by Kit Pearson
Rae was in a foul mood. “I don’t see why the whole ferry is non-smoking now,” she grumbled. “It didn’t use to be.” She tapped the arm of her chair. “I’d like to get back early tomorrow,” she said. “I hope Sharon doesn’t expect me to stay just because I got the day off.”
Sharon … Theo was trying hard not to think of her, but now that she’d lost the fight she couldn’t help asking, “What’s she like?”
“My sister? She’s okay, I suppose. She was always a goody-goody. She never got into trouble. The nuns adored her.”
“Nuns?”
“The nuns at the school we went to.”
“Are you Catholic?” asked Theo with surprise.
Rae chuckled. “Well, I was, so I guess I still am. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic, my father used to say. You won’t catch me inside a church, though. But I bet Sharon still goes. She’ll probably take you, too.”
Theo pondered this. She’d never been inside a church before. “Why haven’t I ever met Sharon?” she asked.
“Theo, you have! I keep telling you! You lived with her and Ma until you were three!”
Theo flushed. Rae was speaking so loud that people were staring at them.
A woman standing by the window in front of them stared especially hard. She was tall and angular, with messy hair and a baggy tweed coat. She kept on staring even after she noticed Theo looking back at her.
Theo turned her head away from the nosy woman. “I know I lived with Sharon,” she said quickly, to make Rae lower her voice. “I meant, why haven’t I seen her since then?”
Rae looked guilty. “Oh, I don’t know. I guess because I never told her where we lived. I thought she’d try to interfere.”
“She probably wanted to see me, though,” said Theo boldly.
“I’m sure she did. She had a fit when I took you away. Well, now she will see you. If you feel that strongly about Sharon, why don’t you want to live with her?”
Theo’s eyes stung with tears. She leaned down to unzip the duffel bag. She’d managed to bring home a library book without signing it out. It was stealing, she supposed, but she didn’t care.
Rae watched her for a few seconds. “I’m sorry, Kitten,” she sighed. “That was unfair. I know you don’t want to go. Listen, I can’t help this. It won’t be forever—”
Now Theo had to raise her voice. “I don’t want to talk about it!” The woman at the window was still watching and listening. Theo lowered her face and hid behind her book.
“Theo, please try to understand!” Her mother sounded close to tears, but Theo kept her head down. “I just can’t cope! I’ve tried my best, but I’m so tired of trying alone! I’m only twenty-five—why shouldn’t I have a chance to be happy? Someone I really love loves me back. And he has enough money to take care of both of us. I can’t risk losing him! If I play my cards right, I won’t. Once he gets used to me, I promise I’ll come for you. But for now you have to live with Sharon. It won’t be that bad. Sharon’s a lot nicer than I am—she always has been. I bet you’ll like her. Theo? Kitten? Are you listening to me?”
The words on the page were blurry, but Theo kept her head lowered and her eyes fixed on the book.
Rae waited a few seconds. “Theo, look at me!” Now her voice was angry. Theo could feel the heat of her mother’s temper like a flaring flame beside her. She quaked inside, but surely Rae wouldn’t slap her in public. She kept her head still.
“All right, then.” Rae’s voice was a furious mutter. “You can stay with Sharon, for all I care. You never listen to what I say. Well, now you won’t have to listen to me at all!”
She stood up. “I’m going out to the deck to have a smoke. Don’t you dare move from that seat.” She pushed past the teenager into the aisle. Theo lifted her eyes only and watched her leave the lounge.
When she was sure Rae was gone, she closed the book and leaned back against the seat, trembling and trying not to cry. She looked out the side window and saw Rae’s back, leaning over the railing of the deck with a cigarette between her fingers. She took short, angry puffs of it, threw it overboard, and stomped out of sight along the deck.
