by Cat Miller
“I agree that the way you went about it was a mistake. I don’t know what the preacher who married you was thinking. Then again, this is Las Vegas. He was likely in it just for the money. I personally never would have married you in the middle of the night when I knew you weren’t prepared to receive the sacrament. That’s not on my conscience, but I’ll admit that I don’t believe you would have married her otherwise. You’re so convinced that you don’t deserve love.” The pastor shook his head looking forlorn.
Luc hated talking about this emotional shit. Everly had said the very same thing before she left him. He couldn’t stand feeling exposed to another person, but he needed to work this out. He was sick of feeling empty. So he opened up.
“I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve love, and I don’t deserve forgiveness. I murdered my mother. I broke a promise to my Gran, a deathbed promise, at that. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of, but I don’t regret any of it. With the exception of one. I regret offering that contract to Everly. My life wouldn’t be so fucked up now if I had just sent her away.”
Luc could admit that to himself now. After Everly suggested that he didn’t think he deserved love, Luc had done some soul searching. She was right about him. Christ, he needed a fucking head shrink.
Pastor Davis slammed his fist down on the seat of the pew in frustration. He got to his feet and stood over Luc.
“You have got to stop punishing yourself for your father’s sins!”
That was another thing Everly had accused him of.
“I know how you feel about yourself. I know you think you deserve the name your poor sick mother, who was just a child herself and out of her mind and dying when she gave it to you, but you don’t! You did not kill that girl! She had a condition that kills more mothers than not when it goes undetected.”
He paced to the end of the pew. Luc thought the older man was leaving, but he turned at the end of the aisle and came back. Luc sat, stunned by the pastor’s uncharacteristic outburst.
“You married that girl because you love her! You sent her away because you’re afraid of that love. It makes you vulnerable to more heartache so you hide from it. This is not the life your grandmother wanted for you! And I don’t mean the illegal gambling and the sex club, though I believe she’d have a thing or two to say about that as well.” Pastor took a slow breath. When he continued, he was calm. Too calm. It was clear the man was fed up.
“She’s not here so I’m going to clue you in. You are turning out just like your grandfather. He wouldn’t let the woman who adored him be his wife. You’re too busy being your own man to care about what your wife might need. Mistake or not, you married that woman before God, and she loves you.”
Luc felt like he’d been slapped. He wasn’t like the man who’d destroyed his grandmother’s happiness. He couldn’t be.
“Do you know why Everly was able to look past all of your behavior to the man you really are? Because she fell in love with you long before you married her. All the sacrifices you listed. All the things she’d given up for her family. Do you think it would be easier for her to decide to marry a man her family wouldn’t approve of, knowing she would have to move away from that family for the sake of the marriage if she didn’t love the man she was marrying? She made that sacrifice for you, Luc. You had already become her family.”
He poked a finger into Luc’s chest. “A person worthy of her love and her sacrifice. And you threw that love back in her face the very same day. That, son, is something your grandmother would be ashamed of.”
He walked away, leaving Luc to absorb all he’d said, but he wasn’t done. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe Everly would be better off with a braver man.”
The hell she would! That was his wife! She fucking loved him! Him!
It all made sense now. It was like a light had been turned on, and he could finally see the whole damn picture. Everly’s motivation for accepting the contract was love. Everything the pastor said was swimming around his dense head.
She’d didn’t care if she profited, because her family would benefit. Just like his grandmother had done for him, Everly had loved them enough to do whatever it took to protect them.
He had been so sure it was all financially motivated. He’d never been in love, and the only family he’d ever had was his Gran. She always silently sacrificed for him. Never holding anything back for herself.
Luc had never known romantic love, and he didn’t have children, so he didn’t get it. He hadn’t believed a person could love someone else more than themselves. Everly wouldn’t marry a man that would take her away from the family she loved. Not unless she truly loved him. Why hadn’t he sat down with Pastor Davis sooner?
Everly. Loved. Him.
Luc fell back into the pew. How did he feel? He loved her. He knew it. He’d been miserable since the moment he let her walk out of his life. He just couldn’t let go of his doubts.
Fuck! He hadn’t let her walk away. He’d shown her the door and slammed it behind her.
He shot to his feet. The divorce papers. He’d signed them. Had she had enough time to sign hers and send them back to the lawyer? Was he already too late to save his marriage?
Luc ran out of the church on a mission. He hopped on his bike and sped down the street. He had to get to Everly before it was too late.
TWENTY-TWO
Everly couldn’t wait any longer. She’d given Luc a month to cool off and think about the things he’d said to her. Most of it was just ridiculous. Luc was afraid of what he didn’t understand, what he couldn’t control. He was afraid to love.
She hadn’t really given up the hope that he would come around until the divorce papers were delivered. Luc believed the things he’d said to her. Maybe she should begin to believe what he’d said to her, too. He wouldn’t have married her if he hadn’t been slightly under the influence. He didn’t trust her. That was clear. He’d had investigators digging for dirt the whole time they were together. He’d never really been comfortable with Everly.
