“Boss! Wait! What if I'm not ready?” Casey's voice was tinged with panic.
The Big Man turned and smiled lovingly. “You are. It's time.” He kept walking. Soon there was silence. Casey stood there for who knows how long, watching the doors quietly. Finally he stepped forward, the sound of his bare feet padding on the floor astonishingly loud in the quiet. He touched the knob of the middle door and took a slow breath.
“Here goes nothing.” He turned the knob and the door swung inward with a slow creak. “Hello?” The room had opened up into a huge theater. The screen at the end of the room was enormous and took up all visible space as far as the eye could see in any direction. There was a projector sitting in the middle of the floor, a cord trailing off into nothing along with a folding chair. He stepped forward slowly, his feet skimming the ice cold tile floor. The door slammed shut behind him, the rattling jolt making his heart thud in his chest. “No going back now, I guess, but shit, no need to give me a heart attack.”
He touched the table the projector was on. I wonder what this is for? I'm just supposed to sit here and watch a movie? What the hell? I at least hope it is a good movie. I can't promise to stay awake during some kind of chick flick or God, if it's one of those really shitty movies where the old guys are trying to be college kids again, I don't think I can take watching another one of those... With a sigh, he flipped the switch.
Slowly, a light came on and lit up the screen. He sat down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. He waited for the movie to start, all he saw were hundreds of grey slides. One after another going lighter and lighter. He saw a little girl coming slowly into focus. He sat in silence and watched, mouth slightly agape. The little girl was digging in the dirt even though she wore a pale pink dress and little white shoes with those frilly socks little girls wear. Her dark hair was long and touched the bow at the back of her dress. He couldn't see her face. He watched her digging in the dirt, then she started singing a silly little song about being a princess and how an angel would come and rescue the princess. He heard a laugh and the little dirty pixie looked over her shoulder. His heart stopped in his chest for a couple of seconds. He would know those big emerald eyes anywhere. The little girl smiled. “Hi, Mommy. I was building a castle for my princess baby and for Casey when he comes back to see me. See?” She stood, wiping grubby little hands all over her beautiful and fluffy dress. She grinned, her whole face lighting up.
He heard another laugh. “Oh Cami, baby. You made a beautiful castle, but you are a mess.”
He watched in fascination as baby Camille stuck her bottom lip out. “I don't like my dress. I want to ride a pony and wear pants instead. Do you think my angel will still love me if I'm not pretty no more?”
He heard her mother laugh again and his chest tightened with emotion. “Baby, the right prince will fall completely in love with you, just like you are, no matter what you are wearing or how dirty you are. But right now my wild princess needs a bath. How about that? Let's go see what Daddy is doing.”
Camille's impish face lit up. “Okay!” The screen went blank again.
Thoughts ran rampant through his mind. She had an angel named Casey as a little girl? The hell are the odds? Why not? Cassandra still sees me. But wouldn't I have known if she had an angel before me? Where did her angel go? She wanted an angel to love her even though she wanted to be wild. God. She was beautiful, even as a baby. He ran a hand through his hair and then clenched his hands together, waiting with bated breath to see more of his beautiful girl. The grey was moving at a snail's pace and he fought the urge to shake the machine to make it go faster. Instead he stood and paced the room.
Slowly another picture was coming into focus. Camille was a few years older, maybe ten. She was still plump and sweet and absolutely adorable. She was stretched out on her bed, looking up at the filmy canopy attached. Her hair was a mess around her, spread out like a blanket of midnight. She sighed. “Where did you go? Why did you leave me? I thought we were friends. I'm not too big to play with you anymore. I love you.” Her emerald eyes filled with tears and he felt his own well up and his chest ached with emotion. He reached a hand out as if to comfort her. She rolled over on the bed and sobbed. “All I did was love you and be your friend. I don't want you to go.” She sobbed even harder. “I didn't want you to go, Casey.”
