by Seth Eden
22
Willow
My body wouldn’t stop shaking. As much as I didn’t want to show Denise any weakness, with the cold steel of her gun set to my forehead and both Alessandro and I unarmed, I knew there was no way out. I’d taken a gamble on the Varasso family, and I’d lost. All I could do was hope that someone was waiting in the wings, ready to shoot Denise as soon as she shot me and before she could get to Alessandro. Alexis needed at least one of her parents alive.
In all of my nightmares of imagining her having to attend one of her parents’ funerals, I assumed it would be Alessandro’s, not mine. I might have known it would go the other way. It was just my luck. I knew Denise was bad news. I never should have stayed. From the second she arrived, I should have thrown down an ultimatum—her or me. It was too late now.
I looked up at Alessandro, his eyes wet and glistening as he looked back at me. He was so handsome. Even with his hair messy around his head and deep bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, he was still the most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life. Every time he kissed me came flooding into my mind. He was an amazing kisser. He knew how to kiss me softly when I needed it and forcefully when things were hot and passionate. He wouldn’t struggle to find someone else. It would take him a while to get over me, but he’d charm some new woman someday. Hopefully, all of the mess with Denise and the Binachis would be behind him by then, and they could have the happily ever after I’d been denied.
“Sandro,” I started, my voice shaking. “I love you. I love you so much. I always have. More than myself.”
Alessandro nodded. “I love you, too.”
Tears started to stream down my face. “I never stopped loving you. Not for one second. Not once since we started dating all those years ago did I stop loving you. I always did. I know things got hard for us. I know things got hard for you, but one thing I knew unwaveringly is that you are my soulmate. I couldn’t watch you continue to hurt yourself. I couldn’t watch you continue to hurt your family, or me, or Lexi. I hope you understand that. I stepped back because I love you, not because I don’t. Okay? Promise me you’ll always remember that.”
Alessandro nodded weakly. “I promise.”
“I wish I could do this past year differently. We both made so many mistakes. I just wish that I could have had more time with you. I just did what I thought was best for us. For all of us.” I thought of my sweet baby girl, her peppery freckles and bright blue eyes, and started to sob. “Remember that Alexis doesn’t like carrots, but keep trying to get her to try them. It might change as she gets older. And she’s allergic to peanuts. You have to check everything—everything—for peanuts, okay? And if she eats them by accident, take her straight to the emergency room. Her symptoms are delayed, but once they start, they cut off her breathing and could get bad quickly. Okay?”
Tears were streaming continuously down Alessandro’s face. “Okay.”
“I know she loves having other kids around, so make sure she gets to see her cousins a lot, and tell her that I love her every single day, and when she’s old enough, tell her I said to tell you, too.”
Alessandro tried to take a step closer, and Denise pressed the gun harder into my head, so he stopped. “Willow.”
“You can’t blame yourself, Alessandro. This isn’t your fault. Don’t feel guilty. You needed to know that she was a snake, and if I have to die to show you that so that she can’t hurt you or your brothers, or my sisters, then I’m glad to do it.”
“Denise, please,” Alessandro begged. “Please don’t take her from me.”
Denise ignored him with a nasty smile on her face. “What a touching speech.”
I looked up at her, took a deep breath, and then smiled. “You won’t make it out of this garden.”
“We’ll see.”
I closed my eyes, and the next thing I heard was a gunshot. I was glad that death was painless, at least. I didn’t feel anything. I still felt tethered to my body, to the reality around me, but I knew that was impossible. I’d heard the gun. I knew that I was dead. So, there was consciousness after death. I wished I could talk to Stacy about it.
Arms wrapped around me, warm and comforting, and they smelled like Alessandro. Of course he was what my personal heaven was like.
“Willow?” I could listen to his voice for eternity, too. How nice. “Willow. Look at me. Open your eyes.”
Hands settled heavily on my face, and the feeling of them jolted me. I peeled open my eyes, and Alessandro let out a sigh of relief. He dropped his forehead to mine and started sobbing. I was too shocked to understand what was going on. Was I dead? Was I actually in purgatory, forced to relive this moment forever?
