by Sandy James
Ix Chel understood and had promised to honor her decision. Sending Zach away would be the hardest thing Gina would ever have to do, but knowing he would be safe would force her to endure the agony. But the wound would never, ever heal.
Oh, how she loved him.
Tracing his jaw with her fingertip, she wished they could make love. She wished she could bare her heart to him the way she had when she thought Helen was going to end both their lives. She wished she could hold him close and feel his body move inside her one more time.
A tear fell from the corner of her eye. She didn’t try to brush it away. Zach was so deeply asleep, he’d never see her weakness. For once, she wouldn’t be the girl who hid all she felt and try to put on a brave front. Another tear formed. Then another.
Gina’s whole life had been spent saying goodbye to the people and the places she loved. This parting shouldn’t have been any different.
But it was.
Zach was her mate. To save him, she was going to have to let him go.
How in God’s name could she ever watch him leave?
“Stop it,” she whispered, wiping away the tears that just wouldn’t end.
“Stop what?”
She closed her eyes, not wanting him to see what was in her heart. “Nothing.”
“I feel like shit.” Zach flopped to his back. His groan was loud enough to have awakened Sarita in her distant cabin.
“Me, too.”
He rolled to face her again. “What’s wrong, love?”
As if she could answer that honestly.
“Gina?”
A shimmer of light brought Ix Chel to stand at the foot of the big bed.
Zach saluted her by slowly sitting up and thumping his chest with his fist. “Ow.”
Gina sat up and locked gazes with her goddess.
Ix Chel’s dark eyes searched for an answer.
As more tears gathered in her eyes, Gina gave Ix Chel a brusque nod. She couldn’t choke out a single word for fear of blubbering like a baby.
Ix Chel returned the nod, but her replying sigh seemed almost human. “I do not think it wise to put this chance at happiness aside, but so it shall be.”
Zach’s gaze shot first to Ix Chel and then to Gina. He frowned, looking so angry and confused that Gina’s heart sank. “What are you two talking about?”
She owed him the truth and guessed he already knew her answer. “You’re going back to San Francisco.”
The hand that was reaching out to touch her cheek froze. Then it dropped back to his lap as his frown turned blistering.
Choking back the threatening tears, she tried to make him understand why she’d made the gut-wrenching choice. “It’ll be okay. Ix Chel will take the binding power away from you. We’ll let the magical world know you’re nothing but a civilian again. And you—you won’t remember—any of this. Or—or—me.” The last word was a hoarse whisper.
“You think I could ever forget you?”
“Ix Chel will wipe your mind clean.”
“My mind might be wiped clean, but my heart would remember.”
This wasn’t playing out at all the way she’d seen it in her head. He was supposed to understand. He was supposed to give her some credit for wanting to protect him. He was supposed to not make this harder on her than it already was.
What he wasn’t supposed to do was say something so romantic it practically ripped her heart from her chest.
How stupid and horribly naïve her assumptions had been. Had the tables been turned, she would have been furious with Zach for making a choice this important without consulting her.
“I don’t want her to take away my power, and I sure as fuck don’t want to forget you.” His voice was harsh.
A shuddering sigh fell from her lips. “You don’t understand, Zach.”
“The hell I don’t.”
She took exception to his icy tone. “I mean it—you don’t understand. You were there once, and you almost died. That’s what I face almost every damn day. How could you want to be a part of this? How could you think I could watch you—” A sob choked off her words.
“I want to be a part of this because it’s where you are. Because it’s what you are.”
She replied with a shake of her head. He didn’t mean it. Yes, he loved her. She’d reluctantly accepted that miracle. But loving her shouldn’t have to mean paying with his life.
“Gina, you don’t get to decide for me.”
“Yes, I do.”
Ix Chel’s gaze had never left the couple. “Perhaps, you should discuss this before anything...permanent is done,” she said in a calm and assuring voice that Gina didn’t care to hear at such an emotionally volatile moment.
“There’s nothing to discuss.” Gina reached for Zach’s hand with both of hers. “I—I—” The words wouldn’t come.
He snatched his hand back, making her heart clench.
“I’m not a child, Gina. I decide what happens in my life.”
“But—”
His eyes darkened. “You’re a coward.”
Sore or not, she bristled and straightened her spine. “I’m not a coward.”
“Gina, my child,” Ix Chel’s voice broke through Gina’s armor. “You need some time to consider this carefully. I shall return to you soon.” She leveled a motherly glare at her. “I will not ask you to set aside the lessons of the past, but what is to come will come. You cannot avoid destiny. All you can do is live each day to its fullest and not close your heart to love because of the possibility that love can cause you pain.”
On those prophetic words, she shimmered out of the cabin.
The silence hung between them for a good long while. Gina wanted to believe Zach belonged with her and desperately wanted to think her goddess had been trying to tell her so. But the image of Zach, lying there helpless and waiting for Sekhmet to—
“Stop.” His command was harsh, tugging her out of the macabre memory. A warm hand caressed her cheek. “Just stop. I know what you’re feeling.”
With a hard swallow, she shook her head. He didn’t understand anything. He didn’t know how much she loved him or how losing him would kill her.
