I liked Simone.
For real.
For the first time in maybe forever—definitely since my dad died—I really, truly liked a girl and I actually wanted that level of connection. I stared at her profile for a long moment as I absorbed this new reality.
Her attention was caught by something on the screen and I was free to watch with a goofy grin as she acted out a short scene between Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint, her voice going down an octave and then up an octave as she went back and forth.
I could barely hear the actual words she was saying over the roar of blood rushing to my head as my world flipped upside down with this new realization.
There was no doubt about it.
I wanted Simone in my life, and I wanted her for myself.
The ridiculous magazine lay between us abandoned and I knew what I had to do.
I had to win my crush by any means necessary, which meant…
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
10
Simone
* * *
On Thursday afternoon I was back at the girls’ table with my back to the table where I normally sat.
“To what do we owe the honor?” Max teased when I came over to them and took the seat next to Avery.
“We’re supposed to share notes, remember?” I said.
Avery beamed and Max rolled her eyes. Avery was really the only one into this whole “studying how to land your crush” business. She was taking the magazines and their lessons way more seriously than the rest of us. And considering Max thought the magazines were anti-feminist drivel that ought to be burned, or at least mocked mercilessly, the two besties were not seeing eye to eye.
This didn’t seem to bother either of them since they rarely saw eye to eye on anything. It might have been an issue if Avery wasn’t such a sweetheart. She could disagree with whatever you were saying but still smile, and shrug, and agree to disagree.
Max? Not so much. She leaned over the table now. “Please don’t tell me you’ve gotten sucked into this nonsense,” she said to me.
Hazel, Lulu, and Emma were talking about the class they’d just come from and not paying attention, Charlotte was out sick for the day, but Max and Avery were clearly waiting for a response. Max looked wary, Avery looked hopeful, and I...lied. “I just think it’s interesting, that’s all.”
Truth was, I’d become somewhat obsessed. Were there ridiculous suggestions in some of these articles? Undoubtedly. But these ‘lessons’ I’d been having with Andrew were rapidly consuming my every thought.
That was actually part of the reason I was sitting here today.
Today I just needed some space. Just a little. My head felt like it was spinning out of control and I desperately needed some perspective.
After Monday night, we’d hung out after school on Tuesday before he went off to do his cardio session and I went off to help Rose with her new monologue. Then yesterday he’d shown up at my house...again.
And it was...awesome.
Again.
It wasn’t as awkward as the first time and I wasn’t so nervous about us being alone in my room, and this time we just put on a movie and hung out. We spent about ten minutes laughing over the magazine before he tucked it away and we forgot all about it.
At least, I forgot all about it.
It wasn’t until he was heading out, saying goodnight to my father, who seemed to adore Andrew with his good manners, that I realized we hadn’t talked once about Tony.
“Do you think you’re ready for this weekend?” Avery asked.
I stared at her blankly before I remembered what this weekend was. The band’s gig at the all ages’ club. Jax was nervous, Rose was excited, and I…
Had forgotten.
Crap. What did that say about me?
“Is Andrew going with you?” Max asked.
Something about Max’s tone made me tense. Her voice was mild. Her tone was casual.
Too casual. Especially for Max.
Max was not a casual person. She had a propensity for the intense and right now I looked up to see her gaze fixed on me with purpose.
“I don’t know,” I mumbled.
“Why wouldn’t he?” Avery asked. “He’s been so sweet about helping you out.”
I tried not to wince. Helping me out. It made me sound like a pathetic urchin or a wounded puppy or...a pitiful loser.
Max still had that faux innocent tone going on. “I don’t think I know any guys who’d go to such lengths to help a girl who’s basically a stranger get the attention of another guy.”
I blinked at her. “I’m not a stranger. We’re…” Friends. The word hovered and died at the tip of my tongue.
Were we friends? Was that what this was?
My belly did a weird move. It took a nosedive toward the ground, to be precise. I risked a look over my shoulder and found myself making eye contact with Andrew.
Jax was sitting next to him and he looked utterly engrossed by his lunch.
Andrew, on the other hand…
It looked like he hadn’t even touched his food and his attention was fixed on me. I lifted a hand and gave him a little smile.
One side of his mouth hitched up in return—a sort of rueful grin. Almost like he knew I was sitting here talking about him. Everything from his posture to that heavy-lidded gaze said he didn’t have a care in the world...
But I knew better.
There was way more going on beneath the surface than he let on.
But I knew. Because he’d let me in.
Why?
Why me?
I had no idea, and that freaked me out. I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop because this week with all our hanging out—it had been heady, and nerve wracking, and fun, and intense, and easy...all at the same time.
This was why my head was spinning. How could it not when my emotions had been all over the spectrum for nearly a week now?
I swallowed and turned back around to find Avery and Max still staring at me. “What?” I asked.
As one they shook their heads. “Nothing,” Avery said.
