It was odd for vampires to want things because they already had everything. It was odd for them to be ambitious, I think, because with death out of the way there was nothing to aspire to.
We had won in the game of life. We had cheated death. There was nothing else.
There was nothing else to want or to try and get. That was the ultimate ambition, and due to circumstances, we had found the way around it.
An agreement between life and death. A loophole.
The words of The Three rang out between my ears, and I wondered.
He had broken the agreement.
It was the agreement that kept all of us passive, placated, winning.
Why did he not feel like he had won?
Psychologically, it made no sense. So there must be something else driving him. Moving him forward.
His gift was interesting. I had actually never met a patterner before. Not that it was that unusual, but it wasn’t common either.
He could, in effect, do what I could do. Only with a very specific thing. He could sense truth.
The truth of what fit together.
Maybe that truth was maddening. To know there was a way out of the cage, as he had put it.
I guess that’s the way I had always felt too. That I was in a cage.
It was weird because, on the surface, it looked as though I—we—had total freedom, but the trap was only recognizable from the inside.
I had assumed I was the only one who felt that way. I had never shared it with anyone until very recently. But apparently Ivy was suffering from the same affliction I was.
Boredom.
Although, boredom didn’t quite describe it either.
It was boredom to an exponential degree. Sure, there were things I could do. Plenty of things. Plenty of pleasurable things.
But they never filled me up.
They always left me wanting.
Never satiated. Never full.
I thought that after I ate this burger I’d be full, in a way.
And then I thought maybe after that I’d have sex with Matt. Then I’d be full too.
Matt.
Here I was with my own creation, leaving him alone.
God knows what would happen to me, and he would just have to go on without me. A vampire now. Ripped from his life. By me. I felt responsible for him.
I finally got to the place and picked up our food, not feeling any effects from the sun, and I wondered what it was like to die in that warehouse, burned up by the sunshine. And finally just a pile of ash.
Like Raven.
She had been a tough old bird (no pun intended). The sunlight was probably worried when it saw her.
I laughed out loud at this ridiculous thought, and a couple of people on the street looked at me funny.
If I had had earbuds in, they wouldn’t have given me a second glance.
And I realized this was a great metaphor for what it was like to be an immortal in a world full of humans.
* * *
We all ate.
The burger was fucking delicious, and I went back to my bedroom to wait for dusk.
It’s funny. Dusk had never impressed me. It was just the beginning of another night.
I heard Kace and Lola laugh out in the living room, and they sounded lighthearted and enthusiastic. I hadn’t told Matt or Lola yet what I was going to do, but I wondered if they already knew anyway.
Matt came through the doorway, shut the door, and lay down next to me on the bed, throwing his arms around me and burying his head into my chest the way a small animal might snuggle up next to you.
I didn’t say anything, just ran my fingers through his hair.
“So?” he said.
“So, what?” I asked, like I didn’t know what he was asking about.
“What are you going to do? We didn’t come up with any brilliant plans today.”
He raised his head and looked up at me, so he was more poised on top of me now.
I was going to lie, and then I realized there was no reason to.
“I’m going back.”
“I had this feeling...”
Matt lay back down with his head squarely on top of my torso.
“I can hear your heart beating.”
“I forgot I had one of those,” I said, without thinking, and realized I meant it.
Matt swatted my thigh in mock punishment and then rubbed the spot he had hit.
“Of course you have a heart,” he said, his hand traveling up over my ass to my waist.
Just wait, I thought. Just wait a few more decades when you’ve fed on more bodies than you can possibly imagine right now. Just wait until you feel like a parasite on Earth for what you have to do to survive. Ask yourself if you have a heart then.
With his hands still moving over my body, he picked his head up and kissed me, grabbing the side of my face with one hand.
I kissed him back and bit his lip a little, but not enough to draw blood. Then I opened my mouth wide to meet his tongue. I put a hand up under his shirt and played along the muscle ridges of his chest. Then, I sat up with some effort having to direct Matt upward off of me, so we were both upright and facing one another.
He licked his lips like I was going to be dessert after his meal. Still sitting up, I positioned myself so that we were closer together, interlocking our legs in a way that kept us sturdy, but comfortable, and kissed him again.
His hands moved to his belt buckle, but I took them in mine and moved them away.
This was going to be slow. Like death in the sunlight.
I kissed him again, giving him more lip and less tongue than he wanted, but he played along with me, letting me take the lead.
I bit his neck (again, not hard enough to draw blood) and used my teeth all over his face and neck and shoulder.
He closed his eyes and a barely perceptible “fuck” came out of his mouth.
He was like putty in my hands. And I was going to mold him to whatever I wanted tonight.
* * *
My head hit the pillow after we were finished, and Matt’s did as well. His breathing was still heavy, but it was starting to slow down.
I was wide awake.