Theo kept staring out the window. If only her mother would never come back! If only Theo were sitting here in the midst of her brothers and sisters. Two boys and two girls …
She closed her eyes. What would their names be? Maybe John for the oldest, like the John in the Ransome books. The other boy could be Timothy, and the girls would be called Rosalind and Rosemary … or maybe Suzanne and Samara … The girls would look like their mother and the boys like their father …
Never had Theo yearned for a real family so much. As long as she kept her eyes closed she could see them—four children and two parents talking and laughing around her. With Theo securely in the middle.
But of course when she opened her eyes Theo was still alone. The lounge full of people was a bright blur through her tears. The boy beside her was opening a bag of chips.
And that nosy woman was still staring at her! Her glittering eyes pierced right through Theo. They seemed full of compassion and curiosity—and excitement, as if she knew Theo from somewhere.
Why was she still standing there? She didn’t seem to mind that Theo noticed her rudeness. Theo felt flushed, as if the woman had found out something about her. She wiped her eyes and pretended to read. When she looked up again the woman had gone.
PART 2
The Family
6
Theo waited in a numb trance for Rae to come back. Being on the ferry was a nothing time, before the next awful thing that would happen. She felt as empty and lost as a husk that someone had thrown away. It was no use wishing that her life was different. It was no use wishing for a family. It didn’t matter what happened to her. She didn’t matter.
She noticed listlessly that the lounge was more crowded. Toddlers reeled up and down the aisles, followed by protective parents. All around her kids leaned over the backs of chairs, asked for food or demanded money for the arcade. A little girl walked by chanting, “Follow the pink, follow the pink,” as she balanced on the strip of pink in the green carpeting. She paused by Theo’s chair and swung on one of the skinny poles that dotted the room.
A group of small boys had assembled on the rug between the windows and the front row where Theo sat, kneeling over tiny cars. Other little kids joined them as if magnetized, their older brothers and sisters watching from the sides. It was as if all the kids on the ferry belonged to a tribe—all except Theo.
“John, wait up!”
John? Something quickened in Theo’s empty insides as she heard the familiar name.
She turned around swiftly.
Four children were coming up the aisle—two boys and two girls. The oldest boy held a much younger boy by the hand. Behind them was another girl. A smaller girl was running to catch up with them. “John!” she called again to the older boy. “Mummy says don’t go outside without jackets.”
“We’re not going out yet,” said John. “Ben wants to see what these kids are doing.”
Theo felt a twinge of disappointment that the youngest boy wasn’t called Timothy. But that didn’t matter. She trembled as the four gathered right in front of her.
Ben and the younger girl dropped to the floor and joined the gang of little kids there. John and the other girl stood by the window, smiling at their brother and sister.
John had light brown hair that hung like a curtain on each side of his face. His ears and hands and feet looked too big for his skinny body.
His sister was the same height—were they twins? Her hair was shorter and darker than John’s, cut in a shining cap. She had a wide mouth that glittered with braces.
Theo shifted her gaze to the other two. Ben was engrossed in building something with another child. His hair was the same colour as John’s, but it curled around his chubby face, which was sprinkled with freckles. His sister was organizing a clapping game with three other children. She was the prettiest, with a long
blonde pony-tail and huge fringed eyes. She looked delicate beside her sturdy little brother.
“Lisbeth, stop being so bossy,” said the older girl.
“But they aren’t playing it right!”
“Let them play it the way they want to.”
Ben looked up. “Anna, I need to blow my nose.”
Theo hugged her knees as Anna handed Ben a tissue. Now she knew all their names—John, Anna, Lisbeth and Ben.
A proper family. A family of four! She forgot her misery as she drank in every detail, trembling with wonder.
They seemed just the right ages, with a gap between Anna and Lisbeth for Theo to fit into. Anna looked kind, and John looked sort of … noble. Lisbeth was obviously mischievous and little Ben was cuddly, like a teddy bear. They were perfect.
Watching them was like reading about them in a book—except it wasn’t a book. The family was real—standing right in front of her!
Theo had a daring idea. Maybe she could get to know them. Maybe she could actually speak to them.
Why not? All the other kids were chatting easily. This wasn’t school. No one knew anything about each other, so the usual barriers were gone.
