In his peripheral vision, he saw Shannon shuffle around so she was behind him. He was about to scoop up another noodle when Shannon’s arms slipped around his waist. He nearly dropped both the fork and the lid when she held him tight and pressed her cheek into his back between his shoulder blades.
“Come on, Todd. You can talk to me. I want to help you. Can’t I do more than help you cook? Even if there’s nothing else I can do, I can pray for her.”
He clenched his teeth. But when she started rubbing little circles on his arm with her hand, he felt as if he would fall apart. He nearly threw the fork and lid onto the counter so he could peel her off him. As he covered her hand with his own, Shannon sighed. The heat of her breath through his shirt warmed a spot below his shoulder blade, and the movement of the sigh pressed her closer to him. Instead of pulling her hands off, he found himself holding them tighter, just to keep her there.
“You can tell me,” she whispered against his back. “That’s what friends are for.”
Friends. Todd squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted so much more. Lately, he’d had dreams of spending his life with Shannon, not just at work, but living together as man and wife, with a dozen kids in a cozy, stable little house with a white picket fence and a big black dog in the backyard. Instead, Shannon was spending more time with Gary.
Todd had planned to talk to her today about Gary while they were cooking, although they were nearly finished and he still hadn’t thought of a way to put his thoughts into words. He knew she liked Gary. But Todd couldn’t tell her everything, especially how Gary threatened his job. Regardless of how she felt about Gary, if he told her what Gary had said, she was bound to say something to him that would get both of them fired. That would end the relationship, but Todd didn’t want Shannon to lose her job because of something he’d started. He needed to think of a better way. He couldn’t think properly with Shannon wrapped around him, though. But he didn’t want her to be anywhere else.
Todd forced his thoughts away from Gary and back to what they were talking about earlier—his mother.
He tried to clear his throat, but his voice came out in a hoarse croak. “No one can help. She’s been like this since my dad left when I was in my teens. I help her a little bit with the basics when she comes over for dinner on Tuesdays, and I go through her stuff.”
“Go through her stuff? I don’t understand.” Todd’s head swam. He chose his words carefully. “She’s never been good with money or anything that required any planning or advance preparation. She doesn’t take care of herself, and she’s not good with commitments, but she will come here every Tuesday for dinner and for me to balance her checkbook. That’s why I want to feed her something with lots of vegetables. It’s the only good meal she gets all week.”
Shannon’s hands didn’t move beneath his, but she gave him a short, gentle squeeze. “I can’t imagine anyone cooking any worse than you do. Between you and Craig, I remember a few disasters in my mom’s kitchen. But that’s so sweet. Do you give her leftovers to take home?”
“Yes, but she eats everything when she gets home, and the next day it’s back to the usual patterns.”
He felt her arms stiffen. Part of him wanted her never to let him go, but the more sensible part of him told him to pick up her hands and push her away. Having Shannon’s arms around him had altered his judgment, and he’d already said more than he should have.
“Usual patterns? What usual patterns?”
She gave him another gentle squeeze. All Todd’s self-constraint melted away. He pressed his hands more firmly over hers, as if the closer contact could make everything better.
“On payday, if she’s working, she blows all her money on stupid things—cigarettes, movies, clothes, things she doesn’t need. I know a lot of the money goes toward illegal drugs, but I can never catch her with them. And then she has nothing. Often she can’t pay the rent, and the landlord threatens to evict her. That’s one reason why I go through her checkbook. I don’t give her money because she’ll spend it, then not tell me what she did with it. So I pay her landlord myself. I also give her groceries, but sometimes she sells them for much less than I paid for them, just to get a couple of dollars for more drugs. When she’s completely out of food and money, I make her come here, and I feed her. When she’s hungry enough, she comes, even if it isn’t Tuesday.”
Shannon squeezed him tighter. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. Isn’t there anything you can do? Can’t social assistance help her? Or a counselor at church or something? There are agencies and all sorts of places she can go to for help.”