This sad half-life was torture. Everly was going through the motions of the day to day running of the ranch and the house. She got up early every morning and worked herself into the ground until she fell into bed exhausted and too tired to think at night. She did anything that kept her moving from sunrise to bedtime. If not, she feared the broken heart would consume her.
In the month since she’d come home to Colorado, Everly had been moving nonstop. Kennedy’s graduation and the party planning was a welcome distraction. There was also the business of getting her ready for college in the fall to deal with. Kennedy wanted to be a large animal vet. Neither Mills nor Everly were surprised that Kennedy would pick a profession that would benefit the family business. They explained to Kennedy that the most important thing was for her to be happy with her profession.
Kennedy just smiled her beautiful smile and informed her very protective older siblings that, of course, she knew they would support anything she wanted to do. This was what she wanted. So by God, Mills and Everly would make sure she got the education needed to make her dream come true.
Everly hadn’t finished college herself. Now that Kennedy would be leaving the nest and the business was on a more stable footing, Everly thought she might go back and finish her own degree.
With all of her father’s debts, things were going to be shaky for several years. Mills was working himself into the ground to keep all the balls in the air.
That was something else that had changed when she was away in Vegas. All of her father’s various gambling obligations had been paid in full. All of them. It had to have been Luc who had taken care of them. That would have been before he realized Everly was a scheming gold digger.
A consulting firm had evaluated the financial end of Parker Ridge. Some streamlining and organization had taken place. There had also been a few investments made. All of this shouldn’t affect her family. It all belonged to Luc, after all, but Luc hadn’t made any changes to depository informa
tion, so they were still receiving payments as usual. Only things were more profitable than they had been in years. According to Everly’s divorce papers, it would stay that way. Luc was giving her the business as part of the settlement.
Everly had decided to make the trip back to Vegas to speak to Luc in person before she signed the divorce papers. Mills wasn’t happy about it. He knew pretty much the whole sordid tale, minus the more personal bits. When Everly came home married and broken, Mills wanted blood.
There was quite a bit of guilt on Mills’ part since he visited her in Vegas and learned the true nature of her relationship with Luc. It didn’t matter that she’d made that choice on her own. He was her big brother. The man of their family, and he hadn’t protected her. That’s just how he saw it.
Kennedy knew only the basics. Everly was working in Vegas to pay off their father’s debt. She’d fallen in love and gotten married, but it hadn’t worked out. Kennedy didn’t need the dirty details.
After some agreement, Mills agreed to drive her to the airport. He didn’t understand why she’d want “that crooked somebitch” back. He thought she should sign the papers and move past the whole nightmare.
Everly had just finished trying to explain the meaning of love to her thick-headed, overprotective older brother, when her father asked her to have a seat at the kitchen table and talk to him for a minute.
“I know you’re all angry with me. You have good reason to be. But I’m still your father, and I’d like a minute of your time. You’ve been avoiding me since you got home.”
He was right, she had been avoiding him. She wasn’t sure when she’d get over the anger she felt for her father. It was better not to speak if you couldn’t be civil.
Everly knew that her dad had been struggling but staying on the straight and narrow. Mills had rushed him to the hospital not long after she left for Vegas. He stopped drinking and was experiencing withdrawal. He was working for his sobriety now. He had also become a far bigger help to Mills around the ranch.
“I’m just working through my own issues, Dad. I hope you understand.”
“I do, but I still want you to sit down. I understand your need to give Luc one more chance. You kids might not know this, but your mother and I didn’t always have the best relationship. It was a damn rocky start if I’m going to tell the truth about it.”
Everly was fascinated. She had a seat at the kitchen table across from her father. This was a piece of her parents’ history she knew nothing about. As far as she and her siblings knew, it had been true love at first sight between their parents.
“In my youth, well I was wild one, Everly. Not unlike what I’ve been since we lost your mother. Only worse.”
He cleared his throat before continuing his story. Dean couldn’t speak about his wife without getting choked up. Dean and Rose had been inseparable. They loved each other so much that everyone around could feel it when they looked at each other.
“You see, I was raised with the privilege of a man born into a family with money, but none of the responsibility. Oh, I knew how to ride and rope and do all the cowboy stuff, but I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to.”
Dean looked off into the distance, as if he were staring down time at who he had been as a young man.
“My daddy took care of everything, and he was proud to have the kind of wealth that would afford me the freedom to be young. Three generations of Parkers had toiled and struggled to make this company what it was. I would take over one day. Not until Daddy was good and ready to turn over the reins. That wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. I was a young man with more money than common sense.”
“Really?” She shook her head. “You would never have known that by the way you raised your own children.”
He chuckled and took a sip of his hot coffee. He’d stopped drinking in the days that Everly was out in Vegas. He’d known she’d made a deal with the devil to save their home. He didn’t know all the details, but her father was familiar enough with the ways of loan sharks and crooked businessmen to know that she’d made a personal sacrifice. In the end, the danger to his children and knowing his daughter had to bail everyone out had been the thing that brought her father back to his senses.
