Parents’ occupations: Both doctors. Dad’s a hospital consultant, Mum runs a general practice.
Worst moment of your life: When my mate Hannah left to live in South Africa.
Best moment of your life: When I realised that Lucy, Nesta and Izzie were serious about being my new mates.
Pin up? Albert Einstein. I wouldn’t want to snog him, though.
What couldn’t you live without? Nesta, Lucy, Izzie and Mojo.
What is the most important thing that life has taught you? That trust is the most important thing in a friendship and to be totally honest with your mates.
What would you most like to change about yourself? I’d like to be able to act cooler when I meet boys I like as sometimes I turn into Noola the Alien girl and talk Outerspaceagongalese.
What makes you laugh? The movies Wayne’s World, 1 and 2.
Fave book: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.
What do you do to cheer yourself up? Spend time with my mates. Oh God. I’ve just seen that we’ve all written that. Oh well. It’s true.
What’s your best subject at school? English.
Fave food: Chips. The big chunky kind.
Fave colour: Violet.
Fave movie: Sense and Sensibility, based on the book by Jane Austen, starring Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet. I was totally in love with Greg Wise who played Willoughby (even though he was a love rat).
Interests: Books, history, writing, boys, music, movies, travel, documentaries.
Talents: Um. Writing.
Goals: To write novels.
Something secret about you: Sometimes I do still think about a boy called Luke De Biasi and feel a bit sad that things didn’t work out for us.
Other Contributors:
Tony Costello (Nesta’s brother)
Steve Lovering (Lucy’s brother)
Lal Lovering (Lucy’s brother)
Mrs Foster (Izzie’s mum)
Mrs Williams (Nesta’s mum)
Mrs Lovering (Lucy’s mum)
Mr Lovering (Lucy’s dad)
Mrs Allen (our headmistress)
Cressida Forbes (friend of Simon Peddington Lee, who is Nesta’s ex-boyfriend)
Dr Watts (TJ’s mum)
Assorted boys: Ben Taylor, Mark Boden, Luke De Biasi, Steve and Lal’s classmates.
And Ben and Jerry didn’t want to be left out so here’s their contribution:
PART ONE
Boys and Relationships
by Nesta Williams
Boys
Starting with none other than one of our favourite subjects, le garçon, il ragazzo, that mysterious species of aliens - boys.
Where to Find Them
Some girls, especially at single-sex schools, say things like, ‘Oh, we never meet boys. There aren’t any around. There’s a shortage.’ Not true. They’re everywhere. After extensive (and totally enjoyable!) research, these are our top ten best places to find them:
1. Sports centres. Usually showing off, but then that is what boys like to do.
2. Music stores. A lot of boys tend to be more anoraky than girls when it comes to music and loads of them like to fantasise about being the next big thing to hit the charts. Anyway, you can act all girlie and ask for a recommendation as boys love to (again) show off their superior knowledge. However, if you decide to take this line, be prepared to listen to an hour-long lecture on the life and times of some obscure band from the Sixties. Listening does work, though, because everyone likes to be asked what their opinion is. Whilst he’s giving you his, try to perfect your ‘oh, how fascinating’ look which is a cross between glee and constipation. (At least it is when Lucy does it.)
3. Coming out of school. What better way to check out a whole selection? This is where Lucy first spotted Tony before she knew he was my brother and it was lurve at first sight.
4. At discos or clubs. Usually they’re with their mates in these places, though, and boys tend to act differently when they’re out in a group. If you fancy one, try and get him on his own to get a better idea of what he’s like.
5. Through mates. Most mates have a brother. And that brother has mates. And those mates have mates. And so ... you get the picture. (Sadly none of us fancy any of Steve and Lal’s mates or Tony’s, but, you never know, one day one of them might bring home a cutenik.)
6. At night classes or school clubs. Loads of boys do extra classes, but it might mean that you end up doing a class in boxing or car mechanics or something. No problem, as it doesn’t hurt to learn some of these things.
7. At the cinema (hanging out before or after the movie).
8. At gigs and rock concerts.
9. At the mall whilst shopping - though it might take some explaining at to why you hang around in the men’s department. You could say that you’re shopping for your brother and once again, need advice on what label is best, etc ...
10. At parties. This is a top place for meeting new boys as you get to dress up, so you will inevitably be looking your best.
Other places are: cafés, football matches, bowling alleys (especially if boys are in the next lane), swimming pools, ice-skating rinks (as you get to hold hands), out walking the dog (it helps if you have one of your own, by the way), sunbathing in the park or on the beach in summer. Basically, you’re not going to meet anyone if you don’t get out there.
Funnily enough, though, often you meet boys when you’re not looking for one. And not so funnily enough, usually on days when your hair needs washing, you haven’t got a scrap of make-up on and were least expecting to run in to Mr Gorgie Pants. All you can do then is smile. As Lucy’s mum is always saying, it’s the most important thing you wear!
