As they filed toward the sanctuary’s exit, he tried to push away the guilt he felt about being annoyed by Gary’s presence. If the man truly was searching, the sermon had been great for him. If not, it wasn’t Todd’s place to judge, as Shannon had reminded him.
Todd gritted his teeth as Gary deliberately stepped in front of him at the doorway between the sanctuary and the foyer, nearly landing on his foot. He decided his guilt was again misplaced. From the way Gary kept trying to put distance between Todd and Shannon and the fact he was becoming more aggressive about it, the one-tenth-of-one-percent chance Gary was there for legitimate reasons was becoming exponentially smaller.
Back in the foyer, Shannon introduced both Todd and Gary to other members of the congregation. After a bit of small talk and people welcoming them to the church, Gary suggested he and Shannon go for lunch.
Todd chose to ignore that Gary’s invitation had been worded not to include him. He grinned enthusiastically so Gary would look like a schmuck in front of Shannon if he said anything about Todd’s not being invited. “That sounds great.” He turned to Shannon. “I think you were saying that most of your congregation goes to that pancake place across from the skating rink. But I also remember your saying parking was pretty tight. Maybe I should go with you guys, then you can just drop me off back here when we’re finished so I can pick up my car.”
Gary’s eyes narrowed. In response, Todd widened his smile.
Shannon tapped one finger to her chin. “You know, that’s a pretty good idea. Some people park their cars in the rink’s lot; but there are signs warning people that if they’re not there to skate, they could get towed.”
Todd nodded. “I think I’ve had enough problems with my car lately. I’ll leave it here. Let’s go.”
Gary didn’t say much as they walked out to the parking lot. Once at the car, Todd slid into the back, which he didn’t mind. He knew Gary wasn’t going to make any efforts to include him in the conversation, but this way he could keep an eye on what was happening in the front, with Gary very aware he was being watched.
While they waited for a table, Todd could tell Gary was pushing himself to make polite conversation with him there. After they were seated and their orders taken, Todd decided it was time to show Shannon the level of Gary’s sincerity about learning about God.
He tried to ignore that Gary was sitting beside Shannon in the booth and he wasn’t. But this way gave him a better opportunity to watch what Gary was doing. Todd could see him eye-to-eye instead of peeking up from between the bucket seats as he had in the car.
With his elbows on the table, Todd cradled his coffee cup in both hands and made deliberate eye contact with Gary over the top of the steaming coffee.
“Shannon tells me this is the first time you’ve been to church. What did you think of the service?”
“It was interesting,” Gary replied, smiling politely.
Todd nodded. “Yes. He really made me think. I thought it was an interesting question, asking what kind of ground we were, as an individual.”
“Yes. He allowed for a lot of introspection.”
Todd stared right into Gary’s eyes. “Do you remember the four types of ground?”
“Not really. Although I saw you writing notes, so you have more likelihood of remembering.”
“That may be true, but that’s not what I was writing down. The four different types of ground are”—Todd set the cup back into the saucer and counted off on his fingers as he spoke—“on the path, in the rocks, among the thorns, and on good soil.”
Gary’s expression glazed over for a few seconds, indicating to Todd that Gary hadn’t been paying attention and didn’t want to be paying attention now. “Yes, that’s right,” he said.
The more Todd thought about it, and watching Gary’s face now, Todd suddenly understood why Gary hadn’t paid attention. According to the parable, the ground accepted the seed initially, and all but one type fell away for various reasons. Gary’s situation didn’t apply to this because he had no desire to sample the seed in the first place. He only wanted to sample Shannon.
Todd picked up his cup again, suddenly needing something to do with his hands, rather than reaching across the table and wringing Gary’s neck.
He smiled nicely, hoping his face wouldn’t crack. He opened his mouth, about to comment on the possibility of giving Gary a Bible, when Shannon clinked her cup down into her saucer.
“I think that’s enough talk about the sermon. This isn’t a question-and-answer period.” She glared at him from across the table. “Todd,” she said firmly. She turned her head slightly toward Gary. “Did you see the construction at the mall on the way here? It looks as if they’re expanding the building. I wonder where everyone is going to park.”
They spent the remainder of lunch making small talk about nothing in particular. Gary insisted on paying for all three lunches, which griped Todd but looked good to Shannon.
To Todd’s surprise, Gary dropped off Shannon first, instead of returning to the church parking lot so Todd could get his car. Because Todd didn’t want it to look as if he was following them, which he was, he stayed in the car while Gary walked Shannon to the door. Part of him was glad he was taking Shannon home first. This way, good manners dictated that Shannon not invite Gary in and that Gary didn’t take too long saying good-bye, since Todd was waiting in the car.
But this also meant he would be alone with Gary traveling from Shannon’s apartment to the church parking lot.
The thought made Todd break out into a cold sweat.
He looked at the empty front seats, thinking he should have the grace to move from the backseat into the front. But the last thing he wanted to do was sit beside Gary because that meant he would have to talk to him.
By the time Gary returned, Todd was settled in the front seat, buckled in, ready to go, and praying they caught every light green.
