Something shoved his shoulder. He looked over and found the horses gathering around the hole he and Lore had dug. Caleb stood and backed away to let them by. They had been good, faithful mounts, carrying them across the desert. They deserved a nice long drink.
He patted his white mare and smiled. ”There you go, girl. Enjoy the—” His hand froze.
Nierne stood a couple feet away, the rain pounding down on her. The water weighed down her hair until it curled just above her breasts, darkening it to a deep blood red. Her clothes clung to her body, showing how fully feminine she was: Short, curvy, and nothing like a stuffy scribe from Thyra.
Caleb looked away. His mouth was dry and his heart beat hard inside his chest. A memory surfaced. He was back in the Azar palace with Velyni. She shifted into Nierne, with nothing but smoke covering her body. Velyni had shown him what he most desired. And that desire still remained.
He wiped the water from his face, his back still to Nierne. He had a feeling she would not want him thinking of her that way. And for some reason, he cared about what she would think. He snorted at the thought. He couldn’t remember ever caring how a woman felt or what she thought. Actually, he couldn’t remember caring about what anyone thought. But now he cared.
He glanced back at Nierne again. Her head was tilted up, delight on her face. A picture of innocence. He kept his gaze on her face.
He knew then what he wanted. He wanted her. Not just her body, not just the physical, but all of her: Her heart, her mind, her trust. To know her fully. To be . . . worthy of her.
Was this bonding?
One woman for one life. That was the way of the Word. Months ago when he read that, he wasn’t sure he could ever do it. But now?
Nierne brushed her hair back from her face, the rain still falling around them. She spotted Caleb and smiled.
He slowly smiled back.
She walked toward him. “Wonderful, isn’t it?” She lifted her hands again and looked up at the sky. The rain began to taper off, but the sky still grumbled. “I never liked getting wet when I was a child, but after weeks trekking through sand, I have never felt anything so good.”
He didn’t answer. The ache inside his gut intensified. Yes, maybe he could bond with one woman.
Maybe he already had.
Chapter
23
Nierne held the cloak to her body and sat as close to the fire as she dared. The night was black like coal. No stars, no moon. Just darkness except for the small circle of light emitted from the fire Lore had built with dry driftwood he had found in between rocks and in small alcoves. The air was warm, but not hot, not like it had been crossing the Great Desert. Behind her the surf whooshed, but she could not see the waves in the darkness.
Nearby her clothes hung on a long stick Lore had procured and propped up between two other sticks. Caleb’s black pants and shirt hung alongside them. Lore’s clothes were draped across a log. All were steaming as the rainwater vanished from them.
Caleb sat to her right, wrapped up in his own blanket. Lore sat on the other side of the fire, carefully placing crabs upside down on large slabs of rock he had placed in the fire. The smell of crab began to fill the air.
Her stomach gurgled. She didn’t care much for crab, but she was hungry enough to eat it now. Caleb seemed to be watching Lore with interest.
“Almost done.” Lore pulled a smaller crab from the rock with two thin sticks and caught it on a piece of bark.
Caleb leaned even closer to Lore, his blanket falling from his shoulders. “How do you eat them?”
“First, twist off the legs and claws.”
“You eat the legs and claws?”
“The meat inside, yes.”
Caleb readjusted his blanket so that it was only wrapped around his middle. His attention was totally focused on Lore as Lore demonstrated how to open the crab and pull the meat out. The glow from the fire accentuated the curves of his muscles as he moved and pointed out his questions.
Nierne didn’t hear what the men said, her attention on Caleb.
She blushed and looked back at the fire, pulling her blanket tightly around her. Lore had no shirt on either, so why did Caleb’s bare form make her feel odd? Then again, she could barely see Lore over the fire, whereas Caleb was sitting only a foot away, with nothing—
She tore her thoughts away. Crackers, what was wrong with her? Father Karl had always said her curiosity would get her into trouble. She had lived with men almost her entire life, but the fathers and scribes wore long brown robes, revealing nothing. The only time she had seen a man undressed was when Caleb had emerged from the bathing rooms back in the Azar Palace with just a towel wrapped around his middle. Much like he looked now. And it was rekindling those strange feelings inside her, compelling her to look at him. Those urges of the flesh. Best to walk away until she could think clearly.
She stood.
Both men looked at her.
Caleb frowned. “Nierne, is something wrong?”
“No.” She turned and grabbed her clothes. They were dry enough. Surely she wouldn’t get sick from damp clothing, would she? Well, she didn’t care. She needed to get away. She pulled her shirt off the rack, then her pants, knocking Caleb’s clothing onto the sand in the process.
“I don’t think they’re dry yet.”
Nierne turned to find Caleb standing behind her, his hand holding the blanket in place around his middle. Really, the man had no concept of modesty.
“They’re fine. I’ll sit close to the fire.” The light from the bonfire brought his body into sharp relief. For one moment she wanted to reach out and touch his chest. Did his skin feel different than hers? She spun around. Time to go.
She started for the ledge they had first found when they arrived at the beach. The horses whinnied nearby in the darkness.
