by A. D. Ellis
“I don’t know. It was okay.” Kade shrugged.
“It was a second date. Do you not like him as much as you thought?”
“I don’t know. I mean, he’s a super nice guy. But, I’m not sure if he’s what I’m looking for.” Kade rubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck, I’m not even sure what I’m looking for.”
“Want to take some beers out to the deck?” I suggested.
“Yes. That I am sure about.” Kade laughed.
Once we were settled on the deck with our beer, I waited for Kade to speak. Resting my head on the back of the chair, I took in the beauty of the moon and stars blanketing the sky above.
“You know how you said all you could think about when you were on your dates was how much you wanted to be home with me and the boys?” Kade asked after a while.
“Yeah?”
“Well, I wasn’t ready for it, but it was like that for me, too. I mean, the first guy I went out with was a total douche, so of course I would have rather been at home. But, Rob is a nice guy. And, the whole time I was with him on both dates, all I could think about was what you and the boys were doing. And what I was missing out on.” Kade sighed.
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so I stayed quiet.
“I don’t know. I mean, I was attracted to Kenneth on date number one, until he opened his mouth. And I was attracted to Rob, but then…” Kade’s words trailed off.
“But then, what?” I prodded.
Kade glanced at me. “Well, um, when he kissed me, all I could think about was that I wanted to be kissing you.”
My heart caught in my chest. Swallowing hard, I started to play dumb, but my mouth had other ideas. “I didn’t like watching him kiss you.”
“You watched us?” Kade’s voice was gruff.
“I didn’t mean to. I heard a door slam, so I went to the front to look out. I saw him kiss you,” I said into the darkness.
“And?”
“And, I didn’t like it. Okay?” I huffed.
“Why?”
“I don’t know, Kade. I guess maybe I miss that physical intimacy. I miss being held, and kissed, and cherished.” I whispered, terrified at what I’d admitted.
“Rob wasn’t cherishing me.”
“Doesn’t make me miss it any less,” I said.
“I could cherish you.” Kade’s words were so quiet, I barely heard them. I pretended I didn’t hear them.
“What do you miss?” I asked, trying not to choke on my words.
Kade was quiet for a moment.
“I miss sex. But, I miss holding someone through the night. I miss kissing. I miss touching in general, I think,” Kade said, a sense of awe in his voice.
“Me too,” I whispered.
Kade reached for my hand. An immediate spark traveled between our skin, rushing to my heart and then to my cock.
Something changed that night. Nothing more than hand holding happened, but a current of change passed between us. There were no more dates. No more pretending there was nothing between us.
I didn’t know that I’d ever feel ready to move on from Deacon. I didn’t know that Kade was making the best choice in moving on so soon after his divorce, especially not knowing where Stephanie was. But, my heart and head were finally on the same page. There was something between Kade and I. Now the question was, what were we going to do about it?
Chapter 12
Kade
Things had changed between Cam and me. It wasn’t specific, but it was noticeable. That night on the deck, it was as if we’d made a decision, but we weren’t exactly sure what decision we had made or how to go about it.
But small gestures pointed to something building between us. We’d always been friends, but there were more smiles, more rough housing, more ridiculous excuses to touch or be near each other. And, definitely more heated looks over the boys’ heads as we made dinner or watched a movie or played at the beach.
“Looks like this weekend is a wash for outdoor plans,” Cam reported as he scrolled through the weather app on his phone. “Storms Saturday and rain all day Sunday.”
I shivered at the thought of storms. My school had once had the roof ripped off during a tornado. Scary shit for a little kid. Storms weren’t really my thing, but I kept it under wraps for the sake of Myles and Evan. I didn’t want to pass my fears onto them.
“Big storms or just some thunder?” I asked Cam.
“Looks like we’re in for some pretty severe weather. Hail, lightning, damaging winds, possible tornadoes,” Cam said.
“Fabulous,” I muttered.
“Huh?” Cam looked up from his phone.
“Nothing. Just thinking we probably better get some rainy day groceries and make sure we have plans to keep the boys entertained. They’ve gotten used to being outside all day long. Being stuck inside most of the weekend will be rough.” I grabbed a piece of paper and started making a grocery list. “Probably better make sure we get candles. And things we can eat without the oven in case we lose power.”
“Good idea. I’ve got the generator in case the power is out for an extended period, but it’s best to be prepared. Let’s do a family trip to the store. It will be more fun if the boys are involved in getting our supplies.” Cam headed to the playroom to round up the boys.
And my gut did a double flip-flop at his easy use of the word “family” to describe our little unit.
Saturday morning dawned hot and muggy, the sunshine bright as it rose in the sky.
“Better enjoy the sun while we can,” Cam said. “The hotter it gets today, the bigger the storms will be this afternoon and evening.”
He was right. Summer storms fed and grew on hot, humid air. The more the temperature rose, the higher the chance we’d have severe weather. I took a deep breath, trying to calm the fear knotted in my belly.
While the boys went out to play in the woods, Cam and I made coffee and fixed breakfast. The evening before, we’d taken the boys to the local discount store and stocked up on lighters, candles, food, drinks, and entertainment.
