He ignored her and picked up his phone. “Lockhart here. You ready for us yet?”
Yeah, he was mad all right. His terse tone made that clear. She stared at him. Memorized everything about him. His rugged stance. His broad shoulders. The way he ignored his injury to continue to do his job. He turned, but didn’t look at her, just looked over her head.
She continued to stare at him. At the square jaw that reminded her of his strength. Of his willingness to risk his life for her. She moved to his full lips. The ones that had settled on hers and were ripped away almost as quickly. Too quickly.
She reminded herself that she was here to look at men. Criminals. Hopefully to pick one out of a lineup. And yet all she could think about was Noah and the kiss.
Her gaze fell to his arm. To the seared clothing. The ugly, raised burns that she ached to tend to so she could relieve the pain she knew he had to be feeling. He could have died protecting her. Worry nibbled at her brain. Worry for his safety. Worry that before this was all over he could be seriously, maybe fatally, harmed. That she’d lose him like she’d lost Haley. An ache as sharp as a knife pierced her gut.
She’d let him get to her. Let him find a crack in the fortress she thought she’d locked down. She was starting to have feelings for him. Honest to goodness feelings that she’d never thought possible again.
But it wasn’t too late to protect herself. She wouldn’t let that crack widen. Not now. Not with the danger he faced today. Faced every day.
She took a physical step back and a big step in her heart, too. She had to keep things professional between them. She had no room in her life for a relationship—for love. It only led to heartache and suffering. Led to loss. And what worse person to love than a police officer who could die in a heartbeat. That, she couldn’t... No! Wouldn’t do.
Ever.
* * *
Noah paced back and forth outside the viewing room. Pain screamed up his arm, but he didn’t care. He’d have it looked at soon. It was Darcie he was concerned about now. She stood before six men and gave off a casual vibe, as if an event like this was no big deal. But it was a big deal. Perez was in that group. Perez, a big, burly man. Tough. Angry. Mean. Maybe the man who’d attacked Darcie.
Judson said something to her and her shoulders slumped. Noah wanted to step in to help. Instead, he curled his fingers into a fist and resisted the urge to ram it into the wall. He had every jurisdictional right to join Darcie in the room, but Judson hadn’t wanted him in there. Judson was afraid Noah’s presence would distract Darcie. Maybe it would have, but Noah would like to think his presence would also bring her comfort.
Or maybe not. Not after the kiss. He knew it was wrong the minute his lips settled on hers. But he couldn’t help himself. Another attempt had been made on her life. He’d reacted. Let his emotions run wild. Then acted like a real bear with her. He’d likely ruined any kind of friendship they’d had.
She suddenly stepped forward and pointed. She’d ID’d one of the men, but which one?
Noah ran his gaze down the line. Eyeing each one. Waiting to see murderous intent. To see the man who did this. To lock him up. To throw away the key.
The door opened. Darcie stepped out. She looked wrung out. His heart creased. He wanted to hold her. To comfort her.
“Is he in the lineup?” Noah asked instead.
Judson stepped in to the hallway. “She ID’d Perez from the day he threatened her at the hospital, but she’s not sure he’s her attacker.”
Noah ignored Judson and focused on Darcie. “It’s not him?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head as a tear slid from her eye. “I wanted it to be him—how I wanted it to be. But I’m not sure if I just want him to be my attacker so badly, or if it really is him.” Tears started falling faster. “I’m sorry. I know you were counting on me. But if I can’t be positive, then I can’t say anything at all.”
Noah turned to Judson. “What about an alibi for the time of Darcie’s attack? Does he have one?”
“Nothing sound. He claims he was with fellow gang members, who you know will swear to anything Perez says. And before you ask, I went at him for the drive-by shooting, too. Same alibi. Plus he denies knowing anything about the Molotov cocktail. Though mentioning that particular item brought a grin to his face, he’s claiming no knowledge.” Judson swallowed hard, as if clearing away a nasty taste. “Unfortunately, we have nothing to hold him on now, and we’re going to have to let him go.”
“If only I could ID him, then this would be over.” Darcie bit her lip and swiped angrily at her tears.
Noah couldn’t keep his hands off her any longer, but he had to react as any concerned friend might. Not as a man who was interested in her. He rested a hand on her arm and tried to communicate strength and courage.
“We’ll get him another way,” he said, although, at the moment, he had no idea how.
His phone rang and he wanted to ignore it, but the call could be important. He glanced at the screen and saw Skyler’s name. Thinking Darcie couldn’t handle any additional bad news right now he stepped away and answered.
“I found a Ramon Flores,” Skyler said quickly. “He lives in Veneta, a small town west of Eugene.”
Noah let the information roll around in his head. “Leland King’s from Eugene.”
“Exactly. And Flores has gone missing, too.”
Noah glanced at Darcie as she talked with Judson. How was she going to react when he told her that of the three people on the hit list, two of them were missing? She’d assume, as he was doing, that the two men were dead.
“You still there, Noah?” Skyler asked.
“Yeah,” he said, pulling his gaze from Darcie so he could focus and do his job. “Tell me about Flores.”
