by Sylvia Ryan
Jaci thought about the sexual encounter she had the night before. For a while, it was delicious. It felt good. Somebody wanted her even if it was only for an hour or two. But she’d found the experience a little like eating a rich dessert without having a meal first. She didn’t feel satisfied and it didn’t sit well inside her.
She slipped into the hot water and laid back so her ears were submerged. She felt her hair waving around in the bathtub currents and listened to the steady rhythm of her breathing. The thump-thump, thump-thump of her heart was easily heard with her ears water-filled.
An isolated heartbeat in a solitary world.
* * * *
It was the right thing to do. He felt like shit about the here and now of it and hoped that after a week or two of being friends, with the other feelings suppressed, maybe it would work. If not for both of them, at least for her. She was suffering now, though, and he pondered her request for the relief she so desperately needed. It wasn’t fair to her that she suffered when she could so easily get a measure of relief. He’d never trust anyone else enough to have Jaci seek relief from someone other than him. No, he was the only one he trusted enough to supply her with the endorphin surge pain provided. But he could find another to provide the pleasure part while he supplied the pain. Xander’s mind worked quickly from there.
He dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and then looked at the time. It wasn’t even five am yet. His surveillance shift would be over at eight.
Sasha was the only person he trusted to be discreet–and good. He grabbed his ear bud. “Call Sasha.” He paused, waiting to connect. “Hello, my dear,” he rumbled. “I need a personal favor. Can you come down?” He chuckled “I’ll be waiting.”
Ten minutes later, he talked with Sasha in the hall about what he needed from her. They returned to the apartment together and waited for Jaci to exit the bathroom. Sasha was gorgeous as always, kneeling at his feet in black, as always, ready to play, as always.
He was dressed in jeans only. The bed was prepared, and the anticipation of what lie before him danced in his veins. His cells hummed as his senses became sharp. He focused on the bathroom door. Jaci needed this, and he was pleased he’d found a way to relieve her of her pain. It had been a long time since the thrill of what was to come raced along his nerve endings. Tonight would satisfy a need building within him as well.
When the bathroom door opened, Jaci was a silhouette in the doorway.
“Lie down on the bed, Jaci.”
Chapter 14
Jaci stopped short when she spotted Xander holding the flogger with a woman kneeling at his feet. His eyes flared at her when she exited the bathroom, and joy rushed at her when she heard his words and realized that, for whatever reason, he’d changed his mind about helping her. Or, maybe the woman would do it. She glanced down at the woman again.
“That’s Sasha.” He reached down and ruffled his fingers through her hair. “Sasha has generously agreed to serve me this morning.” He lowered his voice. “She will be serving you also. Now, get on the bed, Jaci.” He looked intently at her as she sheepishly let go of the towel wrapped around her body and complied with his order.
“Sasha, my dear, prepare her for me.” Immediately, Sasha scurried toward Jaci and began positioning her. She slipped soft, braided rope around her wrists and then suddenly pulled it taut until they were bound together. Sasha brought Jaci’s arms over her head, rolled her onto her belly and then firmly attached the other end of the braided length to a small hook in the wall that was hidden by pillows.
Xander’s chuckle sounded again, floating to her ears from the shadows in the room. “You’re quite good at this, but it will take more than rope work to impress me, Sasha.” Jaci glanced over at the woman kneeling on the bed next to her. She might as well have been completely nude because what she wore didn’t cover any important things that usually needed covered. Sasha’s nipples were puckered and beaded like dusky rosebuds. Her chest rose and fell sharply as she turned her head to look back to Jaci. Sasha smiled at her and then licked her lips slowly with a slightly glazed look in her eye.
As Sasha grabbed a pillow and turned toward Jaci’s legs, Jaci got a glimpse of her hairless cunt. It stole her attention while she was being moved into position. She ended up with her hips over pillows so her ass remained up in the air. Jaci sucked in a breath as she felt her right leg pulled tight toward the corner of the bed.