Theo glanced out the window. Rae was nowhere in sight. She slid out of her seat and edged closer and closer to Anna. John was helping Ben with something on the floor.
Say something. But it was so hard. Theo couldn’t make her tongue work and her legs kept shaking.
Then Anna noticed her and smiled—a large, friendly smile. “Hi.”
“Hi,” gulped Theo.
“What’s your name?”
“Theo Caffrey,” whispered Theo.
“I’m Anna—Anna Kaldor. Do you live in Victoria?” Theo shook her head.
“Vancouver?”
Theo just stood there. How could she explain that, at the moment, she didn’t live anywhere at all?
Anna didn’t persist. “We live in Victoria, but we’ve been visiting our grandparents in West Vancouver for the weekend. It was my grannie’s seventieth birthday. We got to miss a day of school and come on Friday.” She had a calm, warm voice.
Lisbeth jumped up and joined them. “Who’s that, Anna?”
“Don’t point, Lisbeth. This is Theo. This is Lisbeth, my rude little sister. And those two are my brothers.”
“Now you’re pointing.” Lisbeth took a pack of cards out of her pocket. “Do you want to play Fish with us?” To Theo’s astonishment Lisbeth pulled her by the hand.
“Come on, John and Ben,” she ordered. “We’re playing Fish.”
“We always do what Lisbeth says,” grinned Anna. All four of them sat down in a circle. Theo was part of it.
She was introduced to John and Ben. John nodded at her; he seemed shy. Ben pulled up a black patch on a piece of elastic around his neck and fixed it over one eye. He put his hand on a plastic dagger stuck in his belt and tugged at Theo’s sweater.
“Are you a pirate?” guessed Theo. He nodded proudly.
Theo held her cards in a fan and tried to stop her fingers from trembling as they all took turns asking for fives or jacks or sevens. Ben sprawled in Anna’s lap, gripping her cards. She kept burying her face in his curls. He ignored her, like a little prince used to homage.
“Lisbeth’s looking at our cards,” he complained.
“I can’t help it! You aren’t holding them up!”
“They’re too big,” said Ben. The cards were almost falling out of his small hands.
“Let him put his cards on the floor. No one will look at them, Ben,” said John.
“I will,” said Lisbeth. “How can I help it, if they’re just lying there?”
“Then you’re a cheat!” said Ben.
“I am not!”
“Shhh! If you’re going to argue, let’s stop. Fish is boring, anyway,” said Anna. They began making houses out of the cards instead. John was the best at balancing four cards against each other, then laying another on top for a roof.
Now Lisbeth was asking Theo where she lived. She had to say something. “I—uh—my mother and I live in Vancouver. We’re going to Victoria to visit my aunt.” That seemed to satisfy them.
“Do you like iguanas?” asked Ben.
“I guess so,” said Theo with surprise. She wasn’t quite sure what an iguana was. Some kind of lizard?
“I have a huge iguana. He’s this long.” He held out his arms as far as they would go. “His name’s Mortimer.”
Lisbeth put her mouth close to Theo’s ear. “He doesn’t really have an iguana,” she whispered. “He just pretends he does, because our parents say he’s not old enough for one.”
Ben frowned at her. “Mortimer’s fierce. He’s as fierce as a—as a tyrannosaurus rex! Bingo’s afraid of him. That’s our dog. He’s in the car because dogs aren’t allowed upstairs on the ferry.”
“I have a guinea pig,” said Lisbeth. “Her name’s Snow White and she’s going to have babies.”
“I don’t think she is, Lisbeth,” said John. He grinned at Anna. “You need two guinea pigs for babies. I think she’s just fat.”
“She’s having babies,” insisted Lisbeth. “About six or seven, I think. All their names are going to be after the seven dwarves. Grumpy and Sleepy and Dopey and—”
Anna interrupted her. “We have a cat, too. He’s called Beardsley.”
“I have sixteen fish,” said John. He looked worried. “I hope the Mitchells remembered to come in and feed them.”
