by Dojyomaru
“What do we need in order to cultivate that tolerance?” Souma asked. “Mutual understanding. No matter how I tell you to be tolerant of other faiths, we can’t accept evil religions that do things like sacrifice virgins in order to summon devils. I won’t ask you to be tolerant of such religions. However, I’m sure it’s hard to tell if another person’s religion is good or evil from the outside.”
Here Souma paused, and stressed: “And that’s why we’re nationalizing religion.”
He continued, “I want the representatives of each faith-based organization to register their religion with the country. If you pass the examination, your religion will be recognized as a state religion, subject to further investigations once every few years.
“The examination process is simple. You need only pledge not to engage in illegal activities such as killing, robbing others of their possessions, or engaging in sexual violence in the name of your religion.
“Harming people is generally against the rules, too, but some religions out there might engage in self-harm. For questions about the specific details, such as whether giving someone a tattoo constitutes harm, please consult your local authorities. I’ve provided them with specific guidelines, such as accepting things when people ask for it on their own, but forbidding things when they are forced on people who don’t want them, so please follow their directions.
“If any religion can’t make this pledge, or refuses to register, they will be dealt with by the authorities, so please be aware of that. Our people would have trouble sleeping at night if people who follow such dangerous beliefs were allowed to live near them, I’m sure. I want you to understand this.”
With all of that said, Souma took a deep breath. Then he continued on, as if speaking to each of his people personally.
“Finally, I believe that faith is something that exists for the living, not the dead. In order not to drag our sadness with us, to live through the pains of our daily lives, and to live our lives as good people, we should have faith. I pray that no person will be harmed by that faith.”
I pray that no person will be harmed by that faith.
This was the thing that Souma most wanted to say.
Ever since the Demon Lord’s Domain had appeared, the people had had no end of things to worry about. In times like this, religion became more active as the people’s hearts relied on it for support, and when religion grew more active, conflicts between different religions and sects arose. The people’s support would turn into something that hurt them.
There might not have been many people in the kingdom who fully understood that. However, his words would stick in their ears.
As if trying to change the mood, Souma clapped his hands. “Well, that’s enough serious talk. Now that every religion that registers will be becoming a state religion, we have a little event planned. Roroa will explain.”
“Righty-o! Just you leave it to me!” Roroa exclaimed.
When Souma stepped aside, an adorable girl with her hair tied back in two tails came to stand beside him.
“Howdy-do, I’m the former Princess of Amidonia and Souma’s third fiancée, Roroa. How’s everyone in the Kingdom of Friedonia doin’ out there?”
Witnessing her inexhaustible supply of cheer, the people of Elfrieden were dumbfounded, while the people of Amidonia smiled wryly and said, “That’s just like our princess.” The serious atmosphere that had been building up until that point vanished as if it had all been a lie, and it had never been there to begin with. Even King Souma was stunned.
“...That’s the tone you’re doing this in, Roroa?” Souma asked.
“It’s fine, darlin’,” Roroa said confidently. “Since I’m on Juna’s Together With Big Sis, the people already know what kind of character I am.”
“I thought that casting choice was pretty forced, though...”
Souma slumped his exhausted shoulders. He seemed less like her fiancé and more like a big brother being run ragged by his little sister; but the people of the kingdom felt at ease watching them.
Then Roroa turned toward the screen, put her hands on her hips, and said, “Now, we’re gonna be makin’ all of the religions that register with us into state religions, but I’ve got a li’l request for ya all when you’re registerin’. If any of you have interestin’ festivals for your gods, be sure to tell us, would ya? In Darlin’s world, I hear that some religious events have been turned into national festivals, and believers and non-believers alike enjoy ’em together. Why don’t we have ourselves a real good time doin’ that in this country, too?”
Roroa threw her arms up and the people cheered. It seemed that even if they didn’t understand what she was saying, they had reacted to the word “festival.” They were excited that something fun was going to happen.
Incidentally, right after that, Roroa whispered, “Besides, if we make a festival of it, that’ll get the money movin’, and that’d just tickle me pink,” but her voice was low enough that it only made Souma who was beside her smile wryly.
Roroa winked at the screen. “Well, since I’m sure just talkin’ about it isn’t givin’ ya all a good sense of what I mean, I probably oughta give ya a concrete example. So, Old Man Souji, come over here and explain for the people.”
“Oh, come on, Little Miss Roroa, calling me an old man is a bit much...” The one who appeared saying that was a human man, about forty years old, with a muscular body. He spoke with a wry tone, rubbing his smooth head which was as tanned as the rest of his body. “I’m still a Lunarian Orthodox bishop, you know.”
Now that he mentioned it, the man was wearing the uniform (?) of a Lunarian Orthodox priest. That (?) is there because he wore it loosely... Too loosely in fact, and it had been modified to an almost scandalous degree. The long sleeves were cut short, and his pants and ceremonial robe only went down to just below the knees. When this fit and tanned man wore the outfit, it looked like a samue, an outfit that Japanese Zen Buddhist monks wore while engaged in simple physical work.