“No, Sasha, leave her legs free. Jaci won’t move from that spot, will you, Jaci?”
All she could do was swallow and shake her head.
“Come to my feet.” He stood at the side of the bed, extending a hand toward Sasha. She took the proffered hand and sank to her knees. Sasha’s face was in her direct line of sight, nuzzling Xander’s thigh “Jaci, what do you say to me if you want me to stop?”
She smiled at him. “Stop.”
He nodded. “That’s right, sweetie. Now, listen to me carefully, You will not move, and you will not come until I say so.
She nodded, the sheet shifting slightly under her cheek.
The first lash of the flogger on her ass struck hard, followed quickly by more.
“You may pleasure yourself now, Sasha. There may be no time for that later.” The strikes continued to fall as Jaci watched Sasha trail a hand down between her legs. Jaci groaned. She couldn’t see anything else from her angle. She was missing what the woman’s hands were doing. But she studied the slow build of pleasure expressed on her face.
The sting of the flogger increased as the scent of Sasha’s arousal filled Jaci’s nostrils. The woman took her time. The lashes Xander delivered and her moans seemed to weave together, as if they were in sync with each other. Time progressed slowly while Jaci watched this gorgeous woman’s face as she got closer to her climax. Finally, she watched Sasha cry out while she came, with her head flung back and lips parted, releasing shouts that eventually slowed and transformed to whimpers of pleasure.
The strikes from the flogger multiplied rapidly as Xander worked it down her back and legs to the soles of her feet, and back up again. Jaci closed her eyes. Her brain welcomed the release of the heavy emotional burden she’d been carrying. She gradually became lighter and lighter, almost floating, but the air weighed heavy on her skin and kept her on the mattress.
Slight fingers ran through her channel from anus, all the way to her clit. The strikes to her body slowed, but still maintained a steady rhythm and pattern along her skin. The sound of her own moan surprised her. She hadn’t realized she’d been making any sounds at all.
Xander spoke and his voice floated through the thickness of the air to her ears. The pleasure it held was evident. “Go ahead,” she heard him say. Immediately a vibrator sprung to life and Jaci felt it slowly penetrate her.
It was good. Another door in her mind slammed shut as Jaci floated further from reality.
Gentle kisses on her clit narrowed her focus within herself even more, and the pleasure she received from Sasha’s mouth expertly, methodically, slowly built her arousal.
Layer upon layer it grew as more of the outside world fell away.
Sasha and Xander were relentless with their full body assault. The woman’s hot tongue rolled over her clit at a slow, steady pace. Jaci knew she couldn’t hold on much longer.
The sting of the flogger’s weights continued in even, controlled strokes while Sasha tongued her clit and fucked her hard with the vibrating dick that stretched her.
Small tremors in her thighs began as the initial recognition of an impending orgasm skitted through her mind. But as if Xander sensed it, the strikes momentarily stopped and he whispered next to her ear, “Don’t do it, Jaci. Not until I say.”
The world narrowed until only she and the need existed. The tremors increased and her spine curved, rounded up. Jaci froze and locked down tight as she exerted rock-hard control over every muscle in her body to stall her orgasm.
“Please.” She heard herself screaming. It echoed off the walls as her lungs emptied of air
and struggled for more.
Xander increased the velocity of his strokes and then spoke the words she’d been waiting for. “Come now, Jaci.”
And she did. She let go, screaming her pleasure and her pain at the same time. The orgasm lasted forever and then she was inside her own head, lost inside her own skin.
No part of her reached out or acknowledged the world around her, neither in thought nor in action. Her senses and her awareness were turned off. She experienced a total displacement of reality.
* * * *
Xander released Jaci, rolled her to her side and slid in behind her, covering both of them up. She was so deep inside herself that he was able to gain some relief from Sasha before she left to go back to her apartment. She’d swallowed his cock and his cum eagerly, but a small part of his brain niggled at him. It was the part of him that knew Jaci ached to be the one to do that just as much as he ached to have her as his, and his alone.