“He’s twenty-six but he still lives with his parents while he finishes community college. When he didn’t come home a few days ago, his parents called County.”
“Have you had a chance to check for priors and any gang affiliation?”
“He’s clean.”
“What about a connection to Leland King? Anything there?”
“Not yet, but I’m looking into it. I plan to give Flores’s parents a call after we hang up.”
“I got a list of LK Design’s clients from Wilson that I can email to you. Maybe you’ll see something there.”
“What about employees of LK Design?” Skyler asked.
“King worked alone except for contracted designers. Wilson is still working on locating them. As soon as I receive a report, I’ll get a copy to you.”
“Perfect, and I’ve asked to have a copy of Flores’s case file overnighted to your office.”
“At least that’s something that might turn up a lead.” Noah hated how down he sounded. This could be a solid lead and he needed to grab on to it and hope for the best.
“Something going on that you want to tell me about?” Skyler’s voice held concern.
Noah told her about the bombing and the lineup, forcing himself to recount the events like they had no impact on him when they were eating away at his gut.
“Sounds like things couldn’t get much worse for Darcie right now.”
As Noah thought about Skyler’s comment, his hand automatically drifted to his service weapon. “Unfortunately they can. We have no reason to hold Perez so he’ll be back on the street in no time.”
ELEVEN
Darcie stared at Noah’s bandaged arm and the image of his arm engulfed in flames came rushing back. “What did the doctor say?”
Noah offered her a casual smile and dropped into the large recliner in the firehouse family room. “It’s no biggie. A little cream and change the bandage on a regular basis, and I’ll be good to go.”
She was a nurse. An EMT. And she knew he was downplaying the injury for her be
nefit. “Really, that’s all he said? It looked like it might be third degree.”
He shrugged. “So where is everyone?”
Darcie didn’t miss his change in subject, but she knew he wasn’t going to say anything more about the arm so she went with it. “I gave Isabel a bath and Pilar’s getting her dressed. Skyler’s in the office. I’m sure you ran into Archer in the hallway. The rest of the team is on duty.”
He frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’d hoped Archer and Skyler would stick closer to you while I was at the ER.”
She resisted sighing. “They tried, but I shooed them away.”
“I don’t like you being alone.”
“So you’ve said, but after the day we had today, I needed time to reflect and pray. Besides, Archer met you at the door, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Noah!” Isabel cried out from her wheelchair, as Pilar pushed her into the room. “You’re back. I’m going to read to Darcie. Do you want to listen, too?”
Isabel was as excited to see Noah as Darcie had been when he’d returned from his doctor’s visit. Darcie hadn’t wanted him to go to the ER without her. Partly because she’d wanted to ensure he was getting the best medical care possible, but mostly because she’d been worried for his safety and had wanted him where she could see him. Ha! The shoe was now on the other foot. Not that she thought she could protect him, but at least if he was with her, she’d know what was happening with him.
“Now, Isabel,” Pilar warned. “Detective Noah’s a busy man.”
Noah waved off her concern. “I’m happy to listen.”
“And your arm? It is okay?” Pilar asked.
“It’s fine.” He looked at Isabel. “So tell me where you want to sit, princess, and I’ll help you get settled.”
“By Darcie.” She clutched to her chest a large Bible storybook that she’d brought from home.
Noah scooped her up from the chair and gently settled her onto the thick cushion.
Darcie looked at Pilar. “I’ll put her to bed when we’re done so you can go on up.”
“You are sure? She is taking up so much of your time.”
“I love caring for Isabel,” Darcie said as she inhaled the sweet scent of Isabel’s shampoo. “You never have to worry about that.”
“Then good night to all of you.” Pilar smiled, but Darcie could see it took effort. At her age, the gunshot had sapped all of her strength and it was taking time to recover. Plus she’d had to care for Isabel while Darcie went to Eugene.
Noah sat back down in the recliner and Isabel squirmed into a comfortable position. Her soft curls tickled Darcie’s chin and her warm little body pressed against Darcie’s side. Isabel opened the book and placed it across her lap. She flipped to the story of Jonah and his reluctance to do God’s will.
Darcie’s arm automatically went around Isabel’s shoulders and drew her even closer. Darcie sighed out her happiness, drawing Noah’s attention. His focus remained on her, but she ignored him and concentrated on Isabel.
“Do you want me to read?” Darcie asked.
“I’ll read the first page and you can read the next one,” Isabel replied.
She slid a finger along the first line and started the story. They alternated pages as Isabel had requested and Darcie only had to help Isabel pronounce a few words.
At the end of the story, Isabel looked up, her forehead wrinkled. “Did Jonah go to rehab?”
“Rehab?” Darcie asked, trying to hide her disgust over sweet little Isabel knowing about rehab at her age. “Why would he go to rehab?”
“For not listening to God.” Isabel scrunched up her face. “Abuelita says if I don’t listen I could have the same problem as Mommy. She didn’t listen to Abuelita and took drugs. Now she’s in rehab. If Jonah doesn’t listen, he might take drugs, too.”