“Let’s get new video games!” Myles had shouted in excitement, and each of the other boys had agreed.
“We can get that one game you and Declan have been wanting, but if we lose power in the storm, we won’t be able to play video games, so we better have some other things to do,” I told my son.
“We can use apps on our tablets.” Declan chimed in with his input.
Cam laughed. “Nope, afraid not, buddy boy. Your iPads will lose battery charge fairly quickly, so don’t count on any electronics for entertainment.”
Myles and Declan wrinkled their noses. “So what will we do?”
Cam and I glanced at each other and laughed.
“Oh, I don’t know. There are these things called books that are wonderful inventions that can take you to far off places,” I said.
“And fabulous creations called crayons.” Cam gushed. “You can use them to make colors and draw on paper.” He teased the boys.
“Puzzles! Don’t forget puzzles! Hours of entertainment to be had with puzzles.” I added.
“Oh, one of my favorites is taking a nap.” Cam wagged his brows knowing how much the boys hated naps.
“No naps!” Declan protested.
“Okay, but we need some things we can do inside. And without electricity if it comes down to that.” Cam said.
We came home with new containers of Play-Doh, two sets of dominoes for setting up domino chains, a new puzzle, and four boxes of crayons.
New snacks and food and drinks overflowed our pantry and refrigerator.
I wasn’t looking forward to the storms, but I was looking forward to our rainy weekend tucked in the house.
Once the pancakes and bacon were ready, we called the boys in for breakfast.
An hour later, syrupy hands and faces had been washed, and dishes were clean.
“Looks like we have about four hours until the storm system starts to roll in,” Cam said.
We spent our
time out on the lake, playing on the beach, and finally helping the boys build a fort in the woods.
“Let’s get everyone bathed and showered before the lightning starts,” I suggested.
The boys had settled in to watch a movie when the first rumbles of thunder sounded in the distance.
“Guys, the movie is fine, but if we lose power, I don’t want complaints. We’ve got other things to do,” Cam told the boys.
The sky became as black as night and clouds swirled over and around us. While the boys watched their movie, I found myself pacing from window to window. Checking outside, checking the radar on my phone, updating the local news app for any stories about damaging weather.
The first small line of storms rolled through with very little fanfare. By the time the thunder was rumbling to the east, my heart had stopped pounding a mile a minute.
Credits rolled on the television screen, four boys slumbered on two couches, and I busied myself in the kitchen cutting up meats, cheeses, and fruit for a snack later.
“Looks like the next round is bigger and moving in fast,” Cam wandered into the kitchen to nibble on the snack.
With his words, my heartrate picked up again, and I felt the anxiety building. I cleaned up the snack fixings and put the platter in the fridge for the boys to munch on later.
When the first crack of thunder shook the house, I rushed to the living room to check on the boys, but they continued sleeping soundly. “Should we move them to a safer place?” I asked, not caring if I sounded nervous.
“Nah, it’s just thunder and lightning right now. The living room has the fewest trees nearby, so they are probably safest right where they are.” Cam assured me. “If the tornado warnings start coming in, we’ll move them.”
I nodded curtly and continued my pacing from room to room. Looking out the window at the front of the house, I jumped when lightning flashed in front of me. The rumble of thunder that followed shook me as much as the sound of Cam’s voice behind me.
“You okay?” Cam asked.
Turing around, feeling sheepish, I nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. Just don’t love storms.”
Cam cocked his head to the side. “How did I not know that about you?”
“I keep it on the down low around the boys. Don’t want them to worry.” I flinched when another flash of lightning lit up the sky outside. “But, I fucking hate storms.”
“Why?” Cam asked.
“The roof of my school was torn off in a tornado when I was little. Sucked to be part of that. I’ve hated storms since then.” I shivered.
“That sucks, man. I’m sorry.” Cam stepped forward.
My heart leapt into my throat. Whether from the fear of the storm or the anticipation of what was to come with Cam, I couldn’t tell. But, I knew my pulse was at an almost dangerous level, my breathing was erratic, and I wanted to touch Cam almost as badly as I wanted the storm to end.
The heat from Cam’s body mixed with mine and I was dizzy with the sensation. Cam’s face lit up in the flash of lightning, desire pooling in the depths of his eyes.
With our noses nearly touching, only millimeters between our bodies, and our breath mingling as we each struggled to breathe, I fell over the edge when thunder boomed outside. Reaching for his face, I whispered his name, “Cam.” I closed the distance between us and touched my lips to his.
Every longing thought I’d had about another man, every curious wondering I’d ever pushed away, every woman I’d taken to bed in hopes of finding intimacy that felt right…all of that faded when my mouth met Cam’s. The moment our lips made contact, I knew he was what I’d been missing my entire life.
I’d never felt I was incomplete, until I held Cam in my arms and knew what it meant to feel whole. Groaning against his mouth, I pulled him closer to my body. When Cam whimpered, I fought the urge to plunge my tongue into his mouth. Instead, I traced my tongue lightly over his lips, probing for entrance but not demanding it. I was rewarded when Cam opened his mouth and tangled his tongue with mine. Slowly and shyly at first, but our tongues were soon dancing among moans as we continued to hold each other.
