Uncle John's Top Secret Bathroom Reader for Kids Only!

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  • Angkor Wat. A 12th-century, 500-acre, towered and terraced Hindu temple in Cambodia.

  • Stonehenge. A ring of huge stones—some weighing nearly fifty tons—in southern England. Construction of this sacred site spanned centuries, starting about 2950 B.C.

  • Teotihuacán. This beautiful ancient city and temples in Mexico date back to between 200 and 650 A.D. The highlight is the Pyramid of the Sun, which is 216 feet high and covers more than 10 acres.

  • Taj Mahal. The Mogul emperor Shah Jahan had this built as a memorial to his wife, Mumtaz Mahal, in the 1600s. The tomb itself is made of white marble inlaid with designs cut in colorful precious gems.

  • Great Wall of China. Built 2,000 years ago to protect China from invaders, it averages 20 feet thick and 25 feet high, and is an amazing 4,500 miles long—longer than the distance from Alaska to Mexico City!

  Cosmic question: How do you know when you’re out of invisible ink?

  REEL SILLY

  More wit than wisdom from the movies.

  “I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for.”

  —Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

  “Us elves like to stick to the four main food groups: Candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.”

  —Buddy the elf, Elf

  “It’s easy to be you—I’ll just suck the fun out of everything.”

  —Annabel (to her mom), Freaky Friday

  “This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone.”

  —Kevin, Home Alone

  Marlin: “Okay, a mollusk walks up to this sea cucumber—well, he doesn’t actually walk, he’s just there—and he turns to the sea cucumber and, well…wait, there’s a mollusk and a sea cucumber and…”

  Chum: “You know, for a clown fish, he’s not that funny.”

  —Finding Nemo

  Grace: “I’ve got a rare blood type. I’m AB positive.”

  Bruce: “I’m IB positive. I be positive they ain’t stickin’ no needle in me.”

  —Bruce Almighty

  “When I was your age, television was called books.”

  —Grandpa, The Princess Bride

  Tibetans once used blocks of dried tea as money.

  FAMILIAR NAMES

  Some more people who have been immortalized by their names.

  Sylvester Graham (1794 –1851). The famous writer Ralph Waldo Emerson called Graham the “poet of bran meal and pumpkins.” Why? In his day, Graham was a health and fitness advocate who recommended vegetarianism. One of his favorite snacks was named in his honor: the graham cracker.

  Étienne de Silhouette (1709–1767). Before photography, having portraits made was expensive. So Silhouette, a French politician, made shadow portraits instead, “recommending them for their cheapness.” They were named after him as a mocking tribute to his stinginess.

  John Duns Scotus (1266–1308). In his time, Duns Scotus was a respected philosopher. But 200 years after his death, his followers, known as “Dunses,” were still holding onto his out-of-date ideas. More modern thinkers criticized them for their ignorance. Eventually Dunses became dunces.

  Samuel A. Maverick (1803–1870). Maverick was a Texas cattle baron who allowed some of his cows to roam free, without branding them first. His frustrated neighbors called these stray cows mavericks. The term came to include independent-minded people as well.

  Big name in art: Michelangelo’s last name: di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni.

  FEMALE PIRATES

  Why should men get to have all the fun?

  ANNE BONNEY & MARY READ

  Anne Bonney was the sweetheart of pirate captain “Calico Jack” Rackham. She fought in men’s clothing, had a fiery temper, and could handle a cutlass and pistol as well as any man. She often led the boarding parties during a raid.

  In 1718 a tough new sailor came aboard Calico Jack’s stolen ship, William, while he and Anne were raiding the Carolinas. Bonney took a fancy to the new guy but was dismayed to find out that the “guy” was actually a girl named Mary Read. But they soon became friends and, along with Jack and his crew, raided ships on the Caribbean Sea for several years.

  It all came to an end in 1720 when Jack’s ship was taken by surprise while captain and crew were passed out drunk in the hold. Mary and Anne tried to rally the men to fight, but it was no use—all the men were captured and sentenced to death, but the women were granted stays of execution.

