“Let. Me. Go.” She kicked out with her legs, trying to get his shins.
“Not happening. Not until you listen to what I have to say.” He spun and pressed her against the concrete wall, ducking his head so they were eye level.
“I don’t care what you have to say.”
Her eyes were spitting fire, but they were bright, and even though the light was shit back here, he could see her lip tremble.
“I heard what you said to those guys. After you…the way you…” She sucked in a sharp breath. “I heard all of it. You’re just like Travis, just like my mother.” Then she started struggling again.
He pinned her lower half with his body then grabbed her chin, so she didn’t crack her head against the wall, and forced her to look at him. “Stop this and listen to me.”
“Go to hell.” She jerked up her knee, trying to get him in the balls.
He dodged the blow, shoving a thigh between hers, holding her more firmly in place and stared down at her.
Jesus, she was beautiful. Even when she was pissed off. Shit, especially when she was pissed off. “There she is,” he said. “My feisty girl, she doesn’t take any shit.”
She swallowed hard. “I’m not your girl.”
“Yeah, you are, princess.”
“Stop calling me that.”
He shook his head. “Not gonna happen.” He dipped his head, rubbed his nose against her soft red hair, taking in her sweet scent. “I tried,” he said. “Every damn night, to just walk out the door. But it got harder and harder. I’d go to leave, but I’d find myself by the bed, watching you sleep. Fucking gorgeous hair spread on the pillow, smooth, pale skin, glowing in the moonlight. As if you shouldn’t be real. As if you were just a figment of my imagination. Like some beautiful fairy princess. I had my own fairy princess.” He ran his thumb over her trembling lower lip. “And I hurt her. I fucked up.”
Her whole body was shaking now. “Please stop,” she whispered.
He wouldn’t lose her again. The time apart from her had been the worst of his life, and considering the shit he’d been through when he was younger, in recent years, that was saying a lot. Not just about him but about his feelings for this woman. After what she’d been through with her mother—losing her when he spilled all his secrets, told her what he was, was a strong possibility. But he had to tell her. Everything. He had no choice.
“Those guys, the ones you walked in on with me at the garage…they’re not good guys.” He slid his thumb across her cheek. “It fucking killed me to say that shit to you.” He repeated the caress, couldn’t get enough, desperate to touch her. “I did it to protect you.”
She stilled, blinking up at him. A single tear streaked down her cheek, and the sight of it nearly destroyed him.
“I don’t believe you.”
He brushed the moisture away with his thumb. “I’m telling the truth, princess. The way they looked at you. Shit, Al wanted you. That’s a fact. You do not want to draw the attention of a man like Al Ramirez. I promise you that. I needed to get you away fast, before he set his sights on you. Before he worked out you mean something to me. No way was I going to let him use you to get to me.”
“What are you talking about?”
Her breasts were smashed up against his chest now, and he could feel her heart pounding rapid fire, could see the pulse fluttering like crazy at the side of her throat.
He held her wide-eyed gaze. “You want to know the reason I only came to you at night, why I left when it was still dark?” His own heart was racing; what he was about to tell her could put him in jail for a long time, but that wasn’t what had his palms sweaty and his mouth dry. No, it was how Shay would see him after she knew the truth. If she’d despise him as much as he despised himself. “Those men, they wanted me tied to them, to keep working for them, and they would have done anything to make that happen. That’s why I had to send you away. I panicked. I didn’t know what else to do.”
She was still frozen in his arms. “Working for them?”
He didn’t want to tell her, so much so his jaw ached from clenching it, but if he didn’t at least try to get her to understand, he’d lose her, anyway. He drew in a shaky breath. “I stole cars for them.” He held her gaze. “I’m a thief, Shay.”
Her whole body jerked in his arms. “You stole cars?” She exhaled loudly. Her confusion, her disbelief shone clearly on her face. “No, you…” She shook her head. “No…”
“It’s true.”
She gave his chest a shove, but he held on tighter.