He shook himself out of that train of thought. It was dangerous and something he needed to keep in check. Sunrise approached and with it Jordan would take over surveillance and protection duty. The two would paint all day, and then Rock would cover for the few hours after that until it was time for bed.
Xander had the day and the evening free. And, as if his mother sensed the lull in his schedule, she had commed the night before to ask if he wanted to have dinner with her. He’d agreed and looked forward to getting some one on one time with her and her spaghetti.
He left the apartment when Jordan arrived a few minutes before eight. Jaci hadn’t fully recovered from their session, but she was awake, her gaze following him from the bed as he got ready to leave. Her face held a slight smile of contentment and every crease created by worry and stress had been ironed out of her beautiful face. He kissed her forehead and whispered, “I’ll see you later,” before he left.
There was some spring to his gait when he left the building and followed the path in the courtyard. He loved the mornings in Circle City. The gardens and fresh air, before the stifling summer heat took over, were calming.
He needed some time in nature to center himself and strengthen his resolve after their early morning activities.
He loved her. He loved her enough to let her go. This was his mantra now.
Later that day, Xander sat with his mother at the cozy table in the dining room of the house he grew up in. The room smelled like a garden and was made significantly smaller by the crowd of plants and cut flowers. His mother loved the outdoors and managed to capture an old English cottage essence to the room with all the foliage and lace she crocheted herself. The worn round table that sat there all these years fit into the room more perfectly with every nick and scrape it acquired. The two place settings in front of them were as chipped and worn as everything else. But his mother would have argued that her belongings had character.
She placed two serving dishes between them and took her seat. It wasn’t hard to tell from the expression on her face that she had something on her mind.
“What’s wrong, Mom?”
She looked up at him but didn’t answer the question.
He served himself spaghetti and salad and then waited, realizing something was wrong with her. He studied her during the silence between them. She was in her fifties, and wore the small telltale signs of her age well. But then, what boy didn’t think his mother was pretty? But she was also nervous, fidgeting a lot and not looking directly at him.
“What’s wrong?” he prompted again in a softer tone, touching her forearm.
She looked at him. Her brown eyes were serious. “Well, now that I have you here, I don’t know where to start. I’m feeling kind of…hesitant. I guess I might as well jump in.” She paused. “Gwen told me you have feelings for Jaci, and she told me why you’re not acting on them.”
Xander was silent. He felt his expression turn stony, unreadable as his mother gauged his response. “Mom, I–”
His mom raised her hand. “No, let me get this out.” She took a deep breath and went on with a quavering voice. “I’m so sorry, Xander. I thought I did a good job of shielding you from our pain when your father was sick.” Tears welled in her eyes.
“It’s okay, Mom. We don’t have to talk about this.”
“Yes, we do. This is important to me.” She set down her fork and pushed her plate away. “I’m sorry that your point of view of Dad’s illness and our marriage was so negative.” Her eyes, swimming in tears, locked on his. “Mostly because it wasn’t. At least not all of it.
“Xander, I loved your father more than anything. The years we spent together were the absolute best in my life, even when he was sick. We spent so much time together toward the end,” she said wistfully. “We grew about as close to each other as two people can get.”
She wasn’t looking at him now. Her eyes focused on a long gone past. “Some of the best times of our marriage were when he was sick. We laid together in bed and enjoyed a lifetime’s worth of intimacy. And we appreciated every second of it. We reminisced about all the wonderful times we shared. We talked about our dreams for you. Your father…” she choked back a sob and swallowed hard, “would have been so proud of the man you’ve become. I’m proud of the man you’ve become.”
She looked directly at him and locked her stern gaze with his. “But it’s an insult to him, to us, to our parenting, and our marriage that you somehow took from your childhood that your dad was a burden to me, or that our marriage wasn’t good because he got sick. That you couldn’t fall in love, couldn’t get married because you’ll get sick.
