Stupid old fools were probably half-deaf. I could feel the adrenalin rising higher and higher but needed to remain stoic for my plan to work. It was hard to rein in the savage beast inside that was fighting with me to break free. If they didn’t hurry the fuck up and answer the God damn door, I would let the monster out to wreak havoc.
Folding my arms across my chest to fight the chill, I moved from one foot to the other in an attempt to warm up.
The television set’s volume was turned down as I heard footsteps and saw a silhouette appear in the frosted glass of the front door. Finally!
Mr. Livingston’s surprised stance and dismayed expression as he opened the door thrilled me. I had the upper hand.
“What are you doing here? Haven’t you done enough to our family?”
“Before you send me on my way, please just listen. I’m so sorry for what I’ve put your family through,” I lied. “I’m here to make amends and try to sort things out.”
“The hell you are!”
“I’ve been going to counseling for my anger and would like to talk to Dakota to apologize. My therapist has suggested it as part of the anger management program I’m on. A bit like AA. You know, the twelve steps and all that?” I tried to stop the muscle in my jaw from twitching from my restrained fury.
Mr. Livingston laughed. “Yeah, right! It’s a bit late for that, isn’t it? Our daughter nearly died because of you.”
Smugness washed over me but I tried hard not to let it show. Things were progressing nicely. A couple more apologies and the old man would be a pushover. So far the door hadn’t been slammed in my face.
“Mr. Livingston, I understand how you feel. I need to make amends so we can all move forward in a positive manner. I realize that the past can’t be changed, but the future can, starting with tonight. Here and now. It’s taken a lot of courage for me to come here and face you after all the pain I’ve caused, but you have to believe me when I say how deeply sorry I am.”
We both glared at each other and I wondered what the old prick was thinking. I continued on, “So, I was wondering if I could speak with Dakota to try and rectify my mistakes.” God, I was good! I was truly proud of my performance thus far. It was worthy of an Academy Award.
“No, you can’t speak to Dakota. She’s not here, and even if she was, there’s no way in hell you would get within ten feet of her. She doesn’t ever want to see you again, you lying bastard. Nice try, you son of a bitch! What a nerve you have, even showing your face around here.”
Mr. Livingston stepped out into the porch light, standing with fists balled at his sides. Engorged veins popped out on his neck.
As if flicking a switch, my calm façade crumbled as the beast broke free. “Where is she?”
“She’s long gone. Met someone else who treats her like gold. You’re too late.”
No. It can’t be! Everything was going according to plan. A little bit longer and I would have convinced him. He’s lying. She’s probably upstairs, listening to the whole charade. I’m not leaving until I get to see her. No more mister nice guy crap.
“I don’t believe you. I know she’s here. I think you’re lying to try and protect her, so I’m not leaving until you go get her.” I growled out the words through clenched teeth.
“I told you, she’s not here! What part of that don’t you understand? Now get the hell off my property or I’ll call the police.” Mr. Livingston was not backing down.
Enough talking. I tried to push through the front door but was stopped.
Seizing me by the shirt, Pops pulled me across the porch and out onto the cobbled path that cut through the middle of the lawn and ended up at the letterbox.
“I said, get off my property!”
By now I had crossed to the dark side. Smoke was billowing out my ears. The old man would be a piece of cake to take down. Having prepared for this during the course of the last few months, plan B would now have to be put into action. Use force if the parents were not willing to comply with my wishes. The beast within punched his fist with victory.
Stumbling on the grass and almost losing my balance, I recovered well and turned to face my opponent.
“You stupid fool. We could have done this the easy way. I asked nicely, did I not? Now, you’re going to have to pay the price for denying me the right to see my wife. That’s right! My wife! We’re still legally married, you know!” I lunged towards Mr. Livingston, taking him off guard. We both fell to the ground with a cracking thud. The thick buffalo grass did little to cushion our fall but I was beyond feeling any pain.
I threw the first punch, straight into Mr. Livingston’s left eye, thrusting the man’s head back onto the lawn. Blood oozed out from the eye socket and the swelling was almost immediate.
Mr. Livingston swung and pounded an uppercut into my jaw, which if I was in a normal frame of mind, probably would have hurt like a bitch, but I was numb to all sensation. I felt a couple of teeth get knocked out of place as my head was thrust sideways. The only reaction I offered my opponent was to lose my balance somewhat as the old fool seemed to regain some of his composure. The fucking prick had some spunk, I’d give him that. Nice jab. The beast liked a good fight. A little competition. It only served to make him stronger.
A woman’s scream echoed into the otherwise, quiet night. “Jack! Oh my God! Jack, are you all right?”
Expletives tore from my mouth at her high-pitched whining that nearly burst my ear-drums. “Fuck off! Get back and mind your own business. This is between me and Pops here.” I hadn’t taken my eyes off Jack, keeping my guard firmly locked in place.
The hysterical woman continued. I promised myself that if she didn’t shut the fuck up, I would make her.
This needed to end so I could get Dakota and disappear.
I punched my foe in the stomach, winding him, knowing it would buy me some time. I looked up to the open front door. She retreated inside so I rose and ran, rubbing my jaw, stumbling through the entrance.