“Sandro?” I asked. He just hugged me tighter. The chill of the air and heat of his body against mine took over, and I realized I wasn’t dead. I was alive. “How?”
Another gunshot made me jump, and both Alessandro’s and my head whipped around. Molly was grunting on the ground. Alessandro grabbed the gun nearest him and lifted it, sending out a shot, but it must have missed because he swore.
“Gabe! Stace! She’s getting away!” He looked back at me. “I have to—”
“Go!” I screamed.
Alessandro let me go and crawled over to Molly’s side. He rolled her over, but he let out a sigh of relief when he noticed she was only bleeding from her leg. She’d need attention, and fast, but she wouldn’t die.
“Fuck!” Molly barked, slamming her fist against the ground. “That bitch shot me!” Alessandro pressed his hand down on her leg, and she let out a loud screech. “Fuck!”
Gabriel and Stacy came running around the corner, both of them with guns in their hands. “Denise got away, but Stace and I—” He looked down at Alessandro and Molly. “Shit!”
He and Stacy dropped to their knees next to Molly. Alessandro looked up at Gabriel. “Take care of her. Call a doctor, and bring him here. Do not leave the property. Do you understand?”
Gabriel nodded. “Yeah.”
“I have to take care of Willow,” Alessandro said.
I shook my head. “No, Sandro, you need—”
Molly looked up at me, her warm, brown eyes landing on mine. “I’m fine. Go. Fix it.”
My jaw dropped before turning into a smile. “Thank you.” I shrugged. “I guess that means we’re good?”
Molly smiled back. “Yeah. We’re good.”
Gabriel nodded at Alessandro. “Go. We got this.”
Alessandro stood up and walked over to me, reaching down to take my hand. I took it, and he pulled me to my feet and lifted me into his arms. I wiped the tears away from his eyes while he carried me through the garden, expertly navigating the hedges, and immediately setting his destination for our bedroom.
23
Alessandro
I was just a young ten years old when I first met Willow.
My dad, as much of an ass as he was, really cared about his staff. He knew that caring for his staff was the key to making sure that none of them ever felt like they wanted to turn on him, and it was also the key to making sure they would be willing to take the fall for him if need be. Once a year, in the middle of the summer, he would rent out ten acres of land and throw a huge summer carnival. It would have rides, food booths, and places to drink, and it was free for all of my dad’s staff. They could bring their families and enjoy a day of no work and lots of fun. We were always allowed to go, too. My dad would set us each loose, and Luca and Marco typically stuck together while I usually dragged Gabriel onto rides that he would otherwise avoid.
During the summer carnival shortly after I turned ten, my dad didn’t release my brothers and me immediately when we got to the carnival. He kept us close by his side and introduced us to the newest member of his staff, Raphael Moretti. Raph had two kids my age, twins, Willow and Ricky. Ricky was bouncing around his parents like he had ants in his pants, but Willow was situated behind her dad, holding onto him tightly and peeking around his waist as she was introduced.
; “They’re new around here, so make sure you take good care of them,” my dad said. “Especially you, Sandro.”
I never understood why I was called out specifically. Maybe it was just because Willow, Ricky, and I were all the same age, or maybe it was because my dad knew that one day, I would come to take his throne. Maybe it was my dad’s tendency to be borderline prophetic in his ability to see what was coming on the horizon, and maybe he knew that one day, I would fall head over heels for that shy little girl he told me to look out for.
Raphael convinced Willow and Ricky to hang around with Gabriel and me, and at first, I was annoyed for the company, but toward the end of the day, the sun was setting, and Gabriel wanted to go onto the tilt-o-whirl. I’d just finished a foot-long chili dog and wasn’t feeling up to the constant spinning, and Willow wasn’t big into the rides, so she also held back. Ricky and Gabriel climbed on while Willow and I watched from the sidelines, and at one point, Ricky went slamming to one side of his car as he blew by, and Willow let out a giggle.
