“What?” Laura asked innocently. “I’m just .... Oh, my God! What was that noise?”
She jumped to her feet and sent the tin of biscuits flying.
“It’s Vanessa,” said David, his facing turning pale.
They rushed to her room and found her sitting up in bed, wild-eyed and struggling to breathe. An icy fist wrapped itself round Laura’s heart at the sound of Vanessa’s laboured breathing. She knelt down and put her arms around her daughter. “Vanessa, what’s wrong, baby?” Her voice trembled as she struggled to remain calm.
“Shh, don’t cry. It’s all right,” said David trying to calm his daughter down, as much as himself.
But the frightful wheezing and barking cough just got worse the more agitated Vanessa became. “David, we’d better get her to the ER. It’s after midnight—the clinic will be closed by now.”
Laura could feel her teeth chattering with nerves.
“Yes, all right. I’ll carry her to the car,” said David scooping her up and wrapping her in her duvet. “Get the keys. And don’t forget her NHS card.”
Laura ran on ahead, grabbed her handbag and opened the front door. They quickly crossed the courtyard to the garage.
“Come on, come on,” said David sharply as Vanessa’s laboured breathing made her chest heave. “Open the door. It’s cold out here.”
“I can’t find the remote control,” said Laura scrambling in her handbag.
“Oh, for God’s sake. Do you want her to catch pneumonia out here?”
“OK, OK. I’ve found it!”
Her voice was becoming shrill. Fumbling with the garage door remote control and the car keys, she dropped them on the ground. Vanessa’s raspy breath and David’s muted curse stretched her already taut nerves.
The garage door took a lifetime to open. Laura ducked down under it, fired up the car engine and backed out as soon as she could. Then she jumped into the backseat and David settled Vanessa on her lap.
She laid her hand against her daughter’s forehead, expecting it to be burning up. Oddly enough, it wasn’t.
“Hey, princess. Are you feeling better?” she asked, realising that the frightful cough was actually easing up.
Vanessa nodded, much calmer now and starting to look sleepy.
In the short time that it took to get to the ER, Vanessa’s breathing had practically normalized, making Laura feel rather foolish when she described what had happened to the triage nurse.
***
A couple of hours later, they were on their way back home, Vanessa sound asleep in her booster seat.
“Oh, I feel really drained.” Laura leaned her head against the headrest and closed her eyes. “But thank God it wasn’t as serious as it looked. Anyway, I’m going to follow the doctor’s advice and take her to a paediatric allergist-immunologist.”
She glanced at David who drove on in silence.
“Maybe we should also get her one of those nebulizers like they have at the hospital. But then again, seeing as the cold air actually reduces the swelling in the air passages, maybe it’s not necessary. What do you think?”
“What I think is that none of this would have happened if you’d listened to me. But, no. You must always have your own way. You always know best.” His voice was bitter.
“What? What the hell are you talking about?”
“The pool, of course! Didn’t I tell you that she’d get sick? Playing in that cold water like that.”
She stared at him in disbelief. “You’re blaming me again! Every time she gets sick it’s because of something I did or didn’t do.”
“Yes, sure. Play the victim. And keep your voice down.”
“I can’t believe it! It’s pathological, this need of yours to blame someone for everything that happens. When will you get it into your head that some things are beyond our control? No matter what you do, things will still go wrong sometimes. Like they say: shit happens.”
“Especially when you give it a helping hand.”
“Jesus, this is unbelievable! It’s always my fault, is it? Like that time in Paris? Forgetting that you’d locked your wallet in the safe and then blaming me for losing it.”
“Christ! How many more times are you going to throw that in my face? I’ve already apologized. What more do you want from me?”
“What I want is for you to react differently. To stop blaming me all the time. Why can’t you just say ´ Shit! What we gonna do now´ instead of throwing a tantrum?”
“It’s becoming impossible to live with you. Maybe I should just do what the guys at work do— take up golf to get out of the house.”
“Don´t let me stop you. In fact, you’re free to move out any time you want. Don’t think you’re doing me any favours.”
They drove the rest of the way home in silence after that. Laura felt the muscles on her shoulders bunching up painfully. They always did in moments of great stress.
Chapter 9
Jab, cross, hook. Jab, cross, hook.
Cross, uppercut, front kick.
Roundhouse kick, roundhouse kick,...
And stop.
A thirty-minute heavy bag Muay Thai workout had Laura breathing hard and sweating. Nothing better to relax her stiff muscles and clear her head.
Removing her gloves and hand wraps, she took a long swig from her water bottle. She stood a moment, eyes closed, allowing herself to be transported by Anna Netrebko’s rendition of O Mio Bambino Caro. She was by no means an opera buff, but her spirits never failed to be uplifted by one of her favourite arias, even when she was working out. She felt a sense of peace and tranquillity as she swayed gently, hands conducting until the last haunting notes had faded away.
She turned off the CD player, and stooping to pick up her bathrobe from a chair, she detected some movement behind her out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see David leaning against the door jamb.
“I didn’t know you were up already,” she said, wondering how long he’d been standing there. “Is Vanessa up, too?”
