn’t have time to grill me. Although, I could see in her face she wanted to.
Once the word got out that I was in the shop, girls were lined up to get their hair done. I was plenty busy. I only stopped to inhale something to eat in between styles.
I noticed when Kim slowed down for the day. I knew she would be heading my way as soon as she could. I told the receptionist I wasn’t taking anyone else after the girl in my chair. I wanted to finish the last two cuts and get away from Kim.
I found myself missing LJ as I mindlessly cut hair. I’d usually be in a rush to finish up to run home to see him. I missed his little face when it would light up as I walked through the door.
Esther had taught him Sign Language, which led to him already talking a bit. He would be squealing mommy whenever I came home. The thought almost brought tears to my eyes.
As if thinking about it wasn’t bad enough, once I started my last cut, lo and behold, Lee walked in the salon with LJ in his arms. I felt sick to my stomach. I looked at myself in the mirror and I swear I looked green. I was so glad this girl was only a touch up. I would have her out of my chair in twenty minutes or less.
Lee stood talking to Kenny as he watched me. I could feel his eyes burning a hole through me. I couldn’t stop fidgeting or peeking up into the mirror to catch a glimpse of him, each time confirming his eyes were on me.
LJ was fast asleep in his arms. It took everything in me not to rush over and take him into my own embrace. I wanted to go hug, kiss, and smell him. My little baby had a scent unique to him—something I hadn’t noticed until I couldn’t hold him every day. I missed him so much.
As I finished the cut, LJ started to stir in Lee’s lap as they sat in the barber chair next to Kenny. I walked the girl to the register to get her change.
When LJ fully woke, he looked around at his surroundings. His face lit up as if he knew he would find me in the room. He scanned the shop and when his eyes finally met mine he squealed.
“Mommy, Mommy!” he beamed.
I returned his bright smile, rushing over to pull him from Lee’s lap. I hugged him so tight. This was the worst part of all of this. My heart would heal some day from walking away from Lee, I’d hoped. But I didn’t think it would ever heal from walking away from LJ. I felt no better than Rachael.
“Hey, LJ, I missed you, sweet pea,” I sang.
He giggled and put his little fingers on my face, pulling me in to kiss his cheek. He is such a sweet little boy. I had to fight back the tears.
“Muah,” I said as I kissed his cheek. “You love mommy, LJ?”
“Mm, hmm,” he chimed and nodded his head.
“We both love and miss mommy,” Lee whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me.
“Please don’t,” I said, trying not to let LJ see my irritation.
“Crystal, we need to talk. LJ misses you, I miss you. When are you going to come home?” Lee asked.
“LJ, mommy, needs to talk to daddy go ask Auntie Kim for a cookie,” I told LJ kissing his cheek and placing him on his feet.
I watched as he ran over to Kim, pulling on her apron while calling out cookie. Kim looked at me and laughed. LJ was in her arms in the next minute. Kim disappeared with him into our office.
I smiled after them. We were all still floored by how smart he was. He seemed to have gotten bigger while I was away.
“Lee, I’m not going to do this with you,” I hissed at him.
“Do what? That’s not my baby. Stop letting Rachael rip our home apart. LJ really misses you. He sings about you all day,” Lee said and reached for me.
“Lee, I said I’m not going to do this.”
“Why can’t you believe me? I manned up to my son. I’m not taking the wrap for a baby that is not mine.”
“Lee…I,” I couldn’t get my words out. I felt my stomach turn.
Lee reached for my waist, but I pushed his arms away to run for the bathroom. This was too much for me. I needed to get away.
I made it to the bathroom just in time. I emptied my stomach, feeling the stress weighing down on me. I felt horrible. Kim tapped on the door, calling my name but I couldn’t even answer.
I tried hard to relax and think of something else to pull myself together. It took a little while, but I was calm enough to move to the sink to wash my face and hands. Splashing cold water on my face helped a lot.
I stepped out of the bathroom to see Kim standing by her station. Lee had taken a seat in my chair, a scowl fixed on his face. I went to collect my things so I could go home. As I approached my station, Lee reached out for me, but I brushed his hands away trying to get to my things.
“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he said sincerely.
“I’m fine. All of this is stressing me out is all,” I grumbled.
“I don’t understand why you’re letting this stress you when I did nothing wrong.”
“Whatever Lee.”
“Are you okay?” Kim said from behind me.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“You haven’t been looking so good today. Do you need to go see a doctor?”
“Kim, I just have a lot I’m dealing with. I’m fine.”
“Okay, I don’t like getting in you guys business, but I think it’s time I did,” Kim said.
I laughed to myself. She was probably the one that called Lee. Kim is always in his business, which has placed her always in the middle of mine.
“Kim, there’s nothing to talk about,” I grumbled.
“Yes there is. You have been avoiding Lee for almost a month and you guys are getting married in less than two weeks,” Kim demanded.
“There
’s not going to be a wedding. I’m going to tell my family tonight.”
Lee tensed in the chair, grabbing the armrests as if they were keeping him in the chair. His expression looked like he wanted to kill someone. Kim grabbed my arm to turn me so I would look at her.
“Are you serious? Over that liar? You’re kidding?” Kim yelled.
“How do you know she’s lying?” I shouted back at her.
“Trust me, I know. Lee isn’t the one lying, that baby isn’t his,” Kim demanded.
I started to feel queasy again. A burp bubbled up in my throat. My mouth filled with water.
“I don’t need this, it’s too much. Please just let me leave,” I cried.
“You need to listen before you ruin—” Kim started to say but I pushed her out of the way. I knew I wouldn’t make it to the bathroom. I quickly kneeled to the floor in front of the closest trashcan. I didn’t think I had anything left.
My face was covered in tears and sweat. I felt Lee’s hand on my back, rubbing as I held my head in the can. This was so embarrassing.
“Mommy,” LJ called as he came to mimic Lee’s gesture.
“You alright, Crystal?” Lee asked voice filled with concern.
“I told you this is too much,” I gasped, wiping my face with the wet towel Kim handed me.
“Seriously, I don’t think that’s the problem,” Lee whispered in my ear as he continued to rub my back. “I can tell by what you’re wearing you’re late.”
I looked at him like he was crazy. I tried to process his words. I began to do the math in my mind. My head started to spin so fast, I was having a hard time thinking or breathing.
He was right. If it was that time I wouldn’t be dressed in leggings it was a hard fast rule for me. But was he right about the timing?
Lee was like a watchdog for that time of the month. I was absolutely horrified when I realized the truth of his words.
I snatched away from him to stand up. I stood up so fast, I felt dizzy. Lee quickly stood to catch me as I stumbled back. I frowned and pushed his hands from me. I didn’t want him touching me. I couldn’t believe this was happening now.