by Joyia Marie
When I marched out Aiden had lowered the lights and had two glasses of wine on the table. I sighed and hoped I was not about to signal the end of us, but I just couldn’t do it. Not tonight.
“Come here,” he said, patting his chest, my favorite pillow. I sighed and longed to snuggle in but I refused to be a tease if I knew I wasn’t putting out. My mother raised me better than that.
“Look, Aiden, I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m going to head home until I figure it out. Sorry I know you’ve been waiting for tonight. Hell, I’ve been waiting for tonight, but tonight is not going to happen tonight,” I said from my position at the back of the couch.
Then I squealed when I was air born. He had grabbed my wrist and flipped me over the back of the couch and into his lap. My head landed on his chest. I sighed, and thought, ‘well, maybe for a minute’.
“Helen, I get it, tonight is not the right time, and I’m a little insulted you don’t think I get that. I don’t usually drag crying women into my bed to have my way with them even women I’ve been waiting for as long as I’ve waited for you,” Aiden said his voice a gentle scold.
I nodded, too tired and content to argue with him. It’s not that I thought he was that insensitive, but I knew he was waiting. Even now, I could feel his desire pressed against my behind. A certain part of him could care less if I was crying my eyes out or had a song in my heart. It just wanted to get busy.
In addition, I didn’t blame him, as certain parts of me were the same way. Procreation was an iffy enough thing without getting emotions involved so our bodies are ready to rock no matter how our minds or hearts may feel about it.
“Now if this happens every time…, he joked and I laughed weakly.
“Not a chance,” I said and he laid back content.
We sat like that for a long while. Eventually I started explaining as much as I could the mess in my head and he listened. I’m not sure how much he understood, as he had never been there, but he listened and that’s all I really needed.
When it got late, I got up to go home as usual, but he held me in place. “Now I know that tonight’s not the night but I would like something else. Would you stay and sleep with me as in sleep-sleep? I just want to hold you,” Aiden asked softly.
“Just hold me?” I asked as I wiggled my butt on his semi-hard erection. That’s the lowest it went all evening and I had to admire his control any other man would have been howling at the moon by now. He just ignored it and so I did too.
“Not if you keep doing that,” he joked, “yeah, but all I want is that. I know we haven’t tried it before because we were afraid of what might happen, but now if it happens, it happens, but I think we’re both a little wrung out for that.”
I had to agree with him, I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. Sleeping in his bed with him wrapped in his arms sounded much more appealing than sleeping alone. One of the things I missed from being married was sleeping with someone else.
I’m not a snuggler, my behavior with Aiden notwithstanding, but just having another person there when I wake up in the middle of the night. The sound of another person breathing in the night is strangely comforting. I guess it is as long as that person is supposed to be there. I guess if I woke up and heard someone breathing and I wasn’t expecting them to be there, comforting would be the last thing that would be.
“Yeah,” I said with a small smile.
“Yeah,” he said with a bigger smile. When I nodded, he took my hand and led me upstairs. He lent me a T-shirt, which was a nightgown on me, and we got dressed for bed. We stood on opposite sides of the bed and dressed. We looked, but it wasn’t lustful or at least not just lust. It was lust, love, appreciation and a whole host of other things. It was nice.
We entered the bed from the opposite sides and met in the middle. We lay down and like synchronized swimmers slipped into the spoon positions. I waited for it to feel suffocated as it had in the past, but it was strangely comforting. I felt treasured and protected everything I always assured myself I didn’t need as a modern independent woman. I let myself enjoy it. I could be modern and independent tomorrow, I thought as I started to slip into sleep.
Right as I was just about out, Aiden spoke. “Helen?” he said softly, his breath moving my curls.
“Yeah?” I said sleepily, hoping he wasn’t looking to renew our conversation from downstairs. I was talked out and just wanted to go to sleep and wake up on day two of being a divorced woman.
“You know I love you, right?” he said, sounding just as sleepy. He had worked today and he was tired.