“Yes, she’s having breakfast and wondered where you were.”
“I’ve just finished my workout. Have you eaten?”
“No, I thought I’d wait for you. I figured you were here in the gym.”
She slipped on her bathrobe over her tank top and leggings.
“OK. Let’s go, then.”
They crossed the courtyard to the cottage, an awkward silence between them; they were both still smarting from the previous night’s argument.
"Good morning, princess. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, mommy. Just a little bit tired, that's all."
"Well, that makes two of us. I think I checked on you every five minutes," smiled Laura. "You gave us quite a scare last night, young lady."
"Yes, I was scared, too. I don't like going to the hospital."
"But they were very nice to you, weren't they?" David pointed out.
"Still don't like it," she pouted. "Can I play with Mariana today?"
"Well, I suppose we could invite them round this afternoon," replied David, looking inquiringly at Laura. “The doctor didn’t say that you had to stay in bed, but you’d better take it easy today.”
"I’ve got a better idea. Why don't we invite them for lunch?”
“A bit last minute, don’t you think?”
“Yes, I know it is but I'm sure they won't mind. They always love coming over for a barbeque. You know how they hate being cooped up in the flat all weekend."
"All right. Fine by me."
"OK, I'll call Sara now and see if they're free. In the meantime, Vanessa, why don’t you brush your teeth and get dressed?"
“I’ll help her,” offered David. “Anda, querida.”
I hope they can come, thought Laura fervently as she looked for her cell phone. Some company is exactly what we need to lighten the atmosphere.
Sara and Miguel Santos were the couple that they socialized the most with. They owned the home décor store in town where David and Laura had pur
chased most of the furniture for the villa, and as it turned out that their daughters were in the same class at school, the two families had grown quite close.
Sara was fun and down to earth and she never judged. Laura could always count on her for moral support and sound advice. Miguel was as easy-going as his wife, but had a wicked sense of humour that Laura loved. Physically, however, the pair were as different as could be. Sara was short and just this side of chubby, whereas Miguel was tall and rangy.
***
“Well, that was delicious,” said Sara as she swallowed the last of her homemade apple pie. “And the birds think so, too,” she smiled as she threw some crumbs at the sparrows that hopped about on the patio.
“Absolutely,” agreed Miguel. “And I hate to admit it, but no one grills a T-Bone quite like David does.”
“Thanks, buddy,” grinned David. “Years of experience, you know.”
“Well, we’ll keep coming over for lunch just to make sure you don’t lose your touch.”
“Anytime, my friend. Anytime.”
Sara sighed and leaned back against her chair. “It’s lovely out here. This bucolic calm is so soothing. Look at all those blossoms on the plum trees. Absolutely splendid.”
“It has its moments. But it’s also a lot of hard work and hassle. Not to mention a hefty expense,” replied David.
“And an endless source of friction...” Laura muttered.
A heavy silence ensued and, ever tactful, Sara scrambled to cover the awkward moment.
“Well, as usual, I’ve had way too much to eat,” she said brightly as she patted her not-as-flat-as -it-used-to-be tummy. “Why don’t we go for a stroll to walk it off?”
“OK”, agreed Laura gratefully. “Let’s leave the cleaning up till later.”
“Sounds good to me. Are you guys coming?” asked Sara.
“You must be mad! We’re going to sit here and enjoy our drinks.”
“Yes, and develop even bigger beer bellies,” retorted Sara.
“Well, like they say in Russia— toughshitski!” smirked Miguel, whose lanky frame managed to disguise the fact that his abs could do with a bit of a workout.
Both women laughed. “Keep an eye on the girls, will you? They’re playing inside.”
David shooed them away with his hand. “Don’t worry. It’s all under control.”
“OK, then. See you in a bit. Laura, shall we take the dogs with us?”
A beat.
“You’d better ask David about that,” Laura replied stiffly.
Puzzled, Sara looked from her friend’s downcast eyes to David’s puckered brow. “Is that a problem?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders and holding up her palms in a what-did-I-say gesture.
“No, just make sure they don’t run around on the lawn. They always make a mess of it.”
“OK,” she answered in a surprised voice. “We’ll stick to the woodland, then.”
“Come on, Sara, let’s go,” said Laura fishing the remote control from her trouser pocket and heading for the dog run.
“What was that all about?” Sara demanded once they were out of earshot.
“You don’t want to know,” Laura replied wearily.
“What’s going on with the two of you? Lately it seems that if you’re not snapping at each other, you’re treating each other with kid gloves.”
“It’s that obvious, uh?”
“Duh.”
“Oh, Sara, I don’t know what to do. We just don’t seem to get on anymore.”
“But why not? What’s the matter?” asked Sara anxiously as they sat down on the bench facing the koi pond.
“Oh, I don’t know. Sometimes I just feel that David isn’t the same person I married. Or maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the one that’s changed.”
“Well, of course, you have. We all have. Relationships change over time. You can’t expect that initial passion to be the same sixteen years on,” she said gently.