He leaned in to press a kiss to her lips.
She didn’t fight it, but she didn’t kiss him back. Maybe if she pretended she didn’t care...
“Damn it all. You won’t give me a chance. I want to stay here, Gina. I want to work with the Amazons and help keep people safe. I want to be your husband.”
With a choked sob, she flew from the bed. Hardly a jump worthy of her, but her body was still too weary to obey her commands. She had to get away from him, unable to bear hearing any more words of love or to dream that all he said might actually be true.
Her legs felt as if they were weighted with lead, but she stumbled down the stairs of her cabin and tried to cross the compound, wanting to run to the woods and hide on her tower.
Zach was right.
She was a coward.
“Stop!” His voice pierced the air. “I mean it, Gina, stop. You’re not running away from this.”
Glancing over her shoulder, she tried to gauge whether she could beat him to the woods. It would be close. Damned close. She tried to put on more speed, but as she reached the side of the lodge, she turned back to see where she was going and suddenly ran into a stone wall.
The wall turned out to be Artair MacKay.
Shit.
Now one of her Sentinels was going to poke his nose into the whole messy situation. Worse, Rebecca, Megan, Sarita and Johann were also coming out of the lodge. Damn it all if Jory and Richard weren’t heading over from where they’d been sparring in the sand pit.
Great. An audience.
“What’s going on?” Rebecca asked in that Guardian voice that always made Gina feel safe.
This time it made her feel naughty. She’d been caught scurrying away like a frightened rabbit.
Still rubbing her sore nose and wondering if she’d broken it, Gina frowned. “Y
ou’re made of stone, Artair.”
“’Tis good of you to notice,” came his typically arrogant reply.
Zach had been chasing her, but now he limped up to the building.
Gina felt terrible. She was an Amazon, damn it. An Amazon never ran from a fight, even if winning the fight would crush her heart.
“I asked you what was going on, Gina.” The voice of the Guardian was now as harsh as a Sentinel’s.
“She thinks she’s sending me back,” Zach replied. He came to a stop in front of her. His stare was accusing, but she could hear a catch in his voice that brought fresh tears to her eyes.
“I have to. Don’t you see? I can’t—I can’t—” She took a deep breath that didn’t do much to calm her racing heart. “Please, Zach. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
“Damn right, I’m gonna make it hard. In fact, I’m gonna make it impossible. I’m not going anywhere, Gina. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever.”
Gina tried calling in reinforcements. “Tell him,” she begged her sisters, pointing an accusing finger at Zach. “Tell him I’m doing this for his own good.”
All three Amazons shook their heads.
She tried another tack. “Artair?”
The Scot’s face was as hard as his chest. “Nay, lass. You’re making a foolish choice based on nothing but fear.”
“Damned right, I’m afraid,” she shot back. “Zach could have—he could have—Why don’t you understand? I have to protect him.”
“He can handle himself in a fight.” That surprising support came from Richard.
“That’s not what you used to say,” Gina insisted.
He shrugged. “What can I say? He saved the day. Kinda speaks for itself.”
“Rebecca, please,” Gina pleaded. “Help me keep Zach safe.”
Rebecca shook her head. “It’s not easy on any of us. I hate that Artair’s a Sentinel. Megan feels the same way about Johann.”
“Zach’s different.”
“How?” Megan asked. “Johann and Artair are probably weaker than Zach. They don’t have the power to stop an Ancient in his tracks. Zach does.”
She let her sisters’ words sink in.
Johann laughed. “Zach, you’re the one who should be begging to go back. You’ve got no idea what it’s like loving an Amazon. She’ll make you crazy.”
Zach grinned. “Too late.”
“Look, Gina,” Johann continued, “he accepted the power, and probably not just because he felt guilty about Sekhmet getting his Toy. He wants to stay with you. Why are you fighting him so hard?”
She shook her head. Baring her heart was next to impossible.
“You’re afraid he’ll leave you,” Sarita interrupted. “You’re afraid you’ll be alone again. Every time you made a friend, your Aunt Carla always moved. You want to leave Zach behind before he can have the chance to leave you.”
Megan nodded. “It’s easier for you to make him leave now. That way you have all the control.”
“Quit ganging up on me!”
“We’re not ganging up on you.” Rebecca gave Gina’s arm a squeeze. “We’re trying to keep you from making a stupid mistake. You think all of your sisters don’t feel how much you love him?”
She shuddered with a sigh that came out more of a sob. “I can’t...lose him.”
“Then stop pushing me away.”
Fuck. Zach was right.
In all the time she’d known him, he’d always been there for her. He’d swallowed each and every magical thing they’d thrown at him, not running away in fear as some people might have done. Not once did he say he wanted to go home. Not once did he say his future would be back in San Francisco—back in the real world.
She was the one trying to force that choice on him—a choice he didn’t want. So long as she accepted him, Zach would be there.
All she had to do was let him in.
Gina turned to Zach, not hiding her feelings anymore. Tears spilled down her cheeks. When he opened his welcoming arms, she threw herself against him hard enough his breath left in a loud grunt.
