by Cait London
“He’s asked me to marry him. I can’t, not until—”
“Old baggage,” Willow explained solemnly to Leigh and Ellie. “She hasn’t figured out how to handle it yet, but she will.”
At the same time, Alexi was going over figures in the home office he and Jessica shared. Drawn by the constant electronic beeping alarm, Alexi worked free the jammed paper from Jessica’s small printer. He noted that other faxed papers lay curled on the floor beneath the desk. The faxes generally arrived in the evening, while Jessica was working at her small desk.
Her laptop, through which the faxes had been transmitted, had sprung to life, and Alexi quickly noted a roster of past ones—all from Howard.
In straightening the paper from the floor, he noted Howard’s furious handwritten note: Don’t play games with me, Jessica. You’ve been trying to make me choose between my wife and you for years. It cost me a fortune to get rid of her, but I did. You owe me. H.
Alexi scowled as he read the rest of the faxes, all intimidating Jessica.
And from the inferences, she had been replying, refusing to meet Howard and warning him away from Amoteh.
Alexi had noted that stiffening of her body, that quick frown before she placed the faxes into her shredder. After the first fiery anger at a man who would try to intimidate a woman, Alexi sank into another thought—Jessica did not trust him to open the corners of her life.
When Jessica entered the house, flushed with the spring day, Alexi stood still, battling his emotions. She grinned at him as if she were a child bursting with a secret.
She had one, all right, Alexi thought darkly as she stood on tiptoe to kiss him. “Hi.”
He met the kiss and then moved away. “Your printer was jammed. I cleared it. Your faxes are on the desk.”
“I told them to send them at night, when I’m working—” Jessica frowned at Alexi. “What’s wrong?”
He motioned to the desk and Jessica hurried to read the faxed notes from Howard. Her face pale now, she turned to Alexi. “Alexi, I never promised Howard anything.”
She’d hurt him, and he lashed out at her in quick, cutting words. “You don’t trust me.”
Her eyes rounded and her voice was uneven as she said, “Alexi, I trust you with my life—”
The slice of his hand cut through the rest of her sentence. Deeply emotional, Alexi’s accent framed his words. “You trust me so much that you don’t tell me when another man has been threatening you.”
“Howard hasn’t threatened me.”
“He’s a centimeter from doing so. His expectations are high. And you didn’t think enough of me, of what we have, to tell me that he was pushing you.”
“Alexi, I want all that away from here. I’ve got a new life here—”
He inhaled sharply. “You think that I am here only in the good times. That I will protect you and love you only when you allow? You never come to me for comfort when you are troubled. Instead, you go inside yourself where no one can reach—where my love cannot reach you. How am I supposed to deal with that? You think this is how it should be between a man and a woman?”
Jessica shook her head and braced her body in a way that Alexi understood—she had set her mind. “Howard belongs to another world. I want to keep him there.”
“So that is why you go back—to deal with him.” A new thought stunned Alexi and he delivered it heavily wrapped in his accent. “You think…you think that you are protecting me, don’t you?”
“You have a bit of a temper, Alexi—”
He stared coldly at her, a shield for his bleeding heart. “Do you know how hard it is for me not to go to Howard right now?”
“Yes, I do,” she whispered. “Please don’t.”
“You are asking me to step back—from a man who considers you his property? Who could be dangerous to you?”
Incredibly, to Alexi’s way of thinking, Jessica nodded. “I love you, Alexi. Please.”
Please. It was the first time Jessica had said the word, had pleaded with him so desperately. The word went through his pride like a sword. With a curt nod, Alexi walked out of the house.
He didn’t turn back as Jessica called his name—“Alexi…”
He was striding on the beach, battling his frustration, when something hit him lightly in the back. Alexi turned briefly to see Jessica standing a distance away from him, breathing as if she had been running. The child’s ball she’d thrown was Tanya’s, and discarded, it rolled on the sand. “Will you stop walking so fast?” Jessica asked between breaths.
Wrapped in a storm of love and pride and fear for her, Alexi folded his arms. He watched her walk toward him. “Your expectations of me are high, dearest.”
Looking up at him now, Jessica said, “I know this isn’t easy for you, Alexi. But I’m asking just that.”
“Okay.”
“You’re almost breathing fire. That answer was too easy.”
“Not for me. I want your promise that if Howard makes any kind of a move—one that might endanger you, that you’ll tell me.”
“I will. Alexi, please don’t be angry. I—”
Alexi rubbed his jaw with his open hand. A woman’s tears could disable him, and Jessica’s, threatening to spill down her cheeks, were twice as potent. “If you can handle Howard, what else is bothering you?”
She shook her head and Alexi tilted her face up to his. “What else?”