I was going to turn the house upside down looking for my wife and no one was going to stand in my way.
Tearing into the living room I was met with my mother-in-law, who was placing the receiver of the phone down.
Fuck! I could almost guarantee that she’d called the cops. I didn’t have long.
“Stay away from me! The police will be here any minute.” She had backed herself into the far corner against the curtain-clad wall, a look of terror on her face.
I could have offered her the same hospitality I’d offered her husband but with the cops on my tail, it would have to wait.
I turned and made my way through the house from room to room, looking behind doors, under beds, and inside wardrobes.
Empty!
Jesus Christ, her old man had been telling the truth. She wasn’t here.
Running back down the stairs, I shot out the door to find Jack walking half-bent up the path towards the house.
“Where is she? I won’t ask again!”
“I told you. She’s far away from you. She doesn’t want to see you. Don’t go near her again!”
“Or what, old man? You gonna have another go at me? Huh? Come on!” I was punching my chest like a huge gorilla in a show of enraged dominance.
I was startled to find Jack actually walk forward, fists raised. The stupid old bastard had some fight in him after all but was clearly at a disadvantage given that he couldn’t even stand up straight.
I took advantage of his weakness, plunging forward, driving myself into the man until we were both lying on the path near the front porch. I didn’t have to throw another punch as I heard a second crack and it hadn’t come from me. Looking down I noticed Jack’s eyes shut and a stillness possess his body.
My job here was done.
I shoved myself off Jack as I heard sirens wailing in the distance. It was time to go. Needing to get back to my car, I dug my keys out of my pocket and fled, leaving Mr. Livingston unconscious and splayed like a snow angel on the ground.
&n
bsp; Chapter Ten
Dakota
I had been waiting for the right moment to open my heart up and now seemed as good a time as any. I needed to let go and move forward, to stop letting the past control me.
Slowly and bravely I took a deep breath, swallowed my fear, and began:
“I knew John when we were at school together but didn’t really have much to do with him. He was always hanging around the popular kids and I was just nobody in particular. He barely knew I existed and when we’d pass each other in the hallway he wouldn’t even acknowledge that he’d seen me. My two close friends and I whispered to each other about how cute he was but knew that he wasn’t interested. It wasn’t that we were ugly or anything but back then we were going through that gangly, awkward stage. I didn’t develop breasts until I was sixteen, which was quite a bit later than most of the girls my age. Breasts were a big thing back then. It didn’t really matter what you looked like, but the bigger your breasts, the more boys you would have hanging around.”
I peeked around at Kyle and noticed his wide eyes and a humorous smirk on his face but he didn’t say anything, just nodded at me to continue.
“John would always have a couple of women on each arm. I just resigned myself to the fact that I would never have a boyfriend, so I focused my attention on other things, one of which was writing.
“After leaving school I was out partying with friends when we stumbled into John at a nightclub. By that time, I had blossomed into a woman with breasts. We started talking and reminiscing about our old school and before I knew it, he was writing down my phone number. I couldn’t believe that one of the popular boys in school was now asking me out. I felt extremely privileged.
“John rang me a few nights later and we arranged to go see a movie together. I still to this day can’t remember what the movie was about as we didn’t end up watching much of it.”
Kyle frowned. It was one of the few times I had seen his expression change. If only he knew what was to come. I could tell he didn’t like the thought of another man kissing me. I immediately put his mind at ease.
“Don’t worry, compared to you on the kissing scale, he scored only a three. The numbers don’t go high enough to rate your kisses.” I gave him a lingering smooch just to prove it.
His mood lightened, enabling me to continue as I settled against him:
“We became a hot item after that night, going away for weekends and talking of a future together. He was always a charmer, buying me things and talking the talk. He’d always had a temper though and spoke down to me all the time, but I was too blinded by what I thought was love to see through it. It was hard to resist all the gifts, even when he’d put me down all the time. My parents didn’t take to him at all. They could see through the façade. Little things he did and said gave it away but again, I was too blind to notice.
“Smitten by all the gifts, we moved in together and were married a short time after. My mother was the first one to question my motives.
“‘Don’t you think you should think about this a bit more?’ she had asked when we were alone together. ‘You’re still young. Why don’t you go overseas for a while? You’ve got plenty of time to settle down later.’
“But I loved him and I didn’t want to end up alone. All my friends were married, I had argued, not wanting to listen to the advice.
“My parents paid for most of the wedding, even though they were against it slightly, they resigned themselves to the fact that I’d go ahead with or without their blessing. The day went off without a hitch but it poured down only moments before I arrived at the church and then it stopped just as suddenly and sunshine teemed down on us. I think secretly it was an omen, warning me that my marriage would be stormy, but in the end I’d find the beautiful rays of the sun.
“You are that ray of sunshine, Kyle. You’ve opened up my heart in ways that you couldn’t imagine. Ways that I never knew were possible.”
He brushed the hair from my face and turned my head to face him.