“You’re just saying this, to…to…”
“To make you understand why I did what I did. It’s the truth, Shay.” Shit. He forced the next words past his lips. “When I first met you, I was…I was in the middle of boosting a car. I should’ve let you go that night, but after I chased that guy away, I couldn’t leave you. I knew I should, but I wanted you like I’ve never wanted anything in my life. So I took you with me.”
“No.” She turned away. “You’re making this up.”
There was only one way to make her believe what he was saying. He released her, hating the loss of her softness, her gentle warmth pressed against him when he stepped back. She stood statue still, but her gaze darted to the alley. He moved to the side, so she’d have to go through him if she wanted to make a break for it. Then pulling out his wallet, he slid the lock-pick he always carried in it free.
“What are you doing?”
“Proving it to you.” He approached the car. “You know I can pick a lock, Shay, you’ve seen me do it…and that first night, you sat there and watched me hotwire that car.” He slid the pick in the lock and had the door open and the alarm deactivated in fifteen seconds. He released a rough breath and shut the car door again, looking up at her, fucking sick to his stomach. “Yeah, any mechanic can do what I just did, but not that fast. You need a lot of practice to be as fast as me…so you don’t get caught. So you can get in and drive out as fast as possible.”
She stumbled back a step until her back hit the wall.
“That first night, that car, the one you drove me to your garage in? You’d just stolen it?”
He put away the pick and shoved his wallet into his back pocket. “Yeah.” Then he strode toward her before she tried to run. Kept coming until he had her pinned between him and the wall again.
She jerked back, and he shoved his hand between her and the concrete wall, protecting her head. Then scooping her up, he lifted her so they were eye level again, so she had no choice but to wrap her legs around his hips. “Now do you believe me?”
“I want you to let me go.”
“No.”
Her jaw dropped. “No?”
“Not until I tell you everything. If you want to walk away after that? I won’t stop you.” What felt like every damn muscle in his body tightened. The idea of letting her walk away went completely against all his protective instincts. Against the fact that as far as he was concerned, Shay was his, would always be his.
She didn’t answer, stayed stiff in his arms. But she didn’t tell him to fuck off, either. Right then, he was counting that as a win.
“I told you the old man’s a gambler. Gambled as long as I can remember. When we were kids, he’d disappear for months at a time, like your mom used to leave you.”
Her wide green eyes started getting bright again. He forced himself to carry on, to tell her the whole ugly story.
“Just when we were getting back on our feet, guaranteed, every damn time, he’d come crawling back and screw everything up again. He did that our whole lives. Mom loved him, so she kept taking him back. She was a cleaner. Her wage didn’t cover the bills…the debt he’d leave behind every time he’d run off again. So I left school as soon as I was old enough, got a job, supported the family. I took care of my mom, my brother and sister.”
He felt her body relax a little, but she was still tense, fingers digging into his shoulders.
“I cleaned up his messes, paid off his debts whenever the people
he owed came knocking on the door.” He gave her a squeeze. “But I was fresh out of school. I wasn’t making enough to keep our family afloat. So to do that, to keep the roof over our heads, I stole cars.” Him and Adam had been a good team, even then. But Shay didn’t need to know Adam’s involvement. This was about him and him alone.
She stared up at him. “You’ve been a car thief since you were just a boy?”
He shook his head. “Stopped when I got a little older. Opened the garage with Adam and Joe. Kept my nose clean for a lot of years. I didn’t do that shit for a thrill. I did it to feed my family. To pay the old man’s debts.”
Her fingers went from drilling holes in his shoulders to sliding restlessly over his shirt. “What happened?”
“The last person my father fucked over was Al. Al isn’t the kind of man to let that shit go. He wanted back what he was owed, and he was owed a hell of a lot. More than me and Joe had. He threatened my mom and my sister. He knew about my past, used it to get me to fall in line. I had to pay him back, with interest, but he wanted me to do it by supplying him with cars.”