Roroa voiced an objection. “An old man’s an old man. Besides, I think it’s a bit much for you to be callin’ the soon-to-be third primary queen ‘little miss.’”
Those were fighting words, and the man responded in kind. “Don’t add in the octopus part! Now listen here, little missie, you’re going to be a married woman soon, so you’d better develop at least one kind of overflowing sexiness.”
“Wh-What was that?! Just you watch...” Roroa suddenly struck a pose and tried to moan erotically, but the man just chuckled.
The fact that he had laughed at the best sexy pose (?) she could manage sent Roroa into angry mode, and Souma had to hurriedly pin her arms behind her back.
“Let go of me, darlin’!” she shouted. “I can’t boil that octopus like this!”
“Calm down, Roroa. I thought you were cute,” Souma said and patted her on the head.
Roroa’s head spun to look at him. “...Ya mean it?”
“Sure, you were real cute.”
“Hm... Well, I’ll forgive him, then.”
That’s all it took?! thought the people watching. These people weren’t familiar with husband and wife manzai comedy routines, so they didn’t know exactly what they were being shown, but they were relieved that everything had been resolved peaceably.
Souma smiled wryly and said to the man in the customized priest’s uniform, “Now then, Sir Souji, if you could handle the rest of the explanation.”
“Understood, King Souma.”
With that said, the man took one step forward.
“Greetings to you, people of Friedonia. I am the bishop who has been sent by the Orthodox Papal State of Lunaria to organize the faithful in this country: Souji Lester.”
Chapter 5: The Commandment-breaking Bishop, Souji Lester
Late in the 3rd month, 1,547th year, Continental Calendar — Holy Capital Yumuen
A member of the court of inquiry spoke up. “We’ve had enough of this, Bishop Lester.”
On this day,
in Yumuen, the holy capital of the Orthodox Papal State, in the main church that was the center of the Orthodox faith, an inquiry was being held for a certain man.
The man who stood in the dark room surrounded by the members of the court of inquiry was Souji Lester. He was a bishop.
For those involved with Lunarian Orthodoxy, standing in front of the members of a court of inquiry was the same as being before a judge with the power to declare innocence or guilt. If he were excommunicated here, he would lose all of the protections and rights that this country provided to him. In this country, to cease being a member of the faith was to put yourself in a position where you could be killed and no one would complain.
However, despite being the one under judgment, Souji didn’t seem the least bit tense. In fact, he wore a bold smile, even seeming to enjoy his current situation. In response to his attitude, a member of the court of inquiry presented a complaint.
“Do you understand the graveness of your situation in being summoned here?” the member said in an intimidating tone.
However, Souji’s bold smile was unbroken. “Yes. This is a place to judge whether a member of the faith will be excommunicated or not. If they had done wrong, anyone would tremble in fear of this place. However, I have nothing to be ashamed of, and so I am at peace.” The man spoke politely, but his attitude seemed mocking.
“How dare you...” With a look on his face like he had bitten into something unpleasant, the member of the court looked through the documents he had in his hands. “Your misdeeds are unpardonable. Lady Lunaria said that, ‘If those of the clergy do not live in honorable poverty, the believers will not listen to them.’ However, you seem to do the opposite.”
“What? Do I not look poor to you?” Souji said, spreading his priestly robes out for them to see. His robe was cut off at the sleeves and below the knee, making it look like a samue. “I wear these shoddy clothes and live in a dilapidated shack on the outskirts of the city. If that’s not living in honorable poverty, what is? If anything, all of you here are wearing finer clothes and living in better houses than I am, no?”
“...However, we’ve heard of you receiving substantial donations from the followers,” the member of the court of inquiry pressed.
Souji shrugged. “Surely I have no reason to refuse what is offered to me.”
“How dare you say that! What do you take the believers’ offerings for?”
“If I were using their donations to fatten myself, indeed, that would be a sin,” said Souji. “But just look at these abs. I’ve got a perfect six-pack.” Souji pulled off his top to show off his abs.
When he showed off his body, which it was hard to believe belonged to a clergyman, and started shadow boxing, the members of the court were struck dumb for a moment, but they quickly turned bright red and got angry with him.
“That’s not what we’re talking about!” one of the members shouted, slamming his hands down on the table, but Souji seemed completely unconcerned.
“I’ll bet. I mean, we’ve got a pretty fat cardinal, too.”
When Souji glared at them a little, the members of the court found themselves at a momentary loss for words.
In mentioning the fat cardinal, he’d most likely meant Cardinal Gold. His pudgy body was inexcusable for a clergyman. In fact, the court of inquiry were already aware that most of the donations Souji collected were going to Cardinal Gold. In other words, Souji was implying that they shouldn’t squeeze him, but the cardinal instead.
However, in Orthodoxy, the cardinals were next only to the pope in rank. He was out of the court’s reach. If they were going to censure him, it would take the pope himself or a unanimous decision by the rest of the cardinals to do it. The pope could also be removed by a unanimous decision of the cardinals, so neither wanted to set a precedent for their own removal. That was how Cardinal Gold continued to manage to hold on to his position, despite being unpopular.