Max didn’t try and lie but she shoved a chip into her mouth instead of replying. I knew what they were thinking. I knew they were wondering why Lakeview High’s star pitcher had suddenly taken such an interest in me. Me, the girl who’d heretofore been invisible to the male sex. They’d seen him walking with me in the hallways between class, talking to me at lunch instead of just listening in on my conversations with Jax. Even Jax had noticed, not to mention Rose. And all of them were obviously wondering one thing.
What was the hottie pitcher doing with me?
I wished I knew the answer. His sudden attention, his presence, the fact that he was in my life and getting to know me, letting me get to know him…
It was confusing.
It was alarming.
It was...exhilarating.
But mainly, it was confusing.
We ate the rest of our lunches in relative silence, for which I was grateful. I needed some time to sort through what I was feeling and my girl friends seemed to get that.
Jax, on the other hand…
“Seriously, Simone, what gives?” he asked on the car ride home from school.
“What do you mean?” Playing dumb. I’d never actually tried it before, but I’d seen Jax employ this tactic many times.
It pretty much never worked.
“Why weren’t you at lunch today?”
“I was,” I said. “I just sat with the girls.”
He shot me a sidelong look. “Why?”
“I had some things to discuss with them,” I said, looking out the window as the houses flew past.
“Uh huh.” He sighed loudly. “I think I know what’s going on here, and I have to tell you...I’m disappointed.”
That had me looking over so quickly my hair whipped into my face. “You’re...disappointed? In me?”
My voice went all high and shrill. But really...this was a first. I’d give
n him the whole “I’m disappointed in you” speech numerous times—mainly over the past month or so while he’d acted like a moron because he was in love with Rose and wouldn’t admit it. But I’d never once been on the receiving end of one and it made me feel even more like my whole world had been thrown out of whack.
“It’s not like you to avoid an issue,” he said. “You’re always so straightforward and honest, and—”
“I wasn’t avoiding,” I said slowly, but even I knew I was lying. Of course I’d been avoiding Andrew. I’d had a hard time facing him all day because this new friendship between us—or whatever this was—it was moving too quickly and messing with my head.
I knew he’d said he’d offer to be my stand-in date, or my dummy crush, or...whatever silly term you wanted to call it. But that made it even more confusing.
Was any of this real or was I just a distraction? He’d said himself that he was bored. The more I talked to him the more apparent it became that he truly did need a friend. The poor guy was lonely, that much I got. And I could understand that.
So maybe we were friends, in which case...what?
How did I feel about that? My gut did another nosedive toward the ground. What did that mean? How did I feel?
My thoughts were racing so quickly I almost missed Jax’s next statement. “It’s obvious that you’re avoiding me.”
I turned to him again, this time blinking stupidly as I tried to make sense of that. “Avoiding you?”
He turned to face me too. “Aren’t you?”
No! I’d been avoiding Andrew, not Jax. But he looked so worried, so...so confused…
I burst out in a laugh before I clapped a hand over my mouth.
“Hey,” he said, but his lips curved up a bit at the sight of me laughing.
“Sorry, it’s just…” I reached out and smacked his shoulder and he pretended that it hurt. “You are seriously self-absorbed.”
He nodded readily. “I know, I know. I’m working on it.”
I rolled my eyes but it was hard not to smile just a little because it was actually pretty sweet how he and Rose were trying to be better people, and help each other to be better in the process.
For the record, I thought they were both just great as they were, but I guess everyone had their baggage or whatever. Everyone had stuff they angsted over…and Jax wasn’t about to let up on one of mine.
“You were upset with me, though,” he said, his smile fading and mine dropping as well as I once again feigned interest in the outside world.
“Don’t try to deny it,” he said. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I had been upset earlier this week when he’d reacted so badly to me having a crush on his friend, but we’d both been ignoring the topic since then and I wasn’t in a rush to address it. But he was waiting for a response, and I hated to see him so worried.
“I wasn’t angry with you,” I said. “I was more...hurt.”
His fingers tapping on the steering wheel were a clear indication that he was upset by this.
Jax and I bickered constantly, but we rarely fought. And when we did...neither of us enjoyed it. Obviously. “Was Andrew right?” he asked suddenly.
Andrew’s name had my insides tightening and my muscles flexing. My entire body reacted as though I’d been jabbed with a cattle prod. “What?” There was that high-pitched squeak again. “What do you mean? What did he say?”
If Jax picked up on my weirdness, he didn’t let on. “Andrew said that you thought…” He exhaled loudly and tried again. “He seems to think that you might think that—”
“Jax,” I shouted. “Just spit it out.” In my head I was already coming up with every worst case scenario of how that sentence might end.
Andrew thinks that you think...that he likes you.
Andrew said that you thought...you might have a chance with him.
“Fine. Andrew said that you thought that I didn’t think you were good enough for Tony.” Jax spit it out in one quick burst and I...stared.
Tony. It took me a full second to register the name, another second to put a face to said name, and then another moment to understand what Jax had actually said.
I gulped. My heart was beating too fast as my brain tried to ignore a very compelling fact. The fact that...I hadn’t remembered who Tony was. Maybe not for long, but long enough.