What did Cinderella say when her photographs didn’t arrive back from processing?
Some day my prints will come.
What Boys Want
The Bad News: According to a recent survey (Tony, Ben, Steve, Lal, Mark, Luke and all the boys we could find at local schools), it was found that top of most boys’ lists of what they want in a girl is good looks, whereas most girls look for a sense of humour. Let’s face it, we need one for when we meet the boys. Haha. But seriously, some wise person (Lucy’s mum again) said that a male is seduced through his eyes whereas a female is seduced through her ears, i.e. through what boys say, not by them sticking anything into your ears. Yurgh.
Anyway, the first thing that hits boys is how you look. You may have a stunning personality, be the kindest person ever, but tough, because for that all important first impression, he’s looking at your face, your body or your legs.
The Good News: In this day and age, anyone, even the plainest Jane can look like a top babe. If you don’t believe us then you get homework.
Homework For Non-believers
Go to video/DVD rental store.
Check the store for boys, as getting out DVDs can also be a good place to meet the opposite sex and you can do your ‘Oh, can you recommend something?’ routine again.
Take out two videos - Being John Malkovich and The Mask, both starring Cameron Diaz.
Go home and watch.
You will see that in Being John Malkovich, Cameron Diaz looks a right frumpette, complete with frizzy hair. In The Mask, she looks like a five-star babe. Same girl. Different hair, different clothes.
The lesson to be learned from this homework is that with the right hair, products and clothes, everyone - and I mean everyone - can be made to look good. It only takes a bit of effort. If you’re one of these girls who thinks, ‘No way I’m going to dress up for some stupid boy - I want someone to like me hairy legs and all, I’m a free spirit, blah blah ...’ Fine. We wish you luck.
For those of you who want to look good, the world and pick of the boys are yours. (See Lucy’s top tips on making the most of yourself in the Beauty, Fashion and Health section)
Anyway, here’s what our survey revealed:
What Boys Say They Want
1. Good looks
2. Confidence
>
3. Enthusiasm (no one wants to hang out with a party pooper)
4. Intelligence
5. Sense of humour
6. Patience and warmth
7. Generosity
(It goes downhill from here.)
8. Great boobs (that’s me out - Lucy)
9. Great legs (And that’s me out. I have lumpy knees - Izzie)
10. A great ass (Pff. How scientific is this survey anyway? - TJ)
Those are the qualities that the boys said they wanted. (Take it with a pinch of salt. We did ... And a sock in the mouth!)
More On What Boys Want
Tony: A Vogue model with an IQ of a hundred and forty-five who has eyes only for me.
Steve: An intelligent girl I can have a good conversation with.
Lal: A girl who adores me and who is about a metre tall with a flat head so I can rest my Coke can on her. No. Actually the truth is, most girls don’t realise the power that they have just by simply being female. Most boys I know just want to pull and all girls have the right equipment! You don’t have to be skinny or look like some magazine model. A bit of girlie stuff like smelling nice, shiny hair, lip-gloss and a good sense of humour and we’re happy believe me. You don’t have to be a babe. We’re knocked out just by the fact you have curvy bits.
Luke De Biasi: A cross between Madame Curie and Jessica Rabbit will do me.
OK, enough boys. We get the picture.
What Boys Don’t Want
Girls who:
smell bad (as if! But seriously boys do like girls who smell nice);
swear (surprising, this one. They can swear their heads off, but a lot of boys don’t like girls who do);
are too ‘in your face’ and demanding;
are loud;
are complicated (ever met a girl who wasn’t? It’s part of our mysterious allure);
are depressing;
are whingey/whiney;
are out of control;
go on about their ex-boyfriends;
are always on a diet;
keep moaning on about bits of their body that they don’t like. One boy said, he particularly didn’t like girls who complain about their big bums. He said, the bigger the better, as far as he was concerned. (Hurrah. Give me his number - Izzie);
need to dissect every stage of the relationship (‘we need to talk’ seem to be the four words most boys dread);
use four letter words (such as ‘don’t’, ‘stop’ or ‘love’);
don’t know how to have a good time;
don’t contribute to the conversation;
play too many mind games.
It is important to find a boy who is always willing to help in times of trouble.
It is important to find a boy who makes you laugh when you’re feeling blue.
It is important to find a boy who is dependable and doesn’t lie.
It is important to find a boy who is a good kisser. It is important that these four boys never meet!
Types of Boys
Some girls think that there are only two types of boys. The ones you want and the ones you get. Of course that’s not true. Boys come in different shapes and sizes with different personalities - nice guys, rats, DIY boys, trainspotters, music buffs, brainboxes, boy-scout types, sporty, computer whizzes, diplomats, dreamers, poets, romantics, heroes, athletes, bullies, adventurers, Casanovas, slimeballs, geeks, babe magnets ...