The court of inquiry wanted to squeeze Souji, who was connected to Cardinal Gold, in order to push the pope into censuring the cardinal, but Souji was under the cardinal’s protection. If they tried to force an unreasonable judgment against Souji here, the members of the court could find themselves censured by Cardinal Gold for overstepping their authority. Because of that, there had always been zero chance of Souji being excommunicated over the issue of donations here. That was why his composure hadn’t failed him.
The court of inquiry decided to change tack. “Outside of that, we’ve received reports that you travel from pub to pub every night.”
“Is it a sin to drink? I thought wine was sacred.”
“There are still limits.”
“Well, sorry,” said Souji. “A lot of the folks who come to hear me preach are drunkards. They ask me to come to the bar, not the church, so it just works out that I end up drinking too much.”
Incidentally, when Souji performed his pub sermons, he did it at parties...
“Lady Lunaria once said, ‘Live for today and be grateful for it.’ Cheers!”
...and all he did was quote some scripture as part of the toast. He was a big hit with the lazy believers because (they selfishly assumed that) it was just as virtuous for them to listen to him there as it would be for them to go to the church and listen to a priest’s boring sermons on the day of rest.
The court of inquiry seemed irritated, so they changed their angle of attack again. “That’s not all! I’ve heard you have a prostitute that frequently visits your house! Shouldn’t you be ashamed of that, as a member of the clergy?!”
“Oh my,” said Souji. “Do you mean to say that women are impure in some way? In that case, all of you here, where were you born into this world from? Surely you don’t mean to tell me you grew out of the fields? If you did, you could never eat vegetables, could you? You’d be eating your brothers and sisters.”
“Quit rambling on with your meaningless sophistry! The one we must truly love and respect is Lady Lunaria. That is why, even after going through the proper procedures to get married, the pious believers still feel a sense of guilt towards Lady Lunaria. It is inexcusable that you would be seeing a prostitute!”
The members of the court had completely snapped, but Souji cackled. “I don’t know about that. Our lady Lunaria said this: ‘Believers are to be honest with others.’ It’s only natural for us, as living beings, to want to embrace women. That’s because Lady Lunaria created us this way. Between those who, despite having taken the vows of marriage, hide their position in the clergy and sneak off to visit prostitutes, and I, who openly invite them to come visit me, I wonder which of us is being more honest!”
Souji declared it so proudly that the members of the court were at a loss for words. It was an empty argument if they stopped to think about it, but Souji said such stupid things with a seriousness that was so exasperating that the members of the court couldn’t say a word.
From there, Souji took advantage of the court’s silence to expound at length and with great passion on the beauty of the female form (especially their breasts). With the utter pointlessness of everything he had to say, he had already destroyed the atmosphere of the inquiry.
“...That’s enough,” one member of the court of inquiry snapped at last. “Be more careful of your actions in future.”
In the end, the court was dismissed without being able to do anything to Souji.
When he left the room, Souji was walking through the corridor humming to himself when he passed a young nun. She was an eye-wateringly beautiful girl with her silver hair tied back in two tails.
That outfit... It’s one of the young saints in training, huh? Souji thought as he looked at the girl.
He wasn’t looking at her in a particularly strange way. Souji was into voluptuous older girls, so the pretty girl in front of him didn’t arouse his appetite in the least, and he was only looking at her out of innocent curiosity.
However, the silver-haired girl, who was walking expressionlessly, as if she had almost no emotion, furrowed
her brow slightly when she saw Souji. Then, as they passed each other, she turned her head away so she wouldn’t have to look at him and walked off at a brisker pace.
When he saw her do that, Souji scratched the back of his head and smiled wryly. “...Good grief. Looks like someone hates me, huh.”
This man, Souji. Despite his slovenly personality, he was strangely popular with men of all ages and old women. On the other hand, young girls hated him with a passion.
Well, I guess it’s too much to expect a young thing like her to appreciate this old man’s overflowing adult charm, Souji thought, making excuses for himself as he stroked his stubble-covered chin.
◇ ◇ ◇
Around two weeks after that...
That night, Souji was in a certain pleasure quarter in the holy capital Yumuen.
Yumuen could have been called the Mecca of Lunarian Orthodoxy, but for as long as there were people living there, there would be a pleasure quarter where they could drink alcohol and fool around with women. Though there were no clergymen visible in the pleasure quarter, they were probably just in plain clothes and blending in with the ordinary customers. There was probably only one clergyman bold enough to come here and fool around in his (already modified) priest’s uniform, and that was Souji.
The sole reason that most of the donations Souji collected went to Cardinal Gold was to protect this freewheeling lifestyle of his. Souji had no desire for large amounts of money himself. In order to live freely in this city of prudes, he needed a powerful backer.
As Souji was walking down the street, a drunk old man who was drinking in front of one of the shops called out to him.
“Hey there, delinquent bishop. How’s it hanging?”
Souji turned to the old man and waved. “Hey, Pops. Thanks for all the donations.”
“Well, it’s not like I have anyone else relying on me,” the old man said. “If the country’s gonna take it all when I die, I’d rather use it for my drinking buddy.”