‘Um hmm,” I said just about asleep.
“Good,’ he said then I heard him slip into sleep.
Then my eyes popped wide open. What the hell? You don’t do it like that. Not the first time you tell someone you love them. Okay, yeah, I knew, but come on.
I thought about waking him up to discuss this then I remembered he had to be up early so I let it go. We could talk about this tomorrow. I promised myself to get up when he did at o’dark thirty so we could hash this out before he left for work.
You know what they say about the road to hell? Yep, by the time my eyes popped open again, the sun was high in the sky and Aiden was long since gone. He did leave me a cup of coffee in a thermos mug so he wouldn’t get too blessed out for leaving without waking me.
I got up and wandered around getting dressed. I was as familiar with his space as he was with mine. I looked at Grandma Gert’s current offering hanging on his bedroom wall. I liked the fact he kept it there so he could see it first thing in the morning and last thing before he fell asleep.
I dressed then slipped out of the door, locking it behind me. We had exchanged keys or he had given me a key as he had mine from the remodel. I walked into my loft still amazed such a space was mine. Aiden had done a fantastic job.
I took a quick shower and dressed for the day. The coffee from Aiden’s was soon finished, but my pot was alive and popping. I had set it up before I went to Aiden’s. In the clear light of day my breakdown was a little embarrassing.
Then suddenly our conversation from right before we fell asleep came back. I stomped around the loft still ticked he had blindsided me like that. What was he thinking? Didn’t he understand every woman wanted a lovely memory of the first time they heard those words?
Not muttered right before you started snoring and yes, Aiden snored. Not bad or not badly enough to keep me awake, but he definitely sawed his logs.
I shook it off determined not to let it get to me. He said it. He said it first. He didn’t freak out when I didn’t say it back, which I would have if I hadn’t been half sleep. So he was still batting a thousand. Then I got a crafty look on my face Ala Jillian. I made a plan to spend all day preparing a night that would show him how this I love you thing was done.
At six, when I heard Aiden’s truck pull in, I was ready. I heard him go to his loft and I hoped he found my note. I waited about 30 minutes while he followed the instructions on the note. Then I heard a knock at the door. Okay, I thought, dragging my sweaty hands down my skirt. It’s show time.
I opened the door and saw Aiden and all my plans went out of my head. He had showered his long black hair still damp and swept back. He looked edible and my mouth watered, I wanted this man, and I could finally have him.
“Can I come in?’ he said and pulled a single red rose from behind him. I smiled and opened the door wider. This man knew all the tricks.
I walked into the kitchen for a bud vase, which I learned to keep around. Aiden was always showing up with some kind of flowers, but a rose was new. In the language of love, a red rose symbolized love.
I looked around after I put the rose in the vase and in the middle of the table, I set for dinner. The smell of lasagna and garlic bread flooded the air. I went all out for our first official romantic dinner. This is the dinner that you have before declarations of love.
Aiden stood in front of the door, looking at me. “Can dinner wait?” he said, his
expression slightly intent. I nodded and turned off the over before walking back into the living room. He gestured for me to stop, then opened his arms out on the side. I stared at him wondering what the hell?
“Uh, Aiden, what are you doing?” I asked slowly. Yeah, it was a pretty display, but again, what the hell?
“Oh, never mind, “he said, dropping his arms and his cheeks slightly flushed.
Then I felt bad. This was a romantic gesture, but I wasn’t getting it. I studied him, hoping for a clue, then I looked at his clothes. He was wearing brown pants and a green T-shirt. I felt my eyes well at this sweet man.
“Uh Aiden,” I said when I could speak.
“Yeah,” he said, looking disgruntled.
“Are you my tree?” I asked from where I stood.
A huge smile broke out over his face and he held his arms out again. “You betcha, baby.”
I gave a running start and leaped into his arms. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and wiggled a little until that special part of me was against that special part of him. We sighed and stared deep into each other’s eyes.
