Vicious Cycle

by Terri Blackstock

  “I just wish it weren’t like this. Why is it that nothing ever turns out the way I think it will?”

  “How did you envision Emily’s graduation day?”

  She dabbed at her eyes. “I wanted to be happy. I wanted to just overflow with joy, like the father in the Prodigal Son story in the Bible. Kill the fatted calf, put a robe on Emily and a ring on her finger. I wanted her homecoming to be meaningful.”

  “What do killing the fatted calf and the robe look like today?”

  She sighed. “I don’t know. Making her favorite meal. Having a dinner with lots of laughter. Making her feel a little spoiled and pampered. Maybe taking her shopping for some new things that I can’t afford.”

  “All those things can still happen. If we get Lance out tomorrow, you can still do that tomorrow night.”

  She rubbed her neck. It was getting stiff, and she ached clear down into the muscles of her lower back.

  “Come here,” Kent whispered. He pulled her down to the couch and began to massage the muscles of her shoulders and neck. She closed her eyes as he rubbed comfort into her, remembering when John used to do this for her. It was so long ago she’d almost forgotten. Long before his cancer and her role as caretaker.

  She loved being taken care of. “That feels like heaven.”

  His eyes were soft as he met hers. “To me too.”

  As he kneaded her muscles, she took his hands, stopping him. “I like having you here,” she said. “I know you need to go home tomorrow. You have a job to get back to. But this has been nice, in spite of everything.”

  He brought her hand to his lips. “I’m not leaving tomorrow,” he said. “I’m going to stay until Lance is out for sure, and if you’ll let me, I’d still like to go to the graduation.”

  “But you’re missing work. I feel so selfish.”

  “Stop. Having you call is the nicest thing that’s happened to me in weeks. Usually when I visit, I have the sense that I’m pressuring you. Like, because I’m here, you have to hang out with me.”

  “What? I love it when you visit.”

  “It’s not always that easy to tell.”

  She looked at him, stricken. Had he really believed she wasn’t interested in him? All this time, she’d tried so hard not to read too much into things or expect anything from him. The kids complicated her life, and she didn’t want to assume he would want to share the craziness with her. But for him not to see the adoration in her eyes … “Kent, you make my life so much better.”

  Their eyes locked, and her heart betrayed her. It led her down a path that her head knew not to go down. But as he moved closer, as his lips grazed hers, her head wasn’t in control.

  She lost herself in the possibilities implied in his kiss. Maybe there was a chance for them. Maybe God had set it up. Maybe distance was not an insurmountable problem.

  Suddenly the doorbell rang. They jumped apart, and she stared at him for a moment. “I don’t know who that could be.”

  He sat up straighter. “Well, let’s see.”

  She went to the door, turned on the porch light, and looked out the window. It was Charlotte, with Linda, from her support group. She opened the door. “Hey!” she said too brightly. “I didn’t expect to see you.”

  “We wanted to help you with food for the next couple of days,” Charlotte said. As the two stepped inside, Barbara looked at her sick friend. She looked pale, and she wore a ski cap that covered her thinning hair. Her hands trembled as she held her casserole dish, so Barbara took it from her hands.

  Kent got up and came to meet them.

  “Kent, these are my dear friends, Charlotte and Linda, from my support group.”

  Kent greeted them, and Barbara didn’t miss the surprised grins on both of their faces. She updated them on all that was going on, and before she knew it, they had taken over the decorating and had the house looking like a party zone. They even made a banner for Lance’s room, welcoming him back home as well.

  Their very presence made the night seem less heavy, and she enjoyed seeing how Kent interacted with them. They liked him, and neither could wipe the smile off their faces. She knew she’d never hear the end of it.

  By the time Kent left for the hotel, her spirits had lifted. She could do this, she thought. God had sent her comfort and support. She wasn’t alone.

  Chapter 30

  Monday morning came with a blaring alarm, jolting Barbara from a nightmare. Sleep had been challenging, and when it finally came, it had been riddled with dreams of Lance and Emily in Jordan’s condition, bruised and swollen, lying limp on a motel bed.

  But they weren’t in that condition. They were healthy and whole.

  Apparently, Maureen hadn’t left the hospital before Karen’s shift was over, and Lance had been forced to spend another night in jail. She hoped he was still in lockdown. His arraignment was sometime this morning, so she shook away her fatigue and got ready. She had to be there at nine and wait through all the cases until they got to Lance. Emily’s graduation was at one, so they might be cutting it close. She refused to consider the possibility that the judge wouldn’t let Lance out today.

  Kent met her at the courthouse and sat beside her as all the felony and misdemeanor cases were heard. She fidgeted through cases of DUIs and domestic violence, shoplifting, and drug possession. Judge Hathaway seemed terse and irritable as he set bond on each case quickly, uninterested in explanations or excuses.

  When those in street clothes had all been heard, they brought in the inmates, still in their prison clothes. When Lance came in, dressed in an orange jumpsuit, Barbara burst into tears. He looked at her with round, pleading eyes. “Mom,” he mouthed.

  She gave him a reassuring nod. If John, her husband, had a glimpse from heaven, he would be ashamed that she had let their lives get so out of control. The sight of her son in prison garb almost sent her over the edge.