  Anne visited Calico Jack before his hanging. “I’m sorry to see you here,” she told him, “but if you’d have fought like a man, you needn’t hang like a dog.”

  Mary Read died of a fever in jail. As for Anne Bonney, she was released and vanished from public record. No one ever heard of her again.

  Kid fact: Girls’ hearts beat faster than boys’ hearts.

  MAGGOTS

  They’re not just for breakfast anymore…

  GROSS QUIZ

  Question: What’s white or yellow, looks like a little worm, and eats garbage, rotting flesh, and animal poop? Answer: A maggot.

  So what exactly is a maggot? It’s a baby fly.

  The mama fly looks for some moist, warm (usually rotten), organic matter. When she finds it, she lays her eggs in it. Then the little babies hatch, shed their skin, and turn into light-colored, half-inch-long wormy creatures that will eat anything that’s organic and rotten—the smellier and more putrefied, the better. They are nature’s little garbage disposals.

  HEY, WE’RE THE GOOD GUYS!

  Maggots break down all the dead, rotten, stinky, gross, putrid stuff in the world. They eat the poop in outhouses. They eat the rotting food and other refuse at garbage dumps. They chow down on dead animals by the side of the road. This makes them good guys. Why? They’re an important part of the natural ecosystem: they help to break down the world’s organic garbage so it can be absorbed back into the soil.

  But maggots eat not only the rotting flesh of dead animals, but also the rotting flesh on live animals—including humans.

  No wonder they smell: Slugs have four noses.

  In the 1500s, French army doctors noticed that soldiers whose wounds were infested with maggots (eww!) healed faster and better than those without maggots. That started the use of maggot therapy. For hundreds of years after that, doctors all over the world actually put maggots in people’s wounds—on purpose! They didn’t understand it, they just knew it helped. Then, in the 1940s, antibiotics and other medicines were invented and maggot therapy disappeared. But not for long…

  WE’RE BACK!

  In the late 1980s, researchers found a reason to begin testing maggot therapy again: antibiotics don’t work for all patients. For example, Dr. Ronald Sherman in California had a patient with terrible bedsores that wouldn’t heal. The patient’s body was actually beginning to rot. Out of options and with nothing to lose, Dr. Sherman decided to give maggot therapy a try. He put 8,000 eggs into the sores and waited for them to hatch. When the maggots were born, they ate all the rotting flesh—but no live flesh. It worked…and the patient was healed!

  Further research has found that the maggots actually eat bacteria, too. They “clean” the wounds and the patients heal faster. They are especially good for treating bone infections, burns, and bed sores.

  Today there are more than 1,000 clinics around the world that regularly use maggot therapy, as well as plenty of “maggot farmers” selling specially raised sterile maggots. Cheers to the maggots!

  Goodnight, Shorty! People are taller in the morning than they are at night.

  KID ARTISTS

  Imagine someone looking at one of your paintings and comparing it to a famous artist. It can happen! Here are three kids who became famous artists…before they even graduated from high school.

  Artist: Alexandra Nechita

  Her Story: Alexandra was born in Romania in 1985, then moved to the United States with her parents when she
was two. Little Alex was obsessed with coloring books—so much so that her parents worried she wasn’t playing enough. They stopped buying them for her, but that didn’t stop Alexandra. She started drawing on any scrap of paper she could get her hands on. And when she was four, she began making her own coloring books.

  When she was eight years old, Alexandra had her first solo art exhibition. Three years later, at just 11, she had become one of the most recognized artists in the world. She paints in a style called Cubism, which often shows a subject as a geometric form seen from many different angles. By the age of 15, Alexandra had achieved something most artists never do: she had earned more than $1 million. (Her work sells for $50,000 a painting.)

  Pablo Picasso could draw before he could talk. His first word: lápiz—Spanish for “pencil.”