Todd remained silent while he tried to maintain his composure, grateful Shannon was behind him and couldn’t see his face. He did feel awkward talking to her this way, though it was easier. He’d talked to his mother’s social worker and his pastor more times than he could count. As an adult, he understood more of her mental state than before, but in his teen years, he hadn’t known what was wrong or what he could do about it. He only knew that none of his friends lived the way he did.
Craig had been the only one to see through the show he put on for the rest of the world. Todd had confided in him, especially when matters got bad and his mother started selling his belongings when he wasn’t home. Whenever he confronted her about his things being missing, especially treasured or high-priced items, she either yelled at him or slapped him for accusing her of stealing.
Since she was his mother, he certainly couldn’t hit her back, even when she went berserk and hit him repeatedly. Once, he remembered breaking down in front of Craig when he asked him how things were going. That was when Craig had involved his pastor, but his mother only got worse and kicked him out. It was the worst thing she could have done for herself, but perhaps it was best for Todd. By then, he couldn’t do anything more, and it gave him the separation he needed. He’d been an adult then and already supporting her for the most part for years. Now he helped her from a distance, when she was desperate enough to accept it.
Todd stiffened as he repeated the words he’d heard so often and was helpless to do anything about. “She’s not breaking into homes and stealing things, and she’s not really hurting anyone but herself with everything else, so they say there’s nothing anyone can do until she makes the decision to get help herself. My only choices are to have her arrested or committed. I can’t do either one. She hasn’t stolen from anyone else besides me, at least not that I know of. I’m certainly not going to press charges. Even if I did, they wouldn’t lock up a first-time offender. And she’s not whacked out enough to be placed in a rehabilitation center without her consent. All I can do is be there to pick up the pieces and make sure she has a roof over her head.”
Shannon pulled her hands away, releasing her backward hug, and stepped back. He didn’t intend to move, but she latched onto his arm and turned him around until they stood face-to-face, leaving her hand on his arm. “I had no idea things were that bad. Why didn’t you tell me?”
The pain in her eyes touched him deeply. The last thing he wanted was her sympathy. He was coping with everything—badly at times—but with help from the Lord, he was coping better than before.
Todd wanted to hold her tight, but he knew if she wrapped her arms around him again he would fall apart, and he couldn’t let that happen. Instead, he smiled wryly and brushed a wayward lock of hair out of her eyes so he had something to do with his other hand. “We never had that kind of relationship.”
“I guess. I’m beginning to see I didn’t know you at all and am only starting to get to know you.”
Todd didn’t know if that was good or bad, so he chose not to comment. “I think the noodles are probably wrecked by now. I guess my cooking skills haven’t improved over the years.”
“Forget the noodles. I think you need a hug.”
Without waiting for him to respond, she stepped forward and pressed herself into him. She slid her hands around his back and held him tight.
Todd couldn’t have spoken if the roof had caved in. His heart
pounded, his eyes burned, and he could barely breathe. He’d never thought of hugging as an answer, but she was right. Holding Shannon didn’t solve anything, but he did feel better, and he had never loved her more.
Shannon spoke first. “Maybe we should check those noodles, before they burn in the bottom of the pan.” She moved away from him.
He ached from the separation, but he didn’t want to wreck his only good pan.
Shannon stepped in front of him, took a clean fork out of the drawer, and pulled a noodle out. Watching her pucker up and blow on the steaming noodle made Todd think of her puckering up for something much better than eating. When she blew on the noodle a second time, it almost hurt not to kiss her.
She slurped the noodle into her mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. “A little overdone, but not terminal.” She turned off the heat and removed the pan from the stove top. “They’re fine if we eat right now. You set the table, and I’ll drain them and mix everything together.”
Todd scrambled to set the table. They said a short prayer of thanks and began to eat.
Todd ate a mouthful then swirled some of the noodles with his fork. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something. About your Secret Admirer. Do you have any ideas?”