“Don’t you see? I could be like my mother—not a molecule of motherly instinct—”
He shook her head gently. “Is that what’s troubling you?”
“You’re a Stepanov. Look at Jarek and Mikhail. You’re just like them. You should have a family…children. What if I—?”
“I think you are taking a lot on yourself. If we remodeled a house together, and survived that, I think we can surely work through whatever life brings us.”
“You make it sound so simple. And you’re a real complication—one that I love, but, Alexi, I want the best for you. I don’t know that I am what you should have—”
“Do what you have to do. I love you.” Alexi drew her closer and leaned his forehead on hers. “Okay?”
“Okay,” she answered unevenly.
“Of course,” he prompted in the typical Stepanov phrase.
“Of course.”
With only a few days left before she had to return to Seattle for the board meeting, Jessica eased the shuttle van close to Mrs. Talbert’s sidewalk and parked. She opened the handicap door and helped the woman in a wheelchair ease from the van. On the sidewalk now, Mrs. Talbert carefully opened her black purse and gave Jessica two dollars. Payment wasn’t necessary, but Jessica realized that the elderly woman’s pride was important. She pushed the wheelchair onto the house’s ramp, and as Mrs. Talbert entered the house, Jessica retrieved the sacks of groceries.
Finished with her day’s deliveries, and after a tea break with Willow, Jessica scanned the late-afternoon sun. She had just enough time to work in the herb bed she had started recently and, after dinner, Alexi was working at the tavern and she’d curl up to work on his shirt. Alexi, the man she loved, who understood her need to work through her own life, though his instincts told him to take charge….
The smile on her lips went deeper, warming her heart. She placed the van in gear, and when she arrived at the house, she saw Howard.
He stood beside his sports car, his hands on his hips, surveying the house that Alexi and she had remodeled. With the feeling that it was time to end Howard’s relentless pursuit, Jessica braced herself for the battle.
She walked toward him just as Alexi came out of the house. He crossed his arms and leaned against a cedar post. But Jessica knew that easy stance hid Alexi’s instincts to protect her, to let her finish one phase of her life her way.
Alexi nodded to her and the grim set of his expression told her that he wouldn’t interfere—but he wasn’t leaving her alone. Jessica nodded back at him and met Howard’s furious stare. “Howard.”
“You
left my father’s mansion for this?” he demanded. He glanced disdainfully at Alexi, who hadn’t moved, and then back to Jessica. His gaze went down her loose sweatshirt, torn a bit from maneuvering wheelchairs, to the dirt on her jeans from gardening to the mud on her work boots. “You moved in with this down-on-his-luck bartender? What is he going to say when he finds out that you deserted a family who needs you? That you’ve been paying them off for years to keep away from you?”
“That’s going to end, Howard. So is any contact with you. Alexi knows everything.”
He sneered at that. “You can’t cut off communications with me. I hold a good share of the company. And you’re a gold digger. You won’t walk away from everything my father built—or the money. You’re just having a fling, but you’ll come back and—”
“I’m walking away from everything, Howard. I am going to announce that at the board meeting. James Thomas and his son are stepping into my position. You’ll have to deal with them—”
His openmouthed, stunned expression was comical. “You don’t mean that.”
“The attorneys are at work on it now. I’ll sign the papers when I arrive. It’s time you stood on your own, Howard. Your life now is what you make of it, just like I’m going to stay here in Amoteh—with Alexi. I’m going to marry him.”
When Howard moved angrily toward her, Alexi straightened and moved down the steps. “Are you finished, Jessica?”
“Yes. Goodbye, Howard.” With that, Jessica walked toward Alexi and his arm circled her waist as they watched Howard’s sports car race out of sight.
Jessica leaned close to Alexi and placed her arms around his waist. She leaned her head against his shoulder, nestling into its strength and comfort. “Howard has always been able to see reality, especially when he stands to lose money. In his will, Robert provided that if I ever wanted to leave my duties as executrix, James Thomas would take my place. James and his son will manage Sterling Shops better than I ever could, and Howard knows it. James is going to continue minimal payments to my parents and see that they have health care. I still love them, Alexi, but love isn’t being used by those who should love you.”
Alexi held her closer. “I’m going to that board meeting with you.”
“Okay,” she said simply.
“You need me.”
“I know.”
Alexi eased her away slightly and frowned down at her warily. “That was too easy.”
“I thought I’d give you a break. You’re an emotional kind of guy. I’ll hold your hand through the tough parts and we’ll celebrate later. I’ll buy you chocolate and flowers.”
He snorted at that, an image no Stepanov male would like, the reverse of the male-female roles. Then a lovely reddish hue rose up his tanned cheeks. “You are teasing, of course.”
“Of course. But I do have a very special present for you.”
“Give it to me at our wedding.”
