by Pam Howes
As Dora took her place beside her girls and Joe pressed the shutter, Carol let out a shriek of excitement.
‘There’s Roly,’ she yelled, jumping up and down as the little corgi pricked up his ears and waddled towards her, his tail wagging, pulling Ivy by the lead with Flo in her wake.
Carol dropped to her knees as Roly fussed around her, licking her face and yelping with ecstasy at seeing his little friend again. She squealed with laughter as he knocked her over and Ivy picked her up and dusted her down, telling Roly to sit.
‘Good afternoon, Joe, Dora. Nice to see you out and about,’ Ivy said and Flo nodded shyly.
‘You too,’ Joe said as Dora stared at him, her eyes speaking volumes. ‘Hello, Roly.’ He squatted to stroke the little dog, who rolled onto his back.
‘Can we go and see Ivy and Roly, Daddy, next time Mammy goes away?’
‘Mammy isn’t going away again, Carol,’ Dora said quietly, staring at Ivy and looking for a sign of guilt on her face, in her eyes. But the woman was giving nothing away. ‘I think we need to go home, Joe.’ She started to walk away from the little group, her stomach churning.
‘Joe, I’m so sorry,’ she heard Ivy say. ‘If I’d known you were coming here today, we’d have gone somewhere else. Go after her, we’ll watch the girls.’
Joe sprinted across the grass and grabbed Dora by the arm. ‘Slow down,’ he panted. ‘Why did you do that then, walk away, I mean?’
She looked at him, seeing no guilt in his face either. Was she mistaken about the whole thing? Had Dolly over-exaggerated? There was only one way to find out. ‘Get the girls, Joe. I want to go home. We’ll talk back there.’ She watched as he walked back to Ivy and Flo, his shoulders slightly more hunched than before.
‘Take the girls to Dolly’s,’ Dora ordered as they pulled up outside the bungalow.
‘Why?’
‘Please, Joe, just do it.’
She let herself into their home and waited for his return.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked, rushing into the sitting room where Dora was pacing agitatedly up and down, wringing her hands.
‘You tell me,’ she demanded. ‘I want to know what’s going on with you and that Ivy woman.’
‘Nothing!’ he stuttered, his jaw dropping. ‘She’s just somebody from work, you know that.’
‘I also know she’s been coming to my home to look after my daughter while you’ve been out at night and that you were with her at the ROF do at Christmas. But for some reason you chose not to tell me. Why is that, Joe?’ And then she saw the guilty look flash in his eyes. He didn’t need to say anything. ‘You slept with her, didn’t you? Don’t deny it; I can see it in your face.’ She burst into tears and dropped down onto the sofa. ‘How could you do that to me? I really needed your support and you were out with her.’
‘You didn’t need me, Dora,’ he said quietly. ‘You haven’t needed or wanted me for a long time. I’m not saying what I did was right, I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. I’ve tried to put it behind us and make things up to you by always being there for you since you came home. But you still don’t want me. I suppose Dolly told you? She just can’t keep her bloody mouth shut.’
‘You can’t blame Dolly. She didn’t say anything out of order. I had to pretend that I knew Ivy had babysat for you. I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me you were playing with the band again. Why you tried to hide that from me. I can only assume it was because of your guilty conscience.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He got down on his knees in front of her and took her hands in his. ‘Please forgive me. I love you and I always will. Let’s start again. I’ll have nothing more to do with Ivy. I’ll change my job. We’ll give up the house, move from here. Emigrate even. It’s just you, me and the girls from now on.’
Tears ran down Dora’s cheeks as she looked into his eyes. She couldn’t forgive him and nor could they start again. ‘I can’t do it, Joe. It’s too late. I’d never be able to trust you again.’
Joe’s eyes filled and he struggled to speak. ‘Do you want me to give you some space, a bit of a break? I can go and stay with a pal while you think about things.’
She nodded. It would further break her heart to see him go, but there was no other way forward at the moment for her. There was nothing to think about. She’d done all that in the weeks leading up to today. She’d grow to hate him even more if he stayed around.
‘What about the kids? How will you cope with both of them?’
‘We’ll be fine.’ She knew she’d feel a lot more relaxed too if she was on her own and he wasn’t constantly trying to get her into bed. It wasn’t quite how she’d envisaged her life, being alone with two kids to bring up and no man to love, but it was better than the alternative - living with a man she couldn’t respond to or satisfy, and always at the back of her mind the worry of him cheating on her with another woman again. She couldn’t live like that and there was no point in prolonging the agony. ‘You can come and see them at the weekend.’
Joe took his bags out to the car and slung them into the boot as Dolly looked on, her face a mask of curiosity.
‘Going somewhere, Joe?’ She walked towards him, her arms folded.
‘Like you fucking care,’ he growled, slamming the boot shut. ‘I hope you’re satisfied now. Because as Dora’s friend and confidante, I’ll leave you to sort out the mess your bloody unruly gob has created.’
Dolly stood on the pavement and watched; her mouth a wide O as he started the car and drove off down Hedgefield Road. She hurried into Dora’s house and called her name. ‘Dora, where are you, queen? I’ve just seen Joe drive off at speed. Do you want me to bring the girls back yet, or shall I give them some tea at mine?’
The bedroom door opened slightly and Dora stuck her head out. ‘Oh, Dolly, I didn’t really want him to go, but I can’t forgive him for sleeping with Ivy. I’d make both our lives hell. He’s gone to stay with a pal to give me some space.’
‘If you ask me, you’re best shut of the cheating bugger. Sit down and I’ll make you a brew and you can tell me what happened since I saw you go off to Seffy Park earlier.’