She laid her fork down. “Yes and no. Sometimes I think I know for sure it’s Gary, then other times I don’t think he’s the one at all. Why do you ask?”
Todd tried to appear neutral. “I was just wondering how you feel about Gary.”
“I’m not sure yet. Sometimes I have my doubts about his sincerity, but other times, I think he’s struggling with something. I know what he’s like with the ladies.” She gave a little giggle, suddenly dampening Todd’s optimism that she had seen through Gary’s ploys. “But I can’t help it. He’s a lot of fun, and I think that when he decides to settle down, he’ll make some woman a wonderful husband.”
Todd’s hopes sank. He knew he was lousy husband material. For all his hopes and dreams, his own home was as dysfunctional as they came. Before his father left, he had vivid memories of arguing and shouting. A few times his parents had resorted to throwing things at each other.
His only example on how to be a good husband, and even a good father, was Shannon and Craig’s father. He loved and respected their parents immensely, but watching his own family had taught him the outside world rarely saw what went on behind closed doors. When it came down to the intimate workings of a relationship, he didn’t know what to do.
Gary, on the other hand, knew exactly how to treat a woman, because all the women loved him, despite what he said to the other men when no ladies were present. Yet maybe what Gary said to him, Bryan, and Rick was only a macho front. Maybe he really did know how to treat a woman right.
“Yeah,” Todd mumbled, as he stuffed a forkful of vegetables and noodles into his mouth. “Good luck.”
Chapter 13
Shannon listened to Todd’s laughter, echoing from the dispatch office all the way to her desk. The sound made her smile, without even knowing what was so funny. She peeked over her shoulder, confirming he had the same effect on Brenda and Nanci, who were both grinning for no apparent reason as they worked.
In so many ways, Todd was as big a mystery as her Secret Admirer. She’d known Todd came from a single-parent family, and she’d known something was wrong; but she had no idea his situation was so tragic. When she returned home after having dinner with him a few days ago, she’d buried herself in prayer, first for Todd’s mother, then for Todd. The night they’d talked, she’d even shed a few tears for Todd. She’d prayed for him daily since then.
Knowing now what she didn’t know before, she had to give Todd credit. Despite his hardships and heartaches, he had a marvelous sense of humor—maybe that’s what had saved his sanity over the years. He sometimes overdid it, but he was honorable and sincere, two traits she valued. She’d always known his heart was in the right place, even before he accepted the sacrifice of Christ in his life.
For all he’d been through, he was remarkably well adjusted. He also handled his money well, if he covered his own living expenses, plus most of his mother’s rent nearly every month. His actions also proved a kind and generous spirit. If the same thing had happened to others, most people would have simply left and not looked back. Not only was Todd taking care of his mother as much as she allowed him, he was also covering a large expense knowing he had no chance of repayment or even being appreciated.
This was the problem Craig wouldn’t tell her about years before. She suspected Todd’s pastor was aware of it, but she doubted anyone else was except her. And she knew only because she’d pried it out of him.
Others would have called him a sucker. Shannon thought he was a saint. She had underestimated him. Previously she thought Gary would have made some woman a wonderful husband, but she had revised that opinion. Gary was too self-centered and full of his own accomplishments and ego to be a good life’s partner, at least for her. Todd, on the other hand, was everything she had ever dreamed of in a man. If she wasn’t sure before, she was now. She didn’t know exactly when it happened, but she’d fallen hopelessly in love with Todd Sanders.
But Todd only wanted to be friends. He’d told her so on more than one occasion. And she couldn’t blame him. She was, after all, his best friend’s kid sister. Regardless of her age, in his eyes, she would always be Craig’s kid sister.
If being friends was the best she could be, then she had to accept that. Although it was only a teenage crush at the time, she had been in love with him before and lived through it. If all Todd wanted to be was friends, then being friends was better than not being friends.