The screen faded back to grey again and his heart jumped into his throat. This all makes no sense. She loved an angel or some imaginary friend named Casey... and he had hurt her. It wasn't me... It couldn't have been. His heart was pounding in his ears. The next scene came quicker now. Camille was a couple years older still. Maybe twelve or thirteen. She was gangly and hitting puberty.
She stood in front of the mirror in her Mickey Mouse shirt, picking at it hanging off of her frame, frowning at her reflection. She had cut her hair, it was barely brushing her jaw. She touched her hair and rubbed it between her fingers. Her eyes were troubled and tears filled them suddenly. She dropped her head into her hands. “Casey wouldn't laugh at me about my hair. He wouldn't. I can't help it that Donnie Warner cut it during class.” She sat down on the floor in front of her mirror and stared into it with her soulful fern green eyes. “Casey, you wouldn't laugh at me, would you?”
He found himself responding. “No, Cami, I wouldn't. You know I wouldn't.”
She smiled softly, hearing a response in her head she liked. “I know you think I'm special. Thank you for being my friend. Why can't you come back to me?”
“I don't know.” He replied, wishing he knew the answers and that she could hear him. He wanted to hold her and comfort the little girl she was.
Her eyes bored into the mirror and he sat perfectly still in fascination. It was like she was watching him just as he watched her. “I'll still be here waiting, Casey. I'll always be waiting.” She blinked, her eyelids covering her mesmerizing eyes for a split second, her dark lashes brushing her cheeks, then she was gone. The screen went grey again.
He started shaking all over and bile rose in his throat. “God, I don't understand this. What kind of sorcery is this? I don't get it. I don't understand.” He stood and the shakes overtook him and he collapsed back on the floor. “How does she know me? How?”
He squeezed his eyes shut and he felt exhaustion overtake him.
Chapter Three – Dovetail
He woke to a gentle touch to his shoulder. “Camille?” He groggily whispered.
“No, Casey.” He knew that voice anywhere.
“Sarah?” He opened his eyes and saw his little sister sitting cross legged on the floor. She looked like a paint company had exploded on her, but she always did. Her mercurial personality made it so she could never decide on one color or one style. It was one of the things he had always loved about her.
“Hi, big brother.” She shifted her head and her wild halo of red hair slipped over her shoulder.
“You... you died.” His voice came out barely more than a whisper and he suddenly felt very awake.
She nodded. “Yeah, I did. But so did you.” Her dusky eyes turned to him. They were magnetic, but they always had been. She had those Bette Davis eyes.
He pushed himself to sitting. “I don't understand this Sarah.” He rubbed his forehead. “Not a damn bit of this makes sense.”
She smiled. “I know.” She offered nothing more.
“Sarah, why didn't I know you before?”
She smiled, the exact same dimples he had showing up on her cheeks. “You weren't supposed to, big brother. This is all part of a bigger plan. You knew I wasn't normal knowing you were there. But you didn't pursue it. Camille kept you too busy.”
He shook his head. “I need to know more. Why are you here?”
Sarah laughed. “I'm not that big of a heathen to go to hell, plus I turned my life around.”
He reached out and touched her hand. “Are you real?”
She grinned. “As real as you are, skippy.”
He blinked. “How are
you here?”
“Casey, how do you think I got here? I died.” She threw her arms up in the air and rolled her eyes dramatically. “Put the pieces together.”
“Sarah...” He looked at her bewildered. “You're an angel?”
She shrugged one pale shoulder and smiled. “Bingo.”
His mouth fell open and he looked at her like she had grown a few extra heads. “Sarah.” It was all he could say. “Why the hell can people see you? Why can only kids see me unless I am in their dreams? This shit is just getting too weird.”
“That's my name, big brother, don't wear it out.” She smiled again. “Different angels have different jobs, and it just depends. Sometimes we show up and stay a while when there is a job to do. I had a job to do, you could see me. So could Camille and everyone else. There are angels everywhere, Casey. Don't you know that?”
He grabbed her in his arms and hugged her tight. “Oh God, Sarah.”