  Alexandra wants to help other kids get into art, too. When recent budget cuts meant the end of art programs in many public schools, she started her own program, filling boxes with art supplies and donating them to schools. She calls it “Art in a Box.” So far, Alexandra has given more than $40,000 worth of art supplies to schools in need.

  Alexandra Says: Always believe in yourself. Feel free and never be afraid, because fear robs you of your powers and passions.

  Artist: Georgie Pocheptsov

  His Story: Georgie was born in Philadelphia in 1992. At the very young age of 18 months, when most kids are still learning to talk, he began teaching himself to draw. He quickly went beyond scribbles and stick figures to animals, imaginary creatures, landscapes, flowers, and portraits of his grandparents. Georgie’s whimsical style has been compared to that of Pablo Picasso or Marc Chagall, but this young artist has never had an art lesson in his life. He has already sold more than 100 of his paintings, some for as much as $20,000!

  Georgie Says: You can be anything you want. If you give up, you’ll never be what you want to be, and if you don’t give up, you will.

  Artist: Beso Kazaishvili

  His Story: When Beso was born in 1986, his homeland, the Republic of Georgia, was in the middle of a terrible civil war. He began drawing when he was four years old, using burnt matchsticks. His artwork reflects the trauma of his childhood: It is full of haunting images of eyes and faces, and is painted in a style that reminds many people of the work of Spanish surrealist painter Salvador Dali.

  The oldest known map, a stone tablet from Anatolia (Turkey), dates from 6200 B.C.

  At his first U.S. exhibition, held in California in 1998, Beso sold all of his paintings in the first half hour—33 pieces at an average price of $13,000 each! But young Beso isn’t just interested in money—he is an artist with a mission. He paints so that “people will be kind to each other, so there will be no more war.”

  Beso Says: Kids are like flowers…they close their petals and hide away when their world is full of darkness. When there is peace and love in their world, they open their petals and flood the Earth with beauty.

  Every 60 seconds, 100 people die and 240 are born.

  CHANGELINGS

  Most games require opponents. Here’s one you can play all by yourself.

  Object of the Game: To transform one word into another in as few steps as possible.

  How to Play: Think of two contrasting words of equal length and write them down on a piece of paper. Now, transform the first word into the other word, changing only one letter at a time. You must create a new word with each change each time. For example:

  Dog into Cat: Boy into Man:

  dog boy

  cog toy

  cot ton

  cat tan

  man

  This was a favorite game of Lewis Carroll, who wrote Alice in Wonderland. Just for fun, practice on these three Changeling challenges by Carroll—see if you can beat him.

  1. Turn Poor into Rich in 6 steps.

  2. Drive Pig into Sty in 5 steps.

  3. Change Tears into Smile in 6 steps.

  Answers are on page 284.

  Cool thought: If it’s 0°F today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

  THE ALCHEMIST

  In the first Harry Potter book, J. K. Rowling writes about a strange character named Nicolas Flamel. But did you know there was a real Nicolas Flamel? Here’s his story.

  REAL WIZARDS

  A thousand years ago, alchemists were regarded as the leading scientific thinkers. They were the world’s first chemists, carefully mixing liquids and testing metals to discover how things worked. They are often depicted as looking like wizards, with white beards and long robes, mixing magical potions. And most of them had one goal: to find the philosopher’s stone.

  A MAGICAL SUBSTANCE

  What was the philosopher’s stone? A giant rock where philosophers sat? A stone tablet with carved instructions? Actually, it wasn’t a stone at all, but a magical powder. Taken as medicine it could miraculously cure illnesses and even give you eternal life. And not only that, the philosopher’s stone held the secret to trans-mutation: it could magically turn any metal into gold! Alchemists thought that if they could just find the right “recipe,” they could make this magical substance themselves.

  So did anyone succeed in creating the philosopher’s stone? As far as we know—no. However, some people believe that at least one person did—the French alchemist, Nicolas Flamel.

  The average (hic!) bout of (hic!) hiccups lasts five (hic!) minutes.