Shannon glanced up at the clock. It was still hours before lunch break, but she could hardly wait. Not that she was hungry. Since Gary had a meeting with a client, she would be staying in the lunchroom and taking her break with Todd today.
At the thought of spending some time with Todd, whether or not anyone else joined them at the table, Shannon began to hum as she picked up her stapler and the statistical report for the graveyard shift’s productivity. When she tried to staple the report together, she discovered her stapler was empty. She pulled the drawer open and groped for the box of staples, but instead, her fingers brushed the newest note from the Secret Admirer, which she’d left in her drawer instead of tucking it in the envelope in her filing cabinet.
Shannon glanced from side to side to make sure no one was watching. Ignoring her empty stapler, she picked up the note and read it for probably the fifth time that day.
Dearest Shannon,
Of all the things that make life worthwhile
Nothing makes me happier than your lovely smile.
You’re bonded to my heart, as steadfast as with glue,
And that’s why I write these words of love to you.
Your Secret Admirer
Usually, she didn’t reread the notes until she got home, but this one she did. Not that it was better than the others; in fact this one seemed worse. The theme was still sweet and the message touching, but in this one, the pentameter seemed more off than usual, which made her think of all the notes and how they were constructed.
Gary had hinted he was the Secret Admirer, but he was a gifted speaker. His vocabulary was better than the words used in the notes, which she’d been studying at home. She had also discovered a pattern. The most elaborate words were those at the ends of the sentences, the words that rhymed, which didn’t make sense. In today’s note, however, she’d found an exception.
The word steadfast was a word she’d never heard anyone use in normal conversation. In fact, the only place she’d heard the word was at church.
Gary didn’t go to church. Or rather he did, but that had only been for the past month. If Shannon were honest with herself, she wasn’t sure how much he paid attention. She certainly didn’t think he paid attention enough to make a word like “steadfast” part of his everyday vocabulary, especially in what was supposed to be a love sonnet.
After a
month, she was starting to have some serious doubts about Gary’s alleged interest in Christianity. She’d given him a Bible and pointed out some key verses for him to read, but every time she questioned him, he avoided answering or made an excuse about why he hadn’t read that section. She now suspected he hadn’t read a single passage she’d suggested.
At the sound of a chair scraping behind her, Shannon stuck the note in her pocket and picked up the box of staples from the drawer. She had almost finished tucking the row of staples into the slot when Rick walked through the doorway from the dispatch office and handed her an envelope.
“Kyle said to give this to you.”
As she always did when she received something handwritten, she studied the writing, especially when the person wrote her name. She could easily compare the letter S from Shannon to the signature Secret Admirer.
Kyle on the north city route was not the Secret Admirer.
She quickly read the letter, which was Kyle’s request to take a few days off and get his vacation pay. Even though he’d done it correctly by making his request in writing, he’d missed a step. Before she paid him, Kyle had to get permission from the department head to take the time off.
Letter in hand, she walked into Gary’s office.
Gary read the letter quickly, called up the staffing schedule on the computer, then nodded. “Sure. He can have those days. I have a couple of guys on the casual list who aren’t working and would be happy to get some hours.”
Shannon started to turn around, but Gary spoke again.
“Shannon, do you have a minute? I’d like to talk to you about something.”
She turned around and sank into one of the plush chairs in front of Gary’s desk. “Yes?”
“I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner tonight.” He quickly held up his hands to stop her from turning him down instantly. “I know what you’re going to say, but this is different. I just received an e-mail from the customer I’m going to be joining for lunch, and he’s given me a couple of tickets to the theater. They’re for tonight, which doesn’t give me a lot of time to ask someone properly. I know it’s not much notice, but you’d be doing me a favor. I have to go because it’s a business obligation rather than something I want to do, and you’d save me from going alone.” Gary paused and flashed her a heart-stopping smile. “If you want to justify this, you can call it work related.”
Time to Laugh Romance Collection Page 43