He kept talking when all he wanted to do was take her mouth and kiss the fuck out of her, make her promise she was his, that she wouldn’t leave him. “We were coming to the end of our arrangement with him, but Al wanted to lock me in, keep me working for him. If he worked out you were mine, he would have used you to keep me where he wanted me. He could have hurt you. I couldn’t…fucking wouldn’t allow that.”
She looked at him for the longest time, emotions moving behind her eyes, too many to name, until his gut was nothing but knots, his heart close to exploding out of his chest. Her arms didn’t fall away like he thought they would after hearing all that shit, seeing it with her own eyes; no, they tightened around his neck.
“Hugh,” she whispered, just that one word, just his name, but the pain in her voice, for him, completely shredded him.
“I said those things to protect you, princess,” he rasped. “Kept my distance for the same reason. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.” He was shaking now, with relief that she’d stopped fighting, from the fear that he might lose her still. “But it’s over now. As of a few hours ago, and in a way that’s permanent.” He held her gaze. “No more hiding, no more leaving in the middle of the night. You’re mine. No matter what happens from this minute on, you’ll always be mine.”
“You’re telling the truth…aren’t you?” She bit her lip, eyes glistening, bright like emeralds.
“Yes,” he rasped. “Jesus, what you said back at the restaurant, I can’t bear that you thought I was using you. Walking out every night, leaving you…I fucking hated it, it fucking killed me.” He gave her a squeeze, shaking so hard there was no way she couldn’t feel it.
Her hands dropped to his biceps, her hold light. “It’s…It’s hard for me to trust…not just you but myself…after everything I’ve been through. I don’t know…I just don’t know.”
Oh, fuck, he was losing her. He was going to lose her. “You have to believe me, princess. Shit. Please, baby.”
She blinked, and more tears streaked down her cheek. She turned away. “This is too much. I can’t think with you this close, I can’t…please let me down, Hugh.”
“Shay…” he croaked.
She shook her head. “I don’t know what to think, what to believe anymore.” She turned back to him. “Please, Hugh, let me go.”
“No, baby. Don’t do this.”
Her face crumpled as she pushed at his chest, giving him no choice but to do as she asked. She slid out from between him and the wall, and the loss of her warmth, her softness, physically hurt, like knives or razors, a fucking anvil to the chest.
“Shay, please…”
“I need to go. This is too much. It’s just…too much,” she said again. Then she turned and walked quickly away.
* * *
The alarm blaring from Shay’s phone made her jump, and she quickly turned it off. She hadn’t slept a wink. Three nights she’d barely slept. God, she felt as if she was coming down with something, maybe the flu. Her entire body ached but mainly the center of her chest. Maybe she was about to have a massive heart attack. It hurt enough, it hurt so damn much.
But it was none of those things…she wasn’t sick. She was heartbroken. The look on Hugh’s face when she’d asked him to let her go, when she’d walked away. It was seared into her memory, had haunted her the last few nights.
She didn’t know what to think, what to feel anymore. How many times had she listened to her mother’s lies and believed every one? How many times had she allowed the woman back into her life, only to be let down? Travis was a major asshole, a complete jerk…she’d had no clue. Had been so damn gullible. It was only after she’d broken it off, after she’d left her job, that a couple of her co-workers had come forward and said how surprised they were that she’d been seeing him, that he wasn’t a good guy.
She hadn’t seen it.
Not until it was too late.
She wanted to believe Hugh, desperately. But what if she was wrong again? What if it happened all over again? How would she survive another blow like that?
He said he’d been trying to protect her.
That he’d been forced to steal, to break the law, all in an effort to take care of his family. If what he said was true, how could she condemn him for that? He’d shown her repeatedly what a good man he was, hadn’t he? Still, those doubts niggled in that back of her mind. Tormenting her, telling her she’d be stupid to listen to her heart again. Her heart always got it wrong.
Shoving back the covers, she climbed out of bed, dragged on her robe and shuffled out of her room. She couldn’t stay in bed all day. Rocky needed to go out.