She tucked her face against his neck. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” His hands rubbed her back. “You don’t think it terrifies me that you’ll be fighting all the time?”
She hadn’t thought about that.
“I trust you to do what you have to do,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion.
“Like I trust Megan,” Johann said.
“And I trust Rebecca,” Artair added.
Gina hugged him tighter, letting hope fill her spirit. “You’ll have to learn how to protect yourself. Demons and demigs fight dirty.”
“I’ll learn.”
“And you’ll have to study up on gods and goddesses. Lots of names.”
“I’ll learn that, too. Photographic memory, remember?”
“What about your mom? What about Jenny?”
Looking to Artair, Zach arched an eyebrow.
“I can be sure they know yer safe and ease the pain of yer absence. ‘Twill be as though you are on an extended special assignment for the good of yer country.”
Gina still wasn’t satisfied. “And you’ll have to—”
Zach stopped her with a kiss, a little longer and deeper than was probably proper with everyone gawking at them. When he pulled away, he stared into her eyes. “You might as well get used to it. I’m staying with you.”
Gina stroked his cheek, then touched her crescent moon earring. “Ix Chel?”
Her goddess appeared at her side. “Have you decided if the wise man will stay?”
“He’ll stay.”
The goddess smiled. “So be it.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“The sun’s already set.” Sarita adjusted the wreath of flowers she’d set like a crown on Gina’s head. “We need to go.”
Gina let her sister fuss over her although her patience had run out over an hour ago. She and Zach should’ve just popped into Vegas or said their vows before one of the goddesses.
Ix Chel had nipped those plans in the bud, demanding a proper ceremony to mark the first time an Air Amazon had taken a husband. With the goddess’s approval, Gina’s sisters had taken the reins and planned flowers and dresses and a celebratory meal.
All Gina wanted was to tie the knot and be alone with Zach.
“Soon,” Sarita said with a saucy grin.
“Quit reading my mind.”
“Didn’t have to. You’ve told me how much you hate this and want to be alone with Zach a million times the last couple of days.”
Gina snatched up her bouquet of orchids. “Let’s get this over with.”
Grabbing her spray of red roses, Sarita hurried after Gina. “Geesh. You’d think you were being led to your execution instead of marrying the love of your life.”
Gina skidded to a stop, grunting when Sarita ran into her back. “I didn’t want any of this.”
“It’s fine, sis. You’re just being you. I know how you feel about being the center of attention. Worse when you’ve had to fuss over girlie things like dresses and flowers.”
God, she was an idiot. With all of her bitching over the nonsense that went into planning a wedding, she’d never considered the message she’d been sending Zach.
“Gina? You okay?”
“Zach’s gonna think he’s marrying someone different—someone who likes flowers and dresses.” Gina turned to hurry out the cabin door, breaking into a run when she hit the grass.
Her long dress kept tangling between her legs. Gina finally grabbed a handful of the satin and pulled the skirts high up on her thighs. Thank the Ancients, she wore flats and not heels.
When she saw Zach at the top of the hill, standing by the stone altar with Artair and Johann, she picked up her pace. By the time he turned to face her, she was convinced there would never be a wedding.
“I’m not what you think I am.”
Zach’s handsome smile fell into a frown. “What are you talking abo
ut?”
“I’m sorry, Zach.”
“About what?”
“About my sisters making you think you’re getting a—a—girl.”
He grabbed her hand and tugged her into his arms. He hugged her tightly against him as she laid her cheek against his shoulder. “I know exactly what I’m getting,” he said.
“But the flowers and the dresses and...everything.” Gina lifted her head to look him in the eye. “I hate dresses, Zach. I hate flowers. I like sword fights and hand-to-hand combat.”
He kissed her quick and hard. “I love hand-to-hand combat.” He leaned in, his whisper sending heat racing through her. “Especially with you. Preferably in bed.”
“You don’t care?”
He smiled before he shook his head.
“I’m not very...girlie.” She glanced down at the wrinkled skirt of her white satin dress, wishing she could be the type of woman who could look beautiful and refined. “Dresses are stupid.”
She had to look a fright after the run across Avalon. The wreath of flowers in her hair slipped over one ear. She tried to shove it back into place, but it just shifted to the other ear. Her bouquet of orchids was now nothing more than stems.
A sigh fell from her lips. “I’m not what you bargained for.”
Zach’s hands cradled her face and drew her close enough she could feel his warm breath against her lips. “You might not be what I bargained for, but you’re exactly what I want.”
If she didn’t guard against it, the man was going to make her cry.
Gently removing the wreath from her hair, he tossed it away like a Frisbee. Then he took the fractured bouquet from her hands and dropped it on the grass in front of the altar.
Again, he cupped her face in his hands and pressed a soft kiss against her lips. “Better?” he asked as he eased away. “I’ll get the dress off you later. Promise.”
As if Gina would let him get away with that pathetic an excuse for a kiss. Fisting her hands in his shirt, she pulled him back. He smiled against her lips as he gave her what she wanted—what she needed. A kiss that told her he didn’t care what she was, that he loved her for who she was and that he wanted to be alone with her as desperately as she wanted to get him naked.