When Cam’s hips shifted, I felt his cock pressing hard against my own. Trailing my hands down his back, I grabbed Cam’s ass and pulled him flush against my body, groaning as our cocks pressed fully against each other.
A bolt of lightning hit so close outside the window we could feel the heat from it. The entire atmosphere of the house changed in a split second as the power went out. As the thunder crashed, Cam and I pulled apart, breathing heavily.
“Shit,” I gasped. “Power’s out.”
Cam took a deep breath, resting his forehead against mine. “Yeah. That lightning was damn close.”
“Guess we better check on the boys. Rain check on this?” I joked.
Cam chuckled. “Yeah, I think this should definitely be moved to the back burner. But just for now.”
I placed a soft kiss against Cam’s lips. “No way I’ll forget about this. You taste too good.”
“Awww, you’re a sweet talker. Who would have guessed it?” Cam teased.
Walking to the living room to check on the boys, Cam lit some candles, and I grabbed the flashlights.
“Pull that meat and cheese tray out. We need to keep the fridge closed in case the power stays out for a while.” Cam instructed as the room was awash with candle glow and flashlight beams.
A house without power was very quiet. Even with the storm rumbling outside, the inside of the house sounded different. The loss of noise proved too much for the boys and they began to stir from their nap.
When they were set up at the table with meat, cheese, fruit, crackers, and juice pouches, Cam stopped me in the kitchen out of the boys’ view.
“You okay?” Cam asked.
I pulled him close, burying my face in his neck in a move that felt like the most natural thing in the world. “Just a little shaky,” I answered honestly.
“From the storm?” Cam asked.
“The storm outside is scary.” I pulled his hand to my chest. “But the storm raging in here is a doozy, too.”
Cam smirked. “We’ll protect each other from both the storms.”
“I like that plan.” I agreed.
The next four hours were spent in relative darkness as the boys worked on a puzzle at the dining room table where we’d rigged up flashlights from the fan to shine on the table. Play-Doh and books were next. By the time we were into the third hour, I was feeling antsy. The storm outside had passed, but the internal storm was still going strong. And entertaining four little boys in a mostly dark house with no power was no easy feat. A fort made of pillows, chairs, and blankets got us through another hour.
“Can we at least use our tablets until the batteries die?” Myles asked.
I glanced at Cam and he shrugged.
“Sure, but the batteries may die before the power is back on. No complaining about it.” I told my son.
“Yay!” the boys chorused as they ran off to find what were hopefully fully charged tablets.
Cam and I puttered around the dining room and kitchen, cleaning up what we could. We left the fort in the living room in case it was needed for entertainment later.
“We do still have a whole day of rain expected for tomorrow,” Cam said.
“Well, at least the worst of the storm is over.” I walked to stand behind Cam as he rinsed a dish at the sink. “Thank you for helping me through the storm,” I whispered in his ear before trailing my lips down his neck.
“Why do I get the feeling one storm is ending, but another one is just beginning?”
“But, at least this storm has the potential to be more enjoyable.” I nipped at the sensitive skin on his neck.
“Yeah, but no less scary and dangerous.” Cam turned in my arms and kissed me deeply.
Thirty seconds into the kiss, the power came back on. The kitchen was flooded with light, the house came to life again, and the boys could be heard whooping and hollering all the wa
y from their room.
Cam and I separated and spent the rest of the evening and next day being fathers and keeping our boys happy.
But keeping our hands to ourselves after sharing only a couple scorching kisses had not made Cam and I happy. Not at all.
~*~*~*~
The next weekend, the[PC50] boys were having a sleepover at my parents’ house. The event had already been planned before Cam and I had kissed. But, the thought of having the whole weekend to ourselves was overwhelmingly exciting. Would we act on those kisses? Talk about things? Was Cam feeling remorse or regret for what we did?
I couldn’t get Cam out of my mind. I wanted to take things further. I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to feel his entire body firmly against mine. But, I didn’t want to push him. Was everything too much and too fast? Were my hopes for the weekend the same as his or completely opposite?
Only one way to find out. I needed to ask Cam.
I walked into his bedroom to find him sitting on his bed.
Sobbing.
Shit.
Chapter 13
Cameron
A button.
A fucking button rendered me a sobbing mess.
Some days, I felt as if I was healing and doing all right.
Other days, simple things like a fucking button falling off Declan’s shirt brought me to my knees.
Deacon was the one who could sew. His grandmother had taught him long ago. He was always quick to fix zippers, hem pants, stitch up busted seams, and return buttons to their rightful place on shirts and pants.
In the grand scheme of things, I understood a lost button wasn’t the end of the world. Declan had plenty of clothes. I could toss the shirt and he’d never even realize it was missing. Or, I could take it to a tailor to have the button repaired.
Or, I could sit on my bed and sob like a fucking baby over a goddamn piece of shit button.
“Hey, shhhh, whatever it is, it’s okay,” Kade whispered from behind me as he gathered me in his arms.
Kade’s soft, reassuring words, his warm arms holding me tight, his mouth at my ear, it was all too much. I cried even harder.