Edna was waiting, her door opening before Shay got the chance to knock.
“You look like crap,” Edna said as soon as she laid eyes on Shay. “You still not sleeping?”
Shay took the dog from her neighbor. “I’m fine.” She ignored the question and took Rocky to do his business then picked him up and walked back to Edna.
Her neighbor was still standing at the door, beady eyes locked on Shay, pack of smokes in one frail hand. “You’re pining for your man.”
“I’m not pining.”
“Yeah, you are. Your eyes look as if they’re about to fall out of your head. And I may be old, but I’m not deaf yet.” She reached out and touched Shay’s arm. “I’ve heard you crying, girl. Why’re you punishing yourself like this? Go to him, patch things up.”
“You don’t understand…”
“Bullcrap.” Edna pointed a boney finger at Shay. “Don’t tell me I don’t understand.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Do you love him?”
The pain in Shay’s chest got worse, but it didn’t just stay there; no, it twisted and coiled down low in her belly, knotting like a fist. “Yes,” she whispered. “But I don’t know if I can…I don’t think I can…” She bit her lip.
“What is it, girl?”
“If I can trust my own judgement. If I can believe him, allow myself to believe in him… I want to…”
Edna shook her head, pulled a smoke from the pack and lit up. “You’ve been burned by a lot of people in your life; you’re gonna be wary. But trust me on this, Hugh isn’t like your mother, and he sure as hell isn’t like that weasel you used to date. I know a good man when I see one. Reminds me of my Albert, God rest his soul. Strong, protective, hardworking…and so damn randy, a woman never got a full night’s rest.”
Shay choked out a laugh.
Edna carried on before Shay could answer. “I loved your grandmother; you know I did. But she didn’t exactly set you a good example when it came to romantic relationships. Her man up and left, and she never recovered, never trusted enough to let anyone else in. That old coot, Harold, he loved your grandmother, but she never let him get too close. She could have been happy with him; they could have been happy together.” She took a drag of her smoke. �
��Don’t want you to end up like her. Don’t let what happened in the past dictate your future, or one day, you’ll wake up old and alone, living in this damn trailer park, and realize it’s too late, wishing you’d been brave enough to take a chance.
* * *
Hugh glared at the computer screen. Working on this month’s accounts was not his idea of a good time. But then, all he’d done so far was stare at the stupid thing, hoping it would spontaneously catch on fire or blow the hell up. He hated office work with a passion, but Adam had shoved Hugh in there ten minutes after he showed up for work…after he’d flipped out on one of their customers.
Turned out, he wasn’t handling the situation with Shay all that well. And everyone around him was getting the brunt of it.
He got why she’d walked. Didn’t make it hurt any less, though.
Leaning back in his seat, he rubbed his hands over his face. Every day that passed felt like an eternity without her. Nothing felt right anymore. Nothing. He should be celebrating. They were finally free of Al, but Hugh couldn’t muster the energy. It didn’t matter, not anymore. Not without Shay.
Someone knocked on the office door.
“Go away,” he muttered.
“I’m going to open this door,” Joe said, voice muffled. “Is it safe? Or are you going to hurl the filing cabinet at me or something?”
Hugh grunted.
The door cracked open, and Joe poked his head around the edge. “I’m gonna do a lunch run; you want something?”
“Not hungry.”
“Dude, you need sustenance.”
Hugh opened his mouth to answer.
“And no, I’m not talking about alcohol.”
That scratched that idea. The urge to get wasted was at an all-time high. But after last time, Joe and Adam weren’t having any of it. They’d been on him like a pair of festering hemorrhoids. Pains in his fucking ass.
Joe shook his head. “Sandwich, it is.”
“Whatever.” He turned back to the computer. Trying to get the thing to print the damn invoices was more complicated than launching a motherfucking space shuttle.
“You need a hand stuffing envelopes”—Joe piped up from his spot, lurking behind the door—“ask Adam.”
Swerve: Boosted Hearts (Volume 1) Page 22