I looked over at her and was struck by nothing short of pure artwork. The setting sun was casting a beautiful, golden outline around her, and her brown hair and blue eyes shone. She looked over at me with a smile, and for the first time in my life, my heart leaped up into my throat. I’d never experienced anything so profound before, and when I went home that night, I asked my dad what that meant, and he just smiled at me.
I met and fell in love with Willow Moretti that day.
I had to muster up everything in my body to ask her out for our first date when I was thirteen and for our first kiss in our garden at the end of our third date. I nearly threw up when I saw her in a dress for the first time for our first high school dance together, and I still had dreams about how beautiful she looked in her coral-colored Cinderella gown for our senior prom.
It probably made me a bad person to experience excitement when Ricky told me that his grandfather had died. I was sad for him, and I’d miss the old man, who’d been a pseudo-father to Willow and Ricky after their dad went to jail to protect mine, but I also knew his funeral would bring Willow home from Philadelphia. I loved spending time with her when she first came home and recreating our first date when she finally agreed to see me again. Proposing to her after I found out she was pregnant was the best day of my life until the day we got married.
I’d known Willow for fifteen years, and I’d loved her for all fifteen. Not once in 5,475 days had I woken up and not had Willow be the first thing on my mind.
So, when I had to sit there and watch her with a gun to her head while she sobbed and made her final devotion to me, something knocked me back into alignment. Fifteen years of loving her crumpled up like a crushed can as I realized that I was about to lose a piece of myself. She had been more than just a friend, a girlfriend, a fiancee, a wife, or the mother of my child. Willow Moretti was my lifeblood. She was more necessary to my well being than air, more than water, and I almost lost her.
“Sandro,” she whined in my arms.
I guided her down onto our bed like she was made of glass. My hands slid up her arms, over her face, down her chest, across her stomach, and down her legs. I kissed her on her lips and on her neck and on her shoulders and on her collarbone. Tears fled from my eyes in an uncontrollable stream, almost as if my brain was still unconvinced she was real—as if it believed that she’d died back in that hedge maze, and I’d finally snapped. I was trying to make her real by feeling all of her.
“Sandro,” Willow called out again. It was devoid of any of the hesitation it had held in days past. It was wanting, needing, drowning. I set my forehead against hers and looked down into her blue eyes, equally as wet as mine. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I kissed her. “I love you so much.” I kissed her again. “I love you.”
I pressed my lips to hers and let the heat of her remind me that she was really there. She was mine, she always had been, and I needed to make sure that she always would be. One of her hands curled against the bend in my neck while the other pulled at the jacket of my suit. I relented myself to her, letting her pull the jacket over my shoulders, and pulled my hands away from her only as long as I needed to so I could shake the jacket off. When they went back to her body, they did so against her waist, peeking under her blouse to press directly against her skin.
I moved my way down again, setting my lips to her cheek, then her neck, then her chest. My hands moved up while my mouth moved down, meeting around her breasts. I pushed her shirt up until I could see her black, satin bra and undid the clasp. The fabric fell away, revealing her beautiful mounds, and I kissed them, paying homage to the fact that every inch of Willow was beautiful. She made me feel alive in ways I didn’t know I knew how to feel, and even fifteen years later, she was still able to ignite the flame deep inside me with no effort. I licked and sucked with fervor, perking my ears as best I could to hear the sounds that slipped out of her. Her squeaks were small and reserved from months of practice of not letting herself give herself fully to the pleasure between us and desperately trying not to get swept up.
I pulled away and pulled her shirt over her head. I placed my hand on her cheek, flicking away the fresh tears that had gathered there. “Let me have you, Willow,” I begged, “I promise not to waste it anymore.”
“I’m scared,” Willow responded, new tears bunching in her eyes. “I’m scared of how much I love you.”
“I’m sorry.” I kissed her. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so irresponsible, but I’m done now. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. I almost lost you.”
“Whatever it takes?” she asked.
I nodded and kissed her again. “Whatever it takes.”