She hugged him back. “You haven't hugged me in years, Casey.”
He buried his face in her neck and held on for dear life. “Sarah, I haven't seen you in years.”
She eased back slightly and patted his back. “You didn't hug me even before I died. I wish we had both taken different paths in life. But I'm grateful our paths are crossing again now. I have missed you, Casey. Oh how I've missed you.”
He held her tiny hand in his bigger one. “Sarah. I am so sorry I didn't take care of you better.” His throat squeezed shut and he couldn't say more.
She sat there quietly for a few minutes then gently replied, “You know what? It's okay. Because I am fulfilled now, Casey. I'm happy. I have made such a difference in so many people's lives. I love being an angel. I feel so secure in my skin. I'm strong, I'm powerful and better than all of it, I'm whole.” She glowed with happiness, just like someone had taken a match to her inner candle.
“Sarah. I'm so happy for you. But none of this makes sense. Why haven't I seen you before now?” He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it.
“Because, Casey, it wasn't time. You were really fucked up, kid.” She gently punched his arm, like they used to do as kids.
“Yeah, you're right.” He hung his head.
“Don't beat yourself up about it now, man. You've worked through so much shit. But you know something? You still aren't done yet.” She smiled ruefully at him.
He looked up at her face in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“There is someone that you need to grant forgiveness to.” She let go of his hand and shifted into a more comfortable position, which for Sarah had always meant stretched out on her stomach, her head resting on crossed arms.
“I've gotten forgiveness from everyone I hurt, Sarah. As an angel, you know we do that first. I should be done with the rest of this shit, then I can finish the time God wants from me and I can be with Cami again.” He stood quickly and started pacing.
“Calm your nerves, Casey. You aren't ready for a woman like her yet.” He stopped in his tracks.
“What do you mean by that, Sarah?” His tone bordered on insolent and ready for a fight.
“Look man, don't shoot the messenger. The Boss says you have to grant someone forgiveness.” She held a hand up as if to silence him then shrugged as she crossed her arms and lay her head down again.
“There isn't anyone I can think of who needs my forgiveness, Sarah.” He rubbed his forehead again and groaned in annoyance.
“No? Then let's watch the rest of Camille's movie. It will come to you eventually.” She turned to sit back up and the screen re-illuminated.
“Sarah, I don't understand how she knew me before.” His eyes were bewildered and he started shaking again.
“Sit with me, big brother. All will become clear in time. I promise. Baby sis is here to make sure of it.” She patted the ground beside her and he slowly knelt before sitting down and crossing his legs. She twined her arm through his and simply rested her head on his shoulder. They sat there watching the grey screen together.
Chapter Four – Delight
The screen suddenly went to a picture of Camille as a very tiny baby. Her eyes even then were vividly green. Sarah smiled and murmured, “I love this movie.”
He looked down at her. “What?”
Sarah smiled. “It has been one of my favorites since becoming an angel. Don't tell me you've never come down here to watch movies, Casey.”
He shook his head. “Sarah, I don't know what you are talking about.”
She looked up at him incredulously. “You've never taken a break? Just to watch these wonderful lives up on the screen?”
“No, Sarah, I didn't even know this was down here.” Another picture slowly moved forward on the screen, this was a picture of Camille at about sixteen. It was her profile, the sunlight gilding her beautifully. “God, she's exquisite.” She was sitting on a fence, looking out at a field. “I wonder who took the picture?”
Sarah smiled. “I know the answer to this one. Her mom did.”
He looked at her curiously. “Her mom?”
“Yeah, I know everything about Camille. Her mom was a fantastic photographer. Camille is an aspiring photographer. This movie is full of beautiful shots and videos. Plus, Camille is one of those rare girls who is beautiful and has no idea. That's why I asked God to pick her for you.” She smiled softly.
His brow wrinkled. “What? What do you mean?”