Theo’s ears and eyes couldn’t stretch large enough to take all of this in. She sat quietly in the middle of the group, feeling amazingly relaxed.
Lisbeth’s violet-blue eyes were looking at her curiously. “How old are you?”
“Nine,” said Theo.
“I’m seven,” said Lisbeth. “Ben is only four. Anna’s ten and John’s twelve. In the fall he’ll be a teenager! He’ll start staying out late and getting into trouble.”
John frowned. “You’re the one who’s trouble.”
Theo continued to let their banter wash over her like a warm wave. This was it! This was the family she’d dreamed about. She ached to belong to them—to be their sister.
But how could she? Magic was only in stories. She couldn’t wish to belong to them and have it come true. Her emptiness twitched at her, as if it were reminding her that it was still there—that she didn’t belong anywhere.
There wasn’t time to worry about it. At the moment, at least, this family seemed to accept Theo as part of them. They swept her along in their energy.
“We’re almost at Active Pass—let’s go outside,” said John.
“Come on!” said Ben. He grabbed Theo’s hand—the second time one of them had touched her. His palm was pudgy and hot.
“Can you?” asked Anna. “Should you ask your mother?”
Rae. Theo had completely forgotten her. “She’s already outside, having a cigarette,” she told them. “But she said—she said I could go and look for her when I wanted,” she finished quickly.
“Then let’s go!” said Lisbeth.
“Bring your jacket, Theo. We have to get ours,” said Anna.
Theo snatched up her jacket and followed them down the aisle, to a man and woman sitting near the back. They looked up from their books and smiled.
“This is our brand new friend,” said Lisbeth.
“Her name’s Theo,” said Ben.
“How do you do, Theo?” The woman leaned forward and shook her hand as if she were a grown-up. “I’m Laura Rice and this is my husband, Dan Kaldor.” They looked as perfect as their children. Laura was small, with tidy brown hair. Dan was round and rumpled-looking, with a beard and glasses.
“We’re going out,” said Anna, pulling on a purple fleece jacket.
“Do your parents know where you are, Theo?” Laura asked.
“Her mother’s already on the deck—we’re going to look for her,” said John.
“Okay. Be sure to stay together,” said Dan.
The five of them raced
out to the deck.
THEY STOOD IN A ROW by the railing, the icy wind whipping back their hair. Beyond them was a tossing kaleidoscope of water and land and sky. The huge boat was making its way towards a channel between two rocky islands studded with firs and small houses. The sea was almost the same grey-blue as the sky; fishing boats bobbed on its swelling surface.
Another long white ferry was approaching on the opposite side of the pass. The children covered their ears as the boat’s whistle blared.
Lisbeth and Ben waved frantically to the other ferry as it glided by. Then Lisbeth whirled around. “Let’s fly!” she shouted.
She tore along the wide deck, the others following. Towards the bow the wind was so strong they had to push against it, while their legs walked in slow motion.
“Fly!” screamed Lisbeth. She opened up her jacket and held it out. “Come on, Theo, you do it, too!”
Theo unzipped her jacket and gasped as the wind slapped her chest like a huge cold hand. Her eyes streamed and her hair felt ripped out by its roots. But she copied the others and held the sides of her jacket open like wings. The wind actually lifted her a little off the ground—then she fell backwards onto the deck.
“Are you okay?” Anna helped her up.
Theo nodded. She tried again, and this time she kept her balance.
“Flyyy …” They jumped and twisted and danced in the wind’s power. Lisbeth was lifted the highest, as if she were a feather. At first John had hung back but soon he was shouting as loudly as the others.
“Let’s go and scare Mummy and Daddy!” said Ben. Their feet thundered along the deck as they dashed back and pounded on the windows beside the place where their parents were sitting. The whole row of adults jerked with surprise. Dan wagged his finger and Laura waved them away.
They battled their way to the side of the ferry, where it was less windy. There they stopped to zip up their jackets and catch their breaths. They held onto the cold bars of the railing and peered at the sheet of water far below. Beyond them rose the cliffs at the end of one of the islands.