The second Gary started the engine, Todd leaned forward and turned the radio up, not caring what kind of station it was or what was playing.
Even though the music was loud, the lack of conversation hung in the air between them like a cold, looming black cloud. When they were a block from the church, Gary reached forward and turned the radio down. The lightness of Gary’s tone was completely negated by his words. “You know, Sanders—I don’t know if you think you’re trying to be funny, but you might notice I’m not laughing.”
Steeling his courage, Todd turned to Gary. “You know, for once, I wasn’t trying to be funny.”
Gary kept his face forward, not looking at Todd as he spoke, which only seemed to accent his words. “I think it would be in your best interests if you kept out of this and started minding your own business. What I do with Shannon is none of your concern. I like the way you do your job, and I enjoy working with you, but I would hate to suddenly start finding too many mistakes while you’re still on probation.”
Todd’s head spun. He had expected Gary to confront him, but he hadn’t expected this.
Before he could put two thoughts together to respond, the car stopped in the parking lot beside his car, the only one in the entire lot.
Gary still didn’t turn his head but kept his face forward, watching ahead of him through the windshield. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work, Sanders. Good day.”
Todd exited Gary’s car quickly.
He stabbed the key into the lock, slid in, and slammed the door. Instead of starting the car, he whacked the steering wheel with his fist and muttered under his breath.
He was only trying to protect Shannon—from Gary and from herself. He hadn’t considered that his actions could mean losing his job. He needed the job. If he lost it, he wouldn’t be the only one to suffer, and he couldn’t let that happen.
And if Gary would stoop so low as to threaten Todd, then he wondered if the man would use his power and authority at work on Shannon. While Gary wasn’t her supervisor, as he was Todd’s, he was still second in command over the branch. As such, he had s
ome degree of authority over every department, even if only by influencing the one person higher than Gary in the corporate ladder.
Todd clenched his teeth as he started the car. Shannon didn’t know who she was getting herself involved with. He doubted she had the slightest idea of what the man who said he wanted to learn about God really wanted. Or what he was willing to do to get it.
But Todd intended to tell her.
It took every ounce of Todd’s self-control to drive within the posted speed limit to Shannon’s apartment.
The time it took for him to park the car, walk to the main door, press the button, and wait for her to respond gave Todd time to calm down and think more clearly.
He was angry with Gary, but he couldn’t be angry with Shannon. She was only doing what she thought was best. He couldn’t belie her efforts in what she saw as the right and noble thing, even though she was wrong.
Shannon’s voice crackled through the intercom. “Hello?”
He cleared his throat and tried to sound cheerful. “Hi, Shan. It’s me. Todd. Want to do dinner?”
“Todd?” For a few seconds, he heard static sparking through the metal grating. “Uh—it’s kind of early for dinner; we just had lunch. But come up. I guess.”
When the elevator door swooshed open on Shannon’s floor, he found her waiting in the hallway outside her door. She stood with her arms crossed, and she wasn’t smiling. “What are you really doing here? Even you can’t be thinking about eating again.”
“I wanted to talk to you about something.” He glanced both ways down the hall. He was prone to public displays and appreciated when he had an audience that was amused by his antics, but that was when nothing important was at stake. This time he wanted everything he said kept between him and Shannon and not her neighbors. “Can we go inside?”
Shannon stepped back and extended one arm but said nothing.
The second the door closed, Todd could no longer hold back. “I don’t think you have any idea what you’re dealing with. I came here to tell you to be very careful with Gary. You’re in way over your head.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I thought I knew what he was like, but I’m wondering if I’ve been wrong. On the way to church, he talked to me about how he has to put on a tough, hard-edged facade in front of the men at work to earn and keep their respect. He says part of that includes acting like a ladies’ man.”
Todd crossed his arms. “He’s only telling you what you want to hear.”
Her voice lowered. “I’m not stupid, Todd. I’ve seen him in action at work. I’m only saying we talked, and I think I have to make some allowances for him. I at least have to think about it.”
“You don’t need to think about it. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, too. He said something in the car, though, that made me realize not only have I been right, but he’s even worse. And you can forget any romantic notions he has for you. He’s only trying to mislead you. He has nothing good or noble in mind for you. You shouldn’t be seeing him outside work. And that includes church. You think you’re safe on Sunday morning, but you’re not. Not with him.”
“What did he tell you in the car?”
“I’d rather not say now.”
Shannon tipped her head and studied him, not saying anything while the seconds dragged on like hours. “Why are you doing this? What do you have against Gary?”
“I have nothing against him.”
Her posture stiffened even more. “It sure sounds like it to me. And besides his interest in learning more about God and Jesus Christ, he said he wanted to be sure I liked chocolate kisses. It looks as if he might be my Secret Admirer after all. He’s hinting, trying to build the suspense. He’s waiting for the right moment to tell me.”
Todd’s restraint exploded in a puff of smoke. He waved one hand in the air, barely able to keep from yelling. “Can’t you see he’s lying to you? He’s just using that because he knows it’s a soft spot with you. Just like going to church is a soft spot with you.”