  Kent took her hand, and she fought her way back from the land of regrets and remembered that this was not Lance’s fault. His life had not spiraled out of control. This was just a glitch—and they would solve it soon.

  When the judge called Lance’s name, Barbara sprang up and went to the small wall separating the gallery from the bench. She hoped he remembered what she’d told him the night Lance was arrested.

  “You’re his mother, right?” the judge asked her.

  “Yes sir,” she said.

  He waved her in. “Come on up.”

  She stepped through the small door and hugged Lance as he went to stand before the judge. He looked so young, so vulnerable. But he had no cuts or bruises. The lockdown had kept him safe.

  Gus joined them at the front.

  “Lance,” the judge said, “I’ve looked at your case, and it appears that you’ve been charged with kidnapping of an infant. Is that right?”

  “Yes sir, but I didn’t do it.”

  “This is not the time to plead your case,” he said. “I’m just here to set your court date.”

  “Your honor,” Gus cut in, “we’re asking that you let him out on bond. He’s a minor. He doesn’t have transportation. It’s not likely that he’s going to flee.”

  The judge read the file through reading glasses perched on his nose. “All right, then, I’m setting your bond at fifty thousand dollars. Lance, if you get someone to post bond and you don’t show up in court, they’ll lose that money. Do you understand?”

  “Yes sir.”

  He looked at Barbara. “His court date is set for December 21. At that time he’ll have a preliminary hearing, where he can enter a plea.”

  Barbara nodded. “But, sir, I don’t have fifty thousand dollars.”

  Gus put his arm around her shoulders. “You’ll only have to pay the bondsman ten percent,” he whispered.

  “Oh, okay.”

  Lance fell into his mother’s arms and she held him as they both wept. Finally, as he was taken to process his release, they told her she could pick him up at the jail.

  When she and Kent we
re back in the car, Barbara finally relaxed. “Now we have time to get Lance cleaned up and go to the graduation. I’ll have my family together tonight after all.”

  Kent smiled. “And at least we have some breathing room while we wait for Jordan to tell the truth.”

  “She has to do it soon,” she said. “I want this whole thing to go away before Lance has to be back in court.”

  Chapter 31

  Barbara found a bail bondsman in the yellow pages who agreed to meet her at the jail. When she arrived, Barbara was stunned to see that she was a little old lady who looked like she’d just come from a church luncheon. Kent followed Barbara into a stairwell outside the jail office and listened as the woman went over the conditions of the bond. “I need $5,000 now from you,” she said.

  Barbara dug in her purse. “I can put it on a credit card, right?”

  “No, hon. I’m afraid I need cash.”

  “Oh.” Her heart sank. She didn’t have five thousand cash.

  Kent touched her hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got this.”

  Barbara frowned at him. “Kent, no! I can’t take it from you. I can try to get a bank loan.”

  “You can pay me back,” he insisted. “Besides, as soon as Jordan tells the truth, we’ll get our money back.”

  Barbara turned to the bondswoman. “Is that true? If the charges are dropped, you’ll refund the money?”

  “Most of it. All but my fee.”

  How had she gotten into this? Borrowing money from Kent was way over the line. But if she wanted to get Lance out today she had no choice.

  She sat with the bondswoman, going over the paperwork while Kent ran out to a bank and came back with the cash. While they waited for Lance to be released, others began to show up to get their loved ones out.

  Some of them stared at her, probably because she didn’t look like a mom whose child was in jail, but she had learned over the last couple of years that it could happen to any parent.

  Finally, the door to the jail area opened and Lance shot out. “Mom!”

  She sprang up and opened her arms, and he threw his arms around her. He’d dressed back in the clothes he’d been arrested in, but he looked rumpled and pale. “I can’t believe I’m out. I thought I’d have to stay there.” He pulled out of her arms and gave Kent a hug. “Kent, I saw you in the courtroom. What are you doing here?”

  “It’s good to see you, kiddo. Your mother called me.”

  “They put me in stupid lockdown. I didn’t even do anything.”

  “That was my fault,” Kent said. “They were doing me a favor. It was my way of keeping you safe.”

  “To lock me up? It might as well have been a cage. I didn’t even have a blanket. Just a piece of foam rubber and a metal bench. It was freezing in there and — ”

  “Honey, just say thank you.”

  Lance paused and studied Kent. “Thanks. I wish I’d known, though. I spent all weekend upset that I was being punished in the worst possible way.” He turned back to his mother. “Did you talk to Jordan?”

  “She’s in the hospital, but she hasn’t changed her story.”

  “Then let’s go talk to her now.”

  “You can’t,” Kent said. “Stay away from her, Lance. That’s important. Remember, you’re not off the hook. You’re still charged with kidnapping her child. You can’t show up anywhere near the hospital.”

  “Then how can we talk her out of this?”

  “I’ll go back and see her after the graduation,” Barbara said. “But right now, we’ve got to go home and get ready. It’s Emily’s big day.”

  Lance brooded as they drove home, but Barbara smudged her tears and thanked God that she had her child out of jail.