Isabel’s misunderstanding would be funny if it wasn’t so sad. Darcie spent the next thirty minutes explaining about drugs. She felt Noah watching and listening, and despite his intense interest, she found herself enjoying the opportunity to help Isabel. But the time was short-lived as Isabel yawned broadly and her eyes became droopy.
“Time for bed, sweetheart.” Darcie closed the book and gently took it from Isabel’s hands.
“Will you tuck me in again?”
Darcie nodded as she stood.
“Yay.” Isabel scooted off the couch and managed to come to a wobbly stance. She stared at Noah. “Darcie’s going to tuck me in.” She suddenly lurched forward and threw her arms around Noah’s neck.
Isabel bumped his arm and a moment of pain flashed in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced with surprise. His arms came around her back and a look of contentment settled on his face. He was a natural with her, and Darcie knew he’d be a good father. But then so was Tom and look at how that had turned out.
“Let’s go, sweetie,” Darcie said to Isabel.
She pushed back and planted her hands on the side of his face. “I like you, Noah. You’re my friend.”
“You’re my friend, too, princess,” he replied, his voice filled with emotion.
Darcie helped Isabel brush her teeth in the kitchen so they didn’t wake Pilar, then maneuvered the girl into her chair and they took the elevator upstairs.
“I like you, Darcie.” Isabel threw her arms around Darcie and hugged her hard as she’d done with Noah.
“I like you, too, sweetie.” Darcie held Isabel’s warm little body and sighed in contentment. Her arms had been empty for so long.
Darcie eased free. “Now we need to sneak you into the bed without waking up your Abuelita. Can you be extra quiet?”
Isabel nodded solemnly. Once settled in the bed, Isabel hugged Darcie again. A great longing ripped into Darcie’s heart and tears threatened to fall. She eased free before she started crying in front of Isabel. Darcie kissed the child on the nose and pulled up the covers before silently leaving the room as her heart swelled with affection for Isabel and broke for Haley at the same time.
How she missed sharing this closeness with Haley. The bond of motherhood was unlike any other bond. Raising up a child in faith. Being there to share the good times. The joys and happiness. Working through the pain. Skinned knees, friends who hurt feelings and discipline when she chose the wrong path.
All of it. Everything. Darcie had loved it all with Haley. Was loving it now with Isabel.
Back in the condo living room, Darcie’s tears started falling in earnest. She wrapped her arms around her waist and slid to the floor, where she tucked up her knees and clasped them hard. She sobbed silently. Deep, racking, pain-inducing spasms of tears. She hadn’t cried like this for years. Thought she was over it. Her grief stored away in the neat compartment in her brain.
Why, Father? Why again? Why now?
What was He trying to tell her? Had she not fully accepted her loss? Was her vow never to risk the pain again, never to risk a commitment to another child, never to risk losing that child, really just a way to delay the finality of her loss?
Flashes of her life with Haley flooded her brain. Birth. Baptism. First steps. Growing. School. Her final moments. Lying lifeless, so still while doctors Darcie had worked side by side with performed CPR. Then they had given up. Raised apologetic eyes to Darcie. Her heart had creased so deeply the crevice remained etched like the Grand Canyon. And it would always remain.
She couldn’t love again. Not another child. Not another man. Not Noah.
She dried her tears with her sleeve and got up to go back downstairs. She stopped at the door. She couldn’t face Noah with blotchy red eyes. With emotions so raw, they felt like a living, breathing thing.
She trudged to the sofa, dropped onto it and pulled up her covers.
No, she wouldn’t go down to see
Noah when she was so vulnerable, or he might urge her to move on, when she clearly wasn’t ready for such a huge step.
* * *
An hour passed and Noah had taken to pacing as he waited for Darcie. He was starting to think something was wrong. She’d never leave him down here without giving him the bedding she stored in her condo during the day, right?
He wanted to race upstairs, but he’d give her more time before intruding. He continued his pacing, stepping back and forth in front of the massive fireplace. Five minutes. Ten. Fifteen.
Still no Darcie.
His chest tightened with concern. Enough. He was going after her. Now.
At the stairway, he grabbed the metal railing without thinking. Razor blades of pain radiated up the nerves in his damaged arm. The doctor who’d treated his burns had offered pain meds, but they were known to cause drowsiness and Noah wasn’t about to take them when Darcie relied on his protection.
She needed him. Or maybe he just wanted her to need him...because he’d come to care for her.
The realization him like a freight train, stalling his feet. He thought to deny it, but why? It was better to know about it so he could be on guard around her because nothing had changed. They couldn’t be together. Even if he told her everything and she accepted the way he’d treated Ashley. Accepted that he’d so easily given up his rights to his child. Both big ifs.
He wouldn’t bring another child into this world until he repaired his relationship with Evan and made sure he had a chance to learn about the Christian faith. The way things were going with that, it wouldn’t change very soon.
Sure, Darcie claimed she’d never have another child, but he saw her longing tonight with Isabel. Longing that after more time passed would break through her resolve. Then she’d want a child—children—and he couldn’t provide them for her.
“So keep your feelings to yourself,” he warned himself. “Don’t lead her on.”
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