“It’s me who should be thanking you, beautiful girl. You are like a breath of fresh air to me. You’ve flown into my life and knocked me for a loop. It feels like I’ve been hit by something so big that I can’t control it. These feelings I’ve got inside of me are consuming me. I can’t explain it. When I’m not with you, I ache.”
I had to shake my head slightly to see if I’d been hearing things. This was so beautifully insane. My heart sang and my libido rejoiced. We hadn’t even done the dirty deed. And yet he had just declared himself to me. Maybe that was the key. Keep sex out of the equation to start with and true feelings would shine through.
“I feel the same way. I can’t describe it, either. It’s strong. Every part of me wants to be with you.” I didn’t recognize the woman talking. She was talking from a place that I didn’t know existed. A space inside of my soul that was opening up.
Kyle pulled me back into his protective arms, kissing the top of my head. “I’m so glad you feel that way. You’re so stunning. Sitting her like this, just holding you. It feels, right. Let’s take each day as it comes and see where these feelings lead us.” His fingers were combing through my hair.
Even though talking about my past hurt like hell, having Kyle hold me and caress me helped ease the ache.
“I’m sorry. Go on. You weren’t finished.”
I didn’t know if I wanted to finish. I was enjoying the quiet too much. However, I knew I had to finish to try and add some closure to the saga that had been my life.
“The first month of married life was bearable, then as unforgiving as a monsoon the rain began to pour. I suddenly started really noticing John’s temper, which by now was unbearable. He’d come home from work and if his dinner wasn’t on the table just the way he liked it, all hell would break loose.
“Dutifully, I’d prepare a three course feast for him, leaving me in the kitchen for hours. Some nights I’d crawl into bed completely exhausted and then have to make love to him. I eventually had to pretend that I was enjoying it, which became easy after a while, for my whole existence became a charade. I didn’t say anything to my parents for fear of them saying to me, ‘I told you so,’ so I suffered in silence.
“He started drinking heavily, causing his temper to skyrocket. The nights when he went down to the pub with his mates were my nice, quiet time. Almost like the lull before the storm. He’d waltz into the house making demands, whether it was food or sex. I was always hoping it would be food. If I didn’t comply or complained about being too tired, he’d start getting physical.”
I choked back the tears, trying to stay strong but the horror of everything was like it only happened yesterday and talking about it now brought everything to the surface. The volcano was ready to erupt.
“It was horrible, Kyle. It was degrading and emotionally devastating,” I gasped, breaking down and sobbing, trying to go on. “It was like a different person coming forth as his fists pounded into me. The more I tried to fight him, the more violent he became. He even resorted to holding a cigarette lighter on my skin, watching me cry and writhe in agony as he laughed and told me how weak I was. I had to start lying to my family about all the bruises, saying that I’d fallen down the stairs or bumped into something. The last time he hit me, he knocked me unconscious and left me on the floor to die. When I awoke dazed and disoriented, I somehow managed to call my parents to come and get me.”
The dam burst and pain overwhelmed me, causing my body to shudder violently. I’d been lost for so long and grieved for having lost myself.
Kyle offered his strong arms and warm body. He seemed to know what I needed and I was grateful for that. He handed me tissues that I didn’t even know had been packed and held my hand, stroking me until the convulsions left and I was still. It felt like an eternity. I was so relieved that everything was out in the open. There were no more skeletons in the closet. A shift had taken place. He now knew everything about me and the ball was in his court. He could either stay or go. I wouldn�
��t blame him if he didn’t want to be a part of someone’s life that had so much baggage. In fact, I was expecting it.
I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs, rocking back and forth, letting the vast wilderness carry away my past.
Kyle sat speechless, gazing out to sea as if pondering upon the revelations. I wasn’t game to speak. I didn’t know what to say, anyway. What could I say after that bomb?
When he finally turned his head and looked at me, his eyes were moist.
“My sweet Dakota. I never knew you’d endured such evil. I want to kill him and I think that if I ever lay eyes on him, I’ll do just that. It pains me to think that anyone would want to hurt someone as nice as you. I wish I could take it all away but I can’t, which makes me feel so helpless. I’m so sorry. Maybe it was better not to open the can of worms.”
“No! I don’t want us to have any secrets. I’m glad you know everything now. We can put it behind us and enjoy our time together. I feel stronger now, knowing that I don’t have to keep this from you. It’s a relief. My parents are the only ones that know the truth. You’re the first person I’ve opened up to and told everything to, apart from them. It feels…good.” I rested my tear-stained cheek on one knee as I looked at him, sideways. No man had every cried over me. None. I could almost feel my heart breaking a second time at the tears in his eyes. It was as if my pain was now his pain. Is that what happened when two people cared about each other? They shared the same emotions?
I’d rambled on all afternoon. It was supposed to have been a romantic day but all I’d done was talk.
The sun was a rich, burnt-amber color as it disappeared over the horizon, creating a huge afterglow over the ocean. The brilliance of flames burst forth towards us as we sat, spellbound by its beauty.
The white caps on the ocean had disappeared and everything looked serene again, as if the ocean had been eavesdropping on my conversation with Kyle and was now happy and weightless.
Finding You (Finding You Series Book 1) Page 11