“I know,” Laura answered, fidgeting with the gate remote control, “it’s not that. Or perhaps it is. In part, anyway.” Trying to avoid the subject, she jumped to her feet and pressed the long range remote control to let the dogs out.
“Come on, let’s walk the dogs,” she said as she headed down the path, oblivious to the fragrance that wafted up from the herbs as she trampled them underfoot.
“Look, all marriages have their ups and downs,” Sara called after her. The secret is not to obsess about all the little things that get on your nerves and focus on the good stuff instead.”
Just then a mountain of fur came bounding in her direction.
“Whoa there, girls! Easy does it!” she exclaimed as the six dogs tried to rub up against her legs and lick her hands.
She crouched down to pet the little ones that yapped excitedly around her. Clarisse and Lilly immediately took advantage of this to give her face a good wash.
“Agh! Stop it, girls. I don’t need another shower today. Well, actually, now I do!” laughed Sara, tucking her dark curls behind her ears and straightening up.
A shrill whistle pierced the air.
“Come on, girls. Enough already!”
The dogs immediately ran back to Laura and she shooed them on ahead as she and Sara made their way round the large dog run with its spacious brick kennels.
“Let me show you the rock pond that we’re building way down there,” said Laura, pointing up ahead.
“OK, but don’t try to change the subject. Come on, Laura, this is me you’re talking to.”
“Sorry, Sara. It’s just that I can’t really put my finger on it. David and I used to be so in synch with each other and now I feel that we’re not on the same page anymore.”
She picked up a pine cone and threw it for the dogs to fetch.
“I think that buying this property was a terrible mistake. It seems that it has been the root of all our problems.”
“But you’re always in agreement when it comes to choosing the furniture and fittings...”
“Oh, yes, that’s not a problem at all. In fact, we’re still in total agreement about the major issues in life. You know: values, politics, life-style...” Her voice trailed off.
“But...?” Sara prompted her.
“Well, the purchase and the renovation of this property forced us to deal with an unbelievable amount of bureaucracy, incompetence and even corruption. And it’s the manner in which David has dealt with, or rather ignored all this that has disappointed me.”
“Oh, Laura. Aren’t you being a little harsh? David is such a lovely man. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you and Vanessa.”
The dismay in her voice was reflected by the expression on her face.
“Yes, I know but I always used to look to David for guidance and advice; I always felt that he knew so much about everything.”
She stopped and faced Sara, her expression earnest.
“And now, well, I feel that I’ve left him behind, that’s he´s no longer my equal. That he’d rather settle for second best than actually stand up for what we believe in, to proactively try to make sure that the right thing is done,” exclaimed Laura, her voice rising in agitation.
“Whoa!” said Sara raising her eyebrows. “That’s pretty intense.”
She placed her hand on Laura’s forearm.
“Listen, what you’ve told me is nothing in the great scheme of things. David doesn’t have to behave and react exactly as you do. It’s okay to be different—to complement each another.”
Sara eyed her intently, noticing the dissatisfaction on Laura’s face and the restless wringing of her hands.
“Why has this become such an issue all of a sudden?”
Laura stared moodily down at the ground as she kicked the dirt with her boot.
“You sure there’s nothing else bothering you? Nothing else that’s adding to this feeling of dissatisfaction?” asked Sara shrewdly.
A shrug of the shoulders.
“Well, come on. Spit it out!”
The
ground stabbing intensified.
“But what if there was someone…. someone who was my soul mate?”
Sara raised her friend’s face with her hand and looked at her with concern. Conflict was written all over Laura’s face.
“Sweetie, is there something you want to tell me?”
“I...” Laura pressed her lips firmly together and shook her head, looking away.
“Laura, I know what you mean—don’t think that you’re the only one that has ever felt that way. But you’ve got to think carefully before you act on it, before you cross that thin red line. You know what I’m saying, honey?”
Laura nodded, eyes moist and not trusting herself to speak.
“Come on, let’s turn back. It’s getting late and I need a stiff drink before we go—and so do you. Let’s lock the dogs up and go back to the house.” She placed her arm round Laura’s shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze.
“You know I’m always here for you, right? No matter what.”
Chapter 10
After a restless night, Laura dropped her daughter off at school and asked the teacher to call her should Vanessa look in any way unwell.
She jumped back into her SUV and made her way to the motorway whilst she consulted her mental To Do list. First: secure a parking space. She pressed a button on her steering wheel to operate her voice-activated car phone.
Call – Say “By number” or “By name.”
By name.
Name, please?
Delta.
Calling “Delta”. Say “Yes” to proceed, otherwise say “Back” or “Cancel.”
Yes.
Dialling.
Laura was running late and hoped that there’d be an available parking space in her client’s parking garage. She felt tired and grumpy from lack of sleep, and the last thing she needed was to spend ages driving around looking for a parking spot. Worse still was the expense and hassle of feeding the meter.
Delta. Bom dia. Fala Ana.
“Good morning, Ana. This is Laura Cruz.” “Good morning, Senhora Cruz. What can I do for you?”
“Any chance of my parking in the garage today?”
The Blame Page 5