  Chapter 32

  The graduation was for Emily and another girl who’d checked herself in the same day as Emily, a year ago. Barbara, Kent, and Lance sat on the front row with the other family, wiping tears as Emily spoke about what the year had meant to her and how it had given her the tools to start a new life. Barbara laughed out of sheer joy as Emily accepted several certificates — for reading the entire Bible, for quitting smoking, for being a mentor to some of the younger girls.

  The director spoke about all the changes she’d seen in Emily’s life and gave her a reminder from Romans 12. “Therefore I urge you, my sweet sister, by the mercies of God, to present your body as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

  As Emily said good-bye to all her friends and packed her things into the car, Barbara had a good cry. She hoped this era of Emily’s life was completely behind her, and that they could move on to a brighter future for both of her children.

  On the way home, Emily was in a good mood. “So how was the Big House?” she asked Lance, like he’d been on a field trip for school.

  He didn’t find that amusing. “A thrill a minute. What do you think?”

  “And was lockdown all it’s cracked up to be?”

  “Lonely, cold, miserable?” he asked. “Yeah, everything I dreamed of.”

  She laughed. “And here I thought I was the only black sheep in the family. I never thought I’d see the day you’d end up in the slammer.”

  “Me either,” Lance said. “Especially when I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “You did something wrong, all right. Driving my car without a license. They should have kept you there for car theft.”

  “Emily!” Barbara said.

  Emily laughed. “I’m just kidding, Mom. But come on, you are gonna punish him, aren’t you?”

  “I think a weekend in jail was punishment enough.”

  “Seriously, Lance, if you do anything stupid like that again, you’re gonna be in a lot more trouble, because you’ve already got this hanging over your head. You drive my car, and I’ll turn you in myself.”

  “You’re the one who told me to talk to her.”

  Barbara looked back over the seat. “Did you, Emily?”

  “Yes, but I didn’t expect him to get in my car and drive over there. I thought maybe he’d heard of the phone.”

  Kent laughed. “You guys are a hoot. I just realized I’ve never been around all of you together when you’re not in a crisis.”

  “Hey, I’m in a crisis,” Lance said.

  “I’m just saying … It’s fun to see everybody happy.”

  Emily smiled, but Barbara sensed a wall between her and Kent. Emily hadn’t expected him to be at the graduation. She’d acted happy to see him, but it would take time for them to feel comfortable with each other.

  “Well, we’re going to get happier,” Emily said. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll take care of things today.”

  Barbara frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean I’ll go to the hospital to talk to Jordan. We’re good friends now. She’ll listen to me.”

  “I don’t know, Emily. That’s probably not a good idea. You just got out.”

  “Mom, are you seriously gonna let her keep saying Lance tried to steal her baby?”

  “No, not if we can prevent it. But I’ll go myself.”

  “Her mother won’t let you in. It has to be me. If Lance can’t go, I’m the next best thing.”

  Lance leaned up against the back of Barbara’s seat. “She’s right, Mom. Let her go.”

  Barbara sighed. “All right, but I’m going with you. If her mother is still there, we’re out of luck. She won’t let either of us anywhere near Jordan.”

  “Her mother won’t be there,” Lance said. “No way she’d sit by Jordan’s side like you would with us. She’ll have to go out for a fix. And I almost forgot since lockdown kind of messed with my head, but when I was in the holding cell the other day, there were some dudes who told me that there’s a guy in the hood who finds pregnant, addicted girls and offers to give them cash for
their babies.”

  Kent turned around. “Did they say who it is?”

  “No. But it sounds like there are other babies being sold. They pick addicts because they know they’ll do anything for drug money.”

  Kent stared at him. “That’s baby trafficking.”

  “What do they do with the babies?”

  Kent shook his head. “It could be just black market adoptions — finding babies for a high fee. Or it could be something really evil.”

  “Like what?” Lance asked.

  Kent swallowed and met Barbara’s eyes. “I don’t know. But I’ll look into it.”

  Quiet settled over the car for a minute as that sank in. Finally, Emily broke the silence. “Don’t worry, Mom. We’ll get her to tell the truth.”

  Chapter 33

  A whole year. Emily felt the lost days as she stepped back into her bedroom. Posters welcoming her home hung over the bed and across her wall.

  Everything was organized and neat. Her mother had cleaned it up. Emily was sure that the last time she’d had an overnight pass, a month ago, she’d left her bed unmade and clothes over the chair. But that was a far cry from the way she’d kept it a year ago, when she’d been at the height of her drug use.

  The furniture in her room hadn’t been changed or moved, and the comforter and curtains were the same. But the absence of chaos and grime made it look unfamiliar and alien. She thought of how far she’d come. But was it far enough?

  The phone sat beside her bed, plugged into the wall. She lowered to the bed and picked it up. But who could she call? Not Paige, her former best friend. Paige was still deep into her addictions. Everyone else in her circle of friends was still ruining their lives. She had nothing in common with them now, and New Day had spent months drilling into her head how dangerous those old friends were to her sobriety.

  But loneliness would consume her after a year surrounded constantly by other girls. She’d complained that she had no privacy, sharing her room with three other girls and standing in line for one bathroom. But the friendships had been good medicine.