Sarah shrugged. “I spent a lot of time down here looking for someone like her who could help you heal. God said you were doing nothing but putting your nose to the grindstone and never taking a break, never resting, moving from one client to the next, working all the time. You weren't stopping to smell the roses. Even bad ass big brothers need a break sometimes. Oh look, I love this picture.”
He waited to ask his question as he turned to the screen. His mouth fell open in shock as he saw himself on the screen with Camille, at the beach. He was leaning in and whispering something to her. Her eyes were closed and she had a sweet smile on her face. He glanced at Sarah quickly. “When was this taken, and by who?”
She smiled secretly. “I took this one. It was while you two were together in your dreams.”
He looked at her in horror. “Sarah, that's just weird. Please GOD tell me you didn't see...”
Sarah laughed. “No, I don't watch people make love, Casey. That's just gross and totally inappropriate.”
He grimaced. “Why were you spying on me anyway?” He knew he was coming across as an asshole.
She shrugged. “Why not? You're my big brother. Isn't that what annoying little sisters do? Annoy and spy on the people they love most in the world all in hopes that said person they love will notice and love them back? I'm pretty sure it's been that way since the dawn of time.”
“Sarah,” he said softer this time. “You know I love you. I always have. I'm so unbelievably sorry for getting all wrapped up in my own bullshit and not doing what I was supposed to for you. I know I said it before, but I feel that it needs to be said again. I should have done more for you. Protected you better. Then you wouldn't have died.”
Sarah patted his arm. “Ah, hell kid. You might have saved me for a few more months, but I was on track for an overdose anyway, we all knew that. I'd rather be an angel than high anyway. That shit is for the birds.”
He smiled sadly. “What kind of angel are you?”
She smiled. “I help those who are addicted and abused. I also have found I have quite the hand at matchmaking.”
He looked at her for a few minutes quietly. “You really are happy, aren't you?”
Sarah nodded. “Ecstatic like you wouldn't believe, big brother.” She leaned her head back against his shoulder. “Watch the movie with me. I don't want to talk anymore.”
“Okay, we can do that.” He eased his arm around his little sister and they watched the movie of Camille's life together.
God, Sarah is here with me. I... I don't even believe it. She's so different but so very much the same. I'm sitting here
watching the love of my life flashing up on the screen. I don't know what she means that I need to grant someone forgiveness... Oh God, look at that picture of Cami... It was her senior photo. She was in the woods, up in a tree, leaves surrounding her like a halo, and it did nothing but magnify her beautiful eyes.
“I like this one too,” Sarah whispered.
“I didn't say anything.” He squirmed uncomfortably at her keen senses.
Sarah grinned. “You didn't have to. Your heart beat told me everything I need to know. Oh... the sad part is coming up now.” She grabbed his hand. “I always cry at this part. Always.”
He watched in horror as he saw a slow motion video of the accident. He saw the SUV skid on the ice, spin around then fly off the side of the road. He saw Camille screaming. He ached to comfort her, just hold her. Sarah was bawling into his shirt. “It's so sad to see people die!” She exclaimed.
He couldn't speak but he nodded. “Can we turn it off?”
Sarah grabbed at his shirt as he stood to turn off the projector. “Hell no, asshole. Sit down, we are getting to more good parts. This is the part where her hero comes.”
He watched the screen, the smoking wreck of the SUV sure to be imprinted in his mind forever. “This is killing me listening to her scream and not be able to help her.” He closed his eyes again.
Sarah touched his hand. “But look. You are there.”
He opened his eyes to see himself on the screen. “How could anyone see me?”
Sarah smiled. “You know God sees everything, big brother.” She jabbed him in the side with her elbow. “Be quiet, this next little bit is my favorite part of it all.”
He saw himself slipping in the SUV, gently closing her mother's eyes and saying a few words to ease her journey into the great beyond. He watched as he felt for her father's pulse. It was weak, but he'd never survive. He whispered in the man's ear to go in peace and to not worry, he would take care of Camille. The man had taken his last breath and was gone. He watched himself turn to Camille and wrap around her, trying to keep her warm, trying to calm her.
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