The list is endless and some boys can be a mixture, i.e. you can meet an athletic Casanova or an academic Casanova. Basically, there are all sorts out there.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
How to Get Noticed
So ... How do you get noticed by all these types of boys?
Immediate:
Trip over him (some boys are wise to this ploy, but if he likes what he sees, he’ll be flattered).
Position yourself so that he trips over you.
Position yourself in his line of vision and make eye contact.
Position yourself in his line of vision and flirt outrageously with someone else. (Not with one of your girl friends or your dad!)
At a party, offer to take round the food and drink, that way you’ll have a natural excuse to get chatting.
Say you’re writing a book like this one and are doing a survey on what boys want, etc. We found it was a great way to get chatting to loads of boys. Make sure you take your notepad and pen with you so that it looks genuine.
Planning Ahead:
Do your homework: find out all about him and what he’s into from mutual friends, then look into it for yourself. The next time you meet him, reveal your knowledge about his interest while chatting and he’ll be astounded at how well-informed you are.
Solicit help. Get mutual friends to arrange an outing or throw a party and invite both of you.
Find out where he goes to school, then accidentally bump into him outside one day.
Find out where he likes to hang out, e.g. what gym/film rental store he goes to. Again, an ‘accidental’ meeting. Remember life helps those who help themselves.
Find out his interests and get involved (unless, of course, his interest happens to be someone called Sara. Or Tarquin ...)
Another Way of Getting Noticed:
Dance naked in his back garden. (OK, not such a great idea - at least not in winter.)
She: How strange! You look just like my fifth boyfriend.
He: Fifth! Why how many have you had?
She: Four.
Nesta’s Top Tips on Getting Noticed
Be blindingly beautiful. There’s no such thing as a plain girl, only one who can’t be bothered. With some lippie, good sunglasses, clean, shiny hair, anyone can be a babe.
Smile and make direct eye contact.
Spray yourself with your fave perfume (don’t overdo it, though), then walk past so he gets a hint of a gorgeous scent, or approach him, lean in close and ask if you can borrow a pen.
Wear heels to make your legs look long and fab.
Get a Wonderbra and boy, will you get noticed.
Stand up straight, Don’t slouch. It’s the first thing they teach at model school. Good posture makes you look more confident and makes your body look slimmer.
Lucy’s Tips
Pray for a miracle.
Grow another six inches so they don’t miss you in the crowd.
Izzie’s Tips
Relax around them. Boys hate desperate girls.
Make eye contact, then smile.
Laugh at his jokes.
Don’t be too available. Play hard to get for a while because most boys like a challenge.
TJ’s Tips
Be confident. Don’t whinge on about what you don’t like about yourself.
Flirt outrageously, then go home. It will leave him wanting more.
Don’t smoke as it will make your hair and your breath stink.
As you smoke, so shall you reek.
So once you’ve got him to notice you, then what? Different approaches work for different boys. Here are some tried and tested ideas - according to all the girls we interviewed at our school. Take your pick but note some work better than others.
Techniques for Different Boys
1. The ‘Be Yourself’ Technique (for straightforward boys)
Be yourself. Your best self, that is. Not your ‘I’ve got PMS and am having a lousy day’ self.
Don’t try to copy anyone else.
The best become the best by being themselves.
(We like this approach best.)
2. The ‘God, I’m Impressed by You!’ Technique (for most boys)
Act attentive, fascinated by his every word.
Lots of enthusiastic body language, (leaning forward, nodding, exclaiming).
Use lots of eye contact.
Laugh at all his jokes (even the crapola ones).
Act as though he’s telling you something you didn’t know.
(Flattery gets you eve
rywhere.)
3. The ‘Mummy Therapist’ Technique (for little boys at heart)
Make him feel safe and understood.
Invite him home and feed him comfort foods.
Listen to him.
Encourage him.
Give him little treats.
Don’t judge him.
Only see the best in him.
(This can work brilliantly and is very popular, but it can backfire if you’re not really a motherly type. You can start to resent the fact that what you presented in the first place is what he’s grown to expect - and who can blame him!)
4. The ‘Doormat’ Technique (for bossy, bully boys who like girls to be seen and not heard)
Get a T-shirt with ‘Welcome! Wipe Your Feet On Me’ written on it.
Always let him have his way.
Serve his every whim.
Never complain.
Tell him he’s wonderful at every opportunity.
Dress exactly the way that pleases him the most regardless of what you like.
Stop seeing your friends if he doesn’t like them.
(You might think that it’s a joke, but sadly, some girls actually do this. We wouldn’t recommend it as relationships are a two-way street and both parties have to have their say.)
Mates, Dates Guide to Life Page 2