A sour squeeze attacked his stomach, when he saw his mother’s anguish. The realization that he was hurting her stabbed at his conscience as he tried to reason out a solution that would make her feel better.
She grabbed his wrist, capturing his full attention again. She met his gaze with determination. “You can still have a wonderful marriage, the love affair of a lifetime, even if it ends sooner than you’d like.” She covered her face with her hands until Xander closed in on her and knelt next to her chair wrapping his arms around her and comforting her while she sobbed quietly in to his shirt. Finally, wiping her eyes, she looked up at him. Their faces were inches apart. “I have failed you so badly if you’ve changed your life, avoided love because of your father and I. Don’t you see that love was the only thing we had in our life that actually made it worth living? That, and you.” She sighed and sat back in her chair. Her tears remained a constant stream rolling down her face. She looked down at the uneaten food as if she wasn’t sure how it had gotten there. Xander covered her hand with his. She looked at him and continued.
“I miss him so much. But I wouldn’t have changed it for anything. The only thing that keeps me going some days is the thought of you building your life, finding a love like what we had. It was rare and wonderful. I want you to know what it feels like.
“Please, please don’t make me carry the responsibility, the guilt that you’re alone because of your father and me. I don’t think I could shoulder it for the rest of my days.”
Xander looked down at his own uneaten plate of food and pushed it away.
“Mom, it’s the right thing to do.”
“No it isn’t,” she shouted. “I am so sorry that you inherited the same genetic markers as your dad. But I am more sorry that you came away from your childhood thinking you would be a burden to the woman who loves you. Your father was never a burden to me.” His mother thumped the solid wood table with the side of her fist. “Never. Can’t you see that love is the only thing in Amber that we have that’s ours, purely ours, untainted by the Gov. Don’t let them have that much control over how you live your life.
“Maybe the love of your lifetime is Jaci, or maybe it’s someone else. But you have to find her, Xander. Find her and don’t ever let her go. Promise me. Promise me, please.”
Xander looked away from her and digested what she’d said. Her perspective was radically different from his, and he’d never considered th
e affect his decision would have on his mother. God, this was hurting her, too.
She squeezed his arm. “Promise me, please.”
He stood and took his mother into his arms. “I promise, Mom. I promise.” He pulled her to him, and held her while she wept in his arms.
Chapter 15
After a full day’s work, Jaci spent an eternity in the bathtub, soaking away her delicious aches. When she finally surfaced from her liquid heaven, she was wrinkled and relaxed.
Half-dressed, she ducked out of the bathroom to answer the knock the door. She expected to find Caroline and was surprised to see Emily instead.
“Hey,” Jaci said as she backed up to let Emily in.
“Hey, girl. You’ve been making yourself scarce these days.” She gave Jaci a hug. “Okay, give me the scoop. I know you haven’t been home, but Rock is cheap when it comes to giving info, so spill.” Emily flashed a beautifully wicked expression of anticipation. The look revealed that Rock already shut Emily down and she was being defiant by not dropping the subject all together. Little did Emily know that Rock probably heard everything she’d said because of the bug in the room.
“Come on into the bathroom. I have to finish getting ready. I have plans with Caroline tonight.”
Emily made an ick face at the sound of Caroline’s name and followed her into the bathroom. She sat on the toilet and watched Jaci finish getting ready.
“So, tell me,” she whined.
Jaci followed Xander’s directions and didn’t mention the murderer who allegedly stalked her and boiled the situation down to the here and now. “I had to get away for a while. Clear my head.” Jaci paused. “I think I’m in love with Xander.”
“Oh I knew it. I knew it,” Emily squealed. A smile exploded over her face.
Jaci interrupted Emily before she said anything more. “He’s made it clear he’s not interested in a romantic relationship. Said he’d rather be my friend and take care of me until I don’t need him anymore.”