After the board meeting, Jessica studied the man driving the big, weathered pickup. The vehicle contrasted with Alexi’s navy blue suit, light blue shirt—open now at the collar, with the pin-striped tie tucked into his pocket. In a whirlwind of three days, this new Alexi fitted into business schedules, efficiently clearing the way in the smaller details, so that Jessica could quickly end one phase of her life and begin another with him. He took her frustration and her orders with only a nod, carrying them out as if he’d always been a corporate man.
April’s sunshine spread over the green pastures on the way to Amoteh, and then the Pacific Ocean appeared in a sliver of blue-gray meeting the same shade of sky. A sailboat’s white sails skimmed that narrow edge between land and water, and Jessica settled into the feeling of home. She felt so light and young and happy, and Alexi was perfect to tease.
She stroked his cheek and smiled when he turned slightly to kiss her fingertip. “You’re gorgeous, Alexi Stepanov. A real dreamboat.”
He frowned and that proud tilt of his head said he rejected the compliment. “A man is not gorgeous. This is Mikhail’s suit. I’ll wear it when we marry—soon. No more than a month.”
“Oh, you’re setting schedules for me, are you?”
“Yes. I know that you have to see for yourself what you have left, to remind yourself why you had to survive. A trip to your parents will only take a few days—”
“I want to go alone.”
“No, that’s out of the question.”
He shouldn’t have let Jessica return to her childhood alone; it would tear her apart. Alexi stood on Strawberry Hill, looking at the wide expanse of mid-April sky and water. In the distance, Amoteh was beginning to stir with tourists. His father had decided that the finished house was meant for Jessica and Alexi, and was temporarily living with Fadey and Mary Jo. Viktor fully enjoyed family life around him. The Stepanov house blared with loud music and the reunited brothers danced and hugged and laughed. The teas were quiet with memories shared, while children listened and played on their laps.
Alexi let the wind stir in his hair and thought of the woman he loved. In the night, he’d sense her calling his name—“Alexi…”
The wind seemed to carry her voice now and Alexi frowned—Jessica was really calling his name. “Alexi…”
He turned to see her walking toward him, her body pale and curved and nude beneath the long coat she had opened. His necklace glittered on her throat, V-ing lower onto her chest.
Alexi understood her solemn expression as she came nearer, her green eyes never leaving him as she began to dance in front of Kamakani’s grave. She would tell him later of what she’d felt and what had passed, but she had finally ended her guilt, putting aside the past’s ghosts; then Jessica walked toward him and their future together.
Alexi looked at the woman, dressed traditionally, walking toward him on the beach.
He smoothed the shirt she had embroidered for him, his hand flowing over the designs that might seem too ornate for a man. He looked at his cousins, Mikhail and Jarek, all dressed in the same design, with a large collar, sleeves that billowed in the fresh, salty, ocean air. The embroidered designs seemed alive and warm, and each had been carefully planned and given by a woman in love. Alexi prayed that his brother, Danya, standing at his side would find a love who would embroider his plain shirt.
Tears shimmered in his father’s eyes and in his uncle’s—and perhaps, in his own, of course.
Unable to wait for Jessica to cross the distance to him, Alexi walked toward her. She welcomed him with a kiss and a blush that curled around his heart.
Jessica leaned close to him for just that moment that told him she needed him.
And then they walked toward the future.
“Take it off,” Jessica demanded as Alexi carried her into their home.
“But I love it. I’m never taking off this shirt,” he teased as he dropped her on their bed amid a flurry of lace and satin and flowers and love.
She tugged him down and placed the bridal headpiece, a circlet of flowers, over his head, then raised to straddle him. “I love you, Alexi Stepanov.”
He grinned and began to unbutton the shirt she had embroidered for him. “Of course.”
ISBN: 978-1-4268-5416-3
HOLD ME TIGHT
Copyright © 2004 by Lois Kleinsasser
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office, Silhouette Books, 233 Broadway, New York, NY 10279 U.S.A.
All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.
This edition published by arrangement with Harlequ
in Books S.A.
® and TM are trademarks of Harlequin Books S.A., used under license. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries.
Visit Silhouette Books at www.eHarlequin.com
*The MacLeans
*The MacLeans
*The MacLeans
†The Blaylocks
†The Blaylocks
‡The Tallchiefs
‡The Tallchiefs
‡The Tallchiefs
‡The Tallchiefs
‡The Tallchiefs
‡The Tallchiefs
†The Blaylocks
†The Blaylocks
†The Blaylocks
§Freedom Valley
‡The Tallchiefs
§Freedom Valley
§Freedom Valley
‡The Tallchiefs
**Heartbreakers
**Heartbreakers
**Heartbreakers
‡The Tallchiefs