Maybe it was my impending doom. Maybe the sex had energized me. Whatever it was, I felt no traces of post-coital drowsiness about to overtake me.
I lay on the bed for a couple of minutes before jumping up to shower.
Matt might have been asleep, I’m not sure, but I didn’t bother to find out before going into the bathroom and turning the hot water on.
I had about six hours before I needed to show up, but the funny thing was that I was ready now.
I contemplated just going over there right after getting dressed. The others would think I was crazy, but I don’t know...I just felt...like it was time.
The hot water washed down my body and went down the drain, and I felt renewed.
Or maybe it was like the way a snake sheds its skin, making way for the new.
That was it. I was new.
When I was done in the shower, I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, without anything underneath, so I could go out and talk with Kace and Lola. Matt opened an eye as I stepped out. When I left the room, he pushed himself out of bed and into the shower himself.
“I’m going early,” I announced as I left my bedroom. Both Kace and Lola turned to look at me with my wet hair and my sweats. “After I’m ready, I’m going.”
Kace faintly smiled and Lola squinted her eyes in confusion.
“But we still have time. We’ve got to figure something out, get a plan together, something.”
“No,” I said, sitting down next to her. “It’s time.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. For some reason a huge smile crossed my face and one crossed Kace’s as well. I knew I would be alright.
PART NINE
1
A little over an hour later, we all piled into a cab. Iv
y had said I could bring them and I was taking him up on the offer.
I wasn’t sure when I would see my apartment next, if ever, so I had tried my best to, you know, prepare it for a long absence. My bed was even made. Amazing.
It didn’t take long to get to Ivy’s, but the cab driver looked a little nervous going into that part of town, and even more confused—and a little worried, I think—that the four of us were going out there.
“You sure you got the right address?” he asked, looking at me in the rearview mirror.
“Positive,” I said.
“Want me to wait?”
“That won’t be necessary,” I said, and I knew that he was mentally listing the possibilities of why we could be going there.
He settled on drugs.
I was happy he came to a reasonable conclusion because now there wouldn’t be any more questions.
I was smashed between Kace and Lola in the back with Kace on my left. I felt oddly comforted that he, in a sense, knew everything that I knew. I didn’t feel so alone.
And something switched on in my brain at that thought, although what exactly was trying to make itself known to me I wasn’t sure. I let it go, knowing that it would come back to me if I needed it again.
We pulled up to the house, which appeared as empty and derelict as all the other houses around here, but the cab driver said nothing. He probably thought we were lost causes.
I paid him and tipped him well, just because, and then followed Kace out of the car.
As I stepped onto the sidewalk, a rat scurried along the curb in front of me and disappeared down a sewer. A group of three or four men hurried into an alleyway about a hundred yards from us.
In my night vision, I caught one of their eyes, and what I saw there was something I had seen many times in the eyes of men.
Fear.
I let the rat and the men go, and led the way toward the cellar at the back of the house.
When we arrived at the door, it opened for us right away, and someone I had never seen before—one of the humans—ushered us inside.
I felt like I was being swallowed straight into a beast’s stomach. No esophagus to speak of, just an empty cavity and digestive fluids.
Without a word from any of us, we were led upstairs and into the main level of the house.
“You’re early,” Lucas said, his purple eyes bright with energy or madness or something.
“Yes,” I said, not really knowing what else to say. “Where is he?”
“He knows you’re here. He won’t be ready for you for a little while, but, of course, you can make yourself comfortable right here.”
He swept his arm out in a grand gesture, indicating the doorway to a small living room, decorated simply but luxuriously. I went inside and the other three followed me.
On his way in, I caught the glance that Lucas gave Kace, though they did not speak to one another.
I guessed that Lucas had tried to feed on him, and how he escaped that one, I wasn’t sure. Also, Lucas must have found someone else to turn him, maybe just a newbie.
When we were all in, Lucas left us alone, but left the door open, feeling no threat from us, it seemed.
A carafe of something red sat on a tray with four glasses around it. It appeared to be wine, not blood, but I still found the thought of a house full of vampires serving blood in glasses amusing. There was a strong distaste among us for blood outside of a body (though it would get the job done), so the likelihood was slim, but still I chuckled at the idea.
I heard Kace chuckle too.
I walked to the tray, grabbed one of the glasses and poured myself a glass. Though I wasn’t looking directly at her, I could tell that Lola was looking at me with a horrified expression.
“This is no time for a drink, Vic,” she said with admonishment, but I instantly forgave her.
It was the fear talking.
“No better time than the present,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and going to stand by the small window toward the back of the room. The one that looked out toward the front of the house.
Behind me, I heard the others get up and pour themselves a glass—Kace first, I think—and eventually Lola did too. But I could still feel her nervousness.