This felt just like coming home, I luxuriated in finally being in his arms, and able to do whatever I wanted. I rained kisses all over his handsome face while he walked us up the stairs to my bed that I had made with fresh sheets for the occasion.
We dropped onto the bed and just looked at each other for a long moment. We smiled our special smile, petted, and caressed each other. Funny, but the frantic was gone. We knew we had all the time in the world and if that’s what it took to get there then cool.
Before things go too out of control, I grabbed his handsome face by the cheeks and stared deep into his eyes. “Hey, you asked me a question last night?’ I said with a raised brow.
He flushed and tried to look away, “uh, yeah, sorry about that.”
I stopped and I could feel my heart stutter. Again, I wondered what the hell? What was he saying? He didn’t love me? Oh, if so he could take his tree outfit and go home. I don’t do casual not any more, not since I had kids that look to me for an example.
I pulled away and he grabbed me, “wait, that didn’t come out right. I’m not sorry I said it. I meant it, but I’m sorry the way I said it especially the first time. Charlise read me the riot act this morning when I told her about it.
“You told your sister about last night?” I asked sure my brows were levitating off my face. Oh goody, now I can never face Charlise again, which is a shame because I liked her. She's a big woman but she graceful with it and her husband Chuck looks at her as if she hung the moon.
“Yeah, kinda. Charlise and I talk about stuff and I was a little concerned because you didn’t say it back,” Aiden said, his dark eyes pleading.
I decided to cut him some slack, a tiny amount of slack. “Yeah, like you gave me a chance. ‘You know ‘I love you’ snore,” I mocked gently.
“Don’t give me that. How long does it take? Not long. Here I’ll show you,” he said looking deep into my eyes. “I love you,” he said then kissed me softly.
I smiled, then said, “I love you, too.”
We smiled and kissed a bit more before we stripped and got to the less PG part of the program which I am not going to describe to you as I’m quite sure you can figure it out. There are only so many holes and so many parts to put in those holes.
Trust me, I know, I write this stuff and sometimes I have to use my imagination inventively to figure out a new combo. Hence the chocolate pudding/handcuff combo. Really, people, nobody thought that was funny but me?
Anyway, a reporter once asked me the difference between porn and erotica and I told him porn was the what, and erotica was the why. Porn was what they did, how they put that part into that hole. Erotica was why this person lets that person put that part into that hole. A small distinction, but one that allows me to sleep at night.
Anyway, Aiden and I stripped and I demonstrated I hadn’t lost my tree climbing skills in the least. By the time the sun came up, we were both well and truly satisfied with our everything, which was so much better than something was.
Chapter Sixty-One: Harold
Harold stared at the divorce papers and sighed. He knew he had done the right thing signing them and he was even coming to believe he had done the right thing keeping the kids. They were coming to know each other and he found Helen had done a fantastic job raising them.
He and Tonya circled from time to time, but he had finally established himself as her father and the head of the household. At least behind Mrs. Gunderson. He tiptoed lightly around her, he couldn’t do this without her. He understood why Helen valued her so much and he hoped she wouldn’t take the housekeeper now that her loft was completed.
After the meeting in his office, he and Helen had declared truce and leaped into the co-parenting thing with both feet. Funny they didn’t make it as a couple, but as co-parents, they rocked. He wondered if they had talked then the way they do now, if Jillian would have even stood a chance.
He shook off the thought. That ship had sailed if the way Helen looked at Aiden was any indication. Aiden was everything he was not, Harold could freely admit that, but still he knew he had something Aiden never would, he and Helen had produced some terrific kids. Kids he almost missed the chance of getting to know.
Helen had walked him through the process and he found himself talking to her much more as her ex-husband than he ever did as her husband. Helen’s pragmatic, no-bullshit approach, which grated as a wife, was welcome in friend.