A couple of weeks after Joe’s departure, Dora asked her Mam and Frank to come over. She’d told them not to visit her until she felt able to talk about things and said she wanted to spend the time alone with her girls. It hadn’t been easy, adjusting to being alone, but Carol had been good, for a change, and Jackie was never any trouble. It was the overwhelming feeling of loneliness at night when Joe didn’t come home from work and help her with the bedtime routine that had been the hardest to cope with. That and the sitting on her own, with the girls in bed and the wireless on, listening to programmes that she and Joe had enjoyed together. And then there was the wondering what he was doing that also plagued her. Was he with Ivy on Saturday at a dance? Did he take her home and spend the night with her? The very thought made her feel sick and she’d tried to block it from her mind.
He’d come over to see the girls on Sunday afternoon and taken them down to the park. Then they’d all had tea together back here. It had been a strained hour to deal with; he’d hardly spoken to Dora, and Carol had screamed the place down and kicked the front door as he’d closed it when he left. Nothing would pacify her. Dora had put her to bed after she’d fallen asleep on the rug, worn out from sobbing for Daddy. As Dora had sat on the sofa alone that night, she’d cried heartbrokenly too, until there were no more tears left to cry. But she was determined not to change her mind and take him back. Much as she still cared about him – he was the father of her children and they’d always have that bond – she knew in her heart that she’d never be able to trust him again.
‘Now, are you sure you’re doing the right thing?’ Mam asked, looking worried. She and Frank sat on the sofa opposite Dora, who’d just explained the reason behind Joe’s departure and how she couldn’t live with him anymore. ‘It won’t be easy, bringing up two kiddies on your own. Surely you and Joe can sort it out. He wouldn�
��t be the first man to stray, and he was under a lot of strain at the time, love.’
‘Yes, I’m absolutely sure. And we were both under a lot of strain, so don’t sympathise with him. I’ve done nothing but go over and over things and I know I can do it. And with regards to the girls, I can cope easily enough now with the pair of them. With Joe not here I feel more relaxed. It’s not fair to hang onto him when I can’t love him like I should. We’re better apart.’
Mam pursed her lips. ‘And I suppose he’s gone off with that Ivy woman?’
‘No, he hasn’t,’ Dora replied. ‘He’s staying at his mate Don’s for now.’
‘Well, he can’t stay there for ever. I don’t suppose it’ll be long before he gets his feet under Ivy’s table. She’ll be sniffing around, knowing he’s not living here anymore. And what will you do for money? Have you thought about that?’
‘Joe will help me; he told me that when he came to see the girls. And I’m going to start my dressmaking business up again. I’ll manage fine, Mam.’
Frank nodded. ‘I’ll always see you okay, Sis. You’ve only got to ask, you know that.’
‘I know you would, Frank, and thank you. But I’m determined to stand on my own two feet. It was my decision to ask Joe to leave. I could have swept it under the rug and pretended all was well, but my head feels clear for the first time in months and I know I can do this. I’ll stay here at the prefab for now, but by rights it’s Joe’s house with his job, so I’ll look for a place of my own in time. I fancy living a bit closer to the city centre, and I’ll probably get more work by doing that.’
She stood up and went to stand by the framed photo of Joanie on the mantelpiece. She knew that Joanie would want her to succeed in everything she did. She traced a finger down the glass and smiled. ‘To be honest, I’ll be glad to leave here. It doesn’t hold the nicest of memories for me. I lost my little daughter here, and that pain will never go away. But whatever I do, and wherever I go, I know that I’ve got the best guardian angel in the world looking after me.’
LETTER FROM PAM
I’d love to say a big thank you to the dedicated team at Bookouture who helped guide me through the experience of getting this first novel with them polished to perfection. Oliver Rhodes for taking me on, Natasha, Abigail, Claire and Lauren for all their editorial encouragement and making my story something I feel justifiably proud of. Thank you to Victoria Blunden for editorial input, and to the lovely Kim Nash and all the Bookouture authors who have welcomed me into their online family. A nicer and more helpful group of people you couldn’t wish to meet. I feel honoured to be amongst such illustrious company and to be part of a fabulous award-winning team.
And to my loyal band of regular readers, thank you so much for sticking with me and waiting patiently for this new story. You all know who you are and your support is so much appreciated. An author’s life can be a solitary one, and without you ladies and your daily contact on FB and the Notrights group, I’d be lost.
If you enjoyed The Lost Daughter of Liverpool, I’d be so grateful if you could write a review and let me know what you think. Happy Reading. Much love to you all.
And finally, if you’d like to be kept up to date with my latest releases, you can sign up to my mailing list below. We will never share your email address with anyone else.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
For my man, daughters and grandchildren, for putting up with a completely vacant partner, mum and grandma over the last twelve months. I’m all yours again now, until next week!
Thank you to my FB friends on our little group – 60’s Chicks Confidential – for their undying friendship and support. They keep me sane and tell me to go get some rest when I’m still up working in the wee small hours. Thanks also to my lovely friends and readers, Brenda Thomasson and Julie Simpson, who read a very early draft of this story and gave me encouragement to carry on and not chuck it in the bin.
Published by Bookouture in 2016
An imprint of StoryFire Ltd.
23 Sussex Road, Ickenham, UB10 8PN
United Kingdom
www.bookouture.com
Copyright © Pam Howes 2017
Pam Howes has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publishers.
ISBN: 978-1-78681-102-8
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events other than those clearly in the public domain, are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
ISBN: 978-1-78681-102-8
ALSO BY PAM HOWES
Fast Movin’ Train
Short stories
It’s Only Words
The Rock n Roll Romance series
Three Steps to Heaven
Til I Kissed You
Always on My Mind
That’ll Be the Day
Not Fade Away
The Fairground series
Cathy’s Clown
The Cheshire Set series
Hungry Eyes
Table of Contents
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Letter from Pam
Acknowledgments
Copyright
Also by Pam Howes