She closed her eyes, and drops sped down her face. “Don’t say it if it isn’t true. I can’t do this again, Alessandro.”
“Look at me.” Willow’s eyes opened again, and even sad, her eyes shined like the morning sun’s reflection over a still ocean. “I’m done hurting you. I’m done hurting our family. I’m done hurting us. I’m done hurting myself. I won’t put you through this again. I promise.”
Willow nodded. “Okay.”
I smiled. “Okay?”
She let out a little chuckle laced with more tears. “Okay.”
She pulled my face down to meet hers again, and her fingers raked against my button-up to pull it free of where it was tucked into my pants. I released her, something I hated, but it was worth it to get rid of any articles of clothing remaining between us. I pulled my shirt and undershirt off, then my pants before turning my attention to Willow’s pants. I hooked my hands into the hem of them and her underwear and rolled them down her waist and over her thighs slowly, kissing my way as I went.
When they were free of her, I kissed my way back up the insides of her legs. I placed dozens of new bruises among the fading ones from our torrent of a couple days ago. It felt so long ago, like so much had happened—so much had. I remembered the way I felt when I took her then, and knew I didn’t want to go back to that place. Willow was light, and I had no business polluting it with my darkness. If I wasn’t willing to step into the light, I was better off not being near her at all, and since that was no longer an option for me, I had to bid my darkness a farewell. It would be scary, trying to be a person without a shadowy shield, but as long as I had Willow, I would be just fine.
My tongue found her core, and she let out a moan no longer restricted by fear or frustration. My fingers dug into the soft, welcoming flesh of her thighs as I dove deeper into her, allowing myself to consume and be consumed. Willows hands threaded into my hair and tugged lightly, spurring me on. For all the trouble I’d caused, all the pain, I wanted her pleasure to be unending. I slicked a couple of fingers with my mouth before returning to Willow’s sensitive spot and using my fingers to move around inside of her. I peeked up at her, but her head was tossed to the side, her face drenched.
I smiled and kissed her. “Does it feel good, baby?” I asked.
&nbs
p; She nodded. “Yeah.” She looked down at me. “But I want you.”
It threw a wrench in my plans. I wanted to give her everything for as long as she wanted it, but how could I deny such an enticing request? “Okay, my love.”
I pulled my fingers free and snaked my way back up her body. I kissed her as I went and let my hands smooth their way over her skin. I wanted to emblazon the feeling of her on my fingertips, something to give me a constant reminder of what I nearly lost and what I had to fight hard to keep. Willow let out a lewd huff when my burning self rubbed against her below. I let us stay that way, just touching, entwined with one another in anticipation of what was to come next. I took her lips against mine, pushing around her tongue with my own and locking my fingers into her hair. Our heads twisted as we searched for more of each other. The feeling of Willow’s hands clawing along my sides sent me into space, and I never wanted to come down.
She arched her hips, pushing herself against me below, and I knew that she’d run out of patience. I rolled, bringing her to rest on top of me, and sat up, letting her straddle me. I wrapped my hands around her back as she repositioned herself on top of me and tucked the head of me into her wet warmth. I let out a grunt, matched by Willow’s moan, and she wrapped her arms around my neck while she lowered herself slowly.
“I love you,” she whispered, her lips but a breath from mine.
“I love you.”
She moved, but slowly, which I was glad for. I was in no rush to finish and was happy to soak up as much of Willow as I could. Our arms coiled tightly around one another, and for a few blissful moments, we weren’t in Philadelphia anymore. We were somewhere where the harsh realities of our world couldn’t get to us, a place where only we existed and where we were free to continue loving each other that way forever if we wanted. Willow’s rising and falling on top of me was like a chisel and a hammer against the cage I’d built around myself. When had I become so afraid to let anything in? When had I locked her out? She chipped and chipped away at it, each crack painful but liberating, until finally, the walls crumbled away, leaving me raw and open to her. It was enlightening. She was opening me again, and I felt like myself—the same goofy, nerdy, loving person I was before I willingly stepped into my dad’s shadow.