  A MYSTERIOUS BOOK

  Nicolas Flamel’s story begins in 1357 when he bought a very old, very large book in Paris. It was an unusual volume with strange drawings and engravings on its copper cover. Inside the book were 21 pages made of birch bark. Written on the first page in gold letters was the greeting: “Abraham the Jew, Priest, Prince, Levite, Astrologer, and Philosopher to the nation of the Jews dispersed by the wrath of God in France, wishes health.” This prompted Flamel to call the rare volume The Book of Abraham the Jew.

  The second page warned that only a priest or a scribe was allowed to read further—anyone else would be cursed! In the days before printing presses, a scribe was a person who copied books by hand so other people could read them. Nicolas Flamel just happened to be working as a scribe at the time, so he felt he could ignore the warnings…and read the book!

  What did he find on the rest of the pages? Instructions for turning metal into gold—in other words, the philosopher’s stone! The instructions seemed very easy to follow, except that one key piece of information was missing. The book neglected to tell the reader what kind of metal could be turned to gold.

  World’s largest city: Tokyo. More than 18 million people live there.

  MYSTERIOUS IMAGES

  The book had many illustrations, but Flamel didn’t know how to interpret them. One picture was of a young man with wings on his ankles who looked like the Roman messenger god, Mercury. Flying at him was an old man with an hourglass on his head and a scythe in his hands. Another picture was a rose bush in bloom leaning against a hollow oak tree.

  Flamel showed the pictures to other people, but no one could understand them. For the next 21 years he tried to decipher the book—with no luck. At last his wife, Pernelle, suggested he try a different approach. Since it was a Jewish man who wrote the book, she said, Flamel should seek the advice of a learned Jewish scholar.

  Flamel took his wife’s advice and went on a long journey to find someone to help him. In Spain he met a Jewish man called Master Canches, who actually knew of the book and helped him interpret most of the pictures in it. Unfortunately, Canches died before they finished the book.

  SUCCESS!

  Three more years of trial and error followed. On January 18, 1382, Flamel wrote in his journal that at last he had turned mercury into silver. Three months later, he declared that he had successfully transmuted mercury to gold. “I may speak it with truth,” he wrote. “I have made it three times, with the help of Pernelle who understood it as well as I because she helped me in my operations.”

  Keep coloring: More than
5 billion crayons are produced each year.

  LOTS OF GOLD!

  Did Nicolas Flamel truly discover the philosopher’s stone? Did he really turn mercury into gold? No one knows for sure, but what historians do know is that Nicolas and Pernelle Flamel suddenly acquired a great deal of wealth. They founded and endowed 14 hospitals, 3 chapels, and 7 churches in Paris, and also gave to many charities. When Flamel died, he willed money and houses to even more churches and cathedrals, as well as a Paris hospital for the blind. His will, which he signed on November 22, 1416, still survives.

  IMMORTALITY?

  There are those who think that since Flamel discovered the secret of transmutation, he also must have discovered the secret of immortality. True believers think the Flamels went into hiding so that no one could steal the philosopher’s stone from them. They claim the Flamels faked their deaths, had logs buried in their graves in the cemetery, and ran off to Switzerland.

  Could they really still be alive? One thing is known for certain: their tomb is empty. Over the centuries—even into the 1900s—people have reported seeing Flamel and his wife in Switzerland, France, and India. If all of this is true, Nicolas and Pernelle might still be walking the streets of Paris today—very old and rich beyond belief—and all because of the philosopher’s stone.

  Does that mean slobs are smart? Albert Einstein was known for being messy.

  WEIRD NEWS

  These news stories are strange…but true!

  RALPH DID IT

  In April, 2004, a man in Bochum, Germany, called police to report $2,300 in damage to his car. It was covered in strange marks that wouldn’t wash off. What happened? According to neighbors, someone got sick and barfed out of an apartment window…right onto the car. What made the marks? Stomach acids—they ate right through the car’s paint.