More than that...I hadn’t given Tony a second thought in hours. Maybe days. I’d been too preoccupied by…
Andrew.
“Andrew’s not right, is he?” Jax looked over at me. “Why do you look like that? Oh crap, are you going to be sick? Please don’t puke in my car.”
“What? No. Of course not.” My heart was still pounding in my ears but Jax’s question brought me back to reality.
I still had to give my head a firm shake to get on track. “What did you say?”
Jax leveled me with a meaningful look before turning his attention back to the road. “You didn’t honestly think that I reacted badly to you liking Tony because I thought…” His face scrunched up in what I could only call disgust. “He was too good for you?”
I squirmed uncomfortably as he shot me another glance. “You didn’t think that, did you?”
I wanted to open the car door and jump out. I truly did. We’d successfully avoided addressing the elephant in the room for several days now and I was kinda sorta hoping we could continue not having this conversation for oh, say...the rest of our lives.
“You did!” He shouted it like an accusation as he slammed a hand on the steering wheel, making me jump. “I can’t believe you thought that.”
I crossed my arms. “Well, what else was I supposed to think?”
I felt him gaping at me but didn’t turn to look. “Honestly, Simone, is your self-esteem that low that you’re convinced even your best friend thinks you’re a loser?”
His words made me flinch.
“News flash, Simone. You’re the only one who thinks you’re a loser.” He let out a huff of exasperation that made me squirm uncomfortably. “Personally, I think you’re like…” He waved a hand and I peeked over to see his face contorted in discomfort. “I think you’re cool. I mean, you’re a freak, obviously…” He shot me a funny little smile at that and I snorted with amusement. “But you’re my best friend which means you must be cool.”
I bit my lip. My chest was painfully tight as I met his searching stare.
“You believe me, right?” he asked.
I nodded. It was rare to ever see Jax so worked up about anything, and his distress was...sweet. Un-Jaxlike, but sweet.
A moment of silence passed before I summoned up the courage to ask the question that was nagging at me. “So then why did you act like me liking Tony was the worst idea in the world?”
He frowned. “Because it is.” He shook his head, his hands readjusting on the steering wheel. “But not because I think he’s out of your league, or whatever.” He gave me a sneer just in case I’d missed how much he hated that idea. “If anything, you’re too good for him.”
I snorted with amusement and looked straight ahead. “Please don’t give me that whole ‘boys are intimidated by you’ speech that my dad’s been trying to sell me.”
He laughed. “I won’t, but I will say that you are too smart and unique and...you’re just too good for him, okay? He doesn’t deserve you.”
I snuck a peek at Jax as I shifted through what he’d said and what I was feeling.
For the first time in...well, ever...it occurred to me that Tony didn’t just not know me. I also didn’t know Tony.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
That couldn’t be true...could it?
I wasn’t so shallow that I’d gone and developed feelings for a guy I knew absolutely nothing about...had I?
But the more I racked my memory, the more I realized that I’d never heard Tony utter more than two words, and those were typically of the curse word variety when he was frustrated with the way a song was going. I’d made a lot of assumptions a
bout what I thought he would be like if I got to know him better...but I’d never actually gotten to know him better to see whether any of those assumptions were true.
I fidgeted with my phone in my lap uncomfortably. “Why don’t you think he’s good enough for me?” I asked.
Jax tapped his temple. “He’s not exactly a genius—”
“I don’t need a genius,” I interrupted shortly.
“No. But you ought to be with someone who can keep up.” He shrugged. “Someone who can challenge you, someone who appreciates your weird wit—”
“Weird wit?” I repeated with a scowl. “What does that mean?”
He sighed with impatience and shot me a sidelong look. “I want you to find someone who appreciates you for who you are.”
The silence that followed his little speech was filled with a whirlwind of thoughts I didn’t necessarily want to face.
“I guess I just don’t know what you see in the guy,” Jax muttered. I heard him, but it was Andrew’s words that were rattling around in my brain.
I guess I’m just curious why you want to date a guy who will only talk about himself and who hasn’t noticed you when you’re right in front of his face.
Andrew’s words had stuck with me ever since Monday night but right now it was like he was right there in the car with me.
“You can do better than Tony,” he said.
“Yeah, like who?” I scoffed. I wasn’t actually expecting an answer.
“Like...Andrew.” He shot me the side-eye to gauge my reaction and I tried not to react.
Hard to do when the mention of Andrew’s name made my already spinning head whip into warp speed.
I looked out the window to avoid his stare. “He doesn’t see me like that.”
“Uh huh.”
“He doesn’t.”
“Okay.” He looked way too smug when I glanced over.
“And I don’t like him like that,” I said.
He glanced over. “Are you sure?”
“Am I...Am I...Are you even serious right now?”
The idea was laughable. Ludicrous. Surely he was joking. Not even my supportive best friend who loved me like a sister would believe that Lakeview High’s insanely hot star pitcher would fall for someone like me.
Striking Out With The Star Pitcher: How to catch a crush #1 Page 8