“If the knower’s drinking, so am I,” said Kace. “Do you think they’d mind if I smoke in here?”
“Go ahead,” I said, as if I owned the joint. They could complain about us if they wished. It might even bring Ivy a little early.
We sat and drank, waiting for some time—an hour, maybe an hour and a half—and I had the distinct impression of being in a doctor’s office, which, actually, I guess we were. I still found the thought amusing.
I was starting to get bored. And I was feeling bold.
After putting down my glass, I walked to the doorway and looked around it, into the hallway both to the left and right.
There were vampires and humans hanging around on either side, looking slightly too calm.
“Hey, we’re getting tired of waiting. Where’s Ivy?” I called out to no one and everyone.
They all looked at me, but no one replied.
“Ok, then, I’ll just check for him myself,” I said again to all and none and stepped out into the hallway to the right toward the main area of the house and the staircase.
One girl—vampire—moved toward me and then hesitated as I walked by her. Still no one spoke.
I heard Matt call my name from the waiting room with a slight sound of alarm, but I kept going. If no one was going to stop me, I was going to do whatever I wanted.
The vampires and humans parted the way to let me pass, and soon I was in the large foyer.
All eyes were on me, but still no one was speaking or trying to restrict my movements. So I walked into the kitchen.
They weren’t even pretending here.
There were no appliances at all. Not a fridge, stove, nothing. There were knives, however, laid out carefully on the counter. Large ones. Those must be to frighten the humans, I thought. They sure as hell scared me, though they couldn’t do any real damage.
Ever since being crushed, my fear of physical pain was greatly diminished. Ivy didn’t realize it, but he had done me a favor.
I walked around the main floor of the house, all the while being watched, but not being stopped. And soon I had seen it all.
There was a struggle behind me, near the waiting room, and as I turned out of another sitting room and back into the main foyer, I saw my attacker from the night before roughly handling Kace as he tried to leave the room.
I walked quickly to where they were.
“Let him go,” I said, and the woman turned and looked at me. “We’ve all been waiting here long enough.”
“I’ve got strict orders not to let this one,”—she indicated Kace—“out of the room.”
I considered briefly.
“But the others can walk freely?” I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders like she couldn’t have given a shit less, and I immediately understood why.
“Okay,” I said, not fighting it at all. Kace had gone quiet as well. He was a smart kid. “Where’s Ivy?”
She shrugged her shoulders again and slumped back against the wall, but she didn’t move or say anything.
She was going to guard this room to make sure that Kace didn’t leave.
And that’s when it hit me.
2
I figured I’d better get the lay of the land, so to speak. Know exactly where I was.
I was frankly surprised I was getting to move so freely through the house and with Matt and Lola at that.
It was clear they considered the three of us no threat.
Lola was completely neutralized and what was Matt going to do? Run away?
Clearly, despite my rare and powerful gift (that was sarcasm, if you couldn’t tell), they really didn’t think I was a threat either. And, truthfully, I wasn’t.
And yet that didn’t fully account for what I saw behind everyo
ne’s eyes.
A little reverence, a little fear.
They eyed me not just to know where I was going, but to try and see me. To try and figure me out. What I could do. What I might do.
They just weren’t sure.
Most vampires had never met a knower. It was that rare of a gift as to be revered and misunderstood all at once—a lot of myth but not a lot of practical experience with it. And that was to my advantage.
Kace was still in the waiting room and to my knowledge had not put up a fight. Granted, he could always imitate the gift of the crusher if he really wanted to get out. But, honestly, what good would that do him? We wanted to stay in. And I needed him close by.
We had been here for three hours, and I was beginning to think I should have stayed home for it. Maybe gone another round with Matt. But, oh well, too late.
On the second floor, I entered a bedroom. It had no furniture in it but a chair, and a human male sat in it.
I eyed him as I walked in and he eyed me back.
He wished that he was holding a weapon. Not that it would have set me back much.
“Why are you here?” I asked him to see what his response would be.
His eyes bored into mine, but he held strong and silent.
“Were you promised something?”
He said nothing and I knew then that he had been instructed not to speak.
I left the room—and the human—behind.
This was getting ridiculous.
I marched downstairs, back toward the crusher, figuring she could attack me again if she really wanted, but I had already been there, done that, so I wasn’t too worried about it.
Ivy wasn’t in his office. I had already checked. The door from the second floor landing was wide open. Did he have a bedroom? Some living quarters?
I thought I saw Lucas turn to the left out of the sitting room after he left us and I wondered if Ivy might be accessible that way.
I thought for a few seconds how I was going to do this. Matt and Lola were wandering around. Kace was still in the waiting room.
And then I thought, despite my impatience, that maybe having Ivy come to me was, in fact, the better plan.
I had never really been that impulsive, being a seducer for so many years had made me very calculated, and I needed to play to my strengths now.
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