“Wait, Nierne!” Caleb grabbed her arm. “I don’t want to see you get sick again. Let them dry out. Wearing wet clothe—”
“I know.” She turned back. There was fear in his eyes. But . . . the Caleb she knew wasn’t afraid of anything. Lore had said something about Caleb staying with her during the desert fever. Did he worry she would succumb to a fever again? That thought struck a chord deep inside.
“I know,” she said again. She looked past him toward the fire. “But I . . . that is . . . I feel uncomfortable.”
Caleb frowned and touched her forehead.
She blinked in surprise.
“You don’t feel warm.”
“No, no, not sick.” Crackers! How did she explain to him that she needed to get away from him, in a nice way? That his half-clothed body was doing weird things to her? Her face flamed at her thoughts. “Look. I just need some quiet time. And getting dressed seemed like a good excuse.” There.
“Oh. Well why didn’t you say so?” He took a step back and gestured toward the dark beach. “Don’t wander too far.”
“I won’t.”
“I’ll be watching you.”
“Getting dressed?”
“Well, no.” A grin spread across his face. “I would suggest using the ledge back there for that.”
“I will.”
“Then go.”
“I’m going.” Nierne turned and headed toward the ledge again. Cheeky man. A couple weeks ago his comment would have made her blush or get mad. But she was learning to take his teasing. In fact—she smiled—she kind of liked it.
She reached the ledge and ducked underneath. Hardly any light from the fire reached inside. The clothes in her hand were fairly dry. Good. She dumped the cloak onto the sand and pulled on her clothing. She draped the cloak across her shoulders and walked out. Caleb had already returned to the fire, a black image against the flames. Nierne watched him for a moment, then turned her attention toward the ocean.
The soft whoosh of the hidden waves soothed her. She sat down a
nd listened. She could almost imagine the sound as wind rather than waves. Wind blowing through her window back at the Monastery on a cool spring night when clouds hid the moon and stars.
She sighed and brought her legs up to her chest. The closer they drew to Thyra, the more she thought about home. After being gone for over a year, what would she find? Were there any people left? Was the Monastery still there? What about Father Cris? Or Father Karl? Or even Simon? Was anyone she had known still alive?
And what did her future hold? She laid her chin on her arms. Would there even be an order left for her to take vows? She glanced back at the fire. Did she even want that life?
Nierne stayed on the beach, her thoughts drifting between past memories and various futures, some that involved Caleb somehow. After fifteen minutes, she stood and headed back to the fire. Caleb and Lore were laughing, and that brought a smile to her face. When Caleb and Lore had first met, she was sure one of them would kill the other. But something had broken through Lore’s chilly, bitter silence. Somewhere along their journey, he’d finally accepted Caleb.
“I can’t believe how good these crabs are.” Caleb held up a claw as Nierne took a seat again. “Hungry? There are plenty more.”
Her stomach gurgled and he laughed. Before she could answer, he passed over a whole crab. He had a tunic on now, but hadn’t tied the loops at the top, revealing his chest beneath. “You do know how to eat them, right?”
She nodded. “Yes, although they are not my favorite food.”
Caleb cracked the claw open with his dagger. “I’ve eaten a lot of things, but not crab. You don’t find a lot of seafood in Azar.”
Lore laughed. “I can’t imagine why,” he said with a wink. “As a child, whenever I visited the coast, my mother’s family would catch lots of crabs and eat them on the beach at sunset.”
Nierne cracked the crab leg. “Sounds like a nice childhood memory.”
Lore sighed, a smile still on his face. “Yes, it is.” He turned his attention back to Caleb. “So you’ve eaten other things. Like what?”
Caleb finished chewing and tossed the claw into the fire. “I learned to eat whatever I could, wherever I was. But that didn’t mean I liked it. Snake is pretty good—”
“Snake?” Nierne shuddered. Ugh.
“Why, yes.” He looked at her with a grin. “You’ve eaten it, too.”
“What?” She lowered her crab.
“What do you think you were eating during Balthazar’s feast?”
She thought back to that night, and the meat on the sticks. “Poultry?”
His grin grew even bigger. “And where would they have gotten the birds? But snakes, there are plenty of them in the desert.”
Suddenly she wasn’t so hungry. “I ate snake?”
“Yes.” Caleb grabbed another claw.
She held up the crab in her hand. “I ate snake.”
“Mmm-hmmm.” He cracked the claw open.
“Simon would never believe it.”
Caleb stopped. “Simon?”
“One of the scribes I grew up with. I was thinking about him tonight.”
He lowered his claw, his grin gone. Instead, a dark, serious look appeared on his face. “This Simon, do you miss him?”
“Well, yes. We arrived at the Monastery at about the same time when we were children and were both trained by Father Reth.”
“Is he still a scribe?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know if he is still alive.”
“Did he ever take his vows?”
Nierne frowned. Why did he care? Lore seemed to be watching both of them with a thoughtful expression. “Yes, he did, a couple months before I was to take mine.”