When Harold said one too many times about doing something the way his father did it, she snapped. “Okay Harold, if you want the same relationship with the twins your father has with you then you do it the way he did. If you want something different then you have to do something different. The choice is yours.”
It took Harold a while to get it, but once he did, his relationship with his kids bloomed. Helen was the one who helped him get Tonya. “Harold, I know she’s a bit much, but bottom line, she’s your daughter, treat her as such. Stop acting so scared. What do you think she going to do to you?”
Harold didn’t mention that was the problem, he had no idea what she might do, but he took the advice sucked up his nuts and put his foot down with his daughter. She looked at him for a long moment, and then shrugged and that was the end of that. They still butted heads from time to time, but Harold was learning to give as good as he got and Tonya seemed to respect that.
The big turning point was when Helen clued him in on the twin’s twin talk. Of all their twin behavior, he couldn’t deal with was the twin talk. The walking in time he could ignore because they did it to get his goat. If he ignored it, then they stopped, but the ‘private language’ that was still a bit much.
“Aren’t they a little old for the twin talk?” Harold asked one day on the phone.
They talked a couple of times a week to coordinate drop offs and pick ups. Helen was more than willing to step in if he really was working late, which was seldom. As she said there weren’t that many paper processing emergencies.
“Twin talk?” she said slowly, as if Harold was retarded. Harold’s back went up. He hadn’t heard that tone since the day he signed the divorce papers and hadn’t missed it.
“You know the twin talk. That private language the twins have?” Harold said, knowing he wasn’t crazy.
Helen cracked up laughing, Harold could hear ‘twin talk’ between bursts of laughter but he wasn’t getting it. She finally said, “You mean this,” and she rattled off a couple of sentences in the twins’ ‘private language’.
‘Yes,’ Harold said excitedly. He was hopeful, If Helen had learned it maybe he could. She had a 12-year jump on him, but he could pick up a few words.
“Harold, that’s not twin talk at least not the way you mean. That’s German. Mrs. Gunderson started teaching them as babies and they use that when they talk to each other.”
Harold felt like an idiot. His kids’ ‘private language’ had a country full
of people who spoke it. “Okay,” he said, determined to pick up some Berlitz tapes. He wouldn’t be the only one in this family not in on the ‘private language’. He was done being on the outside looking in.
Harold looked up at the familiar knock on the door. Jillian usually arrived around this time after the kids were sleeping and she left before they got up in the morning. Harold thought Tonya might have a clue because she was very conscientious about knocking on his bedroom door in the morning.
Jillian was another surprise. After that second weekend after Helen left she seemed to relax and become more intent at the same time. She went out of the way to get to know the twins and the twins came to accept her. Not as a mother substitute, even he knew there was no substitute for Helen but as a friend, maybe an aunt or older sister.
She and Tonya bonded over a love of shopping and they spent time at the malls often. Surprisingly Jillian was a lot more conservative with Tonya’s clothing choices than she was her own or the way she used to dress.
She really toned down the sex kitten outfits, but Harold was glad she kept the hair color. Harold wasn’t about to make the same mistake he made with Helen, he would accept a woman how he found her. He had found Jillian as a blond and would keep her a blond, even if he had to pay for it.
An occurrence that seemed more likely by the day. Harold was in no hurry. After all, he just got his divorce from Helen. He and Jillian had time a year or so just to be an engaged couple before making the next big step.
The knock came again and Harold realized he had just been sitting there. He stuffed the divorce papers into his briefcase, closed it and locked it. He’d share that bit of news in his own time. Funny, he thought Jillian hadn’t asked him about that either.
He felt a frisson of fear that maybe she had changed her mind about him then put it aside. Her nightly visits and their afternoon delight told a different story. Jillian was insatiable and he was glad she was on the pill so they could indulge in their pleasure.
He wouldn’t mind having a baby with Jillian, but not right now. He was too busy getting to know the two children he had to bring another into the picture. Maybe when the twins went off to college, he thought complacently.