“How dare you!”
He stepped closer and lowered his voice. “Shannon, I’m not saying these things to make you angry. I’m only saying this out of concern because I, uh”—he swallowed hard and cleared his throat—“I like you a lot. I don’t want to see you get hurt, and I think your spending time with Gary is a bad idea. I only want to help you.”
“I have to finish what I started, with or without you. Surely you agree that Gary needs someone to walk through this with him. Maybe next week you should go to your own church.”
Todd’s heart sank. “What?”
She checked her watch. “And I can’t go out to dinner with you. I had already made plans to go out with a friend for dinner. In fact, I think you should leave now.”
Todd felt as if he’d been smacked in the chest with a two-by-four. He wanted so much to reveal his proof that Gary was lying to her, but he couldn’t tell her he was her Secret Admirer now. He’d had dreams of the right moment—in a romantic atmosphere, wrapped in each other’s arms, soft music playing in the background. Maybe even feeding her chocolate kisses by hand or sharing chocolate kisses between real ones. Not only was there nothing romantic about this moment, but she was throwing him out of her home. She was so angry with him that he had a feeling she’d never believe him.
“Fine,” he muttered, trying to take her rejection like a man. “I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” He turned on his heel and stomped to the door.
As he stepped into the hallway, he felt Shannon’s fingers touch his arm, stopping him in his tracks.
“Todd, wait. I want you to understand why I’m doing this. I have to give him a chance. God gives us all a chance, regardless of whether we deserve it or not. I have to do the same.”
Todd’s head spun. His thoughts and emotions had ricocheted in his head and heart in so many directions and on so many levels that he didn’t know what to think anymore. He felt himself going into autopilot mode with his reaction.
He turned around. “So in other words you’re telling me don’t go away mad; just go away.”
She smiled. He felt himself melting into a puddle on the floor.
“Yes, something like that. Good-bye, Todd.”
The door closed.
Todd’s brain was so numb he didn’t remember the drive home, only that he was there.
He sat at the kitchen table and did the same thing he did every day when he couldn’t get Shannon out of his mind. He tore a piece of paper out of the pad, opened the rhyming dictionary, and began to compose his newest poem.
Dearest Shannon,
Your merciful spirit soothes my tortured soul
Todd grimaced and crumpled up the paper. He didn’t want to acknowledge her anger or her forgiveness or that he was feeling rotten from arguing with her. Shannon was intelligent and perceptive. If he mentioned anything even remotely related to what had just happened, she might figure out why her Secret Admirer would say such things, then know who he was. He couldn’t afford for that to happen. Not now. Not until everything was perfect between them.
He tore off a sheet of fresh paper and tried again.
Dearest Shannon,
Your shining smile fills me with happiness
Todd flipped through the book and harrumphed when he discovered there was no exact rhyme for happiness. He wadded up the paper and closed his eyes to picture Shannon in his mind before he started again.
Dearest Shannon,
Like the sweet, clean scent of a tangy apple
Todd buried his face in his hands. That apple shampoo was affecting him more than he thought. This time he ripped the paper into multiple pieces and pushed them to the center of the table.
Dearest Shannon,
Like the sparkling spring sunshine in the month of May,
Like the sweet, clean scent of afresh bouquet,
Like the beauty and fullness of a rose when it’s blooming,
My love for you is all consuming.
Your Secret Admir
er
Todd smiled. This was one of his best. In fact, it was so good he thought when the day came to reveal himself to Shannon, he would share a case of chocolate kisses and go to the florist and pick out a nice red rose. Or maybe one of those two-toned ones, because he knew she liked them.
As Todd tied the ribbon and attached the kiss, his thoughts drifted back to the situation with Gary. Of course, Shannon was right. God had given Todd more chances than he could count, when he was nowhere near looking for God’s heart. He had to step back and let Shannon handle Gary in whatever way she thought best. Even though it hurt, Todd knew he would have to pray for Gary, even if it took ten years or more, just as Craig and Shannon had prayed for him.
The events of the day also proved to him he never wanted to fight with Shannon over Gary again. He didn’t want to fight with her about anything. It was too painful. He’d put her through enough over the years without adding more tension. When he thought of what could have happened by fighting over Gary, he felt sick. He didn’t want to lose her over something that needed to be in the Lord’s hands.
Todd shut his eyes. His heart pounded. During the time Shannon spent with Gary, he couldn’t help but worry that she might like Gary better than she liked him. Regardless of what Todd knew or heard, he had to leave that in the Lord’s hands, too. The battle of love wasn’t always won by the person who was the most deserving. Not that he deserved Shannon. He was trying his best to make things right from the past, though. He could only hope and pray it was enough.
He opened his eyes and stared blankly at the wall. If Shannon did choose Gary over him and Todd came out the loser, then it would be inappropriate for him, as the Secret Admirer, to keep telling her how much he loved her, because her heart would belong to another.
Time to Laugh Romance Collection Page 41