“Are you still planning on taking your vows?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if the Monastery is still standing, or if there is even an order left.”
“Would you ever consider a different kind of life, one apart from the Monastery?”
Nierne looked sharply at Caleb. His words reminded her of Father Reth’s question the night before he died. And her own thoughts just now on the beach. “I haven’t thought that far. Right now, my only goal is to reach Thyra.”
Caleb stared at her, his deadly gaze replacing the mirth from minutes ago. “Then let us reach Thyra and see what is left.”
Caleb’s words haunted Nierne as they traveled along the coast the next morning. What did he mean? Why did he want to see what was left of Thyra? And his aggressive attitude toward Simon. Caleb didn’t even know Simon! So why did he seem so hostile toward him? Almost like he was jealous of—
Her eyes went wide. She watched Caleb as he rode alongside Lore. Was he jealous of Simon? She frowned. But why? There was nothing between her and Simon, only friendship and camaraderie. Perhaps he thought there was more. But if he was jealous of a relationship between her and Simon, then could that mean–?
Crackers!
Caleb glanced back and waved.
Nierne stared at him, frozen in her saddle. He cocked his head to the side with a puzzled expression and pulled up on his reins.
Crackers, Caleb, not now.
He waited until her horse came up alongside his. A gentle, salty wind blew across his face, pushing his hair to the side. Lore kept on going ahead of them.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Nierne. Everything all right?”
“Oh, yes. Everything. Just Fine.” She kept her face forward.
“You’re lying.”
She scowled. “I am not.”
He narrowed his eyes.
“All right, yes I am.” Nothing escaped him. She bit her lip and stared at her reins. Could he be interested in her? How did people know? Perhaps if she had grown up like a normal woman, she would know when a man was interested in her. Instead, she grew up in a monastery where there were no such feelings, at least not openly expressed. And none of the fathers or other scribes were women.
“You look like you are trying to solve the Land’s greatest puzzle inside your head.”
“What?” She hadn’t realized she had been quiet for so long.
“What are you thinking about?”
Her cheeks grew hot. How did she answer that? That she was trying to figure out his feelings? And what that would mean to her, to her life? He was doing it again, that hard stare that made her feel like he could see her soul. “You can’t read minds, can you?”
Caleb sat back and laughed. “Why? Are you thinking thoughts you shouldn’t be?”
“No! I mean, that is, I’m trying to figure out—Oh crackers.”
He laughed even more. “Crackers? What is that? Wait”—he waved his hand— “Is that some kind of swear word for scribes?”
“No, it’s not a swear word . . .” Was it? Crackers. Oh . . .
“Well, whatever it is you’re thinking about, it seems bad enough to make you swear.” He smirked. “And that makes me curious.”
For one fleeting moment, she wanted to ask him what he thought of her. Get it over with. But if he said yes—because he never shied away from a straight answer—what would she say? Did she reciprocate his feelings? How would she answer him?
Her head began to throb right above her eyes. She rubbed the spot with her finger and thumb. How did things become so complicated so fast? Her life used to be simple. Transcribe scrolls, research old texts, put books away. She never had to examine her feelings. Feeling were a moot point in the Monastery. That’s the way it was supposed to be.
“It’s that bad?”
“Huh?”
“Your thoughts.”
Nierne gave her forehead one last rub. “They’re complicated.”
“Does it have to do with Thyra and how close we are?”
“Yes.” Partly.
“Are you having nightmares again?”
Nierne blinked.
“You know, the ones about the shadows.”
Oh. “No, although I’ve thought about them too.”
“Then what?”
Nierne sighed. “It’s something I’m not ready to talk about.” Probably never.
He stared at her, their horses slowing to a plod. “All right. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.”
Huh. Caleb would never have said something like that a couple months ago. He wouldn’t have cared. Life was easier back when he was cold. He was easier to deal with. But this new Caleb scared her. He could tear down her defenses faster than anything else.
He gave her one last look, then spurred his horse forward and caught up to Lore.
Nierne continued along behind them. Maybe Caleb was right. She should just focus on the task at hand. Reach Thyra and see what was left.
She could figure her life out later.
Chapter
24
“I found Senator Regessus.”
Rowen nodded, but didn’t look at Rory. He would see the guilt and hunger in her eyes. Ever since yesterday, a black maw had formed inside her chest, sucking in all life. And it wanted more. Lands, it wanted more.
He stood across the dining table, his hands splayed across the surface.
Rowen sat in one of the chairs, her body angled away from him. Nearby, the sun shone through the window, but its light was weak and pale, and it provided no warmth.
A single tear rolled down her cheek. Word, please help me. But He didn’t answer. Was she tainted now? She felt tainted. Tainted, dirty, unclean. Valin had forced his mind and power upon her, and she was soiled from it. Maybe that’s why the Word didn’t hear her.
“Will you help him?”
Rowen emerged from her dark thoughts. Rory didn’t flinch or step back. He looked at her, a pleading expression on his face. Perhaps he couldn’t see the stain on her soul.
Heir of Hope (Follower of the Word Book 3) Page 20