Mills and Kennedy filled her in on her father’s withdrawal and recovery. He’d had a rough time of it. Now the man almost always had a cup of black coffee in his big hands.
“Oh, girl, my Rose wasn’t raising lazy, spoiled brats. She came from a wealthy family too, but her father was all about teaching the kids to make their own way in the world. They had chores and summer jobs. They went to college. And they were on a short leash in the money department. They had allowances, and when the money was gone, it was gone. Rose was frugal and smart.”
Everly was able to smile at her mother’s memory. It was the first time she’d smiled in over a month. She hadn’t felt anything but sorrow since she and Luc parted ways. It was good to remember the days when life was much simpler. When her mother was running the family business, her father was running the ranch. Life had been idyllic, and they’d believed things always would be.
That had all changed when a drunk driver plowed into her mother’s car one day. That was what made it so hard for Everly to forgive her father. Instead of pulling his children close and banding together to get through the loss of the woman they all loved so very much, her father had turned to the bottle. The very thing that had robbed them of their mother had also taken their father. Dean Parker was still alive, but he was no longer the man her mother had loved. It was a tough pill swallow, and she choked on it daily.
“So I was this arrogant, sweet talking cowboy out in New Orleans ripping up the town with my buddies. We were out at this bar, hootin’ and hollerin’ and having ourselves a fine time on my daddy’s dime.
“I turned around on my stool and spotted this stunning redhead standing off in the corner, looking fresh as a spring rain in the mountains. Our eyes met, and I was gone. She’d stolen my heart with just one look.
“But there was a problem. She didn’t like me! Not one little bit! Everybody liked me. They loved me, in fact. I was a good time. I don’t mind telling you I knew I was a handsome somebitch. The ladies practically fell at my feet. Especially if they got wind of how healthy my pockets were. Not your mother, though. She had to be difficult.
I followed that girl around for days. She said she knew my type, and she wasn’t interested. That woman called me a spoiled brat. A daddy’s boy. A bounder. Shallow. She said I didn’t have the good sense God gave little green apples.”
Everly laughed out loud. She couldn’t see her mother saying those things. Rose had been a lady through and through. Her father must have been persistent if he’d managed to make her lose her temper.
“I went home with my tail between my legs. I started thinking about all the things she said and realized it was all true. You see, your momma wasn’t looking for any man. She was looking for ‘the man.’ Her man. A man she could depend on. A man she’d be proud to call the father of her babies. I wasn’t that man yet, but I wanted to be.
“So I went to my daddy and asked for a job. A real job on the ranch. Daddy was thrilled! It seemed he’d just been waiting for me to show some interest. He was afraid if he shoved the family business down my throat, I’d hate it. I would resent it and him.
I spent that whole year learning under my daddy and working next to the cowboys. I even spent time in the kitchen with your grandmomma. I figured a strong willed woman like your momma would want a man who could cook a little. I wasn’t great at it, but could help in the kitchen without burning the place down.”
Everly was entranced by the tail of how her parents met. A noise behind her drew her attention. Kennedy had pulled up a chair at the breakfast counter. Mills was leaning in the doorway listening as well. They were all smiling and listening intently.
“After a year of working on becoming the kind of man I thought your momma would want to marry, I tracked that girl down. I
prayed the whole way out to Nashville that she wouldn’t turn me away at the door. I knew she hadn’t married, but I hoped she wasn’t seeing anyone seriously. It would have crushed me. I’m not ashamed to tell you.”
“What happened?” Kennedy asked with wide eyes full of youth and innocence.
“She shut the door in my face.”
Kennedy gasped.
“So I stood on the porch and talked to the door and hoped she was listening. I told her all about my year at home. I told her about my hopes and dreams for the future. I told her she was the reason I’d changed my ways, because I loved her. And wasn’t that what love should be like? Love should make you want to be the best person you can be for your other half. It didn’t feel like a sacrifice when you really loved a person, did it? It was an honor to be everything your wife needed. And I meant to make her my wife.” He was looking down again. More sadly this time.
He reached across the table to pat the top of Everly’s hand.
“I told you all of that so you would know that I appreciate your willingness to give that man a chance to prove himself. If your momma hadn’t opened that door and given me a second chance to be her man, I would have led a cold and lonely life.
“I’m not sure I can ever like him, but I won’t begrudge you and your happiness if he’s what you want. I just hope he’s used the time away from you to make some changes, because you also deserve a man who will put your needs first.
You deserve a husband who doesn’t think it’s a sacrifice to be the best he can be for your sake. He should be honored to be your husband, Everly. If he isn’t, you need to shut the door in his face until he proves he can be more than just any man. He needs to be ‘the man.’ He’s got to show you he’s your man, Everly. Don’t settle for anything less.
I believe that’s the advice your momma would give you now. Don’t settle. Not when it comes to your heart.”